LionsShare
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 10, 2014
- Messages
- 1
Writing this to document the journey for myself, but also to illicit comments/insight from others. Feedback //thoughts//questions welcomed and appreciated!
The other night I sat down with friends for a guided journey. I've only used mushrooms recreationally prior - always a good time. I rarely drink, as I’m pretty much allergic, so I opt for other alternative, healthier ways for entertainment, experimentation, social lubrication, connecting with friends, and going deeper within. Previously mushrooms have always provided a good experience, even the one time I fell *deep* into the rabbit hole. That experience changed my life in a big way, as a message was delivered, and I followed through with action the very next day. To succinctly recap that night: my birthday, at a festival, with 40 of my closest friends, and my inner most fears around my career for the last decade was thrown in front of my face. I felt cold, alone, and scared. I became 110% apparent to me that resigning would crush those feelings. And it did. Sure, I have other challenges, good challenges, larger challenges. Being able to move on from an unfulfilling job was extraordinary, and changed my life forever. With regards to location, all previous experiences were in an active social, festival environment. This night would be different – in a friends living room, entirely a journey within.
A musician was brought in to guide the experience. We were advised to bring whatever we needed for our "nest", and encouraged to stay the night, with a check-in in the morning. I brought a sleeping bag, pillow, eye covering and inflatable camping pad. In preparation, I cleansed my body, meditated, and practiced yoga before driving over, refrained from meat for 24 hours, also ate light in general, eggs for bfast + juice/vegetables for the rest of the day prior to the journey. Each of us set an intention going in and shared with the group. Was interesting hearing everyone’s intentions, even though we are all working on different aspects of our lives, the intentions were similar in many ways. Funny how that is, sliced down, we all have the same problems we are working on. We were given the guidelines of the ceremony… to keep in mind it's a communal space, to respect everyone's journey, that the bathroom is available, but leave the door unlocked as it could become a vortex, to try and stay in the living room, and feel the journey inside, make it more of an internal journey rather than external. This made me anxious as I habitually block my feelings and enjoy socializing and wandering, but I was set to grow and expand, this was about me. The eye pillow would encourage the journey within. A question was asked about touching another in the space during the journey, with permission of course, and the guidance was that while it would be fine and a viable option, it would make the journey more about a union of two( a few couples were present), and less about the individual, so it would potentially take away from the experience. Same with eye gazing – though that is rather amazing for the soul!
To start, a drop of the essential oil frankincense, was placed on my third eye. It’s been known to be useful for visualizing, improving one's spiritual connection, and centering, it has comforting properties that help focus the mind and overcome stress and despair. Each of us was also cleansed with San ? , similar to sage.
The medicine, two strains of mushrooms, was prepared with cacao, passion flower, ginseng, and more. I don't recall the dosage, though with the added ingredients would be difficult to determine just how much raw medicine was consumed. Being mindful of the others, and not wanting a one way ticket to outer space. I requested a trip of 7/10. In hindsight I wish I had requested 10 as his 7 was more like my 4, based on previous recreational uses. Still…
Best.Tasting.Chocolate.EVER
And we patiently awaited the round trip ticket to enlightenment. Around 45min to 1hr in I started to feel sensations. Here's what I recall...
I felt myself floating off the living room floor, time stood still, the music was intense and guided me well on the journey. With songs about friendship, finding peace, giving thanks, heart, mind, touching and love it was a magical experience. When I felt my mind wandering to places I didn't want to focus on, I re-read my intention and guided myself back. I set my intention as "I wish to heal my digestive issues with ease and grace". The ease and grace was added per the recommendation of our guide as this medicine can be powerful, and healing internal ailments can be emotional. Also to be mindful of the other participants. To be honest I was a little afraid i would go deep within and start screaming or jumping as the alien demon within left my body, but this never happened
At times, between songs, the silence was deafening, in a good way. Felt like I was in a vast forest, so quiet that you could hear a leaf fall from the tree onto the soil. It was immensely comforting and reminded me how much I miss connecting with nature and the solitude and connection it provides
I glanced around the room and saw everyone in various positions, some on their stomach, some sitting in a lotus position(Indian position for you non yogis), with their hands almost stuck in in midair. Some wore eye pillows, some were laying on their back, and one or two enjoyed standing up periodically. Though I felt MASSIVE energy inside and wanted to go for a run, I was really comfortable laying on my camping pad with my head on my pillow. I also really had to go pee but decided the bathroom was too far away. At around 5 feet from my nest, obviously my special relation skills were lacking, or maybe from the planet I was on, the journey would be a long trek. I was hoping for an epiphany in line with my intention, perhaps an emotional reason I carry my symptoms but that never happened. Then again, this is my mind talking, reasoning, making meaning , looking for logical answers, I’ve told many times before, get more into my body and less into my head – as an analytical person – it’s a continual work in progress!
