WorriedWell
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2014
- Messages
- 7
Posting this as a way to get advice feedback about my situation, as well as a resource for others who may experience the same (or nearly the same things). Will you please read and give some advice? This post will tell about panic / anxiety I have experienced, which I believe was due to the use of MDMA. There are other factors involved, which is where I am seeking opinions and good advice. I am very anxious to recover.
About mid Feb 2014 friends of mine and I went to a club party. I was presented with the opportunity to do a pill of MDMA. Stupidly, I took it without knowing anything about the source, and nothing about the amount it contained (although, I have such little knowledge about these things, I would have believed anything anyone told me -- I wanted to have a fun time).
The roll was a blast! It hit hard. We sat for a while until the STRONG come-up faded and then had a really good time the rest of the night. Drank lots of water to be safe.
Note about Myself Pre This Experience:
Note about My Situation Around the Time of the Feb 2014 Experience:
After the Feb 2014 Roll
Two days that followed -- it was the weekend. I was tired but trucked through. Drank the next few days socially (as I normally like to do on weekends). Took a pill of adderall on Sunday to loosen up socially. No major partying. Went to a few bars/clubs and out to brunch.
I had nervous feelings these few days after, but thought they would pass. The only way I can really describe it was feeling strung and stressed out. Sleep wasn't good. I kept asking friends when they thought this would pass. One friend suggested I take 5-HTP. I decided I'd give it a try (this was about 3-4 days after the roll). Not knowing anything about 5-HTP I just got the highest dose the CVS sold (200MG), thinking a high amount would help my system get back to feeling normal quickly. I took a pill and then got nervous about it. An hour after taking the supplement I felt groggy in the mind. It felt like I was floating/high. Hard concentrating on anything.
I let a day pass in between, but then took another pill (same dose as before) of 5-HTP. Again, felt numb in the mind and high. Got shaky and really nervous at work and ended up having to leave. Had never felt this way before. Eventually, the 5-HTP faded and I was just left feeling rattled and unsure what was happening with me.
The Panic Attack
It was a Friday morning (about a week after my roll and about 2 days since having any 5-HTP) and I had went to a chiropractic appointment. Got those shots of Lidocaine that I mentioned above, worked out my back, and then went to Starbucks for a large coffee. Hit the highway to go to work.
Half way to work ----- something happened. I began to have euphoria out of nowhere and got very hyper. I knew this was not normal and began getting scared. Suddenly, my extreme good feelings stopped, my hands began going numb, I started to tremble, and began feeling very dizzy. Never had I experienced this. Things were so bad in that moment, I almost had to pull over on the interstate. I plunged through, though and made it to a Walmart Pharmacy. I tested my blood pressure. It was through the roof!! I have never in my life had high blood pressure. My heart was palpitating. I nearly fainted.
Called someone from my office and asked them to come take me to the ER. Skipping ahead....I was totally honest with the ER. Noone seemed to care about the MDMA. Noone seemed phased at all, in fact. They ran blood work and an EKG and found nothing. They basically just gave me fluids and sent me home.
After the Panic Attack
The entire weekend after the panic on the road was just not good. Severe anxiety. Tried to take a road trip....so unpleasant. My vision was somewhat blurred while driving. Focus was off. Nerves were absolutely shot. Constant moments of heart racing. Just a constant and unending feeling of unwell. I cried myself to sleep each night.
Finally, I got myself to my regular doctor. I explained everything to him about the panic/anxiety (but left out the MDMA story). I had read so many forums by then, I knew that people had, had experiences somewhat similar after rolling. I had read many suggestions of starting on an SSRI.
Well, my doctor seems to love to write prescriptions without doing any tests or research (I hate this and will soon change doctors) ---- so he gave me a prescription of Lexapro 10MG, Bisprolol (blood pressure med) and a script for Klonopin 0.5.
Please also note that while I still attended the chiropractor, I refused any additional shots of Lidocaine. I read online that Lidocaine could potentially cause blood pressure increases. No more for me.
