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I'm done

Thanks Smoky. I took your advice & had it by my bed & just woke up & took one. Just in bed waiting for it to kick in.
 
Hey BlueS, I feel you. I just got off a detox of about 3 months percaset and benzos and it sucks. I have 13 days off of everything now. My advice to you (I know it's easier said than done) is to know that whatever you're thinking and feeling is completely and totally detox related. Even when you're done detoxing, you'll be having some residue of these thoughts and feelings, even though it'll be a lot better. Don't believe it when your head trys to tell you that this is how you are. It's just the dope trying to get you to use. I can see this happening in you. It happened to me too but I was where you're at and believed it. I'm here to tell you that it's a lie. It's all a lie...the idea that using will make things better now, the idea that your never going to get better so you might as well use. Don't believe it. Keep moving forward and you will be rewarded. I promise. Trust me, I was just there and I am so glad I didn't give in.
 
Thank you Lovcraft, I really needed to read that right now <3 Congrats on 13 days! How do you feel?
 
BlueSaffron said:
Thank you Lovcraft, I really needed to read that right now <3 Congrats on 13 days! How do you feel?
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I feel great. I still may be having some anxiety here and there that is related to the benzo part of my detox but it's nothing like what I felt during my kick. I'm exercising, sleeping 7 - 8 hours a night and eating well. I never want to go through that again. And one day soon you'll be where I'm at if you keep on fighting. It'll happen. Just keep moving forward.

BTW I also love Goodfellas!
 
That's awesome - it gives me something to look forward to :) Right now I just wish the subs would fully kick in. I took 4 mg this am, felt better but then started feeling crappy - watery eyes, runny nose, achy, depression - so I took another 2 mg about 2 hrs ago. I feel better, but I STILL don't feel "well". I'm thinking I took it a little too early, even though I was pretty sick this am.

I'm really tempted to take the last 2 mg, but I know bupe is strong and the best thing to do is wait... although when I google the advice seems to be "take 2 mg every 2 hrs til symptoms abate". I don't know.. is 8 mg a lot for one day? I do about a gram of decent west coast tar a day, maybe more.
 
It might take a day for it to build up in your system so I say wait until you're really in need to take more. I'm not sure as I don't have a ton of experience with bupe. I don't know how bupe translates to methadone but I've had a gram a day habit of West coast tar before and when I went on methadone, I needed about 2days to get right. My dose was 40mg and it needed to build up. Substitution drugs like bupe and methadone take a while to build up in your system. So even if your first couple doses don't feel like they're doing it if you wait till your next scheduled one they'll all likely work together.
 
Thanks... I took the other 2mg. Not going to touch anymore tonight. I still dont feel right, but it could be a lot worse and i know that. Got a movie to watch (Lets Be Cops), lol, & just going to wait it out & hope tomorrow am's dose hits me better.
 
Maybe research subs on this forum. Lots of information I'm sure. Seems u have already.

Just keep going and you'll get there. I read earlier how you were saying u wished u could go to a cabin or something for a couple months. I felt the same exact way. It sucks that's not an option for everyone. But yeah that would make things easier.

Hang in there. I'm sure tomorrow you'll feel better.
 
36 hours no heroin. Dosed 2mg sub this am after i woke up sick & with a headache, which i never get. May dose 2 more but after doing 8mg yesterday (and still not feeling right), i really want to cut down already. Maybe today & tomorrow at 4 and then weds go to 2...

No thoughts of copping. I'm going to see this through at least til Dec 31. Itd be nice to spend that day (my bday) clean... Although i dont guarantee i wont go get drunk.

On Jan 1 ill reevalute. If im absolutely miserable in the sober life, i might get high. But I'm going to give it a chance this time. I would like to feel again, i think.
 
if you have any questions about suboxone I've been on it nearly 3 years now and I have been tapering it since last month because I want to get off of it. it saved my life but I just feel like it's time to get off of it.
 
This has happened to me as well... even as I was sick I had absolutely no desire to score. Take advantage of it! Stay strong, love. <3
 
sicntired - what was your maintenance dose, and what is your taper plan? I have zero experience with subs really, I took one 8 mg pill over the course of a weekend a couple weeks ago because I flew to LA and I'm not the crazy girl I used to be,I don't dare to take dope through the airport. I took 2 mg fri night, 4 sat & 4 sunday and it barely held me even with gabapentin on top, but when I got back home monday I started up using again.

