(DMT/120mg) - First Time - Trip to Hell itself

[Exonyte123]

Hey guys, I’m new to this forum, and yesterday I had my first DMT trip. It was the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. This experience left me so confused that I felt I need to post it online and receive some feedback to understand it.

A little background: I have done very little drugs in my life (LSA, weed, ketamine) but was very interested in DMT. I have read almost all the information I could find on the internet and I have read Dr Strassman’s book.
So, recently I was alone in my house for 1 week and decided it would a good idea to try. So I started to smoke it and failed. I tried like 5 times to vaporize it using different techniques (crack pipe, vaporizers, the Machine) but I could never breakthrough. Then, I saw I video on YouTube about a guy who said you can snort it. He snorted 100mg and had a breakthrough. Yesterday, I decided it would be my turn to go into hyperspace, so I snorted 120mg just to be 110% sure. People say snorting waste a lot of DMT, but I figured that since the trip last roughly 45-60 min it was worth the try. Now what comes next is pure insanity. I would describe it as 95% hell and 5% advice on my life.

***The Trip***
So I snort 60mg in each nostril, go in my bed and wait. Its start to get hot and I feel a pressure inside my head. Then my vision becomes blurry and pixelated. I see triangular fractal patterns on the wall. At this point I remember that Terence McKenna said that I should encounter a circus with elves, I saw one elf in a cone-like pyramid made of fractals. Then, DMT-beings start to probe me by putting tubes inside of me, one particularly big in my throat. This being quite unpleasant, I open my eyes and decide that I want to stop it, but I can’t. Soon, the DMT-beings take control of my body while I am awake and fully conscious. For the next couple of minutes they put my fingers very vigorously into every hole of my body including my anus. They quickly make me take all my clothes off and left naked in my room. With the little control I have, I decided to reach for my wristwatch and see that only 10 minutes have passed (but it felt like an eternity). I am so mad I break my watch apart and throw it on the ground. I then start punching the floor with all my strength until my knuckles bleed. Then I experience all possible emotions, one after the other, towards the beings. After that, I calm myself down, go to my bed and don’t move till the end of the trip. Then the beings put me into a loop-hole of thoughts, like a prison. I say to them: well in 30 minutes it will all be over, they reply that time is an invention they made to make me feel that it will end when it will never end. I try to argue, but they convince me that all life is just a 2 minute cycle that never ends; all reality is just this loop. At one point, I asked myself is it worth to grab a knife and cut my throat and make it all stop but don’t do it in the end. They tell me that every human goes here periodically just forgets it’s, which really scared me. After that, I “escaped” the loop prison and all that was left of me was a breathing machine. I was breathing at a regular pace for what seemed an eternity in complete nothingness. Then, I kind of surrendered to the beings, agreeing that they have full control over my body and mind. After that, one of the beings asked me if I’ve learned my lesson yet. He then told me that when I come back to the real world, to be a good person and say to my mom that I love her. And to be grateful for my life because this can happen again. After that, I woke up in my bed, naked, all sweating.

***Conclusion***
For me this trip was basically hell, it destroyed all my reality in one hour. I am very disappointed since all I read where amazing experiences, not a trip to hell like in my case. I don’t really understand what I did wrong in my set/setting or anywhere else. One thing I can surely point out is that I was continuously going back and forth between the DMT-space and reality and trying to fight these things who tried to control me. But it seemed so frightening that I didn’t want to let go easily. Now last night I couldn’t sleep at all because I was afraid that during my REM sleep, I would create DMT and encounter the evil beings again in my sleep. I’m extremely confused right now, I decided to take my next DMT trip in at least one year if ever, and smoke it this time so it doesn’t last that long. What do you guys think of this??

[Sorry for my bad English, I am French]

 

[Black]

120mg the first time? nasally? yikes! i couldn't imagine being on a full on trip with that kind of pain. even just a small line that just gives you a little high burns horribly for about as long as the effects last.

don't worry. there's no data pointing towards our dreams being caused by enogenous dmt and it's a wholly different experience (as you now know ).

dmt breakthroughs can be unpredictable (even when for the most people/trips they are either very positive or neutral and just strange). i never try to achieve them, but have never had a negative experience at all with dmt, even when i accidentally smoked too much and did break through.
snorting is probably even more unpredictable than smoking. vapirizing ime is more euphoric and rather more like "watching a movie" (probably because there is less time to interact and think about what you see/feel/... before the next thing comes up) than snorting, which is more all-encompassing and interactive but lacks the positive rush. i guess if you start your trip by melting into the couch with a huge grin on your face it makes for a much better intro to a powerful trip.

the loop thing is very common with high dose psychedelics (especially if you haven't been in loops before; it gets progressively easier to escape with more experience). i've been in one loop for (real life) hours my first time on lsd.
letting go certainly is the most difficult (and effective) thing to do on a difficult trip. good thing you managed to do that in the end. and it is normal to be shaken when coming back from such an experience. give it some time, think about your trip (i guess there's no way that you won't anyway ) and interpret it with a sober mind. there are certainly some nice insights to be gained, even if you decide to put it all down to chemicals binding to receptors and making your brain malfunctioning for a limited time

 

[Exonyte123]

Wow thanks a lot man for the great reply. I'll try to put those advices at work next time

"if you decide to put it all down to chemicals binding to receptors and making your brain malfunctioning for a limited time"

About that, Im still very confused about how real the whole experience was. Did I really encouter other beings ? Or is it purely a construct of my imagination ? But you're right, there are many things I can learn from this. Thanks.