What did happen, and surprised me the most, was a bucket load of inexplicable tears. Okay, maybe not a bucket, but certainly enough to fill a shot glass. This wasn’t joy or sadness, just tears. Perhaps a clearing of some sort. Back when I was in Yoga Teacher Training I recall learning that certain asana’s(poses) elicit emotion in people and they may tear, even cry. Our body stores “emotional traumas”, that yoga, or other modalities like massage, rolfing etc. bring out. I don’t cry often. Thinking back, I cried in 1996 about two months after my fathers death, spontaneously came about in the shower, and I cried in the arms of my previous girlfriend when I was going through a tough time. Being from New York it’s just a part of who I am, no time for crying, no desire or want/need to cry. However the flowing of tears here felt cathartic. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit that this happened(that’s my ego judging myself), but I’m happy to say it did, and I feel SO much lighter for it, and I don’t think it’s just the water weight, it’s the emotional weight
During some songs “C” encouraged us to sing along. Some were call and response. I love karaoke and really enjoyed this part, but while it was entertaining, it distracted from my journey. On the flip side it also guided me on the journey. Songs about gratitude, love, peace induced strong feelings of gratitude, for my life, for my accomplishments, for every.thing.
I wrote down a few epiphanies in my journal. Some are madly nonsensical, and some are spot-on. Such as life being simple. Reminded of the Dr. Seuss quote: “Sometimes the questions are complicated, and the answers are simple.” Others like “nut butters are the answer”, while I do love me some nut butter, and recently made my own – that just seems nutty. HOWEVER, now upon reflection – holy sheet – they are the answer. You see, I’m on a restricted diet and am constantly in fear about having enough food wherever I go. Lara bars, made from nuts/dates etc, are a great option, and yes, the nut butters I have been making and experimenting with ARE the answer, just need to add a dehydrator and viola, food for long term on the go trips. Bingo
I tend to be a work-a-holic, and am in a crossroads in my life. I was pleased to see two hobbies come up that I immensely enjoy. I’m committed to re-introducing them both into my life again.
Though I felt disconnected from my body, the desire to visit the bathroom…“#1” was strong. I was surprised I had no desire to “#2”, as I usually have the need to evacuate during schrooms, but perhaps it was the strain, the delivery method, or the lighter diet, but my only bathroom need was “#1”. Keeping in mind the vortex there, which could take me away from my internal journey, I did my business and returned to my nest.
After some time I felt the energy inside building, too strong to suppress, I needed a way to release. I walked my feet up the wall and held handstand for a bit. I walked to the kitchen, practiced a little yoga, looked outside to the ocean, and raised my arms in the air. I felt extremely powerful. I felt massive power, and while I’d love nothing more than to run around and socialize I contained myself and stayed here. Heck, where would I go at this late hour anyway. I acknowledged and accepted what others have been telling me for some time, that I have extreme power within and have created exactly the life I have with connections, conversations , persistence and determination.