Now I've got a few 8 mg subs and I want to do a rapid taper. I took 8mg yesterday, my first day with no dope, & it barely held but I made it through. Took 2 this am and I feel.. okaaay I guess :/ I really want to take 2 more mg though, just trying to put it off as long as possible, til 4 or 5 pm. So 8 yesterday 4 today... maybe 3 tomorrow - 2 in the am one in the pm? next day too, 3 mg, then the day after that 1 mg am 1 mg pm, the next 1 mg in the am, and after that just hold out as long as I can and if I cant stand it, take a tiny sliver. By that time my subs will be gone anyway and I'm not sure if/when I can get more. I mean I'm sure I could, this is SF, this city is saturated in drugs, but it'd be a pain and I'd like to be done with it by then.

Do you think that's a too aggressive taper schedule? My habit was about a gram of decent west coast tar a day.

wezface - yeah, I know I'm not copping today. Im not wavering, not trying to talk myself into or out of it... I just know I'm not doing it today. Its a good feeling :) I'll work on tomorrow, tomorrow.
 
blaarrgghhh caved and took the other 2mg. That's it for today though.

eta: sub's kicked in and I think this is what "normal" feels like. It's been so long since I felt normal that I honestly don't know what it feels like, and I'm not trying to be dramatic by saying that. I really don't now. I feel good though, but not high or opiated... not antsy or sick. And interestingly enough, it seems that suboxone doesn't have a certain side effect that methadone and heroin usually have on me. So that's nice :)

Makes me wonder a little bit if I should go to the dr and get on subs properly and get my own prescription... but I want to try the rapid taper first.
 
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Lack of motivation is hard. I"m just sitting here :/ I want to do my makeup, go down to Macys and get my free sample of foundation, run to Starbucks and try their new Chestnut Praline latte, go to AAA, hit the grocery store, and come back and do some cleaning. But I've wanted to do all that since noon and instead I'm just sitting here. I feel like the reduction in subs is hitting me today...

sunday 8mg
monday 6mg
tuesday 4mg
today so far 2mg

might take my other two mg now... itll hit around 5:30 and then maybe I'll feel like doing stuff. Shitty way to think. I know, I know.
 
BlueSaffron said:
Lack of motivation is hard. I"m just sitting here :/ I want to do my makeup, go down to Macys and get my free sample of foundation, run to Starbucks and try their new Chestnut Praline latte, go to AAA, hit the grocery store, and come back and do some cleaning. But I've wanted to do all that since noon and instead I'm just sitting here. I feel like the reduction in subs is hitting me today...

sunday 8mg
monday 6mg
tuesday 4mg
today so far 2mg

might take my other two mg now... itll hit around 5:30 and then maybe I'll feel like doing stuff. Shitty way to think. I know, I know.
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Stay strong blue

You are doing great

It will feel good to take some time off, but see if you can do just 1 of those things on your list. Just do your makeup. See how it feels, and if you feel a bit closer to wantin to go out and get some coffee and your free samples, go for it!

We can do this
 
Yeah ive been on 5 days now & i feel pretty good. I like that its less sedating than methadone, 'done just made me want to sleep all afternoon when i was on a holding dose (and when i was on a low dose i had bad depression). Subs just make me feel "normal". I feel like i can think much more clearly, too. I look back just six days ago to when i was on dope & it feels like i was living in a fog. Dont get me wrong, its hard sometimes without the high H gives you, but im just trying to get used to feeling normal. Its getting a little better everyday.
 
Congrats BlueSaffron ! !
I recollect sleeping a lot on methadone myself, and able to function better on subs. It could have been a dosing issue, who knows but I know what you mean. Really great to hear you are doing this and feeling better day by day.

~ Smoky :) <3
 
Thanks :) i feel like i can think really clearly now. Even though i still sometimes miss being opiated, i like being able to think again. And feel, too.
 
I have a week clean of heroin tonight :)

my sub use:

last sunday: 8
monday: 6
tuesday: 4
wednesday: 4
thursday: 5
friday: 5
saturday: 6


pretty annoyed with myself for taking 2 more mg tonight, I just have a lot on my mind. I don't NEED it at all, would've been fine on 4. I can't keep doing this, taking a little extra cos I'm sad or whatever. I have 18 mg left and my friend might have one more 8 mg pill to sell me. I don't want to call my dr and get a prescription and be on it for months. I want OFF it. So I need to stop this drug addict behaviour of dosing a little more cos I'm not feeling happy.

Going to try to get by on 3 tomorrow, but at the most 4.

I could take some gabapentin instead of more sub I guess, but I don't want to.

Starting to feel confident that I won't use heroin again. When I was on methadone I was either sedated, or too sick to really get an idea of what sober life is like. Subs have shown me what it is to just feel NORMAL for the first time in sooooo long. And you know what? I like it. I think I even like it better than being high on heroin.
 
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