Okay, I have made it a full two weeks without opioids. I feel like I'm limping home after being beaten up. Better, but still ragged. I spent a lot of the worst days just reading posts all over this site--it made me feel not alone. It gave my brain something to grab onto when I felt like I wanted to jump out of my skin. So I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who posts here. You have no idea how much you help.
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Kinda lame, but still...
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thanks, aq. I'm doing better, but the fatigue seems to be the worst of the remaining symptoms. Yesterday, my proudest moment was that I took a shower, got dressed, and dried my hair without stopping to lie down along the way. I'm celebrating those little victories, but they seem so miniscule. I'm weaning off the clonazapam, so I'm hoping that will help...but I can tell when it is wearing off by how jumpy and unsettled I feel. The longest I made it before this was 5 days. On Monday, my doc offered to put me back on opioids and I refused them. This is for good.
What I would like to say to anyone reading this is that this is not an easy journey--easier with medical support by far, but still not easy. I've made it through the worst of the physical symptoms (although still having to take Immodium) and still waking up in a drenching sweat every other night. And I'm 2 weeks in. My doc says it will get better faster now, but I'm starting not to believe what he says. Still, if you're on this journey and it takes you 3 days, that's wonderful. I wish that had been my experience. But if you stick it out two weeks and say, "STILL???" Then, yes, still...but celebrate taking a shower and dressing without having to lie down in between.
Emotionally, I'm angry that I let myself get to this point (and my doc did, too). And I'm bored. Everything was so much more entertaining on opioids. And right now, I don't have the energy to even walk my dog. But I feel strangely strong, too. Like, I did this. I did THIS. And this was so amazingly difficult. As I said, I've had shorter times of w/d, but I knew those times that I just had to wait until I got more meds. This time, I feel finished. I had an opportunity to get more, and turned them down. This site is so amazing. I'm really not sure I would have made it if you weren't here. THANK YOU!
What I would like to say to anyone reading this is that this is not an easy journey--easier with medical support by far, but still not easy. I've made it through the worst of the physical symptoms (although still having to take Immodium) and still waking up in a drenching sweat every other night. And I'm 2 weeks in. My doc says it will get better faster now, but I'm starting not to believe what he says. Still, if you're on this journey and it takes you 3 days, that's wonderful. I wish that had been my experience. But if you stick it out two weeks and say, "STILL???" Then, yes, still...but celebrate taking a shower and dressing without having to lie down in between.
Emotionally, I'm angry that I let myself get to this point (and my doc did, too). And I'm bored. Everything was so much more entertaining on opioids. And right now, I don't have the energy to even walk my dog. But I feel strangely strong, too. Like, I did this. I did THIS. And this was so amazingly difficult. As I said, I've had shorter times of w/d, but I knew those times that I just had to wait until I got more meds. This time, I feel finished. I had an opportunity to get more, and turned them down. This site is so amazing. I'm really not sure I would have made it if you weren't here. THANK YOU!
Papaverium
Bluelighter
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That is absolutely not a lame thing to post whatsoever.
Bluelight is such a wonderful community with so many helpful, supportful people!
Congratulations on two weeks and refusing your doctors script!
it wasn't long ago when I was at the two week point, it's a hard journey.. but just remember, it gets better.
I just hit one month and I'm still fatigued and depressed, no motivation...., but it takes a long time for the brain to reset itself. Addiction didn't happen overnight, so it's not gonna fix itself that way either unfortunately, as much as all of us wished it would lol.
Cheers, I send positive energy and the power to continue quitting :D
~Verri
Bluelight is such a wonderful community with so many helpful, supportful people!
Congratulations on two weeks and refusing your doctors script!
it wasn't long ago when I was at the two week point, it's a hard journey.. but just remember, it gets better.
I just hit one month and I'm still fatigued and depressed, no motivation...., but it takes a long time for the brain to reset itself. Addiction didn't happen overnight, so it's not gonna fix itself that way either unfortunately, as much as all of us wished it would lol.
Cheers, I send positive energy and the power to continue quitting :D
~Verri
Love you all for your support! Yesterday was tough again. Hoping today is better. Papaverium: I'm glad you shared your one-month experience. It will help me understand that it is a normal part of recovery when I get there and still feel like I'm half the person I used to be. I've set a goal for two months out--a small vacation with my husband, elderly parents, and sister. My dad probably won't live out the year, and I want a happy, clear-headed memory of us as a family. So every day, I think: Just get stronger by October.
But I have to say that I NEVER in a million years would have thought that a physician would put a person on a drug (and keep me there for 4 years!) that is this difficult to recover from. I've been through physical and emotional pain in my life, and this is--by FAR--the worst thing I've experienced. I'm in awe of anyone/everyone who has done this before me.
But I have to say that I NEVER in a million years would have thought that a physician would put a person on a drug (and keep me there for 4 years!) that is this difficult to recover from. I've been through physical and emotional pain in my life, and this is--by FAR--the worst thing I've experienced. I'm in awe of anyone/everyone who has done this before me.
herbavore
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^wanting, I am observing in horror the wanton prescribing with no information whatesoever about side effects, dependency, withdrawal etc. when it comes to my demographic (older women). America is in an opiate and benzo frenzy IMO.
