I've heard of the SMART recovery group. I'm having trouble locating one in my area. I will keep trying though
since it seems like a good fit for me. I'm also a little "scared" to try the sub. I've heard some horror stories
about it. I took methadone for about 3 months once and then stopped cold turkey from 120mgs. That was AWFUL!!
I was naive about how powerful it was/ is. So I don't want to go thru that type of withdrawal again if I can avoid it. Sounds
like my best option is tapering down for a few weeks and then maybe using hydro for a few days before I "jump". I don't expect
it to be painless and I know I have to pay the price for my stupidity. I know better. I've seen how opiates can and WILL destroy lives. I will be honest when I say that I'm having a hard time accepting the fact that I have to carry around the label of an "addict" for the rest of my life. People can get better and change their lives, carrying around a label, IMO, holds you down and keeps you from feeling proud of yourself. But, I'm sure that I'm thinking about it all wrong. I really hope I'm not coming across as arrogant or being in denial. I'm very aware that I have a problem with addiction. I just feel that I can overcome it and move on in life quicker and more successfully if my self esteem is high.
And yes....POTUS, NO MORE DABBLING!! It's obvious that I can't control my usage. Thanks to all who have relied and offered helps and support. Means A LOT.
Many people have successfully used just a few subs at the smallest dose possible for relief to step down out of the final stages of tapering... at just a few doses spread over a week, for example, you're in little danger of switching addictions. Unfortunately doctors prescribe people large doses and tell them to stay on them for a long time, and that certainly produces withdrawal, as would any opiate done that way. And sub withdrawal lasts a LONG time, much longer than oxy or even, I hear, methadone, for many people.
Your plan sounds pretty decent also, switching to a weaker opiate to finish the taper. At some point, regardless of what you do, you'll have to deal with at least light withdrawal but it's perfectly reasonable to reduce until you get light withdrawal because a large oxy habit produces pretty intense withdrawal.
Regarding addict for life vs not addict for life... I feel like since taking ibogaine I am no longer an opiate addict, it feels like it never happened in my brain. So physically anyway I do not consider myself an opiate addict anymore. However, I know that they trigger a severe addiction in me so I am under no illusions that I will ever be able to take an opiate again. I feel like even if I had a surgery or bad injury I would deal without opiates, because nothing is worth it to me to go back to that place.
I think to some extent, labeling yourself as an addict for life can be pretty damaging. I prefer simply moving away from it in your mind and personality. I know people who are always talking about how they're addicts even years after they last used, and it seems to me they think about it an awful lot, and it shapes a large part of their self-image. I believe I can continue to live a life disconnected from opiates, in which I do not label myself an addict but a former addict, and instead fill my mind with good, positive things, not fear and issues from my past. But like I said, always knowing that I can never go there again, even a little bit, ever.
