• 💊 OTHER DRUGS 💊 Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads 1 Notable Threads 2
    Dangerous Combos Addiction Support
    Emergency Services Benzo Guide v.1
    Addiction Stories Scary Case Studies
    Biology, Pharmacology & Drugs 101
  • Select Your Topic Then Scroll Down
    Alcohol Bupe Benzos
    Cocaine Heroin Opioids
    RCs Stimulants Misc
    Harm Reduction All Topics Gabapentinoids
    Tired of your habit? Struggling to cope?
    Want to regain control or get sober?
    Visit our Recovery Support Forums

Opioids Help, please, a trip up & I'm scared..should I be? Guilty feeling as well.

Emme80

Emme80

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 30, 2013
Messages
233
I was previously on Methadone for too many years. I managed to taper off on my own with my take homes. The anxiety has been amped up & cold/hot sweated are still there- not massive now, but nonetheless THERE. And that alone has been freaking me out.
So, where does this turn to guilt? I was steady, determined(still am) and focused. 30+days distance between me& methadone, 10days away from the pain meds I was using to jump off the 2mg. Of methadone I was on-this was due to a foot reconstruction surgery I had.(it was 15 mg. ER Hydromorophone for a first 4/5(?)days as pain was more than excruciating(foot), then an oxycodone, then a Vicodin to end the taper). 10 or so days separated from that & a slight "oops". Set back. Pushed through.
I decided to throw down the drain all of remaining methadone. I want it out of my life. No matter how bad my foot feels. I wish if a doctor I could talk to about this but I don't. And how do you just ask for clonidine??? I've had it before- bought in line.
What did I do so bad? Before I tossed that methadone, I took a few mgs.(under 5mgs....didn't feel much of anything. A headache and worry...and disappointment)
I'm worried I threw away all I've fought for, if I'm set back all of the way now...I can't tell what damage I've done as I've still got chills. That's not changed in quite sometime, unfortunately. Hope a Dr. can find some kind of Grace upon me& script me clonidine.
Anyways, any thoughts on what I may or may not have royally jacked up? Will I be back at day one?
 
"And how do you just ask for clonidine"? It's not controlled, just tell your doctor that you'd like to try it for relieving opioid w/ds. I've never had a physician turn down a request for that med...

You don't say exactly how long you were taking methadone or how long it's been since you stopped entirely, maybe it's up there but very difficult post to read and it's relative anyway, for some a month is a long time others it's ten years. Point is you may be in for a very protracted post-acute withdrawal phase. Search the forum for more info on how to deal with this if that's a concern. You may want to go back to tapering methadone, a good MMT clinic can help greatly with this. It's hell-ish to get off of completely once you've habituated to it. I realize you want off of methadone, but that may best be done by going back for a bit and tapering to sub-milligram/day amounts and then jump off - it can take a very long time - a year or more for many people to do this - if your goal is to keep PAWs at a minimum then slow, slow, slow is the best way. Others may disagree and have good points, there's a ton of good info here, search and you will find.

edit to fixed it up a bit...
 
Last edited:
Your good dude!! Your not back at day 1, not at all. You slipped and your right back on your plan, no biggie. I doubt it set you back at all, maybe a day. Don't let that send you back to opies. You've 10 days totally clean, don't bow your head, raise it high and be proud!!! Keep on keeping on brother!!! If you fall all the way back you'll never forgive yourself so just keep doing what your doing.
You shouldn't have a problem getting klonadine from a dr. If your honest. I can understand why u wouldn't want to tell a dr about it though. I'm pretty sure if u explain like u explained to us, you wouldn't have a problem getting that script.
Just stay strong and you'll have your life back. It's probably just the beginning of paws, beat it back and be done with it!!! Good luck :)
 
