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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler

Tell a shit joke

Walking down the road the other day and a man threw a block of cheese at my head...



I said "how dairy"

(thanks Tim Vine (and probably for half the thread))
 
^^Tim Vine is Mr One liner.


Velcro, that's a bit of a ripoff!
(Another Tim special)
 
Any joke that starts with "I was walking down the road the other day" has it's basis in Ted Chippington.

"I was walking down the road the other day when a man said would you like some LSD"?

"I said no thanks mate we've gone decimal now, no use to me".
 
lol, i like that one.

There was an Englishman, Irishman, and a Welshman in a bar. What a fine example of racial integration.
 
Man in a japanese restaurant says "Waiter get me a selection of alcoholic beverages - and don't get all sake"
 
The man who wrote the song "hokey cokey" died the other day and at his funeral they couldn't get him in his coffin.





They put his left leg in, his left out...................
 
When learning northern the other day I found out that tin tin tin roughly translated means...........



It isn't in the tin.
 
A vagina is like the weather,








when it's wet it's time to go inside.
 
A man walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
The bartender looks at him and says "gee, that looks uncomfortable"
The man replies "bloody oath, its driving me nuts".
 
This is bad but it needs to be done...




What dose eating a XL pizza to yourself and licking your little sister out have In common?




It tastes good but you know it's wrong!
 
Knock knock!
Who's there?
I'm a pile up!
I'm a pile up who!




Knock knock!
Who's there?
Europe!
Your a pooh!
 
A kid wakes up one morning and says:

"Dad, can I bunk off school today"

His dad says: No

Kid. "Please?"

Dad: "Oh, go on then"

Next, the kid says: "Dad, can we go to the seaside"

Dad: "Look, I've let you bunk off, we're not going to the seaside"

Kid: "Oh Please"

D: "Oh alrght then"

They get to the seaside, and he sees a donkey.

K: Can I have a ride on the donkey dad?

D: "Look, I've let you bunk off, I've taken you to the seaside, I'm not letting you have a ride on the donkey."

K: Pleeease?

D: "Oh alright then"

The kid has a ride on the donkey and he decides he likes him so much that he wants to buy him.

K: "Dad, can we buy the donkey?"

D: "Look, I've let you bunk off, I've took you to the seaside, I've let you ride the donkey, I'm not bloody buying him as well!"

K: Pleeeeeaaasee??

D: Jesus, alright then.

The kid decides he wants to call the donkey Wanker.

K: Can I call the donkey Wanker, dad?

D: Fucking hell, I've let you bunk off school, let you go to the seaside, let you ride a donkey. BOUGHT the bloody thing. You're not calling it Wanker.

K: Oh go on dad, pretty please?

D: Sod it alright.

So they take it back home and tie him up in the yard. The kid wakes up in the middle of the night and sees the donkey has run away he shouts:

K: "Dad! Wankers off!"

D: "Look, i've let you bunk off, I've taken you to the seaside...."

I'm here all night.
 
What's the difference between Madeleine Mccann and the Pope?





The pope died a virgin.
 
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