A question about heroine if I may?

[LadyLuck14]

Hi guys
i joined the site predominantly to ask a question about H
A little lowdown: I'm 33 years old and currently half way through being pregnant I'm very happy but have been recently overcome by terror and chronic anxiety about my partner.
we had a massive argument and I left him when I was 8 weeks pregnant (personal reasons unrelated to my post). A month went by and we didn't talk but after so long we got back together. Since we have been back together he has been acting really strange in and off. He admitted to me he hasn't been coping well. My ex is an ex user and was on H for 15 years but got clean off of H and methadone 2 years ago. He says he'll never touch heroine again.
However I suspect he has been using again
Forgive me if l sound like I don't know what I'm talking about but I have never used H before so pretty much unaware (except from a bit of research here and there) of what I'm really even dealing with here potentially.

So firstly, my suspicion aroused a few weeks ago when he told me that during the time we separated that he had a melt down and he admitted to me that he'd injected K a couple of times. My immediate reaction was of horror but mainly because of the needle use and I know he hasn't had a needle in his possession since being clean so that worried me.

Physically he appears to have changed in the last 3 weeks. He's always complaining of itching but blaming the dog having flees. He scratches his shines and head incessantly and mostly a bed time.

We don't live together and he spends equal amounts of time either with me or at his own place or out partying. When we aren't together we speak on the phone. Just recently Ive noticed his tone of voice has changed when speaking to him. It's almost like he's away with the fairies and really really spaced out kind of like you get when you haven't slept for 4 days and you're wired but can't sleep. He slurrs his words and almost sounds like it's effort to speak to me. And his pitch is frequently up and down like he'll be speaking monotone and all of a sudden a few words in his sentences go up and back down again. It's kind of like him being stoned but the slurring of speach is exaggerated.

Hes been sick a lot during the day recently too. Usually in the mornings at work as he texts me to say he's vomited on a few occasions.

He's complaining that the veins in his legs hurt a lot. He's convinced he has a DVT (more on this in a mo)

My mass paranoia has spurned since yesterday however. We went away to blackpool for the weekend and came back yesterday. He popped out for weed and came back an hour later. I was in the bedroom resting and he went off to the bathroom. He was in there for 4 hrs.

At at first I thought he was wanking or something but then he came out briefly and said that he'd been trying to pop his veins in the top of his legs with a needle to disperse his clots.

Again in this alarmed me... I thought "why spend that long in the shower (the water was running for about an hour at first). And why say you been trying to sort the veins in your legs out?" it made no sense to me whatsoever. So I decided to go in the bathroom (he was BACK in there again at this point). I went in and found him crouched down by the side of the bath with his boxers round his ankles. He looked in an awkward position like he was cowering. Looking back I'm wondering if he was up to something. I asked him what he was doing and he said that he wasn't feeling well and needed to sit down. He hadn't even got in the shower yet but made some excuse about the water not being hot.

I went went back to the bedroom. Over the course of about another two hours or so he stayed in there. During which time he was talking to himself in his weird way. He was actually babbling nonsense. There were periods of total silence then periods of him talking out loud to himself. It was v much incoherent babbling tbh.

Then after his shower (4 hrs later) he went and sat downstairs... Cooked some dinner... Came to bed... Rolled a spliff... Watched tv and went to sleep. Whilst in bed he said he felt "weird". I was highly pissed off that he'd left me at his house that long without interacting with me so in a huff I went to sleep not thinking about what he was in there doing. It's just now one day later that I'm questioning all this. Especially as today he told me he had been sick at work again.

I don't know what the hell is up with him or if I'm just being extremely paranoid???

sorry for the long post but I wanted to provide as much info as possible.

do I confront him? If he is using does this behaviour sound typical of taking H? Or is he playing around with K again? He was a bit wobbly on his feet yesterday. Though the itching and the vomiting isn't explained by K use.

One other thing to note... A few times when we have had sex he hasn't been able to climax either :-/ he's even laid there wanking for an hour before and not got anywhere!! Is that typical of using H? Though I thought you didn't get a sec drive at all tbf but I don't know!!

I do t know what to do. Either I'm being extremely paranoid or he has slipped back.

if he has slipped back it's only been in the last 8 weeks at most... Is there still time to help him?

i can't cope with having a baby and him being addicted to that I really don't know what to do? ;(
im so scared

 

[angeleyes]

Hi Ladyluck, welcome to Bluelight.

Sorry to hear that you're going through a rough time. I'm going to move this thread over to The Dark Side in hopes that you can get some more opinions on this, because your question seems to be more with your partner than with H, and TDS has a lot of understanding people that could give you some really good advice who have been through situations like yours before. Just do what is best for you and your baby right now. Stay strong.