About a two weeks into taking these medicines, I was feeling so tired and lost. Emotionally numb. My mind was always high in the sky. I had moments where I felt good and grounded. However, there were more moments where I felt totally off and wanting to do nothing but lay in bed. I knew I couldn't lay around! I tried staying active and social. It was a double hit, though, because I suddenly was not able to drink alcohol socially. I would go out and have water -- everyone would ask what was wrong with me. I tried drinking a few times, but then felt horrible the next day and very anxiety ridden. I have basically stopped drinking.
Finally, on week three of Lexapro, I told my doctor I had to stop these medicines. I basically had become scared of EVERYTHING. All pills of any sort began to make me nervous. I wanted off everything. Doctor didn't really seem to care, an told me to slowly decrease my dose and then to just stop (I thought it was prick"ish" of him). I researched online and read about the need to wean off and the possibility of SSRI Discontinuation withdrawal issues. Again, these things made me scared and uneasy, but I read many forums where people described how crappy their life had become after becoming dependent on SSRI's. I did not want this to be me.
Here we are now!!
We are about two months out from that Feb. molly experience. I have stopped all medications. Today will be my 8th day without Lexapro. I have taken half a Klonopin at bed time every once in a while...but it is rare. I want nothing controlling my mind/body.
I've read advice online that tells that supplements (B12, B6, Multi-V, Fish Oil w/ Omega 3, B Complex, Magnesium) could assist in getting free from SSRI's withdrawal. I had taken all of those supplements, but had another worriesome experience at work. I took the supplements at lunch the other day. About an hour later I had horrid dizziness and anxiety which lasted about 3 hours.
I have stopped taking these supplements, but *might* resume taking them at bed time. Opinions?
I drink no coffee and I miss it! Tried having some...nerves start acting up!
I eat brain healthy foods and try to have things that are said to decrease anxiety. These things include: Milk, foods with lots of protein, turkey, blueberries and mixed nuts.
Also trying to get to the gym more to get my body to release its normal, good endorphins.
Trying to get in the sun, as well, so to get the fresh air and the benefits of sunlight.
Writing this post gave me a bit of anxiety. Its funny, the mere act of talking about MDMA or my past roll experience really unnerves me. I was at a club last weekend (being boring and drinking my damn water) and ran into someone I knew who was super high on a roll. I was glad they were having fun, but for me personally, I had to get away from them. I became so nervous by just being around them. It's crazy to write, but its almost like I have a little bit of PTSD or something over all of this. I've noticed myself reading so much and agonizing over whats going on with me. I feeling like I've become obsessive over what my body feels.
How Readers Might Help
I know this has been a lot!! Thank you for reading - truly!! If you have thoughts, experiences, or any advice, I'd love for you to share. While I am feeling better daily, I am not better. My nerves are still on edge, my head feelings loopy at times. I do not feel like my normal self. What can I do to feel more healthy? How can I get myself back to my normal state? Can I do something better? Many thanks in advance.
Be safe out there! I know these things can be a lot of fun. I've learned, though, that some people can digest and experience all of much easier than others. I want this post to educate others on a negative experience and bring them to question how much "feeling good" is worth to them. As I've come to realize, "feeling good", means a lot to me. Our bodies and minds can go loopy on us just as easily as someone can snap a stick. Healing is a process afterward.
About mid Feb 2014 friends of mine and I went to a club party. I was presented with the opportunity to do a pill of MDMA. Stupidly, I took it without knowing anything about the source, and nothing about the amount it contained (although, I have such little knowledge about these things, I would have believed anything anyone told me -- I wanted to have a fun time).
The roll was a blast! It hit hard. We sat for a while until the STRONG come-up faded and then had a really good time the rest of the night. Drank lots of water to be safe.
Note about Myself Pre This Experience:
- I have been an active, social, upbeat person! Do I have worry, some negative self talk, and am I very hard on myself? Yes! However, anxiety has NEVER before felt so present and out of control.