Two notes from my notebook:
You created it & you can change it
You ride the horse or it takes you for a ride
Another surprise that came up for me was a woman I have been seeing. It’s a surprise because I barely know anything about her, and she about me. We’re very early in the exploration phase, and though I committed myself to a 90 day Celibacy fast on May15th, my sexual desire for her is strong, how could it not be – she’s gorgeous, playful , smart and fun. The intention with the sex fast was to weed out the low hanging fruit and find a quality partner. My friend who embarked on the same mission found his, and I’m fearfully excited I found mine. I have fear around letting her into my heart, into allowing me to fall for her, into wooing her with the full awesome force I know I have within me. My realization from the experience is that there should be no fear around it, she’s a blessing in my life, and inspires me, this is exactly the type of person I wish to have in my life. As fate would have it, after I came down from the experience I saw she ‘liked’ a bunch of my pictures on facebook, we were obviously on the journey together.
Laughing, Giggling, eye gazing were all part of the experience. The room was full of light hearted ness with a serious undertone that we were there to do work, work on ourselves.
When the journey ended and my aircraft landed back at the gate, I ventured outdoors, to the roof, the quiet sound of the interstate nearby. Some were talkative, like myself, some preferred further silence. With the companionship of others we made our way to the ocean. It was probably 1am. A state camping site and railroad track kept us from the water but the scent and sound was sufficient. We made our way back. I was wrestles, full of energy, eventually fell asleep.
I awoke early before the sun rose to fry me. We had our early morning check-in, and I really appreciated sharing and listening to others. First we all shared short check-ins, and the second go-round, longer more indepth check-ins. Wabi-sabi comes to mind. From Wikipedia: comprehensive Japanese world view or aesthetic centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. Also this quote rings true here: “When the Japanese mend broken objects they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold, because they believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.” – Barbara Bloom
Afterwards I drove to the ocean with a friend. Everything was brighter, warmer, simple, lighter, and most of all, peaceful.
Update One: A few days later I was driving to a meeting and a song I enjoy singing, John Legends All Of Me, came on the radio, as I usually do I sang along, and low and behold, my eyes swelled with tears. Not going to rationalize it, but I’m sure the journey has continued to have a lasting affect.
Update Two: Two weeks later I was working on the laptop and started to notice tears in my eyes. I wiped the tears with my sleeve and noticed that I had music playing in the background - the CD of the musician who played during the journey. The lyric that set me off Just one touch..Just one touch changes everything..I will never be let go, I will never be let go….
The other night I sat down with friends for a guided journey. I've only used mushrooms recreationally prior - always a good time. I rarely drink, as I’m pretty much allergic, so I opt for other alternative, healthier ways for entertainment, experimentation, social lubrication, connecting with friends, and going deeper within. Previously mushrooms have always provided a good experience, even the one time I fell *deep* into the rabbit hole. That experience changed my life in a big way, as a message was delivered, and I followed through with action the very next day. To succinctly recap that night: my birthday, at a festival, with 40 of my closest friends, and my inner most fears around my career for the last decade was thrown in front of my face. I felt cold, alone, and scared. I became 110% apparent to me that resigning would crush those feelings. And it did. Sure, I have other challenges, good challenges, larger challenges. Being able to move on from an unfulfilling job was extraordinary, and changed my life forever. With regards to location, all previous experiences were in an active social, festival environment. This night would be different – in a friends living room, entirely a journey within.
A musician was brought in to guide the experience. We were advised to bring whatever we needed for our "nest", and encouraged to stay the night, with a check-in in the morning. I brought a sleeping bag, pillow, eye covering and inflatable camping pad. In preparation, I cleansed my body, meditated, and practiced yoga before driving over, refrained from meat for 24 hours, also ate light in general, eggs for bfast + juice/vegetables for the rest of the day prior to the journey. Each of us set an intention going in and shared with the group. Was interesting hearing everyone’s intentions, even though we are all working on different aspects of our lives, the intentions were similar in many ways. Funny how that is, sliced down, we all have the same problems we are working on. We were given the guidelines of the ceremony… to keep in mind it's a communal space, to respect everyone's journey, that the bathroom is available, but leave the door unlocked as it could become a vortex, to try and stay in the living room, and feel the journey inside, make it more of an internal journey rather than external. This made me anxious as I habitually block my feelings and enjoy socializing and wandering, but I was set to grow and expand, this was about me. The eye pillow would encourage the journey within. A question was asked about touching another in the space during the journey, with permission of course, and the guidance was that while it would be fine and a viable option, it would make the journey more about a union of two( a few couples were present), and less about the individual, so it would potentially take away from the experience. Same with eye gazing – though that is rather amazing for the soul!
