• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Advice on my MDMA recovery

Hi everyone, I'm in need of some new advice.

As you might know, I'm fighting my comedown with some help (lexapro). The side effects are killing my though, I'm constantly tired and my vision is totally fucked - I have developed a lot of eye-floaters. Meanwhile I've started to regret the decision of coming on a SSRI, mostly after reading all the recovery stories on this site, which just enforce my anxiety as I'm unsure whether the SSRI are causing more damage.

I know I experienced some progress last week, but my psychiatrist told me that it couldn't be due to the meds, as it shouldn't work so early on. Maybe it's placebo.

Anyways, right now I'm constantly thinking about tapering off the lexapro now (3 weeks in). I've just spoken to my psych, and I'm meeting him tomorrow to discuss whether I should continue or not.

I know the best advice would be to just listen to the doc, but I would love some opinions from you guys anyway :)
 
Hi Delfin :)

I've tried a few SSRIs and reacted very badly to them, a range of unpleasant effects so severe I didn't tolerate one for more than 2 weeks. Since I've tried a range of other ADs, was on Venlafaxine for a couple of years and persevered despite some side effects, currently I'm taking Amiltriptyline ( a TCA) which seems to have no side effects for me but I'm not convinced it's effective.

Peoples reactions to these drugs seem astonishingly diverse, if you choose to go down the AD root it may take some time to find one that is right for you and even then this may change over time.

My doctor was of the view that serious symptoms resulting form starting these drugs should start to subside after around 2 weeks, not cease but stop getting worse. 4-6 weeks to get an idea if they are showing signs of being effective in combating depression. This seems consistent with what the patient information info states and what others I've spoken to have been told and experienced.

Strong and unpleasant reactions to SSRIs and other ADs are not uncommon, it's really you that must decide if you can or want to put up with them in the hope they will subside and you will experience benefit, I've experienced doctors who really don't appreciate how difficult it is to cope with not only your existing mental health issue but a whole new set of symptoms on top.

I know it's not always easy to assess but do you think that after 3 weeks things are getting better or worse and how tolerable are these current side effects ?
 
I guess the sideffects are tolerable now, even though the eye floaters really are annoying me! Especially because they are a constant reminder of my issues. I'm just in a situation where I'm unsure if the meds were the right decision, or if I would be better of without in order to fight my comedown. But now that I'm already 3 weeks in, I'm not sure its smart to taper off it.

But maybe it would be an idea to wait 6 weeks and see if the meds have any effect, before considering tapering off
 
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I was very happy that I never tool any SSRI's. I can't remember how many times I have asked the mods of MDMA forum and it's good that I stayed strong and just went through my recovery without them. It's actually a good idea to taper slowly and just let your brain heal and do it's own job. It wants to be left alone so just trust it and you will recover.
 
Slowly taper off. Have you discussed with your doctor the taper scheduling? How long were you supposed to take the ssri's?
 
He actually says that I could just quit them because I've only been on them for 3 weeks.

I would probably feel bad for some days and get some brain zaps, but it should pass within a week he said.
 
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So just a quick update.

I quit the SSRI after consulting with my doc, and have been SSRI-free for 4 days. The first 3 days were great! I actually felt better than when I was on the SSRI. I was able to do school work, go on a date with a girl and generally I felt as if I was in control of my anxiety. However, today (the 4th day) I feel severely anxious and depressed! Hopefully it will pass soon!

Im 3 month in on my recovery and it's been such a roller coaster. Sometimes I wish I would just experience progress slowly but effectively, instead of these crazy fluctuations where I one day will feel in control and motivated to go on with my life, but the following day will be feeling so anxious, dread and suicidal..
 
I probably mentioned this before, I did not feel a big difference until month 11. You might feel much better or even recover on month 6 so don't you worry. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better so hang in there.
 