I have never been a drug user, aside from drinking alcohol with some frequency (2-3 times a week in social situations). I dabbled over the past 2 years so minimally. Very little cocaine twice. I had taken MDMA two other times about 5 months apart. The come-ups were always intense and a little scary for me. When everything would settle in, though, I had really fun experiences. Trouble sleeping for a few days - sure! Otherwise, never had any problems except a few moody days afterward, which I know is normal.
Note about My Situation Around the Time of the Feb 2014 Experience:
- For about the last year, I have been taking small doses regularly of generic adderall (10-15mg). This was prescribed by my doctor as a way to be more effective at my work. I enjoyed taking it as it made me so good at work and very social (I believe I have some slightly social anxiety - this helped so much). I did, however, notice moodiness while on adderall, and if I ever stopped taking it at points in time.
- Doctor also perscribed me a super small dose of Xanex last year. I took it very infrequently (hardly ever) just to wind down at night and to sleep. But, again, hardly ever took it.
- A friend of mine and I were involved in a small car accident Jan 22 2014. Minor, but was my first accident experience. I was a bit shaken and slightly nervous of driving afrer. Nothing too bad.
- Due to car accident, I had multiple trips to a chiropractic office. They would give me 3-4 shots of Lidocaine in my back muscles at each visit.
- I used to drink coffee a whole lot! 4-5 cups a day was regular.
After the Feb 2014 Roll
Two days that followed -- it was the weekend. I was tired but trucked through. Drank the next few days socially (as I normally like to do on weekends). Took a pill of adderall on Sunday to loosen up socially. No major partying. Went to a few bars/clubs and out to brunch.
I had nervous feelings these few days after, but thought they would pass. The only way I can really describe it was feeling strung and stressed out. Sleep wasn't good. I kept asking friends when they thought this would pass. One friend suggested I take 5-HTP. I decided I'd give it a try (this was about 3-4 days after the roll). Not knowing anything about 5-HTP I just got the highest dose the CVS sold (200MG), thinking a high amount would help my system get back to feeling normal quickly. I took a pill and then got nervous about it. An hour after taking the supplement I felt groggy in the mind. It felt like I was floating/high. Hard concentrating on anything.
I let a day pass in between, but then took another pill (same dose as before) of 5-HTP. Again, felt numb in the mind and high. Got shaky and really nervous at work and ended up having to leave. Had never felt this way before. Eventually, the 5-HTP faded and I was just left feeling rattled and unsure what was happening with me.
The Panic Attack
It was a Friday morning (about a week after my roll and about 2 days since having any 5-HTP) and I had went to a chiropractic appointment. Got those shots of Lidocaine that I mentioned above, worked out my back, and then went to Starbucks for a large coffee. Hit the highway to go to work.
Half way to work ----- something happened. I began to have euphoria out of nowhere and got very hyper. I knew this was not normal and began getting scared. Suddenly, my extreme good feelings stopped, my hands began going numb, I started to tremble, and began feeling very dizzy. Never had I experienced this. Things were so bad in that moment, I almost had to pull over on the interstate. I plunged through, though and made it to a Walmart Pharmacy. I tested my blood pressure. It was through the roof!! I have never in my life had high blood pressure. My heart was palpitating. I nearly fainted.
Called someone from my office and asked them to come take me to the ER. Skipping ahead....I was totally honest with the ER. Noone seemed to care about the MDMA. Noone seemed phased at all, in fact. They ran blood work and an EKG and found nothing. They basically just gave me fluids and sent me home.
After the Panic Attack
The entire weekend after the panic on the road was just not good. Severe anxiety. Tried to take a road trip....so unpleasant. My vision was somewhat blurred while driving. Focus was off. Nerves were absolutely shot. Constant moments of heart racing. Just a constant and unending feeling of unwell. I cried myself to sleep each night.
