Light_Writer
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2014
- Messages
- 3
As a newbie to the forum I would just like to start by saying thank you to all who respectfully and responsibly share knowledge regarding harm reduction. It saves lives! Some see advice and suggestions here as a double edged sword, but I believe it's benefits outweigh it's risks.
People who choose to use, usually have their mind made up, and if they're smart about it they find bluelight and browse research related information to help them be as safe as possible in their pursuit.
I would like to share a story about somebody very close to me (some would regard as my alter ego.) I'm sorry if this is too long, please feel free to skip it for those that don't have the time. For those that do make it to the end, thank you for taking the time! I just need to do this, tonight, as my birthday just ended and I'm seeking inspiration and feedback.
This person I refer to has been struggling with confliction, confusion, love, hate, and denial, mainly in terms of addiction for a long time.
It all started with experimenting with weed early in high school, this led to just a few enlightening experiences with LSD and psilocybin mushrooms. At the time, alcohol was also consumed, usually just at parties and it was never a major problem.
This was a period of exploration done in a safe place, relatively speaking, with safe people. It was a fun time for this person, who is very important to me. After the few initial explorations into new dimensions of consciousness, realization occurred that there is more to life than many people think they know. There is more to feel, more to see, and overall more to experience. That said, exploration always comes with risks...
The psychedelics were just a short passing phase, while the weed continued to be part of this new/different life.. Or life view. For a while, as much as it was enjoyed and looked forward to, it began to become such a normal thing (no biggie.)
After a break up with a girl, who this person I know so well loved so much, depression started to sink in for the first time. Graduation was nearing and soon high school became a thing of the past.
Once college started, things were going smoothly despite some lingering loneliness due to the break of of a long term relationship that's value wasn't fully realized until it was too late. Soon after, a snowboarding trip yielded a completely torn ACL in the left knee.
During a horribly painful recovery from a botched knee surgery, opiates (hydrocodone/apap) were introduced! Due to the incredible amount of pain, there was no noticeable psychoactive effect at the time, but they did slightly reduce the pain levels. After the last refill no acknowledgements were made regarding withdrawal.. Probably due to naivety, and the low "therapeutical doses."
Next while traveling in Hawaii, that knee popped out and back in while partying during a bar crawl. This caused extreme pain and swelling which had to be endured for the remaining few days of vacation.
Once back, an MRI was done and it was clear the ACL was completely shredded. New doctor, better surgery, great physical therapy.. Success! Minus that fact that this was the beginning of a seriously long lasting opiate addiction. That feeling of "everything is going to be fine." A good and very much welcomed feeling at the time in this person's life. Heaven and hell both exist in this world.
After the final scripts were gone, it wasn't hard to obtain more, through good luck or bad luck, there were enough to start abusing regularly. This lasts about a year, without knowing the damages excessive acetaminophen can do to the liver, and not even considering the horrible effects of withdrawal. Completely naive, still!
When they finally ran out severe sickness obviously came, but due to ignorance, it was still never attributed to withdrawal, and instead assumed it was the worst flu ever!
Time passed and the physical symptoms subsided and I don't think there was much PAWS, because the mind didn't really realize how dependent it was on that feeling and so many other things were going on with college and work.
Time passes and it's mainly back to just weed again, and dabbled in hydrocodone when it came around, no biggie.. Straight A student and graduated cum laude on the deans list.
After college: this is where is starts to evolve into a serious problem! Soon opiates were again available and plentiful. Working full time and having roommates allowed for constant acquisition of Norcos 10/325. Taking way too many as tolerance builds and noticing changes, mainly small skin rashes that never occurred before.
This is where the research began and bluelight was found. Learning about CWE seriously saved a few lives at the rate this was heading.
Unfortunately the "double edged sword" aspect comes into play here because it made it much easier to feel safe taking more hydrocodone than before to beat the tolerance. It really never got higher than 100mg but averaged at about 70mg almost daily. The days without could be considered hell on Earth, and I don't think I need to describe it because withdrawal symptoms are all over this board.
Again, this abundance and availability came to an end..
Between that point and now much has happened and when nothing else was available, poppy seed tea became the simple solution.. Though withdrawals from that are just as bad or worse!
