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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Xorkoth

Ibogaine (flood dose) - First Time - Into The Flood

It was part of my dreams, it definitely wasn't real :)
 
Fantastic report Xorkoth! I'm amazed at how many details you remembered about the trip. As I was reading your experience, it constantly reminded me of dreaming (without the use of drugs), like when you suddenly find yourself in this new world, but you already have that feeling about how some things are so familiar. Or when you meet someone, you feel that you know certain things about them, like you're not meeting them for the first time. I've been interested in dreams for a while, and have been keeping a dream journal for the past few years, I would recommend it :) It's cool to re-read them, it's amazing how much your mind can remember when you are asleep!
 
Yeah I know, it is. :) It WAS dreaming, that was the experience, dreaming constantly whether awake or asleep. Totally different from any other psychedelic. It's similar to a dissociative but also different from any of those I've tried or heard of. Since then I have been having intense dreams most nights, not as intense as the ibogaine dreams at all but still much more intense than I am used to. I really need to start keeping a dream journal, I think this could be a link to having a much richer dream life again like I had when I was a kid.

I am also amazed I could remember so much, I remembered so much more details than I have ever remembered on a trip before, and I didn't even take notes (obviously I couldn't have, nor did I ever think to).
 
That's amazing. Thank you for sharing your experience, and congratulations on getting clean! I read the entire thing, and I have to say, that was probably the best report I've ever read. I'm amazed at how much detail you remembered. Your words were so descriptive I almost felt like I was living the experience along with you.
 
Thank you very much. :) Glad to see the inspiration translated.
 
This should show up at Erowid soon. :) I finally proofread enough.
 
Yeah, well I certainly did. From now on it's appropriate usage of non-destructive drugs for me. :)
 
Again - good report.
Reading through it I found myself gathering lessons I felt could be drawn, and wondering how to relay them without sounding lecturing in my response. I was pleased to see you seem to have got there yourself! I suppose that your awareness of those lessons has influenced the writing of the report so it is inevitable that those themes emerge - loneliness, compulsive drug use and 'seeking fixes' etc. I'm also glad to hear you have had a similar experience to me in terms of making a decision to be 'a fully functioning adult' heheheh. Just over a year ago my son was born and the months leading up to that gave me a real jolt in terms of thinking about my responsibility to participate in the world! Good luck, and watch out for that habit of 'fixing feeling bad' or 'topping up feeling good' - good feelings can stand for what they are, bad feelings will pass. Done any meditation? I'm sure you will be working on that through counseling though. I'm also curious as to whether you suffer some social anxiety that you are not recognising...? Taking your protective drug jar talisman to your friends' place, methylone before going to meet up with A and so on.

Hope I don't sound like an annoying pedagogue, just sharing :)

A couple of random contributions:

Apparently another time I started singing the Seal song, "Kiss from a Rose".

I had only read the first part of the report, and this song was in my dream last night... SPOOKY! heheheheh

Also, my only encounter with iboga was in a dream. I had heard of it, and that people had used it to tackle addiction, but had never read reports or been told of its subjective effects. In the dream I was administered some of this root by an African shaman-type person, and it very quickly was producing very strong and disturbing visual hallucinations. Startled by the intensity of the experience, I woke up! I was sitting where I had gone to sleep the night before (I was sleeping out in the Gorge du Verdon, amazing place), but crackling yellow electrical discharges were still shattering my vision, the world fell away before me and then rolled back up as huge waves travelled through the earth's crust, strange buzzing forms flocked together in the sky... then I woke up, sober but disturbed, in the same place I had gone to sleep the night before. All was well, but I was very uneasy about whether there was another nested layer of false awakening waiting for me!
 
Very strange that you saw crackling electrical discharges in your dream ibogaine, since that was a reliable feature of strong doses for me. Except I didn't find them at all disturbing, but something about ibogaine seems to stop me from feeling fear.

Thanks for the feedback. I have social anxiety in a way, it used to be a lot worse. It's linked to being afraid that other people will be disappointed or not have a good time, or think I'm weird. It surely stems from being picked on ruthlessly by many peers all growing up. I've always wanted to be different, and been glad I am, but I never wanted people to THINK I was different (this is not how I feel anymore but behaviors and patterns from our childhoods are hard to completely get rid of).

For a while after this all came together I felt positive nearly 100% of the time, I was in a cloud. Now I am feeling normal. I am happy, but I am also dealing with the same things I was dealing with before, my dad being sick, my relationship ending, loneliness, my life basically starting over in several ways. However I feel calm in letting the negative emotions happen. I talk through them on here and with friends and family, and I make progress because I actually deal with them instead of masking them. Still no desire for opiates. Doing my best to be active enough to not be bored, as boredom is a killer for me. I've been working on my house, cleaning it, packing up my ex's stuff so I don't keep feeling like it's her house too. Over the past few days I pressure washed my house and deck and yesterday I started sealing the deck with lightly tinted sealer, feels good to get things like that done, like a normal person. :)
 
Nice one.

