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Vent/Rant Thread vs. Don't get in my way

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I hate when people try to belittle your efforts and bring you down when you are trying with every fiber in your body not to go cop and use. I hate judgmental people that look at addicts like they are diseased rats that climbed out of a sewer. I don't know one drug addict that started using drugs because they were happy and in a good place in their life and had absolutely no mental issues whatsoever… And I don't know any one heroin user that used heroin as their first opiate and IV'd it the first time they did it. Everyone I know started with pills, then snorted H then started shooting it. I know I thought I was above becoming addicted and I was just using recreationally. Boy did that sneak up on me! ALways wondered if I was born an addict or if I changed my brain chemistry so bad that I am one now.
 
Doubtful. She was amazing.. It's not easy to find somebody that close to perfect :(

I feel for you dude. I know it seems ridiculous at the moment but try to focus on the good times the relationship brought to your life and the positive way in which it coloured it over its period.

If the opportunity arises, don't keep on fucking her even though you've broken up, it will mess with your head. Or if you do, fuck her then leave immediately afterwards.
 
I know I thought I was above becoming addicted and I was just using recreationally.

Ah....the folly of youth, I remember those days. What amazes me is that six years on double digit detoxes/relapses later I still thought I could use recreationally and not get addicted.

I've got more anger towards myself than anyonne else but I'm learning to deal with that.
 
Owen, I still have that mindset that I can control it too! Its crazy what addiction does to your thinking.
 
I hope you're not talking about A???

Yup.. the big A :-(
There is still hope for us (and not the over-obsessed ex-boyfriend kind of hope).
We both still have tremendously deep feelings for one another, and yesterday spent a night together for her birthday..
She suggested we spend the night on a 'pause' from the breakup, in order to best enjoy each others company as a couple one last time, until we enter the alone world - alone..
:( It was an amazing night, but i knew it would end...
No sexual temptations stood in our way, because we are both aware that it would further complicate matters..
Today we (her idea) decided on taking an entire month apart... No contact in person, on facebook, on mobile, nothing for a month...
Our connection is really strong and this break is not just some alone time to miss each other, but an opportunity for us to independently heal, redevelop those lost characteristics of an ideal partner and to allow ourselves to truly miss one another for longer than a few days.
I do believe there is hope next month. Its such a heavy situation, but i know there is hope..
I had my doubts earlier today, but she says 'if her love and desire for us to reconnect was not so strong, she wouldn't propose this opportunity to prove ourselves.. it would simply be the end'.
:) :( :) :( dunno what to feel >_<
 
Aw Trip :( you and A, from what I gathered were a great couple. Such spiritual togetherness between the two of you. You two seem to be handling it well and like adults albeit how painful situation is in actuality. I think the limitations you two set are realistic and can be beneficial for both of you. I'm glad you both can still agree and still have a healthy relationship aside from bf/gf.

Whatever there is to come, you will pull through it.

<3 I'm always here to chat bud. <3
 
Ah....the folly of youth, I remember those days. What amazes me is that six years on double digit detoxes/relapses later I still thought I could use recreationally and not get addicted.

I've got more anger towards myself than anyonne else but I'm learning to deal with that.

Yeah I believe I have finally gotten over that now, but god, so many detoxes and relapses, every time I somehow convinced myself that I could be responsible this time. It's crazy, absolutely insane.
 
I hate when people try to belittle your efforts and bring you down when you are trying with every fiber in your body not to go cop and use. I hate judgmental people that look at addicts like they are diseased rats that climbed out of a sewer. I don't know one drug addict that started using drugs because they were happy and in a good place in their life and had absolutely no mental issues whatsoever… And I don't know any one heroin user that used heroin as their first opiate and IV'd it the first time they did it. Everyone I know started with pills, then snorted H then started shooting it. I know I thought I was above becoming addicted and I was just using recreationally. Boy did that sneak up on me! ALways wondered if I was born an addict or if I changed my brain chemistry so bad that I am one now.

Yeah that was me, I started using opiates (and drugs in general) because of my joy with life, and a sense of adventure and experimentation. Other than my addiction I've had a great life, I couldn't ask for a better history really. My addiction itself has become the problem that I was using opiates to hide from. It's so insane/sick/sad.
 
