i broke my hip and nearly died twice...but i still cant stop using

[dopemegently]

Hi DS, for 6 months ive been a heavy user of "internet drugs"- RC's, nitrous, benzos, and phenibut to name but a few. The phenibut was a big problem, i was using 15 grams a day and up to 150 mg of diazepam, as well as smoking a lot of RC stimulants and cannabinoids. Then i started playing with dissacociatives, and thats when things got messy....i brought ten grams of mxp and went wild with it. I dont remember much of the accident at all; i just remember waking up naked on my floor, my mum said my eyes were glassy and i was delirious- i must have been either in shock or as high as a kite, as there was no pain at all.

Anyway, i was in hospital for a month- the injury combined with the drugs led to kidney failure, which in turn led to pulmonary oedema and type 1 respiratory failure; i was in icu for two weeks, and the doctors told me im lucky to be alive. Im out now 3 stone lighter and on crutches but alive and getting stronger by the day.

Ive been out for around 4 days, and the cravings have been unbearable, and the other day i did about the stupidest thing i could possibly do: i brought a bag of phenibut and some benzos. Needles to say having them in the house made the cravings 10x worse (a foolish and irrational part of me honestly believed just having them at hand would give me some peace of mind). I used small amounts, but it was a big mistake all the same: im due to have a bloodtest this week to check my kidney functions.

Thats my story anyway, im hoping somebody would have some advice on coping with the cravings.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey Dmg.. sorry to hear about your experiences.. what have you tried in the past to address your addictions?

 

[Maya]

Hi dopemegently, I have been thinking about you for the past few days and coincidentally, here you are and posted a thread about your struggles.

As we all know, drug addiction is a tough addiction to beat and for some is an ongoing battle. The cravings are always going to be there so as hard as it is to do, you have to toughen it out and do not give in. Let me also ask you hun, what are your goals in life? What are the most important things to you, what do you want to see your future to be? For me, I know that I'm done with drug abuse because I have set goals for my future and I know that even if I am having a tough time with some things in my lufe right now, I have to be more patient because the reward is good.

 

[dopemegently]

Hi NSM and Maya (thanks 4 your thoughts btw). As for addresing my addictions ive pretty much done it all NA, rehab twice, detox, but ironically i did that when i was stable; using all this garbage is relatively recent for me. Ive been on sub 4 a long time 10 yr plus now, and until recently that was enough for me -I may not have been " clean", but there was no desire to get high. Now im out of hospital though, im not supposed to leave the flat or put weight on my right foot so im climbing the walls. I dont even really want 2 get high, i just feel a constant anxiety, like a sense of all-over agitation. I spoke 2 my doctor and she prescribed Piriton to help me sleep, its just the days that are a problem.

Maya, I have no goals, and I've wasted many years doing nothing at all, so thats a big part of my problem. I never used to think about stuff like that; I lived strictly in the moment, but im not as young now and i cant afford to be that way any more. I do have a degree in photography, but I only have basic equipment. I quite like the idea of doing weddings or events in the future, but proffesional kit is gonna cost thousands, so thats an unreachable thing for me right now. One goal i do have is to do voluntary work when im on my feet, they have a volunteer program at my local methadone clinic, and thats something I feel I would have a lot to contribute.