After a good while of PST abuse, a reconnection was made and now it was all about Oxycodone 30mg IR..
It became a necessity to continue working and not get sick, because that would result in the loss of a good job. For some reason, this person I know so well could handle using and working directly with professionals in his field and social life without it being apparent..
When the Oxys ran dry or became too expensive it was back to PST, even though enough was enough. Too many struggles to not be sick will take a toll on a person, and this person had to deal with it many times due to lack of access or just weak seeds.
Finally somebody offered suboxone as a way to wean and hopefully kick with less pain. Unfortunately during this time Xanax was also realized as something that "feels good" and became an addiction on top of the opiates. Plentiful and easy to get. During the time on both subs and Xanax, the subs were gradually reduced and the Xanax increased. Replacement therapy. Also, after the sub was finally kicked (probably too soon) horrible withdrawals that lasted ridiculously long occurred..
Unfortunately, after enduring all that and getting off opiates for about 6 months the relapse occurred with a vengeance, to the point of smoking heroin, but never injecting.
That period didn't last very long as it was luckily realized that this was a path to nowhere good and the spark of life was dwindling away.. A firm decision was made, time to stop and stick with it.
No suboxone was available and no health insurance led to the realization that Immodium and Valerian Root were all that was available. Unfortunally at this point Xanax has become a regular thing, but it helped with the hell of opiate withdrawal along with a controlled taper of Immodium (Loperimide.)
This seemed to have been the easiest (though still horrible) withdrawal, even after moving up to such extreme substances. So now here this person is, successfull at once again kicking opiates, including Immodium (Loperamide) but still addicted to Xanax, and afraid of the dangers of that withdrawal...
This person I know so well is not much of a "meeting person" and does not believe in admitting to be "completely powerless" to addiction. There is hope that this can be done successfully without treatment, because the money just isn't there anymore and neither is the insurance. Xanax are still easily accessible and can hopefully be tapered. I'ts between 3-6mg a day currently, so I still see another long and painful road ahead. I want the energetic happy person I knew back and I'm just afraid and sort of alone on this.. This is why I am here.
Again, if you made it this far, wow! Thank you for reading. It means a lot!
People who choose to use, usually have their mind made up, and if they're smart about it they find bluelight and browse research related information to help them be as safe as possible in their pursuit.
I would like to share a story about somebody very close to me (some would regard as my alter ego.) I'm sorry if this is too long, please feel free to skip it for those that don't have the time. For those that do make it to the end, thank you for taking the time! I just need to do this, tonight, as my birthday just ended and I'm seeking inspiration and feedback.
This person I refer to has been struggling with confliction, confusion, love, hate, and denial, mainly in terms of addiction for a long time.
It all started with experimenting with weed early in high school, this led to just a few enlightening experiences with LSD and psilocybin mushrooms. At the time, alcohol was also consumed, usually just at parties and it was never a major problem.
This was a period of exploration done in a safe place, relatively speaking, with safe people. It was a fun time for this person, who is very important to me. After the few initial explorations into new dimensions of consciousness, realization occurred that there is more to life than many people think they know. There is more to feel, more to see, and overall more to experience. That said, exploration always comes with risks...
The psychedelics were just a short passing phase, while the weed continued to be part of this new/different life.. Or life view. For a while, as much as it was enjoyed and looked forward to, it began to become such a normal thing (no biggie.)
After a break up with a girl, who this person I know so well loved so much, depression started to sink in for the first time. Graduation was nearing and soon high school became a thing of the past.
Once college started, things were going smoothly despite some lingering loneliness due to the break of of a long term relationship that's value wasn't fully realized until it was too late. Soon after, a snowboarding trip yielded a completely torn ACL in the left knee.
During a horribly painful recovery from a botched knee surgery, opiates (hydrocodone/apap) were introduced! Due to the incredible amount of pain, there was no noticeable psychoactive effect at the time, but they did slightly reduce the pain levels. After the last refill no acknowledgements were made regarding withdrawal.. Probably due to naivety, and the low "therapeutical doses."