 

[LadyLuck14]

Thank you angeleyes xx

 

[motherofearth]

Hey LadyLuck14, sorry to hear about the troubles, and congrats on the imminent arrival of your child. I'll preface this by saying I don't think anyone here will be able to definitively tell you if your guy is back on the H. However, I found your post very telling.

Let me quickly run through the litany of behaviors and symptomology you described:

- The itching: it could be a number of things. Have you noticed this (or any of these symptoms or behaviors you've described) before? Whatever your answer, opioids, heroin of course being one of them, can and do make you itch - sometimes profusely.
- Modulation in tone of voice: Does he call you from bars and come home drunk? Many substances change the tone and pitch of a person's voice. However, whenever I would be under the influence of heroin, my old timer friends would always point out the deepening of my voice to indicate I'd gotten a real good taste. This, along w/ the otherworldiness of his presence on the phone can be indicators of use.
- Admitting IV Ketamine use: this is more speculative, but I remember as a child when I'd get caught doing something bad, for whatever reason I would cop to doing half of it, or a less egregious offense. It is a theme that's continued throughout my life IE The first time I confessed to my folks about my IV drug use I didn't confess at all - I minimized it into a pain killer/speed popping habit. It took a while before I could fully come clean; it was my way of saying I wanted help, w/o revealing the extent of my habit.
- The veins: this is highly suspect. If he hasn't had issues w/ his veins before I'd start, as inconspicuously as possible, looking for track marks. They should be small and red in appearance and located above veins, typically. If there are bacterial infections in the area they will be much easier to spot. It sounds like he may be injecting in his legs (if he is using), which is a more dangerous place to inject. If so, he is doing it because it is an easier place to hide than the oft used arms.
- Time in the bathroom: also very suspect. If he is using it could be he is having difficulty finding a vein to use. Also, he could be nodding off after his hit and that is why he is in there for so long. This and the last point are very telling - probably the most telling of all the things you've said.
- Inability to climax: I can speak for myself when I say the only time I ever climaxed on opiates was after 24 hours of time spent in bed w/ a very dedicated exgirlfriend. I'm sure most other male users and former users would agree: climaxing is very rare when you are on opiates.

W/o any prior incident of any of these symptoms and behaviors, I'd say each one qualifies as evidence he is using and you are not being paranoid. Especially if you take all the evidence as a sum it is particularly damning. As I said before though, no one here will be able to tell you w/ certainty. This is because we are going off your interpretation of the situation which you've reproduced for us on an online forum. You'll have to take what is said here and factor it into your own judgment.

If it does come to surface that he's using you will need to accept that you can't help him unless he wants to be helped. There is no way you will be able to make him better w/o his willing participation in the process. You may need to distance yourself, especially in light of your pregnancy, until he is ready to get better - if that day does indeed arrive. I am sorry to say all this, and I know it sounds harsh, but there is little you can do if he won't get help, and you need to be concerned first and foremost for the safety of yourself and your child. I don't mean to imply he is dangerous via his use, but it wouldn't be responsible to have your child around someone using heroin - try to avoid that as best you can. I hope, since it soundspretty much like he is using, that he will want help - he kicked the habit before - perhaps he'll do it again. Best of luck.

 

[herbavore]

As harsh as it may sound, your concern should be you and your baby right now. It isn't selfish and it isn't unloving to your partner. Stress affects a baby in utero and it affects your time to adjust to/ get ready for being a mother. Worrying about your partner won't help any of you.

It sounds like he is using and I doubt he is happy about it. Try to state what you need clearly (you need to know that he will not lie about what is going on) and without anger. Let him know that for your baby's healthy development you need to have complete trust and that his behavior is setting off warnings that you cannot ignore. (No one uses a needle to "disperse blood clots"). Ask him to see a doctor and get help and then maintain your distance and hope he does. I'm sorry for you and equally sorry for him--no doubt he feels terrible about himself.

Good luck with everything and feel free to use this thread for ongoing support.

 

[LadyLuck14]

Hi guys thanks so much for your reply.

so I asked him outright. Said I'd had my suspicions. He denied it and said he has a box of naltrexone and that he'd take one right now. He said if there were opiates in his system that they would make him cluck. I don't know how true that is? But my issue then was, why does he even have these pills? He said his mum makes him take one every so often to assure herself that he isn't back on the gear.

im not thoroughly convinced if I'm honest but I didn't want to back him into a corner as I know he'd get defensive and if he is on it I didn't want him to go off and do something stupid cos of triggered him if that makes sense?

basically I said that I hoped it was the truth because if not he was then only lying to himself because I told him if he has been relapsing that there is no shame in it and that I'd be there to help so far as I was able to because if be there to help him get through it.

he assured me he wasn't on the gear but said thank you for caring and offering to be there for him.