Im 3 month in on my recovery and it's been such a roller coaster. Sometimes I wish I would just experience progress slowly but effectively, instead of these crazy fluctuations where I one day will feel in control and motivated to go on with my life, but the following day will be feeling so anxious, dread and suicidal..

I can't say how common that fluctuating feeling is but often when I've been emerging from a period of deep depression I have likened the feeling to a flickering light bulb, it always indicates good things for me. The periods of light become longer and more frequent until things settle back down ano just a quick update.

I quit the SSRI after consulting with my doc, and have been SSRI-free for 4 days. The first 3 days were great! I actually felt better than when I was on the SSRI. I was able to do school work, go on a date with a girl and generally I felt as if I was in control of my anxiety. However, today (the 4th day) I feel severely anxious and depressed! Hopefully it will pass soon! d the instability has passed.

I hope the same happens to you very soon, can't say I blame you for ditching the ADs, is great to hear things are improving:)
 
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I probably mentioned this before, I did not feel a big difference until month 11. You might feel much better or even recover on month 6 so don't you worry. Sometimes it gets worse before it gets better so hang in there.

So how long did it take from month 11 to feeling close to recovered?
 
I felt around 90 percent on month 12. It took a few more months to feel recovered but there are still days where I feel the weird symptom. I think that this is as far as it can get but sometimes you just never know, I might feel fully back to myself in a year or two years. Everyone's recovery is different so recovery should not be compared.
 
And maybe also how often you experience them and how much they affect your everyday life :) ?
 
Could you explain your lingering symptoms further? Anxiety? Dizzyness? DR? Brain fog?

It is more of like a slight head pressure and some weird movements in my head like I am floating... I have read so much about it online and it all relates to anxiety. As I have also mentioned, it is not as bad as before and it does not interrupt with work and it is quite manageable. Sometimes I also get some heart palpitations but it is also quite mild compared to how it used to be.


And maybe also how often you experience them and how much they affect your everyday life :) ?

I experience them almost everyday but since they have gotten mild there are times when I don't notice them anymore. The brain adapts to it but you have to give it more time and you will get used to it. I have accepted the fact that this maybe it so I just try to ignore and live normally.
 
It is more of like a slight head pressure and some weird movements in my head like I am floating... I have read so much about it online and it all relates to anxiety. As I have also mentioned, it is not as bad as before and it does not interrupt with work and it is quite manageable. Sometimes I also get some heart palpitations but it is also quite mild compared to how it used to .

But you are no longer experiencing 'pure anxiety' ? :)
 
I just wanted to run a quick update :)
Since i stopped lexapro I was through a horrible couple of days, but I eventually started to feel somewhere all right again. With some help from meditation and mindfulness I was able to control my anxiety a lot better! In fact the last 5 days I've had zero anxiety (except for some mild nervousness and confusion especially in the mornings), and I was able to enjoy these days to the fullest even though they were quite stressful - schoolwork especially. Most of the time I felt back to 100%, and I only seemed to get anxious when i though about the possibility that i might experience full blown anxiety again .. and so I did, the moment I'm writing this as a matter of fact. Nothing really triggered it, no alcohol, no specific worries.. nothing.. 5 days with no anxiety and now I've been sitting here trying to ride it off for the last 3 hours.. it really sucks.
Anyways, I guess it's a positive thing and probably a sign that I'm recovering that I can go through 5 days without anxiety :) .. I certainly hope so :)

Have a great easter :)
 
^ that's great to hear delfin. You are finally experiencing some comfort and recovery. Just continue what you are doing and your recovery will be faster. Have a great Easter too you as well.
 
I wonder if anyone else suffering from a MDMA comedown can relate to increased anxiety when having a cold/flu ?

after my 5 days without anxiety, I picked up a cold and as I mentioned in my last post, I started to feel the anxiety again. As my cold has become worse the last couple of days, so has my anxiety. Today I was having brunch with my best friend, but I was so panicky and anxious that I couldn't enjoy his company at all.. :(
 
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