I'm just being strange and irrational I know. I'm an introvert so I will probably be looking for some form of shrubbery to hide behind lol and if they use too much generic phrasing the cynic will probably come out full force. I think the addict in me is looking for worst case scenarios to deter me from going, but the loving human part of myself wants my life back and knows I need help. Just hope no one with beady eyes starts staring me down, because I hate being stared at lol I was the girl who was always smart in school, but made it a point to sit in the back of the classroom. Alright, enough of my craziness!
The being strange and irrational part will likely serve you well with the fellowships. The generic phrasing thing will likely not as fellowship slogan phrases are usually very common and the same phrases can be heard in most meetings in the rooms wherever they are. But they also hold simple powerful truth regarding recovery.
This being said, I would just go in and promise yourself for one month your not going to judge anything. We as addicts abound with polar thinking.. its either amazing or its hell, its so spot on or its complete nonsense, we are either doing great or we are doing terrible... it either good or its bad. This of course is not the way the world works or practices based of multiple principles and ideas are.
There is something to be gained from everything, and there is a bunch in the fellowships. There are also aspects that can be very hard to swallow for many people. Just because a person come to the conclusion that there are somethings they are having trouble with, they should consciously avoid missing out on the things that are not due to black and white thinking.
There are allot of gems in recovery and thinking to be learned ion the fellowships, but far to many people are turned off by aspects that can be really hard to swallow for some and end up concluding that this is not for me. These people often miss out on many things that make there lives better and promote there recovery.
I was a member of the fellowships years ago and I avidly went through the steps, but I did not stay clean that time. I did however receive some very positive gifts from the fellowships. I was able to emotionally cleanse myself from a large amount of psychological woulds that i was carrying. I was able to garner a greater principal of honesty with others and more importantly myself and becoming honest with oneself is a flagstone to overcoming addiction as if we swallow our own bullshit we are lost. I learned to take personal responsibility for myself and my actions. I also learned much more.
This time around I made up my mind that I was going to seek the answers to this from every available source, I was going to try everything that I thought would give me a better recovery and a better life. I was not going to get hung up on what approach was the right one for me, I was going to draw from them all and end up with what was right for me.
It worked like I never thought possible. So I my advice to you, as it worked so well for me, would be to do the same thing. Draw in from every place you can find, give it all a honest try. If after an honest go something upon honest contemplation does not seem to beneficial for you then set it on a shelf in case its needed later. Keep and develop what promotes the best quality of life and strongest recovery for you. Avoid the polar thinking as it makes us throw away to much helpful stuff to be rid of the little bit we cant accept or don't need. Then we spend to much time suffering while looking for the ticket out that best suited for us. Its much easier to make a golden ticket than find it. When creating it the more sources we seek the more wisdom and strength we find. The more knowledge and wisdom we have in our arsenals the more successful or recoveries and the more amazing our lives become.
There are many different meetings usually depending on your area, so please keep trying different ones until you find one you fit in and like.
Don't worry about speaking, if you can say Im dragonflies and im an addict, then you are good to go until your comfortable to speak. everyone there was in your shoes at one time and walking into a group of strangers to participate in a recovery meeting filed most of them with a similar experience. So most meetings are very welcoming as the fellowships stress the newcomer is very important to the fellowships.
Overcoming addiction is process, it involves allot. Try and be patient (LOL, I skipped the line where they handed out patience to everyone on the way into this life, so it sounds funny me even saying that.
), but really this takes some time, so just hunker down, relax, and keep moving forward no matter what and you will get there.
Here is a thread on the fellowships that contains info, litterature, etc. When you get a chance take a gander at the white book and there is also a Big book link. DONT WORRY, if it sounds crazy or your not getting it.. this is completely normal and no one in there right mind understands it right away, so please don't judge it as nonsense until you give it a nice go. Learning through meetings, a sponsor, and step work is one of the ways recovering addicts heal and change there thinking in the positive ways that allows for peaceful recovery.
We have some strong fellow shippers members and staff here to communicate with and there are many other resources that you can use to expand your recovery to promote the best life you can grab. Looking forward to reading about your recovery, so I hope you stick around and include Bl in your recov plans.
Twelve Step Addiction Recovery Support Groups
