Should I go to rehab vs detox at home?

[cay]

I am trying to decide how I want to quit, I am going to create another thread about tapering vs cold turkying since I've been on for 10 years and everytime I try to taper I give up. Anyways, it's time for me to stop. I hate it, I seriously want to quit but I have little self control and very real chronic pain. Not just for my wife, kids, family, and work and the effect my losing my job would have have on my family but for me. I am no longer who I was, I am now everything I hated in a person just wasting away. I have to quit otherwise suicide very truly might be the best thing for all those involved including me. I don't think I could and I don't think I will even if I am wasting away but I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate everything about myself and worst I can't hide it from my young kids because I'm constantly doing my medicine it feels like. I honestly just do not know what to do, I've considered running away to one of those "pro heroin" (I KNOW NO SUCH THING, please do NOT get stuck on this, it will be off-topic) countries and just accepting fate but no longer having to worry about how much medicine I have at any one time. However I would probably just end up hating myself even more. So I have decided to fight and stop using all together. So now some background information:

• I have very real chronic pain
• I have been taking pain medication for close to 10 years
• I don't often do heroin and when I do it's in bursts but simply put other opiates are better highs imho, however long ago I have forsaken the risks of IV use, while taught by a veteran I also nuked pretty much all of my veins in my legs, forearms, and hands.
• As said previously, I have very little self control
• I have tried tapering off so many times it's incredible all with failed outcomes.
• I am scared to death of withdrawal and more so of PAWS
• I know I am physically dependent and to some degree I know I am mentally addicted, but by definition since I can rationally choose not to take my drugs in place of eating/taking care of my family/work/etc I am not truly addicted by definition. I am an addict.
• I do not believe in God I will not and it's why I can't take the "12 steps" seriously, I do accept the possibility of a higher power but I cannot "give myself over heart and soul to a higher power". Please do not turn this into a discussion on religion, let me just say this, it's not going to happen.
• I have a job that is incredibly hard for me to take time off for and because I'm an addict my work performance has suffered and I fear leaving for rehab will cost me my job, my livelihood, my ability to get rehired.
• I make decent bank and I do not really spend extra money on pills or heroin or accessories, for the most part I am able to stretch my medicine over my prescribed period and am frugle. Even so it seems like I'm always out of money so I can't really afford to pay for rehab.
• Even though I have family, I do not really have friends, they all live in different states and we only get together semi annually. My wife has stated that she doesn't have the mental fortitude to be here for me while I am going through withdrawal and I do not want my children seeing me in that state. I have one of my parents, but they are currently an addict and I think I would eventually talk them into getting me drugs and my other parent and I do not get along. So I have no one here for me.
• My general health is terrible since I can barely walk and I love sugary products and no self control.

And I'm sure the list could go on, but that should be atleast the basic information one would need. If I do go to rehab, insurance (Employer UHC, pretty good PPO) will have to cover it. Out of state is fine, I can pocket the cost of a flight anywhere as long as my choice doesn't cost me my job, I honestly do not know how I will also eat a months worth of income but I know for my company and for myself getting clean will be better for everyone. Lastly, if the rehab center has wifi I can likely work while in rehab as long as the rehab people are okay with it. My hours are pretty flexible when needed so that isn't too much of a concern. If I go I just want the place to be nice staffed with people who aren't morons or stuck in "this is routine" but available at my price (insurance pays most). I am willing to dish out up to 5grand but I see these places usually cost as much as 30k and I just do not see the cost benefit over doing it in my own house or a double tree with a hired nurse.

So should I go to rehab or do it at home? If so why? If rehab do you have any places to suggest. I have been researching for awhile on what I will need to do this from home and sans the heart pressure medicine to curb cravings I have access to most of the other drugs (with a few alterations, like instead of Phenergan for an anti-hermetic I have zofran, instead of klonipin I have loreazepam, etc).

I was really tired when I wrote this so I hope it's easy to follow if anything needs being cleared up please let me know.

