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Jumped off a 3 story balcony on acid & have no memory of what happened

musicmisc

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 1, 2014
Messages
4
Alright guys, I'm in the hospital right now and just registered this account to see if anybody can relate to what the fuck just happened to me.

On Saturday at about 4PM, I met up with a couple of old college friends and took acid (maybe 200ug or so). This was after nearly 5 months of depression-induced social isolation. I originally quit college due to suicidal thoughts in Spring of this year. I thought that the depression had subsided and that my state of mind was solid enough for acid, but it clearly wasn't.

Anyways, I'll try to let you know what I DO remember (which isn't much). I was just relaxing on my friend's bed, listening to music, and talking/thinking about random shit. I remember having some nihilistic thoughts (i.e. God doesn't exist, there's no meaning or purpose to anything, we are just animals who think we're smarter than we really are, etc.). The next thing I remember is waking up in the ER with 3 broken ribs and a broken sacrum.

I'm not exaggerating; what happened in between those two extremes is completely blocked out from my memory. I have to take my friend's word on what happened in between, which is this (from a text message):

'I went and got moes, came back and listened to music with you then you strarted acting weird and I asked you if you wanted to walk or something, then you got up and went to the mirror and then wnt back and forth between my room and the living room for a while then went on the balcony and I saw you on the ground a couple minutes later'

Also, according to him, I was fully conscious on the ground and was talking to the paramedics. I don't remember this, of course.

What the fuck? Has anyone ever heard of something this ridiculous happening to someone on acid? Btw, I had already taken acid one time (last December), and it was a positive experience. Also, it's likely that this was completely legit acid (bought online).

My worst fear is that I was trying to kill myself. The acid presumably brought up some repressed mental issues and compelled me to jump off the balcony. This is the only explanation I can think of that makes sense.
 
Wow, I'm glad you're okay <3

I didn't jump off a balcony, but I got tackled onto pavement and tazed by cops while frazzled on a 35mg dose of 4-aco-DMT. I remember it vividly unfortunately, but I can relate on some fronts.
 
That's intense man, I'm sorry, that would freak me out for sure. <3 I would recommend that you don't do any more psychedelics for now and that you maybe talk to someone and try to get to the bottom of it. It sounds like a classic psychotic break type of experience, where people black out and act in ways they wouldn't normally (but in ways that are based on repressed feelings or thoughts). It sounds like you've got some stuff buried that you need to work through. I really do recommend talking to a professional about this, you may be able to get some insight into what's bothering you under the surface. Sounds like you were already aware you were having some issues before that too (with depression, suicidal thoughts, etc).

Good luck man, and I hope you heal up quick. You can always talk to people here.
 
I'm glad you are OK too. Definitely avoid taking any psychedelics, or perhaps all illegal drugs or even legal ones like alcohol or cannabis if you're depressed/suicidal. Do talk to someone about it. Writing here on bluelight can help a lot. Good luck.
 
That's intense man, I'm sorry, that would freak me out for sure. <3 I would recommend that you don't do any more psychedelics for now and that you maybe talk to someone and try to get to the bottom of it. It sounds like a classic psychotic break type of experience, where people black out and act in ways they wouldn't normally (but in ways that are based on repressed feelings or thoughts). It sounds like you've got some stuff buried that you need to work through. I really do recommend talking to a professional about this, you may be able to get some insight into what's bothering you under the surface. Sounds like you were already aware you were having some issues before that too (with depression, suicidal thoughts, etc).

Good luck man, and I hope you heal up quick. You can always talk to people here.

I've actually been seeing a therapist for these past five months, clearly that's been a waste of time though.

I honestly didn't feel depressed when I was going into the trip. Though now it's pretty obvious that instead of actually resolving any underlying issues, I just buried them deeper down over time.

I'm glad you are OK too. Definitely avoid taking any psychedelics, or perhaps all illegal drugs or even legal ones like alcohol or cannabis if you're depressed/suicidal. Do talk to someone about it. Writing here on bluelight can help a lot. Good luck.

Thanks for the reply, I definitely got lucky. I conveniently landed in a bush (directly beside a brick wall, actually...I was close to paralysis or death)
 
If I start thinking I can fly on acid I try and take off from the ground.
 
I've actually been seeing a therapist for these past five months, clearly that's been a waste of time though.

I honestly didn't feel depressed when I was going into the trip. Though now it's pretty obvious that instead of actually resolving any underlying issues, I just buried them deeper down over time.



Thanks for the reply, I definitely got lucky. I conveniently landed in a bush (directly beside a brick wall, actually...I was close to paralysis or death)

You tripped acid and tried to kill yourself and that is the reason why therapy has been a waste of time?
Keep spending the money.

Everything about acid uncovering feelings and all that is, er... theoretical. Those aren't necessarily your true feelings or thoughts just because you blurted out something while you were drunk.
 
Birds secretly wish they could run around. They got the ostrich and we got the bat.
 
Guys, I don't think it's as simple as 'I thought I could fly.' Especially since I can still recall depressed/anxious thoughts surfacing at the beginning of the trip.

Also, I've been trying to find memory loss stories from acid trips, and I can't find anything...maybe my head slamming into the ground caused that?
 
