I'm challenged like hell right now just not in the intellectual way but rather the social way. And the truth is I suck. However, perhaps there is something in what you wrote. I don't really know if it's really real other than from the perspective of the subject though. I used to think that I didn't want to be involved much in the society's life around me, you know, being with people although I hated being alone, getting educated although I'm a born scientist who never graduated and didn't have any other opportunity, I suck at everything else and now even at the basics, or getting a job although I hate being dependent on anyone, not to mention having a family etc. It all just never lived up to my expectations, most probably I just ruined myself with drugs, nothing excites me as it normally would, and I was constantly looking for more and more. But now when the emotions are negative, I can hardly stand even a little bit of them.
Life underground does give a lot of emotions, it's actually where the real control is, let's be honest. But there are so many depraved people there controlling everyone else that even if you happen to find a few good persons, they don't feel like changing anything, they know it would cost them a lot both their money and their current comfort of life and they just prefer to give up. If you're not a follower, you will have a hard time there. It's the whole world that is ruled in the wrong way, it's wrong starting from its foundations making one group of people extremely powerful and wealthy and the other group of people extremely weak and poor. That's the tendency and it will go on and on unless more people wake up and decide to do something. This is a sick place to live, we're letting this hell on Earth spread and spread. Everyone is so mistrustful, everyone does everything to protect their space, it's so hard to be let in. No wonder, but if we don't risk, it's certain we will fail. I've noticed that literally everyone is like that now, even those people that I was close with when I was younger now separate themselves into their comfort zone. I'm no different, but I'm a wreck already, I know I could still be of much use, but I don't have the strength to open up myself, I still tried recently, but it didn't pay off again. Someone has to stand in front of thousands, and ask them whether they're truly so blind and can't see what's happening or perhaps they've just agreed to all this madness around them. Otherwise, one day people like me questioning almost everything about this world will either die or become one of the most evil to survive.