Confessions from a long time regular MXE user:
I have been using MXE regularly for over 3 years now. I'll never forget the magic I first experience with MXE, the first dose and the subsequent doses that followed for the next several months. One of the most crazy things to me about MXE, is even with near daily use for years, the magic, although not nearly as intense as it once was, is still very much present, in the sense that a hefty size dose will still get me amped, energized, euphoric, and in a positive mindset. I never dose to hole anymore, although I have so so so many times in the past years ago, as the dose required for me to do so would just be too cost inefficient and probably pretty hard on me internally, and I have things going for me in my life with relationships and career wise that I don't feel the personal need or desire to reach such levels very frequently or regularly. (Maybe once or twice a year at huge festivals or vegas trips)
The thing that sucks about MXE to me is when I started I never realized how addicting it would be and become. I have tried everything under the sun substance wise but have never had an addictive personality. I have never continued to consume any substance on a regular basis, except MXE. There is just something about it that "tickles my fancy". Some perfect feeling about it that no other substance has truly been able to provide. The fact that it is so smooth, no noticeable physical side effects, no come down, and even an afterglow, that literally just makes it TOO GOOD.
And thats the point I want to illustrate. When I started taking it I never thought "TOO GOOD" could be a bad thing, but now I realize it is so hard for me to quit, because of the fact it is just so well rounded and enjoyable, and doesn't cause any "NOTICEABLE" problems for me. I still know in my heart that taking this substance for so long and regularly cannot be good for me, and is in fact really bad, although I don't immediately see symptoms or effects of this. After several years of constant personal experience, I can say with honesty as I am not trying to make the substance sound harmless or endorse its use is, it does effect memory heavily. There are just so many instances that come up now where friends will say "hey remember when we.." or "hey remember when soinso said..." and I just literally have no recollection of it. This isnt because I was blacked out at the time, it just makes cognitive ongoing obtaining of stored memories much harder to do. For example, when I try memorizing a script for my acting, or for my sales job, if I am on mxe or have dosed mxe within several hours, it's so much harder. Nights of heavy heavy mxe use I will remember what I did the previous night on the next day, but several details will be missing entirely from my recollection. I also hate the speech impediment medium to high doses can bring on. Heavy slurring, slow, dumbed speech, or at very high doses, the absolute inability to talk at all, can all occur pretty regularly. Lastly, although very non toxic if used responsibly and in intended doses, high frequent doses like I take will begin to effect bladder function. More frequent urination and then eventually some discomfort in the intestinal region are all very possible. So tread with causion, this is long term effect though 2+ years.
Another reason why I can consume it so regularly is how much it costs me in comparison to other things, and the convenience of obtaining it. One order placed and it's to my door like dominoe's, and the price if purchased in bulk compared to purchasing any other substance is just a night and day difference. It truly is by far the most cost effective.
Even so, after dosing regularly for years, my doses are now around 75-90mg per dose, and if I have MXE, I will be dosing from the moment I wake up, I like to go to the bathroom take a pee, and then take a nice size bump early in the morning before getting ready for work and taking a shower. I am always tired in the mornings so its like the ultimate coffee or energy drink, within 10 minutes I am fully awake and happy, not pissy about having to go to work, and get a really positive mindset that I am going to have a great day at work and perform really well in my department. I can't say that it has effectively negative or that the mindset is really "an illusion or placebo" as I have finished 1st in my entire sales department for the last week over all.
Right now I have been out of MXE for a week, which is the longest I have been without it previously for about 3 or 4 months. Every day that passes all I do is wish I had it. I think about it regularly and often. If I do other activities and keep busy, it goes to the back of my mind and it isn't pressing or I dont feel "fiending" at all almost ever for it, but it's just one of those things that will pop in to my mind once in a while each day and I really long for it and feel I would be having so much more fun with it. Also it makes sex so much more fun.
I will for sure be placing another order for 10g's as soon as I get my paycheck this friday. I always order 10g's at a time. I usually give about .5'gs worth to friends throughout the course of each 10g bag I purchase, and I do the rest to myself. I am usually finished with my 9.5gs within about a month to a month and a halfs time. Even with how cheap MXE runs in comparison to any other substance, with the rate of use I consume it at it still has become a very expensive habit.
When I don't have it or use it, times like right now and this last week, I feel very accomplished and proud of myself, but then half the time I feel the opposite and just want it and feel I am missing out on having a much better time. The longest break I have ever taken through this over 3 year using period was one break of 4 months. Other then that I have only had several 1 month breaks at times, and several more random periods of not using for a week or for a few days. Other than that, its a constant thing.
The most sad thing is, I really long for the day when I can find a supplier who can ship me 20-40g's at a time at a much great reduced price, instead of my 10g's I usually order which is already at a large price break from smaller orders.
I know one day soon I will be able to stop entirely, for two reasons. First of all, when I stop MXE, I get no withdrawal or hangover. Other than an intense craving to redose, there are no negative side effects. Second of all, I hate having to constantly dose around friends and family who don't know I am on it, constantly hiding a secret and keeping the substance on me in my pocket or stashed in my briefs, always (very slightly) paranoid that it might some how be exposed. Sometimes when I dose too high I get VERY noticeable speech impediment, which I would say is the ONLY "negative side effect" if you were to classify it as one, which I have actually lost relationships with women due to this, and had one or two friends resent me and stop contacting me, after seeing me in this state not knowing what I was doing or if I was alright.
Overall, I have been pretty happy with these last 3 years as far as my state of well being, I have had a lot of fun times and MXE has provided some downright incomprehensiable positive and enjoyable experiences. Seeing movies made for 3d in IMAX is like getting to witness one of the 7 wonders of the world, as are festivals, and pretty much any other visual or audio experience just magnificent. I've been able to create such thoroughly enjoyable and special experiences with just friends, a movie ticket, or an event ticket or concert ticket, that I know wealthy non substance users would pay 10's of thousands of dollars for the chance to experience such a rush and see and hear such beauty that their mind cant comprehend.
Thanks for reading and I would really love to hear any questions, comments, concerns you may have about my post. And also share if you can relate on any points, I love mxe and love to discuss it, and it's something that helps to relieve my mind at times like this when I go without it. Happy mxe'ing, everyone! Enjoy it for me in the meantime! Take a dose for me in spirit ;P