To start, a drop of the essential oil frankincense, was placed on my third eye. It’s been known to be useful for visualizing, improving one's spiritual connection, and centering, it has comforting properties that help focus the mind and overcome stress and despair. Each of us was also cleansed with San ? , similar to sage.
The medicine, two strains of mushrooms, was prepared with cacao, passion flower, ginseng, and more. I don't recall the dosage, though with the added ingredients would be difficult to determine just how much raw medicine was consumed. Being mindful of the others, and not wanting a one way ticket to outer space. I requested a trip of 7/10. In hindsight I wish I had requested 10 as his 7 was more like my 4, based on previous recreational uses. Still…
Best.Tasting.Chocolate.EVER
And we patiently awaited the round trip ticket to enlightenment. Around 45min to 1hr in I started to feel sensations. Here's what I recall...
I felt myself floating off the living room floor, time stood still, the music was intense and guided me well on the journey. With songs about friendship, finding peace, giving thanks, heart, mind, touching and love it was a magical experience. When I felt my mind wandering to places I didn't want to focus on, I re-read my intention and guided myself back. I set my intention as "I wish to heal my digestive issues with ease and grace". The ease and grace was added per the recommendation of our guide as this medicine can be powerful, and healing internal ailments can be emotional. Also to be mindful of the other participants. To be honest I was a little afraid i would go deep within and start screaming or jumping as the alien demon within left my body, but this never happened
At times, between songs, the silence was deafening, in a good way. Felt like I was in a vast forest, so quiet that you could hear a leaf fall from the tree onto the soil. It was immensely comforting and reminded me how much I miss connecting with nature and the solitude and connection it provides
I glanced around the room and saw everyone in various positions, some on their stomach, some sitting in a lotus position(Indian position for you non yogis), with their hands almost stuck in in midair. Some wore eye pillows, some were laying on their back, and one or two enjoyed standing up periodically. Though I felt MASSIVE energy inside and wanted to go for a run, I was really comfortable laying on my camping pad with my head on my pillow. I also really had to go pee but decided the bathroom was too far away. At around 5 feet from my nest, obviously my special relation skills were lacking, or maybe from the planet I was on, the journey would be a long trek. I was hoping for an epiphany in line with my intention, perhaps an emotional reason I carry my symptoms but that never happened. Then again, this is my mind talking, reasoning, making meaning , looking for logical answers, I’ve told many times before, get more into my body and less into my head – as an analytical person – it’s a continual work in progress!
What did happen, and surprised me the most, was a bucket load of inexplicable tears. Okay, maybe not a bucket, but certainly enough to fill a shot glass. This wasn’t joy or sadness, just tears. Perhaps a clearing of some sort. Back when I was in Yoga Teacher Training I recall learning that certain asana’s(poses) elicit emotion in people and they may tear, even cry. Our body stores “emotional traumas”, that yoga, or other modalities like massage, rolfing etc. bring out. I don’t cry often. Thinking back, I cried in 1996 about two months after my fathers death, spontaneously came about in the shower, and I cried in the arms of my previous girlfriend when I was going through a tough time. Being from New York it’s just a part of who I am, no time for crying, no desire or want/need to cry. However the flowing of tears here felt cathartic. It’s a bit embarrassing to admit that this happened(that’s my ego judging myself), but I’m happy to say it did, and I feel SO much lighter for it, and I don’t think it’s just the water weight, it’s the emotional weight
During some songs “C” encouraged us to sing along. Some were call and response. I love karaoke and really enjoyed this part, but while it was entertaining, it distracted from my journey. On the flip side it also guided me on the journey. Songs about gratitude, love, peace induced strong feelings of gratitude, for my life, for my accomplishments, for every.thing.
