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A trip to the ER...please help

Check out the long term comedown thread in the MDMA forum. You are not the first person that has been tied in a knot after using.

I triggered acute anxiety/derealization/panic for 8 months after taking a nasty RC cocktail which I thought was MDMA. I am fine now.
 
Halif...it's IS that black and white, in reference to "they should quit if that's how they feel"...I am in the medical field. I"ve worked in various parts of it...including the ER and in Public Health. I am so so sorry for the way your mother was treated, while dying. When I read "she was reduced to tears...." by a rude nurse, my heart hurt for you.

Plain and simple...if Dr's, nurses, and all the other techs, etc. go in w judgement, for any reason, they shoudn't be there. If they are going to be rude to a patient for whatever reason, they shouldn't be there. It is not the place of any medical worker to judge or decide whom deserves treatment more.

Everyone is entitled to have bad days...we're all human. If it's consistent behavior, they need to quit the medical field. You have to put your stresses aside, refrain from judgement, or "dislike"...if that takes carrying around what your pledged to do as a person in the medical field in your pocket, bra whatever, and reading it in the bathroom when you're feeling yourself judging or feeling a patenit is irritating. It's no different than the days you have to go into the bathroom and cry because your heart is breaking for a patient.

I think the treatment of the OP is unacceptable. I'm not saying that the Dr. was supposed to sit there for hours, going through every drug the OP had taken...but he couldn've referred him somewhere that would do that if he wasn't willing to. For the most part, Dr's can be cold. Nurses too.

The treatment I witnessed to the patients in ER by the staff INFURIATED me. Maybe the hospital was famiiar to US because we're there day in day out, and the other employees were also familiar w eachother due to the same reason...but both are notfamiliar to the patient who's not there all of the time

Sorry OP. And I've know more than one Dr. and more than one nurse that's been an addict. And high at work, whlle beng holier than thou to a patient. One Dr. shot water into the IV line, instead of Demerol. He had a headache, and used the demerol for himself. :!
 
Drugs can bring out hidden neuroses that you never knew existed. You're also taking a ridiculous amount of substances that are probably screwing around with so many chemical balances in your brain. I'd stop taking drugs for a bit, let your brain and body recover, and see how you feel.
 
SBfromPA: thank you for your post. I know that there are some truly great people in the medical systems - unsung heroes, I'd call them, because they work damn hard and are professional regardless of what's happening in their own lives. And this:

Maybe the hospital was famiiar to US because we're there day in day out, and the other employees were also familiar w eachother due to the same reason...but both are notfamiliar to the patient who's not there all of the time
Click to expand...

I really appreciate that acknowledgement and I believe that's precisely what led to the incidents when I had my bad experiences. I can't blame a doctor or nurse for being overworked and stressed to the point of burn out. I don't take what happened personally, but those words and that experience have stuck with me and I don't think I'll ever forget it. Seven years ago but it's clearer than yesterday. It was a real low point in my life.

Anyway, thank you again for showing empathy and compassion. Bless you.
 
Stargazer..over the twenty years of being a nurse i too have seen docs/nurses withhold med and take for themselves numerous times
 
MDMA can trigger anxiety/stress/panic disorder. It has happened to me and many others on BL. The good news is that if you deal with it appropriately (quit taking drugs) you can completely overcome it or at least manage it well.
 
Hey everyone.

It's me....

So it's been about 6 months now and I haven't done anything except xanax (I quit that 4 months ago though) and maybe a few lortabs here and there. I have been excersising, eating right and have limited/almost no anxiety.

The problem is...I still want to roll. I don't want to do the drugs in excess like I did before, but I just want a smaller dose of MDMA but I am scared. I can't even take more than a couple lortabs (i used to EASILY take 60mg+, not to mention oxycodone, fentanyl etc.) without feeling anxious.

Will the fear ever go away? I remember when I was doing all that stuff before I would fearlessly and boldly take a substance with courage (I would do research before I took it, and try to caution the doses) but I would challenge my limits. Now it's as if I am "governed", like I have some sort of limit. You know...kind of like how at the beginning of a battle, Iron Man has 100% power, but toward the end he has like 40% power or less?

By the way, that week after the ER visit was incredibly difficult. I laid in bed for a full week, I stared at the wall and could not MOVE. I did not eat, I had a xanax prescription , but was so scarred from drug use I thought I would "be punished" and worsen my problems if I took it. (Later did I find out this made it to where I could actually get up and move around). I couldn't even get in a car and go to the doctor (unless I had xanax in me) because I would literally freak the F OUT in a car....lol. I drive daily now, but wow....being in a car was so hyperreal and made me panic hardcore.

I excersise now, I take zero drugs, I feel better most of the time, but I am still by all accounts not "completely normal". I have this weird thing where I pay too much attention to my body functions and it makes me nervous...and I still definetly have restless leg.

Any input is appreciated. Maybe time will completely heal me, I just didn't think a combination in one night I would suffer these ripple effects months after my use! I have known people who roll every single weekend and I want so badly to be like them and just go out and roll, but cant because im scared that this episode will happen all over again.

thanks
 
Grats on getting your shit together OP. Unfortunately outside of anecdotal evidence I don't believe anyone can tell you how long it'll take for your brain to stop associating drugs with fear. This happened to me, although not with rolls, and has never really gone away. However I never truly abstained from all drugs, so perhaps that's why. I can't go near drugs that effect norepinephrine (stimulants, hallucinogens, even nicotine induces anxiety) without a benzo on hand.