Finally, I got myself to my regular doctor. I explained everything to him about the panic/anxiety (but left out the MDMA story). I had read so many forums by then, I knew that people had, had experiences somewhat similar after rolling. I had read many suggestions of starting on an SSRI.
Well, my doctor seems to love to write prescriptions without doing any tests or research (I hate this and will soon change doctors) ---- so he gave me a prescription of Lexapro 10MG, Bisprolol (blood pressure med) and a script for Klonopin 0.5.
Please also note that while I still attended the chiropractor, I refused any additional shots of Lidocaine. I read online that Lidocaine could potentially cause blood pressure increases. No more for me.
About a two weeks into taking these medicines, I was feeling so tired and lost. Emotionally numb. My mind was always high in the sky. I had moments where I felt good and grounded. However, there were more moments where I felt totally off and wanting to do nothing but lay in bed. I knew I couldn't lay around! I tried staying active and social. It was a double hit, though, because I suddenly was not able to drink alcohol socially. I would go out and have water -- everyone would ask what was wrong with me. I tried drinking a few times, but then felt horrible the next day and very anxiety ridden. I have basically stopped drinking.
Finally, on week three of Lexapro, I told my doctor I had to stop these medicines. I basically had become scared of EVERYTHING. All pills of any sort began to make me nervous. I wanted off everything. Doctor didn't really seem to care, an told me to slowly decrease my dose and then to just stop (I thought it was prick"ish" of him). I researched online and read about the need to wean off and the possibility of SSRI Discontinuation withdrawal issues. Again, these things made me scared and uneasy, but I read many forums where people described how crappy their life had become after becoming dependent on SSRI's. I did not want this to be me.
Here we are now!!
We are about two months out from that Feb. molly experience. I have stopped all medications. Today will be my 8th day without Lexapro. I have taken half a Klonopin at bed time every once in a while...but it is rare. I want nothing controlling my mind/body.
I've read advice online that tells that supplements (B12, B6, Multi-V, Fish Oil w/ Omega 3, B Complex, Magnesium) could assist in getting free from SSRI's withdrawal. I had taken all of those supplements, but had another worriesome experience at work. I took the supplements at lunch the other day. About an hour later I had horrid dizziness and anxiety which lasted about 3 hours.
I have stopped taking these supplements, but *might* resume taking them at bed time. Opinions?
I drink no coffee and I miss it! Tried having some...nerves start acting up!
I eat brain healthy foods and try to have things that are said to decrease anxiety. These things include: Milk, foods with lots of protein, turkey, blueberries and mixed nuts.
Also trying to get to the gym more to get my body to release its normal, good endorphins.
Trying to get in the sun, as well, so to get the fresh air and the benefits of sunlight.
Writing this post gave me a bit of anxiety. Its funny, the mere act of talking about MDMA or my past roll experience really unnerves me. I was at a club last weekend (being boring and drinking my damn water) and ran into someone I knew who was super high on a roll. I was glad they were having fun, but for me personally, I had to get away from them. I became so nervous by just being around them. It's crazy to write, but its almost like I have a little bit of PTSD or something over all of this. I've noticed myself reading so much and agonizing over whats going on with me. I feeling like I've become obsessive over what my body feels.
How Readers Might Help
I know this has been a lot!! Thank you for reading - truly!! If you have thoughts, experiences, or any advice, I'd love for you to share. While I am feeling better daily, I am not better. My nerves are still on edge, my head feelings loopy at times. I do not feel like my normal self. What can I do to feel more healthy? How can I get myself back to my normal state? Can I do something better? Many thanks in advance.
Be safe out there! I know these things can be a lot of fun. I've learned, though, that some people can digest and experience all of much easier than others. I want this post to educate others on a negative experience and bring them to question how much "feeling good" is worth to them. As I've come to realize, "feeling good", means a lot to me. Our bodies and minds can go loopy on us just as easily as someone can snap a stick. Healing is a process afterward.
