Hi... I have posted on here maybe a dozen times the last decade, but I lurk a bit. I really have no one to talk to who isn't biased, so I would like to get some opinions from people who don't know me or my wife. Here goes.....I hope it all makes sense. I will try to make it as brief as possible.
Opiates have always been my favorite high...in fact my only high besides a few drinks. I had been trying to start a business that would meet my wife's expectations through the years. I had a tough time. I opened and sold about a half dozen business in about 20years. Always did good biz, never closed one....but never really made a ton of money...most of the time I struggled to break even. I've always been a softie with paying my employees, always tried to charge my customers as little as possible and gave to every charity that came my way.....in short I was good at what I did, but have always been a lousy business man.
Now, my wife isn't a spender she's a saver. She MUST have fully funded college funds for our kids and a fully funded retirement account for us.....do u guys.know how tough that is??? She does NOT spend on herself or me.
So, after years of trying to make money, her confidence in me slowly faded. I had nobody to watch my back, no one who believed I could do it any longer.....and confidence in myself slooooowly faded away. Enter Mr. Opiate. I began drinking poppy seed tea and poppy tea......and, oh my, did my positive thinking come back. I had no longer been giving starting yet another business any thought, but once I started the tea, it came roaring back.. I guess you know how this stuff works...you feel great, you're optimistic. I realized I needed a BUSINESS MIND and found one...I went through SBA loan process and found a place for 1 million dollars. I NEVER would have made this jump without doing opiates....absolutely certain of it, I know how shitty I was feeling about things.
Well, it took off like a rocket and now I'm making more money than I know what to do with. In 8 years I've made my wife and family's worth just over 3M dollars.....my sons college is paid for, and our retirement seems secure. All this time, my wife had no idea I was drinking tea.
I decided to get on subutex because i was sick of ordering poppies and worrying. I was on it for 5 years before I confessed to my wife. She HAAAAAAAAATED the idea for 2years but left me alone. Early this year she began to demand I get off. I was on about 5 mg at the time. Truthfully, I was concerned that it had taken away the ability to enjoy many of my favorite things, weird, huh? I agreed. BUT I told her that the taper would have to be on MY terms and that she would HACE TO be ready with some unpleasant withdrawal symptoms from me. Mostly I was concerned about irratibility and not wanting to be around a lot of commotion. She agreed.
I'm finishing up, really I am. Well 5 to 2 went by flawlessly, a couple of weeks. Trouble started after 2....nothing big, but constant dry heaving, bathroom issues, nausea at the smell of cooking food, inability to take heat or humidity, and total over sensitivity to being around a lot of people. And that's EXACTLY what I was exposed to in a little mini vacation we went on. I admit, I wasn't great to be around. I wanted peace and quiet in an ACed house, relaxing.
Now, while my wife wanted me to taper, my doctor didn't want me to taper as quickly. In trying to appease both of them, I lied to my wife in the amount I was given every month. However, I did give her a third of my pills ti keep for me. Somehow she found out what I was getting, I don't know how, and blew her stack. She told me that I either went into rehab or I would have to leave. My heart broke, but I simply could not go to rehab.....after all isn't this WHY the give subutex??? I left. I miss my home, wife and kids something terrible.....but she is today, 2 months later, as angry as she was on day 1.
So, did I blow it??? Should I have gone to rehab for not tapering to my wife's expectations?? I know I lied, but I feel that the taper should be MY calling......I'm terrified of withdrawal(never have)......and I warned her that near the end I wouldn't be fun to be around...... I don't know, I now understand how this stuff can ruin your life, but, it's also a Big reason for my success.
Ps.....currently I'm down to .5 and feel pretty good, with some bad days mixed in
Sorry about the size of this post and all......it was a lot of info to fit...I'd appreciate any unbiased feedback. Thank you for your time and patience.
Opiates have always been my favorite high...in fact my only high besides a few drinks. I had been trying to start a business that would meet my wife's expectations through the years. I had a tough time. I opened and sold about a half dozen business in about 20years. Always did good biz, never closed one....but never really made a ton of money...most of the time I struggled to break even. I've always been a softie with paying my employees, always tried to charge my customers as little as possible and gave to every charity that came my way.....in short I was good at what I did, but have always been a lousy business man.
Now, my wife isn't a spender she's a saver. She MUST have fully funded college funds for our kids and a fully funded retirement account for us.....do u guys.know how tough that is??? She does NOT spend on herself or me.
So, after years of trying to make money, her confidence in me slowly faded. I had nobody to watch my back, no one who believed I could do it any longer.....and confidence in myself slooooowly faded away. Enter Mr. Opiate. I began drinking poppy seed tea and poppy tea......and, oh my, did my positive thinking come back. I had no longer been giving starting yet another business any thought, but once I started the tea, it came roaring back.. I guess you know how this stuff works...you feel great, you're optimistic. I realized I needed a BUSINESS MIND and found one...I went through SBA loan process and found a place for 1 million dollars. I NEVER would have made this jump without doing opiates....absolutely certain of it, I know how shitty I was feeling about things.
Well, it took off like a rocket and now I'm making more money than I know what to do with. In 8 years I've made my wife and family's worth just over 3M dollars.....my sons college is paid for, and our retirement seems secure. All this time, my wife had no idea I was drinking tea.
I decided to get on subutex because i was sick of ordering poppies and worrying. I was on it for 5 years before I confessed to my wife. She HAAAAAAAAATED the idea for 2years but left me alone. Early this year she began to demand I get off. I was on about 5 mg at the time. Truthfully, I was concerned that it had taken away the ability to enjoy many of my favorite things, weird, huh? I agreed. BUT I told her that the taper would have to be on MY terms and that she would HACE TO be ready with some unpleasant withdrawal symptoms from me. Mostly I was concerned about irratibility and not wanting to be around a lot of commotion. She agreed.
I'm finishing up, really I am. Well 5 to 2 went by flawlessly, a couple of weeks. Trouble started after 2....nothing big, but constant dry heaving, bathroom issues, nausea at the smell of cooking food, inability to take heat or humidity, and total over sensitivity to being around a lot of people. And that's EXACTLY what I was exposed to in a little mini vacation we went on. I admit, I wasn't great to be around. I wanted peace and quiet in an ACed house, relaxing.
Now, while my wife wanted me to taper, my doctor didn't want me to taper as quickly. In trying to appease both of them, I lied to my wife in the amount I was given every month. However, I did give her a third of my pills ti keep for me. Somehow she found out what I was getting, I don't know how, and blew her stack. She told me that I either went into rehab or I would have to leave. My heart broke, but I simply could not go to rehab.....after all isn't this WHY the give subutex??? I left. I miss my home, wife and kids something terrible.....but she is today, 2 months later, as angry as she was on day 1.
So, did I blow it??? Should I have gone to rehab for not tapering to my wife's expectations?? I know I lied, but I feel that the taper should be MY calling......I'm terrified of withdrawal(never have)......and I warned her that near the end I wouldn't be fun to be around...... I don't know, I now understand how this stuff can ruin your life, but, it's also a Big reason for my success.
Ps.....currently I'm down to .5 and feel pretty good, with some bad days mixed in
Sorry about the size of this post and all......it was a lot of info to fit...I'd appreciate any unbiased feedback. Thank you for your time and patience.
If being on a low dose is what keeps you from a possible relapse, you need to let her know this information. You cannot hold back, speak your mind and open up completely, don't hide anything, it will only make it worse in the long run.