im still not convinced he's telling me the truth though but I've put it on the table for him now that I e had my suspicions so if he is still on it the ball is in his court. He will either bury his head in the sand or pull himself out of it if he wants to.

as for me I'm not being complacent in the sense that I can now wipe my brow and say "phew thank goodness for that" because the signs I've witnessed are far too alarming. I used to be addicted to cocaine in my 20s so I know if I was still sniffing and I was called up on it I would say the same things and 5 mins later go rack a big fat line up!! So I do know about addiction and the habits/deceit/red flags etc.

so I'm going to hold back a little from him I think. Watch and learn I guess xx

 

[motherofearth]

If he took the naltrexone while opiates were in his system he should go into precipitated withdrawals, which means he would be very sick.

 

[LadyLuck14]

Ok but him saying that I have no evidence that he would take one unless I'm there to see him do it!
Ive never known his mum to give him one randomly in all the time I've known him which is 18 months now.
He never told me about these pills before and days he's had them for the last 12 months. The only medication I have known him to have is Subutex.
Maybe he's abusing that?!! As I asked where he got them from and he said from his weed dealer :-/

 

[Free]

Physically he appears to have changed in the last 3 weeks. He's always complaining of itching but blaming the dog having flees. He scratches his shines and head incessantly and mostly a bed time.

He slurrs his words and almost sounds like it's effort to speak to me.


One other thing to note... A few times when we have had sex he hasn't been able to climax either :-/ he's even laid there wanking for an hour before and not got anywhere!! Is that typical of using H? Though I thought you didn't get a sec drive at all tbf but I don't know!!

No, you are not just being paranoid at all, this sounds a lot like heroin or another potent opiate. Those are some major tip offs that someone is using heroin or on some type of strong opiate(not being able to climax, talking to you as if he's tired or as though it's taking effort to even speak the words to you, itching.. that and he's a former heroin addict who just had a major life change come into his life and world(the baby, your pregnancy)

I'm sorry that you're going through this, but the absolute right thing to do is to assume he's using. This means, to MOST people, to start berating/getting mad at/yelling at the addict. The thing about people who are in your boyfriend's position though is that the only thing that will get them clean is themselves - not you or their "love for you" - it just doesn't work like that regardless of how strong the love is. He's no longer a person you can rely on or trust to tell you the truth. He's behaving like what an addict behaves like out of necessity while they are still hiding their problem/use from people - evasive/telling easy to see through lies, trying to keep people from judging them or finding out something the addict knows would hurt them or cause problems for their relationship.

This is #1 - YOU have to take responsibility for yourself and the knowledge you have here. You CANNOT be the stereotypical girlfriend who finds something like this out and begins harassing their boyfriend/blaming their boyfriend for their situation and feelings/staying around and hoping they'll just "snap out of it" while being fed lies or simply having their concerns ignored. You will only further the problem for both yourself and him. Accept what you know - trust yourself and your own mind - take responsibility for it - don't keep waiting for him to tell you the truth before you accept it as real. You have to transition from viewing your boyfriend as another adult who you love and can expect reasonably good behavior from to someone who you love who is suffering from some mental illness that you know makes it so he *just can't* be expected to behave like a trustworthy, normal, rational adult. He's out living through his second-teenagehood partying and living at his own place with a pregnant grlfriend somewhere.

Your boyfriend is still in there some place, the person who you know and respect and can love as a girlfriend, but right now he's buried under a bunch of shit that will control his behavior to the point that you can no longer rely on him or the things he says, but you still love him and want to help him, so, I've found that the best way to think about a person close to you who is in active addiction is like a psych. patient - you simply can't blame sick people for doing bad things, but you have to also recognize that you can't expect them to be who you want them to be anymore - and they won't be until they figure things out for themselves and get help. Be there to help him if he ever realizes the wrong in what he is doing and decides he has to get clean again - because he is almost definitely using. I would have no doubt if I were you, if everything you describe in your post is true.

Whatever you do, understand that your relationship and view of your boyfriend has shifted. You no longer have a boyfriend, you have someone who is "kind of" in a relationship with you and who is and will always be connected to you because of your child together, but right now he's going through something that basically reduces him to the state of a lying teenager. Most addicts are going through something so bad internally, or so out of control internally, that they just cannot have intimate functioning relationships with other people - don't get mad at him or anything, just accept it as something you will deal with(I don't mean put up with) and make sure you and your child aren't dragged down into his vortex of suffering and other bad stuff. You can't rely no him anymore if he is using opiates and stuff again, not until he goes through the process of getting himself out of it. "Oh I *was* an addict but now I'll never touch heroin again I swear" is bullshit.