Yes, it's strange that my imagined iboga experience contained both highly distinctive visual effects and a confusion between waking and dream states. I don't think I was primed to think that either of these things would be characteristic of iboga. It's perhaps not entirely coincidental that my subconscious threw iboga into my mind despite not having thought about it for some time, as at that point I was experiencing some low-level opiate withdrawal effects (I'd made some poppy extracts and was without for the first time in a couple of weeks, hadn't identified or even considered that I might feel withdrawal) and was starting to face up to the fact that I was effectively dependent on cannabis.
 
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Awesome. I was going to read it tonight, but man that is a veritable novel and it's late so I'm going to read this tomorrow, but I can't wait and the fact that you're feeling great has me all the more stoked!

Scrolling through quickly I saw the email to your boss. Also the next sentence about you proofreading it - twice - made me smile. That is some totally disconnected from reality, stuff. Ibogaine experience reports I've read in the past have always been, just something completely else. I'm sure yours won't disappoint. I'm also surprised it's so long, in that you remember that much of the trip. I'd have a hard time writing a super long mushroom trip of everything that went on, the next day. And this is a trip that lasts for several days, such uniqueness for a hallucinogen to last on a timetable like that.

It also makes me sad that ibogaine/iboga is schedule 1, as it seems the most promising out of every treatment so far to get you clean (short of maintenance, and then you're only clean from street drugs, and really heroin maintenance treatment would probably be superior to methadone/bupe at improving your life, and making a clean break from those, and both inferior to ibogaine).

I envy you at being to take those clear breaths and realize you can travel anywhere without a worry about needing some sort of drug. You are a dove who has been freed from bondage, into the land where your own self control reins supreme! Self-reliance is all you need physiologically and psychologically on a personal level, and then that leads to successful interpersonal relationships.

May you continue down your constant path of happiness (which almost never wanes, and then only by .000001% just so you have that tiny bit you know you can improve to), and each new day display the possibilities of a sober and in control life more fully than the last!
 
I remember every single bit (well there are dreams I am sure I don't remember), because I went over it hundreds of times during and immediately after the trip. I am also surprised I remember so much as usually I require taking at least brief statements as notes to jog my memory. But note-taking was not only impossible, I am sure it would have detracted from the experience as well even had it been possible. I feel that this trip was a perfect storm, it was meant to happen. My experience is unlike any other ibogaine experience I have read about. I wouldn't count on your own experience to be like mine, but I would count on it being deeply transformative and healing, and giving you the best shot possible at leaving opiates behind.

Ibogaine is extremely powerful medicine, nothing I have ever taken has come close to its power to realign my life and change my behaviors. I think it's insane that it's schedule 1 (no medical use? Give me a fucking break), but also not surprised given this country's track record with prohibition. I'm working out and getting healthy which has made a tremendous difference in my life, already I've never looked so good or been in this good of shape, or eaten this well. I'm not totally sober by any means, but I AM totally sober from opiates and will remain that way forever. I still smoke marijuana on many days, and drink occasionally, and take psychedelics when it seems right (I've tripped twice since this experience... it's summer though, I always trip more in the summer and there have been a lot of special occasions).
 
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not surprised given this country's track record with prohibition.

Well, in the past, substances have not been scheduled if most people don't find them fun. This is a large part of why salvia was never scheduled. Ibogaine has a reputation for being unpleasant, but I wonder if this is because many people who take it are in w/d or otherwise dealing with emotional crisis due to addiction, and also many who aren't interested in psychedelia...

ebola
 
Well, in the past, substances have not been scheduled if most people don't find them fun. This is a large part of why salvia was never scheduled. Ibogaine has a reputation for being unpleasant, but I wonder if this is because many people who take it are in w/d or otherwise dealing with emotional crisis due to addiction, and also many who aren't interested in psychedelia...

ebola

i remember also at one point reading about how there was a rumor going around that Richard M. Nixon had been abusing ibogaine. In an interview with Hunter S. Thompson the newshost asked Hunter about his stuff and in so many words he admitted to making up and spreading that rumor. They probably were just wholesale scheduling things with the CSA, and if there was any sort of rumor out there that had the presidents name and a drug in the same sentence you can bet it was now illegal.


Nixon would have probably been interesting if he were an ibogaine user.
 
Well, in the past, substances have not been scheduled if most people don't find them fun. This is a large part of why salvia was never scheduled. Ibogaine has a reputation for being unpleasant, but I wonder if this is because many people who take it are in w/d or otherwise dealing with emotional crisis due to addiction, and also many who aren't interested in psychedelia...

ebola

Yeah I think it's partly because they're in withdrawal, but so was I. I believe the main reason is because most people who take it for addiction are not people who are looking for a powerful psychedelic experience. I myself love those, so even though I was dealing with addiction and withdrawal, I had one of the best experiences of my life on it, it was wholly enjoyable even though some of the dreams were creepy and weird and even though I did freak out for a couple of hours due to being out of my mind and thinking I was supposed to be working, and not having anyone to help me understand what was really going on. Even so I look back on it and I can't wait to experience it again someday, it was glorious.