I wrote down a few epiphanies in my journal. Some are madly nonsensical, and some are spot-on. Such as life being simple. Reminded of the Dr. Seuss quote: “Sometimes the questions are complicated, and the answers are simple.” Others like “nut butters are the answer”, while I do love me some nut butter, and recently made my own – that just seems nutty. HOWEVER, now upon reflection – holy sheet – they are the answer. You see, I’m on a restricted diet and am constantly in fear about having enough food wherever I go. Lara bars, made from nuts/dates etc, are a great option, and yes, the nut butters I have been making and experimenting with ARE the answer, just need to add a dehydrator and viola, food for long term on the go trips. Bingo
I tend to be a work-a-holic, and am in a crossroads in my life. I was pleased to see two hobbies come up that I immensely enjoy. I’m committed to re-introducing them both into my life again.
Though I felt disconnected from my body, the desire to visit the bathroom…“#1” was strong. I was surprised I had no desire to “#2”, as I usually have the need to evacuate during schrooms, but perhaps it was the strain, the delivery method, or the lighter diet, but my only bathroom need was “#1”. Keeping in mind the vortex there, which could take me away from my internal journey, I did my business and returned to my nest.
After some time I felt the energy inside building, too strong to suppress, I needed a way to release. I walked my feet up the wall and held handstand for a bit. I walked to the kitchen, practiced a little yoga, looked outside to the ocean, and raised my arms in the air. I felt extremely powerful. I felt massive power, and while I’d love nothing more than to run around and socialize I contained myself and stayed here. Heck, where would I go at this late hour anyway. I acknowledged and accepted what others have been telling me for some time, that I have extreme power within and have created exactly the life I have with connections, conversations , persistence and determination.
Two notes from my notebook:
You created it & you can change it
You ride the horse or it takes you for a ride
Another surprise that came up for me was a woman I have been seeing. It’s a surprise because I barely know anything about her, and she about me. We’re very early in the exploration phase, and though I committed myself to a 90 day Celibacy fast on May15th, my sexual desire for her is strong, how could it not be – she’s gorgeous, playful , smart and fun. The intention with the sex fast was to weed out the low hanging fruit and find a quality partner. My friend who embarked on the same mission found his, and I’m fearfully excited I found mine. I have fear around letting her into my heart, into allowing me to fall for her, into wooing her with the full awesome force I know I have within me. My realization from the experience is that there should be no fear around it, she’s a blessing in my life, and inspires me, this is exactly the type of person I wish to have in my life. As fate would have it, after I came down from the experience I saw she ‘liked’ a bunch of my pictures on facebook, we were obviously on the journey together.
Laughing, Giggling, eye gazing were all part of the experience. The room was full of light hearted ness with a serious undertone that we were there to do work, work on ourselves.
When the journey ended and my aircraft landed back at the gate, I ventured outdoors, to the roof, the quiet sound of the interstate nearby. Some were talkative, like myself, some preferred further silence. With the companionship of others we made our way to the ocean. It was probably 1am. A state camping site and railroad track kept us from the water but the scent and sound was sufficient. We made our way back. I was wrestles, full of energy, eventually fell asleep.
I awoke early before the sun rose to fry me. We had our early morning check-in, and I really appreciated sharing and listening to others. First we all shared short check-ins, and the second go-round, longer more indepth check-ins. Wabi-sabi comes to mind. From Wikipedia: comprehensive Japanese world view or aesthetic centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. Also this quote rings true here: “When the Japanese mend broken objects they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold, because they believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.” – Barbara Bloom
Afterwards I drove to the ocean with a friend. Everything was brighter, warmer, simple, lighter, and most of all, peaceful.
Update One: A few days later I was driving to a meeting and a song I enjoy singing, John Legends All Of Me, came on the radio, as I usually do I sang along, and low and behold, my eyes swelled with tears. Not going to rationalize it, but I’m sure the journey has continued to have a lasting affect.
Update Two: Two weeks later I was working on the laptop and started to notice tears in my eyes. I wiped the tears with my sleeve and noticed that I had music playing in the background - the CD of the musician who played during the journey. The lyric that set me off Just one touch..Just one touch changes everything..I will never be let go, I will never be let go….
And thank you for your report.