• HEALTH & RECOVERY
    Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Thread Directory 1 Thread Directory 2
    Mindfulness Links Addiction & Mind
    Sober Living Partner Program (SLiPP)
  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

July Getting/Staying Sober Thread vs Birds of a Feather

Status
Not open for further replies.
64 days clean. Quitting nicotine didn't go well though. Did not have a cigarette, got a vape and some e juice instead of cigarettes though.
 
Its one am and I'm just now going to sleep. Tonight is the first night i can remember in a while that i didnt dive into sleep as soon as i felt sleepy, to get away from how awful i felt, mostly mentally and somewhat physically. I actually just chilled & watched a little tv and surfed the net. I know that sounds like nothing, but trust me, its not. Ive been really depressed.. so depressed it physically hurts, & i look forward to sleep when its like 5 pm.

Not tonight though. Progress. Ground gained, an inch at a time.
 
BlueSaffron said:
Its one am and I'm just now going to sleep. Tonight is the first night i can remember in a while that i didnt dive into sleep as soon as i felt sleepy, to get away from how awful i felt, mostly mentally and somewhat physically. I actually just chilled & watched a little tv and surfed the net. I know that sounds like nothing, but trust me, its not. Ive been really depressed.. so depressed it physically hurts, & i look forward to sleep when its like 5 pm.

Not tonight though. Progress. Ground gained, an inch at a time.
Click to expand...

<3 that's really inspiring to hear BlueSaffron

I have 214 days off suboxone.

I am feeling ok so far today. I hope to gain some ground myself today. :)
 
I live on this stupid fish island too and I need to say I am happy some people are trying to better themselves. I have seen many deaths over here and its really fucking sad... Last year if you were living here you know the deal. people are dropping like fucking flies and I want to fly and not die. Keep it up brother!
 
@ Captain.... I'v used your links in the past and it sounds like you are in a better place than when I was reading some of your old threads... Like the lyrica thread you started that made me tell my doctor to give me the fucking script lol. It wasent even that great honestly but I was using hard when I lurked on those threads and now I am trying to get off. I lowered my suboxone down to 2mg but have no fucking clue how to get off. I could stop taking it but I sweat, and sweat and sweat... what helped you stop?
 
btw bluesaffron, The depression I experienced when I stopped taking lyrica, benzos, and neurontin along with my suboxone taper from 12mg down to 2mg made me think I was in real trouble physically... ankles, knees, neck, arms... everything hurt, ached, and popped. I did the hard part by myself but the depression is less severe now and the pain is not as extreme... keep it up
 
I have I don't know how long but about six and a half weeks off bupe, starting to push on with my benzo taper.

Going to be a bit of a battle shaking off this drop I think, I've got about 11 days to shake of a 20% drop then I get another 10% taken.
 
suboxone421 said:
@ Captain.... I'v used your links in the past and it sounds like you are in a better place than when I was reading some of your old threads... Like the lyrica thread you started that made me tell my doctor to give me the fucking script lol. It wasent even that great honestly but I was using hard when I lurked on those threads and now I am trying to get off. I lowered my suboxone down to 2mg but have no fucking clue how to get off. I could stop taking it but I sweat, and sweat and sweat... what helped you stop?
Click to expand...

Are you on the film? I had to go all the way down to something like .50 to .25 to get off the stuff. It wasn't fun, but it wasn't nearly as bad as full agonist withdrawal. I didn't abuse my suboxone though and I was clean at the time (then started to use but opiates were not as regular ... went back out and it got worse) and now I am clean again.

9 Weeks and 2 days for me.

Keep it up everyone!
 
Last edited:
Zerix said:
The one thing I am struggling with is genuine happiness... I'm 24, living back with parents, my house is chill but since I don't talk to anyone right now really it gets lonely, I sit all day mostly reading/participating forums, self-help e-books and websites... I'm having a tough time finding that ambition, that start button, to get my ass busy and trying to apply for jobs though I'm kinda forcing myself... I really don't know what to do in life right now and that's the hardest part, not to mention I've accumulated a lot of freakin credit card debt and won't be having money for a littleeeeee while.
At least let's keep this clean streak going I guess 8)
Click to expand...

That's not an ideal situation to be in, but every time this makes you think about using, just remember that using isn't going to make any of these problems go away. It's just going to make them worse. Gotta focus on the long term!


Phactor and Serotonin, definitely gotta agree on the working out thing. It doesn't have to be bodybuilding. I swim and get the same effects. Exercise is unbelievably good for mental health issues. There is no doubt in my mind that I would not be sitting here sober today without exercise.
 
24 more down=D

fantasy-night-sky-d85f4aacf4bf4b8f59f5d3432376ebac.jpeg
 
suboxone421 said:
@ Captain.... I'v used your links in the past and it sounds like you are in a better place than when I was reading some of your old threads... Like the lyrica thread you started that made me tell my doctor to give me the fucking script lol. It wasent even that great honestly but I was using hard when I lurked on those threads and now I am trying to get off. I lowered my suboxone down to 2mg but have no fucking clue how to get off. I could stop taking it but I sweat, and sweat and sweat... what helped you stop?
Click to expand...

I don't really know what changed. I guess I wanted to try to change my life for the better and I decided to try to stop.

I had to let myself go through suffering to get here.

It also helps to focus on things you like to do, like reading, writing, music, etc
 
I know for me one of the things that runs through my mind when I want to use is "oh, Blue Saffron, what's she up to?"

"Ahh, not much. She's been on heroin 30 years now, I don't think she does much, she mostly hangs in her apt, has a minimum wage job. I don't think she ever got clean".