Next while traveling in Hawaii, that knee popped out and back in while partying during a bar crawl. This caused extreme pain and swelling which had to be endured for the remaining few days of vacation.
Once back, an MRI was done and it was clear the ACL was completely shredded. New doctor, better surgery, great physical therapy.. Success! Minus that fact that this was the beginning of a seriously long lasting opiate addiction. That feeling of "everything is going to be fine." A good and very much welcomed feeling at the time in this person's life. Heaven and hell both exist in this world.
After the final scripts were gone, it wasn't hard to obtain more, through good luck or bad luck, there were enough to start abusing regularly. This lasts about a year, without knowing the damages excessive acetaminophen can do to the liver, and not even considering the horrible effects of withdrawal. Completely naive, still!
When they finally ran out severe sickness obviously came, but due to ignorance, it was still never attributed to withdrawal, and instead assumed it was the worst flu ever!
Time passed and the physical symptoms subsided and I don't think there was much PAWS, because the mind didn't really realize how dependent it was on that feeling and so many other things were going on with college and work.
Time passes and it's mainly back to just weed again, and dabbled in hydrocodone when it came around, no biggie.. Straight A student and graduated cum laude on the deans list.
After college: this is where is starts to evolve into a serious problem! Soon opiates were again available and plentiful. Working full time and having roommates allowed for constant acquisition of Norcos 10/325. Taking way too many as tolerance builds and noticing changes, mainly small skin rashes that never occurred before.
This is where the research began and bluelight was found. Learning about CWE seriously saved a few lives at the rate this was heading.
Unfortunately the "double edged sword" aspect comes into play here because it made it much easier to feel safe taking more hydrocodone than before to beat the tolerance. It really never got higher than 100mg but averaged at about 70mg almost daily. The days without could be considered hell on Earth, and I don't think I need to describe it because withdrawal symptoms are all over this board.
Again, this abundance and availability came to an end..
Between that point and now much has happened and when nothing else was available, poppy seed tea became the simple solution.. Though withdrawals from that are just as bad or worse!
After a good while of PST abuse, a reconnection was made and now it was all about Oxycodone 30mg IR..
It became a necessity to continue working and not get sick, because that would result in the loss of a good job. For some reason, this person I know so well could handle using and working directly with professionals in his field and social life without it being apparent..
When the Oxys ran dry or became too expensive it was back to PST, even though enough was enough. Too many struggles to not be sick will take a toll on a person, and this person had to deal with it many times due to lack of access or just weak seeds.
Finally somebody offered suboxone as a way to wean and hopefully kick with less pain. Unfortunately during this time Xanax was also realized as something that "feels good" and became an addiction on top of the opiates. Plentiful and easy to get. During the time on both subs and Xanax, the subs were gradually reduced and the Xanax increased. Replacement therapy. Also, after the sub was finally kicked (probably too soon) horrible withdrawals that lasted ridiculously long occurred..
Unfortunately, after enduring all that and getting off opiates for about 6 months the relapse occurred with a vengeance, to the point of smoking heroin, but never injecting.
That period didn't last very long as it was luckily realized that this was a path to nowhere good and the spark of life was dwindling away.. A firm decision was made, time to stop and stick with it.
No suboxone was available and no health insurance led to the realization that Immodium and Valerian Root were all that was available. Unfortunally at this point Xanax has become a regular thing, but it helped with the hell of opiate withdrawal along with a controlled taper of Immodium (Loperimide.)
This seemed to have been the easiest (though still horrible) withdrawal, even after moving up to such extreme substances. So now here this person is, successfull at once again kicking opiates, including Immodium (Loperamide) but still addicted to Xanax, and afraid of the dangers of that withdrawal...
This person I know so well is not much of a "meeting person" and does not believe in admitting to be "completely powerless" to addiction. There is hope that this can be done successfully without treatment, because the money just isn't there anymore and neither is the insurance. Xanax are still easily accessible and can hopefully be tapered. I'ts between 3-6mg a day currently, so I still see another long and painful road ahead. I want the energetic happy person I knew back and I'm just afraid and sort of alone on this.. This is why I am here.
Again, if you made it this far, wow! Thank you for reading. It means a lot!
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