@herbivore (Senior Moderator) for Recovery Support, @Shamemee2 , @Valium
For @herbivore, you ask me one question, of three, that I did now respond to in my earlier post this month on this forum
topic? Question: How does the PM's (Oxy) help my Depression, and life balance?
Answer, As has been well answered already on various threads here at Bluelight, at first, I saw it as a panacea, after, about
10 to 12 years of taking "as prescribed" mostly a combination of Dexedrine ER 15mg, and, from 2009 until 2014,
exclusively Adderall Instant Release 3 x 10 mg per day. It gave me at first a re-newed interpretation of "energy, to me much
for social oriented, more motivated, "it gave me a new mild buzz, that I just liked" I started novice hobbies, I would never
have attempted prior to age 55, such as long hikes, snowmobiling @Taos New Mexico up to 11,000 ft with a instructor, as
the leader, even, motivated me to travel to foreign countries, "all alone" such as Mexico (3 times) and Amsterdam, and, the
Caribbean, (St. Maartin, Phillipsburg, Dutch West Indies) motivated me to join a gym for the first time in my life, 5 years of
[physical conditioning) even try a Ski-Doo, outside the USA. HOWEVER IT TURNED ON ME. I lost my underground source,
and tapered down slowly, taking about one year to taper down from only a 5mg to 10mg 8 year habit. As I have posted,
already to you on this thread, the PAWS, in the year 2013, were overwhelming, after detox, I only lasted 5 months without
generic USA Percocet. I found a new, source, but, 500% more expensive, who only stocks, 0C 20's, 40's, 80's, and my
controlled use, went over the top, quickly to 40mg per day, and, changed my method of absorption to inhaling the old school
power, up my nose. Now, it has turned on me, the initial benefits, have mostly left me, I sit around my home, many days,
in a semi trance like state, and avoid in general socializing. It is now un-motivating, yet, the Depression has lifted to a
positive degree, as I "escape life", yet, has worsened my anxiety, due to a true fear of running out of money, as I cannot
afford the prices of OC (pure) and I have become addicted to it, as the PAWS overwhelms me. The former use of Adderall
also gradually, lost its initial benefits, I originally discovered in my late 40's, (Dextroamphetamine, and. or "Mixed Ampt
salts", often making me long term not at peace with myself, but often high strung, and with some rage a holic traits.
I used my "self reliance" in a attempt, to replace the stimulants, I get legally from my Psychiatrist, with first Percocet
5/325 one or max two tabs a day for years, but, I became dependent on it, over time. Sometimes combined with the
amphetamines, the 0xy, made me too cocky, at times, and moody. I regret now my "experiment" and know from
kicking Cocaine, and Quaaludes and Valium, that the only way, is to tough out the PAWS, likely with the needed support
of some outside encounter groups, even if I have to return to AA, a daunting task to me, as, I once was on the
Speaking Circuit, and spoke at least 10 times for one hour in groups of 50 to 250 people. I also achieved, with the early
days of Ritalin, and later Dexedrine, in my 40's, a 2 year college degree to be a Substance Abuse Counselor, as I had a
4.0 average, and graduated always on the Dean's List, + graduated finally with a BS in Psychology, and later with a Msc
via a external degree, Msc and a Diploma from the University of London, majoring in International Alcohol Policy and
Intervention. "The credentials, and various therapies, eventually, were never enough, bottom line at my core, is very
low self esteem".
I failed to mention to avoid a wall of text, since the early 1970's until I was 100% sober age 32 to 45, then began the use
of a AA Psychiatrist, for my A.D.D. Many M.D's have titrated in the A to Z of Tricycle antidepressants, SSRI's and SNRI's,
Mood Stabilizers, and even Anti-Psychotics. Bottom line, I quit all due to side effects.
Examples: administered under the care of a AMA Board Certified Psychiatrist and a Addictionologist
@Valium
Anti-Psychotics:
Abilify
Seroquel (50mg titrated up to 200mg) I hated this drug
Risperidone
Mellaril
Anti-hypertensives:
Inderal 10mg to 40mg daily if needed
Corgard up to 80 mg.
Verapramil (Calan SR)
Mood Stabilizers:
Lamotrigine
Lithium, various trials over many years from 300mg to 1,200 mg daily, all failed me. (Side effects)
Neurontin (Gabapentin) from 300mg to 1.200 mg daily
Anti-Depressants:
Amitriplyline (Elavil)
Triavil
Sinequan (Doxepin)
Tofranil (Imipramine) (two years non stop) usually 50mg tops daily
Norpramin (desipramine)
Surmontil (trimipramine)
Ludiomil (maprotiline)
Prozac (fluoxetine)
Zoloft
Effexor
Celexa
Paxil (Paroxetine)
Luvox (fluvoxamine) one year
Anafranil (Clomipramine)
Remeron
Bupropion (big time side effects)
Misc other medications used for titration over my life span:
For exactly six months, in the year 1973, I took Abbott Labs 15 mg "Desbutal" of 15 mg Sustained Release Methamphetamine
combined with 97 mg of Abbott Labs Pentobarbital, (not phenobarb), and it was absolutely the smoothest stimulant I have
ever taken in my life. The Drug Enforcement Administration banned the production of any Amphetamine combined with
another controlled substance sedative on July 1st of 1973. I was age 23, and a Staff Sgt with a Honor Graduate degree, from
my 6 year tour of duty with the USAF Air National Guard. Age 18 to age 23. Honor Grad degree came from the 3320th
Technical Administrative School at the former Amarillo AFB, Texas in the year 1967-1968. (I was a weekend warrior to avoid
being drafted and going to Vietnam). Stationed always in the USA, job description typing up flight orders, and passenger
manifests, for C-130 and C-141 USAF aircraft.
@Shamemee2 "I consider myself a natural born Doctor Shopper in the USA, and had a 2nd career Doctor Shopping,
during a 10 year phase 1971 until 1981, and, "retired" only to reboot my old skills, only in foreign countries, after a
30 year break, primarily in Mexico, Dutch West Indies, and the Netherlands, since 2011, and I have never failed to
obtain, not once, outside the USA, at least Alprazolam, Diazepam, and, Zolpidem, but never over a 90 day supply.
As we all know, Doctor Shopping in the USA is a skill of the past, with the Prescription Monitoring Program active in 40
to 45 states, that will give any pharmacist, a 5 year USA prescription history within minutes, in multiple states, and,
only Missouri, is the single hold out of 50 states in the USA. about 5 more states will be online by 2016. Also Insurance
companies sell to MD's a private program that will do the same thing, for a fee. My M.D is so fearful of the DEA, he
photocopies every script that leaves his office, including mine, as I pay my bill. Zero tolerance for lost prescriptions, or
Doctor Shopping, in the USA. I told him my truth, like on intake did a mini 5th Step, so he will not prescribe me nothing
but C-II stimulants for my A.D.D and in the past nothing stronger, than Ambien/Stilnox, or only two years of 1 mg per day
of Clonazepam, which he detoxed me from, as he does not like to prescribe a full benzo to any former alcoholic.