deblojo13
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2012
- Messages
- 3
A Story 'Bout A Girl...Just Another Sad & Lonely World (Short Version)
omg....what's gonna happen to me?? Adderal...it's kickin my butt...I just can't stop going back!
I already have bipolar/anxiety disorder..supposedly and am on meds for all that. Plus I have chronic migraines, fibromyalgia (no kidding! been on meds/drugs/alcohol since I was 13)! When I was in my 20's I was in 2 different Charter Hosp 30 Day Treatment Centers and have been a recovering alcoholic for 15 years. Also went thru Narcotics Detox about 3 1/2 yrs ago & I won't touch that stuff!!
My childhood could have been described as My Own Private Hell Here on Earth. Without the drugs I could not have survived...but it's the only method I ever learned to cope with during my life as a teen & then right on into adulthood. Plus I have very non-supportive (since birth..lol) parents..too full of anger, hatred & miserable in general to care and believe that their daughter is anything more than just purely Evil! Oh...and yes, my Mom has told me many times that marrying my dad was the worst mistake she ever made. So I guess that makes me what? PART of that "worst mistake"?
So they have tried to control me for most of my life (except for the 15 years (when I finally listened & followed the instructions of counselors) lived a 1000 miles away from them & made a complete success of my career.
But Then the Depression hit after my 8 yr old nephew was killed in a terrible accident. A few years later I ended up on disability. At the time just about all I ever did was isolate & cry!
I have always been the scapegoat of the family to my parents. But finally, a couple days ago, I took a stand for myself & it's called 'I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK OF ME!! I am giving you back ALL of YOUR problems, because they NEVER should have been MINE to begin with..since my memories of 3 years old.
These people have called me daughter, but unfortunately when they see me...they see each other IN ME. So it doesn't surprise me that I have been their TARGET all these years! I could go on forever but just gives me a headache.
But seriously I actually feel halfway HUMAN on Addys..but there's a kicker..when u run out til' next mo. (yeah! tell me about it) One time I was up for 5 days. I can't do that anymore. No more than 1 or 2. I think it's totally just wearing my body out. I have always developed really high tolerance to most drugs I have ever taken. Just can't seem to stop! I think for me it may be a losing battle. I have lost several people my age who were my kindred spirits. I also lost 2 best friends to overdoses that killed them. I do pray & I know & feel God all around me though (wow! watch the movie called God Is Not Dead) Hey, some of those things in that movie HAVE happened to me too! Anyway, I just can't understand why he let so many of my friends die but I got live!!
I have been a Single Mom all but like 4 yrs of my life (by choice) without the help of child support (deadbeat dads, of course)! I raised all 3 of my kids by myself. Two grown boys & my teenage daughter. Also I have 7 beautiful grandkids. I am really hoping I can somehow hang on to Life until I get my Miracle & so I don't have to "let them all down" & leave them with that "awful legacy" of WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE OR SAID???
And one GOOD thing I have done in my life is to raise them never having to DOUBT that I love THEM WITH ALL MY HEART, will always be proud of them as my children no matter what! Also they KNOW that the grandchildren they have given me & THAT THEY THEMSELVES ARE my Moon & Stars!
*And by the way, I have narrated & wrote this Post for (about) a friend of mine! Thanks...wasn't sure how you Post on here so sorry if I did it wrong. Probably no one will ever even read this but if you do, THANK YOU!
*And just one more thing. Please say a Prayer for her if you pray. If not, just send your positive mental energy so that maybe she can finally have her Miracle!
deb
omg....what's gonna happen to me?? Adderal...it's kickin my butt...I just can't stop going back!
I already have bipolar/anxiety disorder..supposedly and am on meds for all that. Plus I have chronic migraines, fibromyalgia (no kidding! been on meds/drugs/alcohol since I was 13)! When I was in my 20's I was in 2 different Charter Hosp 30 Day Treatment Centers and have been a recovering alcoholic for 15 years. Also went thru Narcotics Detox about 3 1/2 yrs ago & I won't touch that stuff!!
My childhood could have been described as My Own Private Hell Here on Earth. Without the drugs I could not have survived...but it's the only method I ever learned to cope with during my life as a teen & then right on into adulthood. Plus I have very non-supportive (since birth..lol) parents..too full of anger, hatred & miserable in general to care and believe that their daughter is anything more than just purely Evil! Oh...and yes, my Mom has told me many times that marrying my dad was the worst mistake she ever made. So I guess that makes me what? PART of that "worst mistake"?
So they have tried to control me for most of my life (except for the 15 years (when I finally listened & followed the instructions of counselors) lived a 1000 miles away from them & made a complete success of my career.
But Then the Depression hit after my 8 yr old nephew was killed in a terrible accident. A few years later I ended up on disability. At the time just about all I ever did was isolate & cry!
I have always been the scapegoat of the family to my parents. But finally, a couple days ago, I took a stand for myself & it's called 'I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK OF ME!! I am giving you back ALL of YOUR problems, because they NEVER should have been MINE to begin with..since my memories of 3 years old.
These people have called me daughter, but unfortunately when they see me...they see each other IN ME. So it doesn't surprise me that I have been their TARGET all these years! I could go on forever but just gives me a headache.
But seriously I actually feel halfway HUMAN on Addys..but there's a kicker..when u run out til' next mo. (yeah! tell me about it) One time I was up for 5 days. I can't do that anymore. No more than 1 or 2. I think it's totally just wearing my body out. I have always developed really high tolerance to most drugs I have ever taken. Just can't seem to stop! I think for me it may be a losing battle. I have lost several people my age who were my kindred spirits. I also lost 2 best friends to overdoses that killed them. I do pray & I know & feel God all around me though (wow! watch the movie called God Is Not Dead) Hey, some of those things in that movie HAVE happened to me too! Anyway, I just can't understand why he let so many of my friends die but I got live!!
I have been a Single Mom all but like 4 yrs of my life (by choice) without the help of child support (deadbeat dads, of course)! I raised all 3 of my kids by myself. Two grown boys & my teenage daughter. Also I have 7 beautiful grandkids. I am really hoping I can somehow hang on to Life until I get my Miracle & so I don't have to "let them all down" & leave them with that "awful legacy" of WHAT COULD I HAVE DONE OR SAID???
And one GOOD thing I have done in my life is to raise them never having to DOUBT that I love THEM WITH ALL MY HEART, will always be proud of them as my children no matter what! Also they KNOW that the grandchildren they have given me & THAT THEY THEMSELVES ARE my Moon & Stars!
*And by the way, I have narrated & wrote this Post for (about) a friend of mine! Thanks...wasn't sure how you Post on here so sorry if I did it wrong. Probably no one will ever even read this but if you do, THANK YOU!
*And just one more thing. Please say a Prayer for her if you pray. If not, just send your positive mental energy so that maybe she can finally have her Miracle!
deb
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