If I had to guess, I'd bet he's still on methadone and using heroin when he can get it with needles(obviously he is using needles, you don't keep needles around to "pop blood clots" or just because you once were an addict, you keep needles around to inject hard drugs intravenously). That would account for all the symptoms here. I'm sorry, it's a very hard situation for you to be in, but keep in mind that drug addiction and things like heroin can COMPLETELY OVERWHELM all other "normal life" emotions and feelings. You would think that his girlfriend, the mother of his child, and his child on the way would far outweigh and overcome any drug use .. but that just isn't how this works. Heroin essentially takes the brain hostage and you can't get anything through it, so it is not worth it to try unless it is calmly saying how you feel and what you are going to do.

again.. I can't reiterate enough, you have to see it for what it is. There's a person who you thought you knew who is in your life still but can't be relied on in the same way anymore, because addiction means the addict can't even rely *on themselves* to do the right thing *for themselves* - so how could you expect them to do it for anyone else? Don't try to "catch him" in lies, just accept the fact you know he is lying to you and deal with it yourself - either by breaking up with him or just knowing he's lying, or maybe telling him "I'm sorry but I know what this looks like and you're obviously doing something hard, I hope you are able to get better for your own sake and the sake of our child in the future, but right now I can't be doing this with you". It's up to you what you want to do - but just don't make any plans that rely on him. He sounds like he is in a very deceitful stage of addiction, maybe he's even still lying to himself(like "oh I'm just shooting pain pills that's not heroin so it's fine" ..when in reality those pills are just synthetic heroin with a slight variation made in a lab and pressed into pill form).

If he is using(which it is pretty certain he is.. like the most obvious thing in the world to people who have been there and used heroin or other drugs like it), remember that addicts can't even rely on themselves to do the right things for themselves - so they aren't even CLOSE to being someone who others can rely on to do the right things for *them*. So YOU need to start doing the right thing for yourself and your baby before he or she is born - whatever that is.

 

[LadyLuck14]

Right you bunch of shit stirring cunts let me set you all fucking straight as you have been told a load of shit about me. Firstly I haven't been using gear! Offered to take my naltrexone if there is any doubts which I ended up having to do today because of all your really supportful comments so proved u all wrong! And free your a fucking clever cunt aren't ya! Go share a pin get aids and die! You don't know me so don't pretend you do. You have all made it so much worse for me filling her head with shit I ain't doing. I take fucking naltrexone. Dya know what your comments have caused so much shit and really make me wanna score but nope I am better than all of that shit so go get ya self a bag gouch out and have a fucking shit life fuck u all laura.

 

[Xorkoth]

I'm not there and have never met either of you, but I would bet $1000 you're using something man. Get real. Your girlfriend (I assume you're the boyfriend) came here because she was overwhelmed and wanted to seek help, it wasn't to hurt you, it was to help herself. So is she just crazy or something? This is the way she feels, deal with it. Getting pissed at us won't help. If you're right and you're not doing anything, then sorry for this, but I was an opiate addict for 10 years and I fucked my relationship up so bad it's over now, 12 years together, and it sounds so eerily familiar to what she's saying, but from the other side. You can lie to everyone else but you can't lie to yourself, even though we try when we're addicts.

The signs that your girlfriend so coherently described, as well as your extreme defensive outburst on here, pretty much verify to me that something is going on. Unless she's lying, some of the things she even just described seeing from you are pretty revealing (bathroom for 4 hours, finding you crouched in the corner, etc). We don't know you, why do you need to defend yourself to us if nothing is going on? I think you need help dude. I don't care if it's opiates, or ketamine, or whatever. Your girlfriend needs to consider her health and the health of your future child, and do the best thing for her/them, and you need to get back on top of this issue so you can be there for them too.



Again I'm sorry if I have this all wrong but I don't think I do. It seems pretty clear. Like I said, I was there, on your side of it. You're gonna lose her man, eventually, unless you pull yourself up. Good luck man.

 

[mostly-human]

textbook opiate/opiod abuse. Are his pupils constricted? If they're constricted and stay constricted even in low-light, then that is pretty much a wrap.

 

[herbavore]

Right you bunch of shit stirring cunts let me set you all fucking straight as you have been told a load of shit about me. Firstly I haven't been using gear! Offered to take my naltrexone if there is any doubts which I ended up having to do today because of all your really supportful comments so proved u all wrong! And free your a fucking clever cunt aren't ya! Go share a pin get aids and die! You don't know me so don't pretend you do. You have all made it so much worse for me filling her head with shit I ain't doing. I take fucking naltrexone. Dya know what your comments have caused so much shit and really make me wanna score but nope I am better than all of that shit so go get ya self a bag gouch out and have a fucking shit life fuck u all laura.

Laura?

 

[Xorkoth]

I'm almost positive it was her boyfriend. Hope she responds again though...