I get too attached to people

[The Network]

I could post on some other forum, but I've always liked the advice I got here, so even though this isn't 100% perfect for TDS, I think it's close enough. Warning: I'm very very tired while I'm typing this so I apologize if it's hard to follow or there are any mistakes.

I have a habit of getting overly attached to people that don't even like me that much. Sure some of them like talking to me I'm sure, but probably 8/10 people I talk to regularly I'm sure don't care or think about talking to me or hanging out with me or anything of the sort when they go home. That's not the part I have an issue with, I'm fine with that. Another problem is I get attached to them really easily. If I see someone once or twice, I might get depressed if I never see them again. That isn't normal. Most people wouldn't even think about the person again. I get being sad for something like going from high school to college and having to basically find an almost entirely new set of friends. But I don't think it's normal to be so bothered by people that don't like me a lot leaving my life.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can stop depending half of my happiness on acquaintances? I think life in general would be more enjoyable if I could think of them the way I should and not as people to rely on like that.

 

[Maya]

^The Network IMO, I think you are expecting from them too much. We don't really have control over someone's feelings so I would what I would suggest is to lower your expectations and try to not think about them. Easier said than done but it really helps. I find it that the more i don't expect people to call me back or hang out and I really like them, i would be surprised to see a message on my phone from them. Take it easy hun, I know you have a horse that you are really close with, I would spend so much time with her and that will make me happy.

 

[hunter1]

Give it time.

Correct me if I'm wrong here but you sound quite young and I don't mean that in a demeaning way.

It takes a long time to work yourself out and where you fit into this huge sociosphere.

Be yourself. Ask questions. Try and be a positive force in the universe.
The rest all takes time

 

[THeW0rm]

This is something I have struggled with in my life. You need to try to find the underlying causes of it. In my case (which is didn't figure out until years down the road) is that I wanted my friends to fill the gaps that my older siblings left in my life when they skipped out after high school to get away from my family while I was a young child. I expected my friends throughout my life to kind of fill that family role that was missing in my life, after I felt (subconsciously) that I had been abandoned. this, obviously left me asking too much of a lot of my friends, and then feeling let down.

Of course, now, I do have a handful of really close friends that I do consider to be my family, and that give me that kind of support.
Long story short, if you dig a little deeper into yourself, you might find the answer to some of these questions, if you can uncover the root of them.

Good, loving people are out there, sometimes they are just hard to find.

P.S.

maya, I am one of those people that got massively burned by MDMA. I am feeling tons better than I did eight months ago, but am still not close to wear I was psychologically. I was wondering how you are doing? I hope that your life is going smoothly and is filled with fun.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

^The Network IMO, I think you are expecting from them too much. We don't really have control over someone's feelings so I would what I would suggest is to lower your expectations and try to not think about them. Easier said than done but it really helps. I find it that the more i don't expect people to call me back or hang out and I really like them, i would be surprised to see a message on my phone from them. Take it easy hun, I know you have a horse that you are really close with, I would spend so much time with her and that will make me happy.

That's sort of what I do now as well. With social networking and texting being very popular as people's primary forms of communication I've found that people now rarely want to talk on the phone. This also includes relatives. Some of my relatives who are older than me by a few years, or younger than me by a few years do not want to talk on the phone but will answer me on facebook, via text, etc.

Another thing that can help is keeping in mind the quote about never making someone a priority when they only see you as an option.

 

[Maya]

^super agree with that quote!

@theworm im doing great! The anxiety symptoms pop up once in a while but manageable thank you for the kind words and goodluck with recovery ♡

Thenetwork i hope you are feeling better hun.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

I could post on some other forum, but I've always liked the advice I got here, so even though this isn't 100% perfect for TDS, I think it's close enough. Warning: I'm very very tired while I'm typing this so I apologize if it's hard to follow or there are any mistakes.

I have a habit of getting overly attached to people that don't even like me that much. Sure some of them like talking to me I'm sure, but probably 8/10 people I talk to regularly I'm sure don't care or think about talking to me or hanging out with me or anything of the sort when they go home. That's not the part I have an issue with, I'm fine with that. Another problem is I get attached to them really easily. If I see someone once or twice, I might get depressed if I never see them again. That isn't normal. Most people wouldn't even think about the person again. I get being sad for something like going from high school to college and having to basically find an almost entirely new set of friends. But I don't think it's normal to be so bothered by people that don't like me a lot leaving my life.

Does anyone have any advice on how I can stop depending half of my happiness on acquaintances? I think life in general would be more enjoyable if I could think of them the way I should and not as people to rely on like that.

I can definitely relate to what you're saying here. I often look back at my former associations with a sense of melancholy, and I hate "losing touch" with people. Even if it's just being friends with them online & never talking to them, that to me is still better than complete loss of contact. I never let people on to the fact that I really like them, though...I really hate the personality trait of being "clingy" so it's something I actively try to avoid in my own interactions.

I also get the feeling that other people don't like me, or are irritated by me for some reason. That's just because I'm insecure and have low-self esteem, though.

One thing that's useful to remember is that most friends and acquaintances serve a valued and specific purpose in one's life for a finite amount of time, and that's it. I do have "Life long friends", but only a few...I've made peace with just enjoying the pleasant memories of someone I may have lost contact with or no longer hang out with, and just leave it at that.