 

[Black]

imho it's just your imagination. i've got a scientific view on that. psychedelics "manifest the mind" and can show you some curious things about how your perception or thought processes work/interpret/misinterpret everything), but nothing outside yourself.
but of course many people think otherwise and have a more spiritual approach. you decide what you make of it

 

[john bishop]

I just typed a very lengthy post with all kinds of quotes and faces that got sadly erased so I will make this short instead.

You went looking for a circus and a good time. This is not that.

You were shown amazing lessons of humility, and the frailty of our human vessel.

You were taught about how little *true* control we have over our bodies. Our bodies get sick, we lose the ability to walk, move our arms, wipe our own ass, etc. Our bodies get old. Our bodies die in horrible accidents. You were taught this lesson in a very safe way by DMT. As crazy as the experience might seem it really is yourself trying to teach yourself a lesson.

It may seem extreme. It may seem incredibly odd. And I'm SURE you think you are either going insane or that there are really these little spirits that are somehow SEPARATE from you. Incorrect, sir. It was You all along. The real you, not this bag of shit we call body.

Try to think about each step of your journey "into hell" and what lessons you might stand to gain. Put the ideas of maliciousness or evil out of your head entirely and try to come from the perspective if you were doing this to yourself in a dream what lesson might you have been trying to teach yourself?

From what you've shared, which was extensive, I have the feeling that two aspects you might want to think about are your anger and thinking of killing yourself. These two things are closely related like a murder-suicide.

It may seem to you that your anger arose from having control taken away or that you wanted to kill yourself because you felt tortured but I can promise you that those feelings were not appropriate for your situation and finding out why they arose may create a lot of clarity in your life.

I am so glad that you finally surrendered control in the end. That was your saving grace. You are just very stubborn and you should probably try some meditation lol. If what I said makes sense to you then I would highly recommend finding someone who knows how to get a breakthrough experience smoking it.

Have this person light the pipe for you. If at all possible have some part of your body in water. Put your feet in a bucket of water, get in a bathtub with a little water, whatever. You will have an amazing experience and the DMT whatevers will be very grateful that you have shown respect enough to know they love water and they will show you lessons in a much more gentle manner.

Feel free to PM if you want to talk about any of this more. I really do hope that you are able to learn and grow and move forward from this experience instead of letting it remain a negative blotch in your memory.

 

[Flickering]

^^ Listen to John Bishop, he knows what he's talking about.

Did I really encouter other beings ? Or is it purely a construct of my imagination ?

At that level, there's no real difference.

What they told you about all humans crossing through limbo at some point but forgetting it may, in some sense, be true. I went there the first time I did mushrooms, an extreme dose and my first-ever psychedelic trip. And we're not the only ones. It tends to be a truly shattering experience and one may be at first reluctant to risk going back there again. The thing to remember is, you went that far out and now you're back safe and sound. In the end, these experiences can only harm you as much as you think they can. I say this as someone who's repeatedly been to some extremely dark places.

120mg of DMT is pretty huge, by the way. Like, fuck. I'm about to smoke changa for the first time myself.

 

[Xorkoth]

Great post john bishop. I wish I had seen the more extended version. I hate when that happens

 

[Dresden]

LSD, magic mushrooms, and DMT can all lead to very difficult trips, especially in unexperienced users and/or at high doses. It's nothing to worry about, really, although I know at the time everything seems really terrible. Euphoriants (which classical psychedelics are certainly not) such as amphetamine and MDMA are really a lot less challenging in my opinion. Amphetamines build up your ego, while psychedelics tear it down. But, hey, sometimes our egos may need to be torn down!

 

[Exonyte123]

@John Bishop : thank you very much for youre very detailled explantion and support. Really appreciate this
I'll try next time to completely let go and begin to do meditation. I had one absolutely amazing LSA trip with months ago (first drug), but I guess I've never experience a complete Ego-masacre. Those emotions were in my opinion like a defense system trying to protect it. It is very hard to erase all reality and not be afraid.

Anyways thank you very much for your advices, it really helped

PS : thanks to all the others who replied too !!! very kind
PPS: Yes I am a very stubborn person, I hope i will correct that ..