Help/input as I near the end of this looong road with Methadone!

[Emme80]

So, first off , I want to say thank you for reading my...what will try to be, a semi short "wrap up" of my situation/story. Any input experience & advise offered is greatly appreciated! My story started all too typical -with being prescribed painkillers. Too many painkillers and the original problem, unfixed, just masked . Fast forward, I ended up completed addicted & had a love affair with oxy for 2yrs. - maxed out at 80 mg.oxy. per day. I hit my bottom one day when I realized I was willing to drive to a border town of Mexico, just to get an oxy to relieve wd's. The next day , I went to a methadone clinic- sometimes I feel it was the best decision I made- sometimes I feel it was the worst decision I made. Either way though, here I am, years later. Mixed feelings, but I know I cannot change the past or decisions I made- but I can change the future that lies before me .
So here I am.
What I would like some input on is my current situation. My highest dose on methadone was 145mg. a day. Over the last...year+, I realized that the clinic never really wanted me to be off the methadone. I was always encouraged to increase- but very much cautioned to decrease. According to my clinic , I am currently at a 28mg. dose, daily. But considering that they will only let me decrease 3mg. every 4wks., I have been reducing on my own, with my take homes. My true current dose is 12mg. I have been reducing by 2mg. every 7/8 days. Only until now am I starting to feel a tiny bit of goose flesh&calf ache. With reducing my take homes, I have managed to save/set aside approx. 600 mg.(570mg.to be exact). This coming Monday will be the last day I walk into that clinic&the last time I hand over my money for this addiction. This brings me to my quandary. I am very determined to keep decreasing as much as I can without falling into FULL wd's. I may pause here&there if I absolutely must. As it stands , I have a month&a 1/2 that I've taken off from work- so that I don't have the stress off not feeling too hot&having to go be in front of ... people. So, with the 600mg. I will have at ho me, I think I've done my math & I should be able to decrease off with that ammt .(giving a "cushion" for mini pauses). I'm wondering if anyone has experience with reducing from 12mg. over the course of a month& a half or so... and if so, was it just as bad as going C/T?
For the next month, I do have some prescriptions that I've read may help... Those being the essential vitamins, (some of which I cannot take due to an extensive bloodclot I managed to get after a surprise surgery in November 2013(now I'm on blood thinners & cannot take certain minerals&vitamins, medications)the other prescribed medications I have, I can take- which are : clonidine, clonazepam , zofran, flexeril, dicyclomine, gabapentin, ambien, trazadone...and I even still have some painkillers left over from the surgery in Nov.2013. (I don't plan on using ALL of these meds-some of which I'd been prescribed&decided not to take, but still have in the medicine cabinet. Nor do I plan on taking any if them for an extended period).I am being very diligent and strict with my reduction& am just SO focused on not being tied down by any addiction. Apparently, I'm SO tired of being dependent on such things that I somehow decided to quit smoking(for the 1st time, I've never tried to quit before) and it's been 6weeks now-smoke free. I don't drink alcohol (sometimes I think that might help... But I've just never really taken to alcohol very much- I drank in college, but I was always afraid if throwing up that I never drank much. Instead , I just bartender my way through college. I served a lot of alcohol instead of drinking a lot if alcohol )
So...there's my long sordid story&current situation! Blah! Any input would be graciously accepted. I'm so hoping I can get through this&manage to do so with the 600mg. I saved.
Thanks to anyone who bothered to read this lengthy story. I know my clean & clear future is just around the bend- it just can't happen soon enough.
Btw- is there really much difference from jumping at 3 or 4mg. vs. 1mg.? Will I face the same kind of wd at 1mg.? Or am I just prolonging the wd ?
Many thanks! And a again , sorry so long&detailed!

 

[Andy A]

E, I'm going through withdrawals now from 10 mgs. I kind of did the same as you by saving my take homes and preparing to taper. I was on 110mg and tapered to10 in only 3 months.I just wanted off so bad. I started feeling real Bad at 10 but No way I'm going back.So,thats it,Bring it on meth I can beat ya!! Like you said,most clinics are in it for the money and don't want to loose a paying customer and some counselors pretend to care.Ha!I really dislike that place and I'm determined,like you to get clean for life. I think your idea of tapering longer is a smart one.I wish I would have. Coming off 1 or 2 mgs.decreases WD severity I've read. I'm on my 16th day of no methadone.Slowly feeling better day by day but not by a large margin. A nice guy here told me the worse will probably be for 30 days,then still not feeling like your supposed to (normal)for months. It depends on your dose and how long you've been on it. I don't know about the drugs you have except clonidine which does help with wd symptoms. I also take a xanax to sleep but I haven't really got much good sleep.The first week None! I'm not trying to worry you about this but even coming off 1 mg. is no fun.I think you are prepared well and you are smart for tapering so low.There's a lot of people in the same boat as us.Good luck with it....Andy

 

[Emme80]