It's kind of like the first time you touch a stove.. you instantly associate the hot stove with a negative effect. Now, put your hand on a cold stove and notice how it still provokes anxiety even though you know it's cold. Sort of like that but to a different and much more 'real' extent (i.e the cold stove doesn't directly cause the release of fight-or-flight chemicals). How long this takes to disassociate I do not know. Good luck.
 
This is so odd because I had the exact SAME symptoms last weekend. (Dry Mouth, Weak, Pins/Needles (Face), thought I was gonna vomit, my eyes were dry and red and I felt like I was going to seize up.....and worse of all, every time I drifted off to sleep I was afraid I wasn't going to wake up.

We do not share any similar circumstances other than I took (Probably too many) Vitamins and drank way too much caffeine--- but the days prior I WAS NOT eating well (hardly at all) so from what I could figure based on my previous experiences and when/how it cleared up is that I was having a hypoglycemic attack.

This probably doesn't help if you were eating normally?
 
pinpoint said:
Grats on getting your shit together OP. Unfortunately outside of anecdotal evidence I don't believe anyone can tell you how long it'll take for your brain to stop associating drugs with fear. This happened to me, although not with rolls, and has never really gone away. However I never truly abstained from all drugs, so perhaps that's why. I can't go near drugs that effect norepinephrine (stimulants, hallucinogens, even nicotine induces anxiety) without a benzo on hand.

It's kind of like the first time you touch a stove.. you instantly associate the hot stove with a negative effect. Now, put your hand on a cold stove and notice how it still provokes anxiety even though you know it's cold. Sort of like that but to a different and much more 'real' extent (i.e the cold stove doesn't directly cause the release of fight-or-flight chemicals). How long this takes to disassociate I do not know. Good luck.
Click to expand...

I occasionally opiate and get slight anxiety from it whereas before, I never thought twice about shoving a fistful of pills down the hatch. (Do not try at home)

I am far more cautious now, and I honestly do think it was probably the mushrooms that caused it. They were Psilocybe cyanescens...very potent and probably not a good first time shroom trip let alone combination with MDMA (hippy flip, took it during MDMA comedown)


QueenPickle, at the time, I wasn't eating normally, I just ate junk food and took little notice as to what my body did healthwise.

I feel better about 90% of the time, but I am not sure if I will "ever be the same again". I can work, drive a car, and even confidently go into stores and do normal things. I just have this ominous underlying anxiety, like a panic episode could creep up on me at any time. I can't help myself, I try to stay away from the fun, but hell, you guys know how it is. You just can't resist....

Are the chemicals in my head forever altered? Am I now a different person chemically?

Glad to know I am not completely alone
 
You certainly are not alone. I got on amphetamines when I was 20 and binged to the point where they left me only with crippling anxiety and dirty feeling. I cannot go near stimulants what-so-ever anymore without going into blow-my-brains-out mode and it affected all drugs in general for me except benzos. Benzos are the only thing I can take and feel normal. I was a long-term opiate addict and still have a soft spot for them obviously, but like you, there is even some anxiety associated with those. Especially Kratom. While I took kratom for years to get further and further away from the hard stuff, I run around like a bat out of hell grinding my teeth and going into basically a manic state. I too have endless RLS (and resulting intermittent insomnia) but I was genetically set up for pain in that department anyways.

I'm completely sober off any and all drugs now and it is a battle at times. But hey, nobody feels great all the time and I sure felt pretty fucking good for a while.

:\
 
Well it doesn't sound like you're too bad anymore - from what you've described it sounds like your experience with the MDMA and shrooms potentially brought an underlying anxiety disorder to the surface. It sounds like you're doing really well and dealing with it fantastically so bravo to you.

As to the chemicals in your head being altered I would hazard a guess and say no - i highly doubt that there's any long term alteration of neurotransmitters that's occurred, you're just more aware of the anxiety disorder now. When it first erupted you were obviously in a bad way in just about all manners. The brain is highly adaptive and heals quickly though. You'd overloaded the serotonin receptors in your head and it just couldn't take it anymore (chemically speaking, i think) so it activated a defence mechanism to stop you overloading it further.

It usually takes around 6-12 months to fully recover from an episode like the one you suffered. My best friend actually had something very similar happen to him, he overdosed on speed and MDMA - was diagnosed with super ventricular tachycardia. Now he cannot touch drugs - the fear and anxiety are what gets him, he's perfectly healthy and clearly can do drugs judging by the amount of alcohol and cannabis he consumes. I'm probably not the best of influences on him, but he's done cocaine (a little bit), LSD and 2C-I since that incident with me and not suffered from any heart problems - it's all in his mind. Every time he's been on each of those substances he got a bit nervous at times saying "oh my hearts beating quite fast" which led him into a negative thought pattern, amplified the anxiety, and essentially created a problem for himself out of nothing. It's fascinating as to how powerful the mind is.

The first time i tried cocaine i suffered an enormous panic attack which i perceived as a heart attack that was imminent (which it may well have been) and it took me a long long time to overcome the fear of that experience and use again. However now I can use just about as much cocaine as I want, and actually, I have more awareness of when enough is enough.... For better or worse i'm not sure.
 
All these theories/replies have been very helpful. I really do think it will get increasingly better the more time that goes by and maybe even eventually go away someday. I broke the first rule "All things in moderation" , it got out of control, and I had to pay for that....months after that ONE night. But boy...what a HELL of a night! I never felt, touched, heard, looked etc etc...so amazing in my whole life. At least I will have those memories forever. I am bad natured though, even after all that hell I went through, I STILL want so badly to experience that alien and foreign feeling once again, the universal love and understanding.

I really like this forum, I am a member at a few other forums and I can honestly say this one has been the most helpful so far, thanks to you folks.
 
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