I've been off for (counting.. ) 38days. I tapered down quite diligently. In the recent year& months leading to the last 14mg. taper, it went well. There is no option for me to go back. I dealt with it for 10 years. Was below 40mg. for 2 of those years. I know the clonidine will help. I've had it before. I've a very... strangely cold & seemingly (forgive the term) dimwitted Dr. now. She doesn't even understand how to treat a what is now, a non-exist bloodclot (extensive DVT I developed from a surgery. I had to explain the doppler results to her.(residual scarring on wall of vein...will likely not change, but no residual bloodclot. This even has become a source of uncertainty in me- can I trust her as a DOCTOR? I'd be....99% shock&sawed were she to give me clonidine. Then she'd judge me. Already has made comments about my 1mg. clonazepam a day. If I go to an ER, I feel I'll be flagged. And most likely, she'd find out anyways. Feel stuck...and let down. Wondering if I messed up allll together with taking the 2&1/2-3mg on July 25- , which was 30+ days out from methadone free- feeling ok at that point. It was that day, the 25 I tossed all I had left down the drain. There is no going back to methadone or any other substitute for me. Sad, cold, sweaty& giving myself a great migraine over it. *sigh*
 
That sucks. I understand about not wanting to be flagged though for sure.
Some of these fucking "doctors" nowadays, I just don't get it?
Maybe a little bit of loperamide would help u temporarily. It sounds like your really being tormented by all the wd symptoms and crazy anxiety cause of bullshit drs. ATM. It'll help u out for a few days until maybe u can figure something out.
Ugghhhh these drs piss me off so much. Your trying to better yourself and they still treat u like shit, it's gotta be so damn frustrating. I feel for you and I wish I could think of something but I'm drawing a blank ATM, sry. The lope will definitly help though. Good luck...
 
speedballs_over & cliffy78...thank you very much. It was 33 days clear away from methadone. In the end I tapered off the Vicodin as was probably needed much more than I'd take due to the lame arse foot surgery&then damage I did to said foot. 10 days clear of that& as I was throwing that sick ass methadone down the drain, I took a couple mgs. But that's the end of the methadone- can't go down that drain pipe nor do I ever want it back in my life. I've wasted enough time.
I know how much the clonidine would help. Wondering if I just go to an ER(Emergency Department..afraid they'd "commit" me. :/
 
Emme80 said:
I've been off for (counting.. ) 38days. I tapered down quite diligently. In the recent year& months leading to the last 14mg. taper, it went well. There is no option for me to go back. I dealt with it for 10 years. Was below 40mg. for 2 of those years. I know the clonidine will help. I've had it before. I've a very... strangely cold & seemingly (forgive the term) dimwitted Dr. now. She doesn't even understand how to treat a what is now, a non-exist bloodclot (extensive DVT I developed from a surgery. I had to explain the doppler results to her.(residual scarring on wall of vein...will likely not change, but no residual bloodclot. This even has become a source of uncertainty in me- can I trust her as a DOCTOR? I'd be....99% shock&sawed were she to give me clonidine. Then she'd judge me. Already has made comments about my 1mg. clonazepam a day. If I go to an ER, I feel I'll be flagged. And most likely, she'd find out anyways. Feel stuck...and let down. Wondering if I messed up allll together with taking the 2&1/2-3mg on July 25- , which was 30+ days out from methadone free- feeling ok at that point. It was that day, the 25 I tossed all I had left down the drain. There is no going back to methadone or any other substitute for me. Sad, cold, sweaty& giving myself a great migraine over it. *sigh*
Click to expand...
Go to an urgent care walk in the box doctor. You will not be flagged or anything. No one will ever find out. If your super paranoid pay cash for the clonidine script instead of using insurance
 
Yea, I've the loperamide around. It left me feeling fucked up dizzy when I did use it. It helped more than I thought. Perhaps I'll give it another whirl. Use today to contemplate my options, make a decision.
Tiz true about the doctors... All I have been striving to so in past 12 months nearly is taper ( without my clinic knowing b/c they really wanted me to increase it was always brought up...eventhough I was approved & in system as a client tapering OFF...thus, why I left clinic and tapered off gently but in a straight ahead pace, on my own.) I don't feel HORRIBLE HELL wd's from methadone, fortunately, the suckass surgery benefitted me in that way- using the pain meds in my favor for jumping from the methadone(at 2mg). The sweats&deep bone cold chills are...I'm at ends with it. Maybe I'm weak(I won't go using again, no)I'm just needing a bit of relief there. And where do I turn w/o forever being flagged?(until of course I disappear into the West side of Ireland ;)... Kinda not kidding about that one though) and I'm still on bed rest/having to use crutches again. So I'm limited that way too. Ugh. I've rambled I know.
Sadly, I've learned, looking at turning 40 soon, it's true, especially with such matter as this with doctors, sometimes honesty is not the best policy.
 
