25 year old female with a heroin addiction... just wanted to say hi... I need HELP

[GlamorousJunkie]

Hi, I'm Tina. I'm 25, going on 26. I'm pretty in the average way now that my addiction has completely taken over my looks. My looks were never an issue though... I always thought I was ugly even though I was always told how beautiful I am. My real issue is my heroin addiction. I started using when I was 19. I was in rehab by the time I was 21. That was my first attempt at sobriety. Since then I've relapsed six times, all in the matter of four years. I want nothing more than to stay clean. I can say that I've gone through so much and that's what keeps making me go back to using but I'm done with making excuses. I've always been aware of how strong of a person I am, but heroin has made me it's bitch. I'll do anything for heroin and I hate that. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired of the withdrawals. I'm tired of having to quit cold turkey when my family decides that "enough is enough". I'm tired of having my life revolve around getting my next fix. I'm tired of being a slave to heroin. I'm clean from heroin now for four days with the help of my amazing, supportive family. And I'm also sick of always disappointing them and breaking their hearts everytime I relapse. I know a lot of you may relate to my story. I really want to do be done with it once and for all but I don't know how. I'm tired of constantly losing friends to this addiction. it's too much and I can't handle it anymore. I'm at a loss for what to do. My partying days have long been over... Truthfully my partying days lasted from 18 to 20, until after which heroin became my only friend and I became a recluse. I know I have a lot to offer. But how the FUCK do i get out of the grasp of this terrible drug. I've let too many people down, and I've let myself down.

Any words of encouragement? Any words of advice? I'd like to become an avid member of this community, so please... responses will be greatly appreciated.

 

[Prudentpartygirl]

Hi Glam! I'm also new. Just finished posting my "new person" thread a little while ago lol...

I have zero experience with heroin, but do feel for u. I have a weird addiction to cocaine. And by "weird" I mean... I don't do it everyday, don't think about it on a daily basis, have a functional daily life that's mostly unaffected, HOWEVER.... The moment I get a little alcohol in my system, be it with friends out at night or a glass of wine at a mellow dinner, I make "the call". When I connect and score, after the first line, it's a wrap. I'm in it until it's gone. No control whatsoever. It's disruptive in that I can't seem to enjoy a casual night of hanging with friends/family/boyfriend and having a drink or 2 without battling the "should I make The Call" Gods

Im hoping to learn how to control this. I'm trying . I wish the best for you! I understand the frustration of not being able to control your behavior... No bueno.

Have u tried therapy to figure out why you started using? I know that may seem like a stupid question...

 

[aq.]

hey Tina, welcome to Bluelight. I am going to shoot this over to "sober living"- you'll be more likely to get words of encouragement there.

 

[mcopus82]

Hey Tina. Welcome I'm also new here. Can I add you as a friend. Maybe we can help each other. I know where u have been ,or at least I have been in a similar way. Time and immersion of outside stimulates especially social is in the long run only way i found it to eventually balance back out.


Some people require more including medicine, diet, and exercise. I am only telling you what I have done successfully in my own life.

 

[rhun]

Hey, don't have time to type out a full response right now but you should message me. I'm 22 and a recovering IV heroin addict who also used cocaine and benzos. I never wanted to quit and fully intended to die from my disease and probably would have if I hadn't somehow ended up in rehab for the first time. I ended up running away from rehab and two sober houses and was a chronic relapse case despite doing outpatient treatment and being active in AA/NA. Today I'm no longer using and am functional despite my certainty that I would never be able to live without heroin. No one single aspect of my recovery saved me... there were many pieces to the big picture that resulted in me being alive and well today. I'd be more than happy to share my experience with you and what worked for me, just message me anytime.

Edit: just saw that you're a greenlighter and have limited messaging. Message me if you can and I'll also be back to post here and support you any way I can.

 

[HalleyHeroine]

Hi there. I'm sorry you are having a hard time staying clean. I feel for you, really. I've been addicted to pain pills for 4 years and its still a hard battle. But I've been clean for about 3 weeks and I started going to NA, which is something I would have never considered doing in my previous attempts to get clean. You should check it out. The most helpful thing I have learned there is just about the disease in general. You can't listen to yourself rationalize why you need to get high. It's a trick. To have to talk yourself out of it and stay sober "just for today". You know how when you are using, sometimes we make promises and say we will do things but we say we will do it "tomorrow" and then tomorrow never comes? Tell yourself that you are going to stay sober today, you can always get high tomorrow, but as long as you tell yourself every morning "just for today I'll not use" then tomorrow will never come

That has helped me a lot. Wishing you luck and hoping you find the strength to stay clean.