It was, however, a thousand times more intense than anything else I have ever experienced. I can imagine people not used to that sort of thing could be really overwhelmed by it. Also, it's standard practice of ibogaine clinics to give pure HCl only, which I believe provides an incomplete experience. People report high blood pressure and heart rate, stimulation, and discomfort on high doses of pure HCl, whereas for me, with part of my dose as the full-spectrum extract, the experience never raised my heart rate or blood pressure and it felt physically *great*, like one of the best feelings I've ever felt. And it was utterly immersive, dream visions upon dream visions, as if I was working through a segmented and chaotic story in my mind that came together in the end with many lessons. Iboga contains a number of alkaloids; ibogaine is the main one, but there is also one structurally similar that is roughly twice as potent and a stronger dissociative, as well as others.

Also, just being in a clinical setting on drugs can be unnerving. I did it in the comfort of my own home, and then on the 2nd half of the third day in my friend's home, with friends around me in a fun setting. I think there are many factors but I think the first two I mentioned are the main ones.
 
Most of the experiences I read about 'clinic' settings seemed to go out of their way to make it more of a retreat or vacation.

The one experience I read where the person totally knocks ibogaine and says it's a scam to bilk people out of their money (she was in W/d 15 hours after coming down, and says she never experienced any hallucinations) talks about how she raised it by turning tricks, was still banging dope while on methadone, she seems totally ignorant about what she was taking part in and said that 2/3 of her friends who took it said it worked but at the time of writing had overdosed on opioids and the third said he's so happy and clean while staring at you with pinned pupils.

She appears to have thrown money at the first person to offer it to her with absolutely no knowledge of what was happening, she did it all in a freaking hotel room with a stranger. She was doing one more bit of dope before starting it, and the guy busted into the bathroom and bitched her out for 15 minutes, and then when she was in w/d about to start seizing she begged him for 5$ for a cab fare and he told her to fuck off (her nutty story can be found here - I've found far more positive experiences where people's lives were changed than negative, and the detox places cost enough that I would think if everyone was having negative/non-working experiences it would be shared quite a bit).

Crazy, but I bet for every legitimate place concerned about your well-being (though they still want their $), there is another who don't give a shit. One I saw in Mexico seemed nice, but honestly, shelling out 4k (just a guess, it might have been 75% more than that) to then pay to fly to Mexico and do this all in one of the most violent and drug ridden federal states seems stupid on the face. I bet it's a front to kidnap you, and they know you have money if you can pay 4k for ibogaine. I bet they advise you to get kidnapping insurance first or something lol. But really, the worst kidnapping victim would be someone in pure opioid W/D. Going through customs in W/D (back to the US) I honestly looked pathetic and didn't care if I were whisked one island over to Guantanamo lol - I was in the Bahamas. The guy didn't look twice at me, I suppose no one can really fake looking that miserable.


Honestly, I think it's legal in Canada, and if I had to go anywhere it would be there, and then I'd just buy the drug. I think the rest of the 4k would be better spent taking friends who were clean to be your sitters and the remainder to rent a little cabin on a lake or something, and creating your own set and setting. This seems an awesome way to go if you can't get it here in the US, and honestly I've never had a dealer go "I got some acid, some shrooms, oh and a bunch of ibogaine. Man this ibogaine is moving FAST" lol. Then you would also not have easy access to drugs in the Canadian countryside, just my thoughts.


Xorkoth, how was your trip with family to the grand canyon?

It often makes me sad to think about not being able to vacation somewhere, but really I can just take loperamide with me and be 100%, but I'd need enough for the vacation, and I'd probably be limited from going to strict Muslim majority countries where loperamide is probably even looked upon with suspicion, like places where people have served 10 years in jail because they found a single poppy seed in their luggage. Luckily the only countries like that I want to see, like Turkey or Jordan aren't near as fucking crazy.
 
The trip was awesome, thanks. :)

Yeah I am so happy I don't have to think about somehow having opiates or loperamide or whatever when I travel. Such a load off. I had almost forgotten what it was like to not have to always be worrying about how I can make myself not feel like shit.
 
Really well written trip reports are obviously in the minority but this is absolutely amongst the best I have read; you seem to really have had a powerful experience. Surprised at all the drugs you were consuming or trying to during the trip but I guess they all played there part in it. Wishing you the best for the future.
 
Thank you very much. :) I tried to tell it as a story, rather than as a trip report. I am also surprised by all the drugs afterwards. It revealed to me however the root of my addictive personality. It's not because I am hiding (though I was hiding from my life with opiates also, eventually), it's because I have a difficult time with moderation in the things I enjoy. I think to myself, "wow, I feel so great, I'd like to feel even BETTER while I have the opportunity to!" I do believe all of that was necessary as part of the experience in order for the message to really hit me and sink in.

Doing totally great thus far, tomorrow it will have been 2 months since I took my flood dose. I feel better and better all the time, more and more myself. It still truly feels that the ibogaine experience allowed me to close long, destructive chapter in my life, and I can now view it almost as a dream, I can think about it in detail, even remember fondly some particular opiate experiences, and not crave them or feel any anguish or discomfort.
 
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