Crimsonjunk- like just a regular urgent care? (Not on ER, an Urgent Care yes?)
 
It's ridiculous that with methadone they always want u go up up up, then make u feel like crap if u want to get off and go down. Idk, I don't know a ton about methadone but I thought the idea was get off the shit, not go up forever. Good for you though, I'm glad you can think for yourself...
 
Yea...I feel strong there. Hard to look at the time list..but as a wise man said "you gotta leave it behind". Now, I start over at 40. Ok.
But between now & end of October, gotta find a doctor that will help me with these severe chills(it's been well over 100° outside for nearly 2month, and I'm under 3 blankets with fits of sweat that is nearly making me feel psychotic. Trapped with leg elevated doesn't help... And that fucking foot hurts like a bitch still -side note) I HAD stopped taking my 1clonazepam a day, and quit smoking- (want a smoke right now...have one..think I might just have that fucking cigarette) but realized I'll take on the clonazepam later- right now- methadone nixxxxed is big enough.
Any others have success with obtaining clonidine from a walk in urgent care? I always figured they'd turn me away & direct me to an ER...
 
Got nothing to lose...to a walk in Urgent care I go...won't get hopes too high, but deeply hoping I find a kind doctor. Just want some Grace.
 
This M-80 is heading out now. Got on my knees and sent out a soft hopeful prayer...and that I won't crumble if it all goes sideways.
(Damn it's hot outside!)
Update of the encounter when I return.
Thanks Cliffy...and all of you!
 
Hmmmm, if your vague then how do u bring up klonadine?
I'm not sure exactly. I would think being honest would be the only way
What ru thinking about saying vaguely I mean?
 
I just reread ur op. I'd just say exactly what u said, it makes u look good! U got hooked from a surgery/went on methadone/wanted to get off and they wanted u to go up/ u flushed after getting clean/ your still having a bad time and your dr is an uncaring wench
 
Well... Wow. No fucking joke- I was ready for a failed trip to urgent care. I drove down the block . Before I got out of the car, I closed my eyes and said a great prayer(as in the past I've sought help w/Dr's, at an ER, and was discharged with direction to go into a rehab or sober living).
Literally, I sent out my last prayer of ever going to a medical...anything, in attempt NOT to get a narcotic, but simply seeking relief for symptoms I'm going through in a forever final withdrawal. I saw the nurse ,she was kind. I explained that my story could be long but in short I was in opiate withdrawal(and a migraine..suck ass) I waited for doctor, sent out prayer to..for once, just be treated as a human going through something that's shite. When the Dr. Came in, I just let it be the simple truth, as it's all I've got. I shed about 5-10 tears. She, the doctor grabbed my hand and said there's no shame, You're worthy of help and that she knew my strength when I first spoke. She said she knew how I felt because (get this) "You're looking at an addict 27yrs. clean!" What are the fucking chances!?! ( didn't ask what substance for her). She said a many kind humbling words, asked me if she could hug me. Again, I was shocked&humbled. Gave me encouragement and good medical advise. In the end, she wrote me 4weeks(1 patch a week) of Clonidine! And I got my usual shot in de bum of Toradol(anti-inflammitory for migraine). That was it. She said if I'm ever confused or need help I knew where to find her&she's said that me coming in today made her day something amazing as well.
I could NOT have even conjured up a more surreal experience!
Thank you Crimsonjunk for saying to go to an urgent care- thank you Cliffy78 for the support&saying "truth".
I'm still shocked.
That was...not what I'm used to & wildly meant to be. At least it feels that way.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top