Hey Andy A- it's very true, about the clinics. They never failed to mention increasing to me- never. And I was always incouraged to increase. Over the coarse of 7? Years... 6years being very stabilized - I'd made every necessary change I needed to make. I have not taken any painkillers that were not prescribed to me-which even that-was approached with great caution. I say this because last year, I ended up having 4 surgeries...2 being emergency- the others I had avoided for many years & I just had to face it&fix it as it was getting bad. That one for my foot-it was the REASON I saw a doctor 25yrs.old, who only prescribed painkillers & painkillers.Grrr. I may have to face 1more surgery to change the screws in my foot. But , I am forever scarred by my whole experience that I've tried & did get by on very minimal painkillers- instead, loads if Tylenol/Naproxen- which is not great for the liver as well .
But anyways, I'm very disappointed that my clinic/ "councilors" never ever said 'hey, are you ready to decrease again? Get your life back?' Sure they " care "... I know- beyond know - that I shouldn't have been increased that much , nor should I have been on this long. But, that's history... I realized I needed to take this into my own hands . And that's where I'm at. I have a life to get back to - I hope I'm not going to be permanently damaged/have long term damage due to the methadone.
Good for you Andy- brave to jump at 10... Sometimes I wonder if by tapering down, I'm just prolonging wd's I'll still face at 1mg. I suppose that's my big question. Truthfully, what fears me the MOST , is throwing up. I know that nobody LIKES it... But dang, it's up there on my top 3fears in life. It destroys me. I fear stomach flu's . I know how hard I may hurt , ache, sweat, no sleep ... I remember my arms and legs kicking when I wasn't doing it- it was freaky&horrible . And above it all, it's that, that scared me the most. Did you experience a lot of this Andy A? Are the wd's as bad as you expected? My hopes- of tapering down like so, was that I might avoid such intense wd's. Perhaps I'll ache , be sleepless , have the psychological mess, sweat, etc. just... Not the throwing up. I know it sounds stupid. Today, I have slight chills , my joints seem more crackly than usual... I've been waking up at 3/4am- vs. my regular 7/8am. I don't know if I'd be in same kind if boat to jump at 3mg. vs. 1mg. I'm going to keep going with the taper- just wonder if anybody has experience w/ jumping at 3/4 vs . 1mg& how severe of wd's were had. Your on day 18 Andy A! Just a Home stretch to a 30mile post. Awesome! Wish I had the courage to jump at 10!

 

[Andy A]

Sorry to hear about all your foot problems. Man,Some Drs. just don't have it. You won't have as bad a time of it as I am .That taper makes a difference.I'm no expert but it makes sense. My 1st week was Hell but I didn't throw up once. And just ate little bowls of soup,About a week after that I started eating better and better foods. Oh yeah,I know what you mean about legs and arms feeling awlfull(the creepin' me-me's) I call them.That was one of the worse things for me. The Clonidine I take twice a day and it helps with that. Had to go to my Dr. the third day and he didn't know I was on done so I went in and told the nurse I had the flu. When the Doc came in I told him what the real reason I was there for.I was very worried he'd say get out junkie!I should have known better. He was so nice and cool about it.He's always been a nice Doc that would set down and talk. He said he had 11 other patients in the same predicament.. He knew all the treatments,everything. I had nothing to worry about. It would have been like jumping off at 200 without his help. The bad thing with me now is No energy to do much. A little bit more each day is what Im doing.Walking my dog,Working in the shop a while.Lots of fluids. Peeing all day it seems! Getting it out of my system. I'm tryin hard,you do the same when you quit. Try not to worry too much about it.It's just a thing to get healthy again and takes some time.Be Strong! Any other Q's,I'll try to answer. .take care Andy.

 

[Emme80]

Entirely & Truly, thank you SO much! I'm aware that SO many others are going through this . But for some reason, reading that made me cry- b/c your doing it! It certainly can be done ! Each day is getting a wee-bit earlier for you ! It excites me! I simply cannot wait to meet myself again! (I think) it gives me hope too that you didn't throw up! it IS possible to get through this w /o "that". Just to hear that brings ease. I think especially with the zofran I have , it may not be an issue at all. I'm going to keep on my schedule of 2mg. every 7/8 days. I think the 600mg. I have can get me through- and I think I'll try to jump at 3...who knows.. I may reach a breaking point& jump a bit earlier- I don't want to prolong any wd's., as I'm so very beyond ready to never taste this stuff again!
I thank you so very kindly for giving me hope that it is totally possible to do this without being in the - nasty pits of hell, worst wd's ever road. You keep being the strong soul you are! I don't know you but I'm hella proud of you&excited for you- each day, your body is getting rid of that beast !
BTW- through this, I've been thinking a lot- I think methadone clinics should have a 3rd party, non-bias, one who does not benefit from the clients being in methadone- one who, upon assessment&through treatment, would give advise on whether or not methadone is a good fit for you- and what kind of plan ( 3 months to perhaps 3yrs. - I'm aware that to some, methadone is essential to keep them straight... But I do feel that if you want to be clean bad enough, it can be done).But anyways , I think it should be mandatory to have a non-benefitting 3rd party- so people don't get trapped for...years on end when they don't need to be! Just my driven thought lately.

 

[Emme80]

Oh...btw- I have not yet taken the clonidine. Did it actually ease some of the wd's ? Did it make you tired /dizzy when you 1st started taking it ? I suppose it scares me slightly- was it an overwhelmingly sleepy dealio when you 1st took it/ could you tell that it helped w / the goose flesh feeling fairly quick? Thx.

 

[Andy A]

Thank you for your kind words E. I'm glad to help if I can. Talking to people on BL is very good for us. NA meetings are in my plans too. About the Clonidine- My Dr. checked my blood pressure twice to make sure it wasn't too low. He said it will lower your blood pressure some. Yes I was a little lightheaded the 1st couple days.It was worth it though to relieve some wd symptoms. It didn't help with sleep for me at first,neither did Xanax but like I said its slowly getting better and I'm stoked about that! I agree about the 3rd party thing at the clinics, something needs to be done......Andy