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Tell a shit joke

What did one snowman say to the other snowman?





"Can you smell carrots"
 
Two blondes walk into a hotel. Would have thought one of them would have seen it.

How do you make a blonde girls eyes light up? Shine a torch in her ear.

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant.

A man walks into a bar. Ouch.

A horse walks into a bar, the barman asks 'Why the long face?'. The horse, being a horse, is neither understanding nor capable of human speech. Confused and bewildered by its surroundings it rears up and charges out of the door, knocking over several tables as it leaves.
 
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese..........




As if she doesn't have enuf on her plate.
 
What's red and kills grannies?




























The Daily Mail....Yeah, take that Thatch!

(you did say shit right?)
 
What's big, pink and usually hard in the mornings?





The financial times cross word!
 
What do you call a russian snow pony?


Trotsky


What do you call a revolutionary bedding material?


Lenin

(for knock :) - i'll leave someone else do a stalin one)


- edit: oooh one more: what do you call a revolution in carpet freshness?


Shake-and-Vara

(sorry)


....just one more:

What do you get at the end of a communist exam?


(you know where this is going...)

Marx
 
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There's a black fella, a pakistani and a jew having a drink in a nightclub.

They had a right nice time.
 
I once had a job at a Helium factory but I left after a few weeks. I refused to be spoken to in that tone.
 
^That's a good one - this thread's had more good jokes than the proper joke thread ('try and make it funny') - reverse psychology?

(to which you could add: "a man had to see a counsellor because he had a phobia of backing into parking spaces. He gave him...")
 
I took heroin once. I was so high on cocaine though i couldnt feel a thing.
 
Alright if noone else will...

What do you call a small bird with white spots that corrputs the original communist message, murders and imprisons millions of people in gulags and eventually becomes the internationally recognised icon of totalitarian communism?


(doesn't quite scan though...)
 
I went to the doctors the other day and told him I feel like a pair of curtains.





He sed "pull yourself together"
 
Aaah that's closer to the title of the thread ;) - i'll see your pair of curtains, and raise you...

My dog has no nose.





How does he smell?





























A wooly jumper

(i think i've got my cards mixed up)
 
What do you call a donkey with three legs?



a wonky




What do you call a pachyderm that's not germane to the discussion?



Irrelephant
 
A black guy goes to the doctors with a spider on his head.

Spider says " Dr get this black head off my arse.
 
Did you hear about the magic tractor?






It drove down the road and turned into a field!
 
What do you call a pachyderm that likes alcohol?


A wine-ocerous



(only cos i had to check wikipedia that i remembered what a pachyderm is and found i hadn't)

(coat's already got)
 
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Two monkeys getting into a bath and one says to the other " Ooo Ooo Ooo Aaa Aaa Aaa"





The other one says "well just put a bit of cold in then"
 
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