You sound a lot like a friend of mine who's diagnosed with bipolar disorder when he was going through similar problems related to psychedelic use. There have actually been a few occasions where he became increasingly psychotic and paranoid following heavy psychedelic use, but one time in particular that it became a real problem for a while. I recall he had been using LSD relatively frequently for a few weeks or so, and experienced a psychotic break one night while he was on it which made him begin compulsively searching for answers to his problems with "alternative means of information". Many of his beliefs at this time were also connected to numerology, symbolism, and conspiracy theories, but also included occultism, freemasonry and other obscure spiritual/religious practices that I'm unfamiliar with. I believe he had prior knowledge of some of these topics, but from what I could tell, his paranoid and delusional way of thinking compelled him to research further, yet the paranoid and delusional nature of the subject matter made his behavior worse.
Conspiracy theories, in my opinion, attempt to explain misunderstood or questionable topics by making even more dubious claims, or making loose connections to past events. They sometimes offer alternatives to commonly accepted historical events, especially where there is unverifiable data, and in many cases suggest these alternative histories are linked to a central theme and that everything commonly regarded as truth may all be part of a greater conspiracy. The problem is that these theories offer answers which are just as disputable as what they're trying to explain in the first place. Secrets and cover-ups do exist, and there are some things that take place or have taken place which we may never fully understand. The truth is that we can't know the answer to every question, but that doesn't mean we have to believe in paranoid suggestions where no other answers exist. I have admittedly limited knowledge about any of the other subjects mentioned above, but what information I have read makes me inclined to say they're not too far removed from conspiracy theories and seem to follow similar logic patterns.
When my friend was going through this episode, it was difficult to speak to him at all. I couldn't tell if he was being serious or not some of the time because he joked around a lot before, but it got to the point that we couldn't discuss any subject rationally. Even mundane details about daily life would be given some bizarre connotation to government plots to sell him LSD or connect to part of an Illuminati scheme to obscure the truth about 9/11. Even more alarming than this was when he started telling me about events he was convinced actually happened, but were obviously paranoid delusions in one form or another. It wouldn't have bothered me as much if what he told me about were just unrealistic scenarios that still may have happened, but the stories always contained details that were too far out of reality to accept. I still don't know which parts may have occurred since they all conveniently took place when he was alone and they've never been brought up since, but the more he told me about, the more I became increasingly concerned about his mental health.
There was one evening he called and asked to come over and I agreed, aware of what had been going on, but not believing him to be in trouble or any more unstable. He came into the house looking panicked and disheveled and told me he'd just gotten out of the hospital after being chased and pulled over by police. Apparently he'd driven past the downtown police station when several cars pulled out and began following him from a distance. They continued following him for around half an hour, never getting too close, but still surely there. He'd been trying to lose them the whole time but eventually one of the officers pulled him over, suspected he was under the influence and asked him to take a road sobriety test which he passed. The cop was still suspicious due to his driving so he escorted him to the E.R. to undergo a drug screen. Nothing showed up in his system, but it was found that he was supposed to be on some sort of prescription medication. He'd be allowed to leave once he gave their consent to administer the drug, but refused and told them he hadn't broken any laws, so it was illegal for him to be held there. The police and hospital staff revealed that the whole thing had been a test and he was now able to leave, so they gave him some exit paperwork and he walked out to his car which is when he called me. I don't recall what I said after he got to the end, but was visibly having trouble believing what he was saying, so he showed me the paperwork he received which had been in his backpack. It was unclear what the papers I saw were, but they didn't look like they'd been printed that night, and nothing about them indicated they were issued by the hospital in question. This was the only time he'd ever tried to provide physical evidence for any of these events. The reason I included this story was because it struck me as a weird act of desperation, like maybe if just this once I believed all of what happened the way he said it did, it'd confirm everything else he was going through was normal. I doubt my continued disbelief made much of a difference, but it did seem like he had a diminished sense of care about whatever he was going through after that night. The few times I saw him afterwards, he actually seemed better mood-wise, but was also speaking about conspiracy theories matter-of-factly, as if it weren't up for debate.
I sympathized with he was going through and wanted him to get better, but it was difficult to understand why he couldn't control his behavior at the same time. He'd always been pretty out there in terms of spiritual or religious beliefs, but never to any extent that seemed to significantly affect his day-to-day life. The numerology stuff got totally out of control, and it's not something I understand well enough to comment on, only that it appeared to be giving exaggerated importance to insignificant digits or series of digits. I didn't really say anything about it for fear that my words may be misinterpreted or give him permission to continue pursuing answers with these numbers. I expressed that he should seek medical attention at least once during this episode, which he took as me being an asshole for not respecting his beliefs. It would have been one thing for me to accept that he had differing beliefs if it weren't interfering with him on a daily basis, but he was clearly becoming more socially withdrawn and paranoid. He quit his job one day, and when I asked him why, he said it was because one of his coworkers said or did something a certain way that freaked him out too much to continue working there. I really didn't see or speak to him for a few months after that, but did check up on him occasionally to see that he wasn't in serious trouble or anything.
He did eventually get back to normal after a few months of this behavior, and I assume it was because he finally went back on his psych medication and understood that he had to stop using psychedelics and other drugs. We don't live in the same state anymore, but as far as I know, he's now using drugs occasionally, though I'm not sure which ones or how often. I know what he went through had to be devastating, but with what he was doing, it may have been a disaster waiting to happen. I have to imagine it would only be that much worse if something similar were to happen again, but hopefully he's taken precautions so that it never gets to that point. It feels weird to worry about him using drugs because he didn't really have an ongoing problem with them, psychedelics were just the catalyst for his psychosis. I mostly just feel like he doesn't have anyone that would understand or be willing to help if he started feeling symptoms again. His parents are clueless about drugs and other friends aren't very knowledgeable about them either. In any case, it's not like he wasn't aware of the risks with psychedelics and bipolar disorder before this episode happened. I imagine that you, washingtonbound also have some idea about the risks associated with psychedelic use and your mental disorder. Again, I can't pretend to know what it's like to have something like bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, but in my friend's case, it was like all caution went out the window whenever an extreme manic state would manifest. I'd always tell him to be careful when he'd tell me he was buying or using certain drugs, but he was hardheaded about it and wouldn't really give my advice any consideration.