 

[THCisgod]

If you can go to rehab for free id say do it, good to get away for a month+ and they really do help with detox but you could just go to a detox for a week or go to a sub doctor. Its ultimately up to you whether you stay off the pills though.

 

[T. Calderone]

You may be better off doing this at a rehab facility since you said you have little self control. I've been in your shoes a dozen times and tried doing it at home. Only to take a week of vacation time, then procrastinate, thinking I will just dose enough to get me through. I went to detoxes and rehabs too, only to come home and start using again.

It really depends on how bad you want to quit. My last experience, I was wanting to go back to detox. My friend said I could do this myself and let me crash at his place for a few days. It was hard, but I knew that was it and I was done. Because I had been tapering that last month anyway, I did not experience paws at all. Another thing I wanted to mention, if you're in the U.S. your employer cannot fire you. They have Family Leave Act and as long as you tell them you are in hospital, they have to hold your job for you.

 

[cay]

T. Calderone (or anyone else) do you have suggestions for rehab clinics?

 

[Sosick]

Cay
I was on script OxyContin for just over 10 years I have a bad back from breaking it in a snowmobile accident plus a failed back surgery. I also knew I needed to get off of the shit but tapering was not an option for me. My pain always intensified about an hour before my next dose. I would never be disciplined enough to taper.

I too felt the old me was gone and didn't like it. I was eating sugary foods for energy in the last bit before I took the jump. I did CT and I'm not going to lie it was HELL for about 3 weeks and then it started getting slightly better each week.
I didn't take much for comfort meds only Imodium and Tylenol. Part of me wanted to feel every bit of withdrawal so I would never return. Kind of sick that way I know.

T is right they can't fire you for going to rehab. Either way rehab or home you really have to want it. You will certainly need someone to help for the first few days.

Don't let PAWS scare you inform yourself and make a plan to deal with it. I am just about at 4 months and still struggle with fatigue, and don't sleep that great. But I know it's temporary and keep pushing through.

Definitely the best choice I ever made.

 

[painenduser]

Hi Cay,

I was reading your post and I can understand your concerns. A couple things that caught my attention in your post. You mentioned that you have no self control, but since you are talking about detoxing from Narcotics / Opiates, I do not recommend Cold Turkey. It can be dangerous both physically and mentally. Have you ever been on Suboxone? (You may have stated but I didn't see it) If you go to rehab they will put you on Subaxone or Methadone, but more than likely it would be Subaxone, if you do choose to do it from home, your Dr will likely prescribe Subaxone for you to take at home and self control or not, as long as you take the Subaxone as prescribed, you can try taking your opiate of choice, but it will be blocked so you certainly won't have any fun in doing it. Some say that it can make you sick, but I have never been on it so I couldn't tell you from experience. Taking Subaxone will be your best bet to clean yourself up. I do recommend going to a rehab mainly because your "choice" is taken out of the equation for the most part so it will be easier for you to follow the program.

Now when I said program I was not referring to AA or the like. I to will not do a 12 step program but for slightly different reasons, though I am agnostic and the emphasis on God in the 12 step just makes it that much more difficult for me. I would just like to note that for some a 12 step program can work wonders and I totally recommend anyone who has never been to a rehab program or who is new to recovery should try it out before deciding it isn't for them. However, that is not your situation, you have been there, and you know what should work and what will not work. That being said, there are a number of rehab / detox facilities out there that don't use the 12 step program.

My recommendation would be to check out a site in which you can search for a place near you that offers what your looking for. Check out the following links, and use the search critia's and try to find a place that you think offers what you think you need, is in your area, and one that you can either pay for under your terms or that takes your insurance which ever the case may be.

http://www.recovery.org/
or

http://www.thefix.com/rehab-reviews <--- This site is probably the best as I recall you can sort by type of treatment as well (12 step or non 12 step), religion etc.

You have to do what you feel is best for you, but don't short change yourself! If you are serious about getting sober, then don't just try to get by. As you know, you can't put 60% in to your recovery, if your serious, then you will need to put in 110%. I wish you the very best of luck, and I hope that these suggestions will help you in some way. If I can offer any additional help please PM me.

Peace,

Pain