I dont want someone to say that about me down the road. I already wasted (sorry but that's how I see it - I had some amazing times on heroin, I can't lie, and I don't regret those times... but I should've quit a LONG time ago, when it stopped being fun) too many years of my life on dope. I don't want my epitaph (even if no one knows it but me) to be "she just did dope all her life". I want it to be about the job I got, the relationship I was in, the stuff I made or wrote or did. Not just "she did dope".

One of my old dealers has been on dope her whole life... 17 to 48 and counting. What did she do with her life? Sold dope and did dope. She lives alone, doesn't have much cept her brown security blanket.

I don't want that to be me. Sober life is hard as hell sometimes but it's got to be better than being a zombie all your life.
 
Ok so I don't really know where to start but here goes..... I have been on opiates on and off for 10 years but pretty consistently for last 3. I have legitimate pain but I'm now at a point where it doesn't work anymore, I have to take more and more and always run out way early. Almost every month I get extra scripts from my doc friends just to supplement. I wake up every morning and my first thought is "do I have meds today?" And I can't do this anymore. This past year I've started missing work, taking care of my family is sooooo hard the days I'm out of stuff. I want off of this horrible cycle. I want to feel normal again, whatever that is. I'm thinking of asking my pain management doc if they will put me on suboxone but I know that will be just trading one thing for another and that may do more harm than good. But then I think I need something to help with the real pain because if I don't then ill just go right back to the other opiates........ I have 5 beautiful children, I have a full time position as an RN in the community, I volunteer at church and the schools and have a very loving husband. Nobody knows any of this but I feel like it's all hanging by a very thin thread and it could break any moment!!! My head is whirring in circles and I really hate where I am. Any advice or encouragement would be very much appreciated. Please help.
 
Last edited:
I wish i could just go live on a desert island for the next few months. Leave me food, water, a tent & sleeping bag, enough methadone to finish my detox, and a dog (or a black stallion) for company... And then leave me alone please. I'm so done with people right now.
 
MissingEastCoast said:
Ok so I don't really know where to start but here goes..... I have been on opiates on and off for 10 years but pretty consistently for last 3. I have legitimate pain but I'm now at a point where it doesn't work anymore, I have to take more and more and always run out way early. Almost every month I get extra scripts from my doc friends just to supplement. I wake up every morning and my first thought is "do I have meds today?" And I can't do this anymore. This past year I've started missing work, taking care of my family is sooooo hard the days I'm out of stuff. I want off of this horrible cycle. I want to feel normal again, whatever that is. I'm thinking of asking my pain management doc if they will put me on suboxone but I know that will be just trading one thing for another and that may do more harm than good. But then I think I need something to help with the real pain because if I don't then ill just go right back to the other opiates........ I have 5 beautiful children, I have a full time position as an RN in the community, I volunteer at church and the schools and have a very loving husband. Nobody knows any of this but I feel like it's all hanging by a very thin thread and it could break any moment!!! My head is whirring in circles and I really hate where I am. Any advice or encouragement would be very much appreciated. Please help.
Click to expand...

Stabilizing yourself on Suboxone might be just what you need. First step would be getting honest with your doctor in my opinion. I was on Sub for about a year and a half I believe.
 
Its kinda funny, I was cleaning my apartment late afternoon and early evening last night and thought to myself "when and why did I start getting all this energy around this time?". I was seriously perplexed as to why I hadn't really done this before (since moving into my apartment), it felt really weird to be so active around this time.

And then it hit me...

This is when I would be using and trying to make myself "comfortable", It was a huge "ahh ha" moment for me. Yet, it now seems so basic and trivial. Kinda amazing what addiction can do. For me, it really is like learning to live all over again.

9 Weeks, 3 days.
 
Yup I am on the 8mg ones and am supposed to take 1 and a half a day but am down to 2mg... actually took 1.5 yesterday and today. I just finally told my doctor I wanted to taper at my last visit even though I had already started to do it myself... I have this fear of being cut off, even on subs. I have seen her for almost 2 years for this and my visits are really routine but I still wanted to wait until I had a stash just in case. I have to go every two weeks and they test me for everything including antidepressants, and I take flexaril and etizolam for sleep and extreme pain. The etizolam I take between .5-1mg and the flexaril I take between 10-15mg for sleep... It hasent been an issue with the tests but I have had some false positives in the past. I had my brain telling me a-fent is a great idea for a taper... fucking brain lol. I actually havent started a clean calculator yet because I still use the etizolam, and MXE and the sub so I just coinsider myself making progress. I actually just got my daughter back after her mom ran with her for a year and a half and I had to hire lawyers in different states to find her. My daughter is almost 3 and I missed a big part of her life but her mom agreed to sign an agreement after almost 10 grand, alot of tears, and myself almost killing myself self medicating. The second I heard the news I started a hard tapper and quit smoking pot, which has always just made me a psychotic mess anyways. Congratulations on having 9 weeks and 3 days today! Hope you have a graet day :)
 
It really is man... I used to bodybuild and still look in shape but am at the gym trying to not rip my arms out of my sockets because I think I can lift the whole gym but know I cant. Do you have any hobbies? I have been cooking, going to the gym, walking, playing video games, and actually watching movies instead of staring at a tv screen feeling amazing and then feeling like shit towards the end of the movie... I swear to god I was living off cartoon network all last year and have no idea how I watched so many episodes of adventure time... I lived in wheaton by napperville for a few months when I was younger... where about in illinois are you from? My mom was born and raised there :)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top