People have difficulty with memory while tripping on LSD. Though I suspect in your case their is really something you need to start remembering about the incident and the thoughts you were having. All I can tell you, without seeing you in person, whatever you might have done in the past, you need to find a way to forgive yourself and move on with your life because the past does not make us who we are.

EDIT: Though it is important to not miss the opportunity to reflect on the past either. It can take a long time to recognize, correct, and affect the strife you are currently experiencing. The necessary tools you have available, currently, it is how to use them that is a real unknown.
 
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In my experience this sort of psychotic break is commonly accompanied by memory loss, with severe cases entailing a total memory blackout. I'm surprised that you can't find any other reports of the same sort of thing. Obviously any head injury would make things worse in this respect.

I would certainly advise against the use of psychoactive drugs for the forseeable future, especially if you thought you were ok to trip.
 
at high doses (which yours was below) the layering or mental resonance of memory and sensation becomes so dense that memory formation is compromised - any denser than that and you will blackout unable to make sense of anything happening.

the question is what raised your baseline such that the strong but not overly high dose of lsd led you into such a layered state that your memory became dysfunctional.

the anecdotes provided suggest that you have an emotional relationship with existence itself, and since you started thinking about it, this triggered your emotional responses.

emotion will raise your baseline. some people will hallucinate with no psychedelics, just emotional impact.
 
You tripped acid and tried to kill yourself and that is the reason why therapy has been a waste of time?
Keep spending the money.

Everything about acid uncovering feelings and all that is, er... theoretical. Those aren't necessarily your true feelings or thoughts just because you blurted out something while you were drunk.

I believe that during blackouts the things revealed are true feelings somewhere buried. Especially with alcohol. I know dudes that get violent and angry when they black out and I see it in them, just repressed, at normal times. Whenever I used to black out, I would just get sloppy and tell my girlfriend I loved her and tell secrets.

I will concede it's possible that on a really heavy trip blackout, something could emerge that doesn't reflect true feelings, simply because you can get so twisted up. You might think you're someone else for example, or maybe the jumping off the balcony was a behavior that emerged from some totally unrelated thought that made sense at the time. Maybe he didn't realize that's what was going to happen... maybe he thought it was just a fence or something and the ground was right there. Though I think it's more likely it was linked to the depression and previous suicidal thoughts especially because he seemed agitated and upset and nihilistic beforehand.
 
Especially with alcohol.

Yes, very much agreed on this, can be alcohol but also other drug combinations that promote (anterograde?) amnesia - I myself have blacked out on LSD coming up hard on a large dose, and also having taken alprazolam. I think I came to the third day, or the day after... and while I did outrageous things fortunately I did not get myself hurt. Was one of the biggest scares ever though!

There was a guy in the city I live in, a student who had LSD and apparently a - to me unknown - combo of other drugs but yes I think alcohol was involved, who leaped out of a student housing flat. It was pretty high up and he died.

So yes occasionally these things happen, most of all when other drugs are involved. But, I don't think this happens that often fortunately....
 
Its actually fairly common. Hell, I've wanted to jump out of a window on a decent amount of shrooms. Its one of the golden rules of psychedelics. Always be on the ground when tripping on psychs.

Medically, its what's called a drug-induced psychosis. The psychosis part being that ideas and actions can be formed from the environment that have no basis in reality. You are on a patio. It makes sense to jump off the patio (at the time). Or you look into a mirror and perceive yourself as a vampire, so you believe you are a vampire, etc.

In the drug community, this is called tripping balls, etc. Notice the fact that you were on acid at the time. This is important. Some people like to jump off of large objects without drugs in their system. These people are informally known as "crazy."

I would be very careful about associating a repressed reason while under the influence of heavy psychedelics. Drugs make people do weird shit. It happens. Hopefully you can come away from this that "drugs" can be harmful, and be a bit wiser in the future about your drug taking decisions.
 
Good thing it wasn't a 10th floor apartment. Balconies are right out when tripping. You have to have somebody with you to tackle you if they see you heading towards the balcony.
 
I guess it may depend on the person but from the many trips that I've had not many involved losing contact with reality so completely, or showing very disinhibited behavior (again, disinhibiting drugs can do that for you so watch out if you don't realize the dangers with that). IMO it takes a combination of both those factors to do such dangerous things. It is probably typical to learn through some trial and error but someone how learns how to intelligently and responsibly use psychedelics probably shouldn't be keeping running into such situations otherwise that person maybe is unfit to trip.
I'm not saying I am completely above it or that I am immune to such things happening, but even for a person with boundary issues I try to learn from my mistakes because I realize the seriousness of the consequences that may otherwise follow.

Also a wise person learns from not only from his own history but from reading about the mistakes of others. I've read enough about compounds like 3-MeO-PCP for example to know that I don't want to go there into the territory where even entirely knowledgeable and respectable people get into serious incidents. That just shows that the margin for error is to small and you gotta know when that is not something you can or want to afford, otherwise its just hybris.

Again: I do acknowledge that these things happen and that they will keep happening, but that is because people vary in how they deal with the limits of responsible behavior. That includes knowing what may happen if you start taking so much of a disinhibiting drug that it leads to other bad decisions, the culmination of which is a train wreck incident. It's *somewhat* avoidable and that is the whole point of HR.
 
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