So.. stopped drinking.
When I started drinking, everyone in my house stopped.
They got me started with it in the first place.
But while I was doing it, they wouldn't to try to make me feel guilty for doing it.

Now that I don't drink..
Everyone comes home drunk after the going to the American Legion.
And my grandmother out of nowhere starts drinking a bottle of wine a day.
Are they testing me or something?
Or just trying to make me feel im wrong for NOT drinking now?

Gotta get outta here.

-HOOD
 
Sorry to hear that. That sux.
I couldn't deal with people doing codeine infront of me I'd go nuts.
Maybe tell them how you feel. Hope things get better.

Evey xxxx
 
I have no idea whether I've gotten over it, I simply don't trust myself or believe in myself at all any more. At the moment I don't want to use or go back to that place and I know I can't use crack, smack, benzos or even powder cocaine and cannabis and retain control but I don't trust myself to stay in that frame of mind at all.

I would say the chance of me relapsing and ending up in the shit again once I get clean is probably 50/50, I certainly wouldn't bet any of my own money on me staying on track with the way I want my life to go regarding drugs, and as a consequence the rest of it.

Having said that I'm fully commited to getting clean (although I'm not aiming for 100% abstinence this time) and getting on with my life, and I'm prepared to put the effort in and do whatever it takes to regain control. I'm engaging with with as many services and sources of support as possible and I'm working hard at my degree, changing my lifestyle and staying away from sources of danger but I just don't have any faith in myself anymore.

I think it's just that I've gained some self-awareness around the fact I'm a total liability.
 
Never seen a dysfunctional family as bad as ours. Fuck this shit for eternity and beyond.
 
F*** this stress its unreal n I can't talk about it in open forum because you never know whos watching but only when I 'm not anxious is when I'm doing, lets say addictive behaviours n I can't go back to dr*****g because it adds to the stress end of the day.

I need a focus but I don't know what. I feel like I'm
Just so not in control of stuff.

But I'm too proud in dependent to ask for help.

At my local DnA my key worker hasn't seen me in over a month n I really doubt she cares. I'm just a number to them. They don 't even let me in the building unless I've an appointment. I feel like scum when i go there. When i phone it just rings n rings yet when i was there demanding my prescription for easter, after the dire treatment I've received lately. They answered the phone straight away - so I think they're screening out my calls.

Plmar I'm here if ever you need someone to talk to.

Evey
 
Ask to change clinic if there's another one available locally. Some clinics are so overloaded with work they simply have no time to provide a proper service, this was the case with my last clinic. I moved house and was moved clinic which seemed like a huge hassle at the time but I'm really glad it happened as I've ended up at a place that seems to be less overloaded and my new key worker (although I've only met him twice) seems to be everything I could ask for. It could just be a case of malpractice though where you are, I don't know, but I can relate to the frustration of desperately trying to get hold of a script when the clinic doesn't seem to be organised.

Definitely ask to change your key worker if you feel like she doesn't care, this is a basic entitlement and they can't refuse. Do it politely though.
 
Such behaviour is only likely to push the one you desire further away.

Pick yourself up, look at yourself in the mirror, love what you see, and go out and live your life in a healthy way. Try to forget about the girl and get on with your life. You're not going to get her back by sitting in a room smoking meth, and I think you recognise that's not a good route to go down irrespective of whether you get her back. At least give yourself a chance by making yourself an attractive prospect though.
 
xorkoth - same here, besides my addiction, i've had a great life, great upbringing and every opportunity in the world handed to me .., i have taken pills recreationally (like, seriously, once every 6-8 months), since i was 14, i only got really heavy into opiates about a month before i finished my phd...how ass-backwards is that?? i managed to escape high school and college without any alcohol or drug problems, and right when i SHOULD be a responsible adult, i f*** it up by going from percocet --> rs --> h in like a month's time..., granted it was the same time my husband and i separated, and i thought that i could just use a 'little more,' for 'awhile,' while i went through all of that..., oh i was SO wrong.., two years later and while i've still managed to stay away from the needle, most of my money and spare time goes toward pills and/or h and worrying about finding ...pills and/or h..., i'm in the same boat as a lot of people where i don't even feel it anymore, i only do it b/c of the mental obsession and to feel normal and out of fear of losing my job from detoxing/being cranky without/not showing up to work from being 'sick,' ect..., i basically ruined my own life and i have no one to blame but myself.
 
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