I'm so glad that you are doing well and I think your October goal is a very sweet one. It meant so much to my own Dad to see my brother in recovery before he died. Parents want nothing more than inner peace for their children--everything else is just surface and subject to change.
I'm so glad that you are doing well and I think your October goal is a very sweet one. It meant so much to my own Dad to see my brother in recovery before he died. Parents want nothing more than inner peace for their children--everything else is just surface and subject to change.
Papaverium
Bluelighter
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Just keep in mind; One day at a time.
That's my motto
... you won't be strong by October, you ARE strong already! You'll make it to October, November, December....ect. Just stay positive there's lots of support here for you, as we are all here for the same reason. To get better, and help eachother get better.
~Verri
Just keep in mind; One day at a time.
That's my motto
... you won't be strong by October, you ARE strong already! You'll make it to October, November, December....ect. Just stay positive there's lots of support here for you, as we are all here for the same reason. To get better, and help eachother get better.
~Verri
This post made me cry for the first time since I started this awful process. I didn't cry when I couldn't get out of bed for two days...or when I couldn't eat for four days...or ever until this quote. I haven't felt strong. I've felt puny and weak, and while I'm proud of my accomplishment so far, I've always just admired that strength in everyone else. Thank you for this reminder, and for allowing me to connect to that emotional place inside. That was a gift!
I wanted to give an update. Today is day 38 off opioids, and I'm off the all w/d supportive meds, too (esp Clonazapam--the posts here scared me about that). I'm not yet back up to full strength, but I'm making daily progress. Yesterday I walked a mile after working for 2 hours. I do computer work, and I find that even thinking wears me out, but 2 hours in a row was a good day for me. I'm a freelance writer, so I'm happy to have the luxury of not going into a job, but I also have had no income for the past month that I've been in this serious withdrawal. But I'm starting to feel the brain fog lifting. This fatigue is difficult to deal with, but as Verri said, one day at a time. Not too long ago, I couldn't walk across a room without stopping to rest.
In my last doctor appt, he offered to put me on Adderall or Subs maintenance because of my extreme fatigue. I turned both down. I don't want to get involved in anything that will make me go through another miserable withdrawal. This was my last one. I feel scarred by the experience, like I have battle wounds. Now I just need time to heal, mentally and physically.
Bluelight has been my touchstone for the withdrawal experience, and I read it obsessively, especially during the first two weeks. The support has been amazing and very helpful. Thank you all again!
In my last doctor appt, he offered to put me on Adderall or Subs maintenance because of my extreme fatigue. I turned both down. I don't want to get involved in anything that will make me go through another miserable withdrawal. This was my last one. I feel scarred by the experience, like I have battle wounds. Now I just need time to heal, mentally and physically.
Bluelight has been my touchstone for the withdrawal experience, and I read it obsessively, especially during the first two weeks. The support has been amazing and very helpful. Thank you all again!
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 28, 2013
- Messages
- 14,780
That's not lame that 's a lovely post/thread to make. So often we forget how much others have done for us n we forget to thank them. Maybe you could give back to others what has been kindly given to you? There's nothing more rewarding that helping / supporting others.
Wanting - well done off 38 days. That's ace n you should be extremely proud of yourself n all you've achieved.
Just keep in mind; One day at a time.
That's my motto
... you won't be strong by October, you ARE strong already! You'll make it to October, November, December....ect. Just stay positive there's lots of support here for you, as we are all here for the same reason. To get better, and help eachother get better.
~Verri
Very wise words, Verri xxxx
Evey
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Great post,
Im on day 17, im not on any benzo or opiate, but completely relate. I feel like there is a monster inside me that wants out. My biggest issue is the constant need to stretch, seems like for 8 hours at a time. However, between, joining a gym losing 25lbs, acupuncture, electric stimulation and believe it or not, detox baths have helped a ton. Since I was on benzos and opiates for 7 years, they think it could be up to 2 months before the worst of the PAWS passes. Here's ho poo ing with all the things im doing it isnt that long. Knowing the antagonists are stored in fat cells, it takes longer. Over 7 years I went from 147 to 235. Ive also been told it could take a year for all the symptoms to go away because of the dosage and length of time. I thank you though, its humbling to go through this and im now a believer that unless you've been where we all have been, you truly can't relate. So thank you, and thanks to this forum. I can't begin to express my gratitude.
Sincerely,
Bob
Im on day 17, im not on any benzo or opiate, but completely relate. I feel like there is a monster inside me that wants out. My biggest issue is the constant need to stretch, seems like for 8 hours at a time. However, between, joining a gym losing 25lbs, acupuncture, electric stimulation and believe it or not, detox baths have helped a ton. Since I was on benzos and opiates for 7 years, they think it could be up to 2 months before the worst of the PAWS passes. Here's ho poo ing with all the things im doing it isnt that long. Knowing the antagonists are stored in fat cells, it takes longer. Over 7 years I went from 147 to 235. Ive also been told it could take a year for all the symptoms to go away because of the dosage and length of time. I thank you though, its humbling to go through this and im now a believer that unless you've been where we all have been, you truly can't relate. So thank you, and thanks to this forum. I can't begin to express my gratitude.
Sincerely,
Bob