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Harm Reduction ⫸Should I Try HEROIN?⫷

While I recognize that this is likely my mind creating an excuse, I too have felt that trying dope at this point didnt really matter because im already feeling intense withdrawls from oxy. I know graduating or substituting doesnt help. But a part of me is still hoping Im within time to save myself from this and moving to dope will only make things worse.
 
Hi all, new member here, although I have used the site for years as a resource. I am a heroin addict in recovery and over the last few years I have lost my mortgage, 40+ grand a year job, a whole lot of dignity and respect and i almost lost access to my children. Things are looking better now and I am on subutex maintenance treatment but it has been a long road to get to even this point. When i first started using heroin I was in heaven, I'd finally found my poison, but after just a few months things started turning sour and I have endured years of hell. The point is that it will eventually bite you in the arse no matter how clever you think you are. No one can stop you from trying it if you have your mind set on it, however you will save yourself plenty of bother in the long run by simply giving it a miss. Stronger, better people than me have fucked their lives beyond repair. Anyway apologies for the long post, not trying to be preachy just sharing my experience. If anyone needs any advice or info hit me up.

Mundy
 
5Borothoro said:
Shroomy, thank you for sharing, really. Your posts made me look at this in a very different light. Ive been in hell all week with wds because i virtually ran out of oxys and cant get more for a few days. Its the second month its happened to me. This has forced me to really reflect. Ive had so many nights sitting here wanting to find some dope to aleviate the suffering, but Ive stayed my course. Im doing all i can to avoid it, but im definitely in the abyss right now. Its been the longest week of my life so far. And its true, if Im like this now just off oxy, I dont want to imagine what dope will do to me. I think that fear is the only thing winning.
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Dope will do the same thing, dig the hole deeper though. Eventually, I couldn't even really feel oxy anymore, and hundreds of milligrams of it wouldn't satisfy me. Needed to rail good dope. Injected it 5 times last year after being hooked 5 years, realized I was likely going to die, pretty ashamed it got that bad and I've been quitting/relapsing ever since after a year it gets fucking exhausting. Detox after detox will wear the body out. I'm getting back in shape though. Got a hot yoga class to catch.

What has set me back the most are oxycodone pharmacy refills. I don't get cravings much, but if I do that has made it all to easy to act on. I'm out of scripts now but nothing will really stop me if I want to get high... I don't. It isn't worth the horrible sickness and being unreliable like that. I couldn't work by the end of it, was sick more often than not... still didn't want to let go. My tolerance was getting just stupid and side effects were becoming more and more apparent, shortened peaks, diminished returns, worsened withdrawals...

For what? I'm several years older, and all my problems are worse except for the back pain. I can live with that.

I'm at 2 weeks myself from my last oxy relapse. Haven't done H since the summer it doesn't matter. Eventually, it's all the same as if you quit your tolerance will get so low that oxy becomes an overdose risk it gets me so high now in small amounts (at first, tolerance and withdrawal take one or two days to return now... I didn't even notice until 18 months in really to contrast). My brain has changed. It no longer tolerates opiates. I don't even think much about H anymore it scares me a bit, knowing my current tolerance and ingrained patterns of use. It's when a lot of accidental overdoses happen, and it almost happened to me twice since December. Made me realize more than ever that I could randomly die one day from this as I had been clean so I could think straight. Still relapsed.

Been doing a lot of hot yoga it helps if you find yourself in this miserable god forsaken way of life and the first step for anyone who made this mistake was to try it. No worries about sharing I know this is behind me. For the longest time I wouldn't let go.

2 weeks is when I become reasonably physically comfortable, and I begin to be able to do cognitive things again like read, or make music. My brain has felt pretty much dead the past month from using in December for a bit... it was never like that before. It really does feel like a progressive disease, and I don't personally want to find out how much worse it gets as I'm already at my wits end and have been for a long time and I know it could get SO much worse even still. But, my withdrawals a couple years ago are laughable compared to what one or two days of not even that much oxycodone will do to me now. I'm so worn out from this shit.

If you've been through the week of hell you may as well experience the week two of burnout and residual physical effects, and the week three of realizing what a mess you might have made, and week 4 to the rest of your incarnation to pick up the pieces. That week of hell really should not be underestimated. It can turn into an absolute nightmare with a long term habit.
 
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I've had a few stints with the dope. Made me feel more amazing and alive than anything...but it's an unsustainable way of life. Whether you are rich or poor. So many very rich pop culture icons/musicians/actors have died from ODing and had no problem getting the stuff or worrying about running out, going through WD's. I sure didn't plan on trying it more than once or twice, and I turned into a fucking FIEND and went through mild WD which even with the small amount I was using was HELL. If you feel like you want to risk your life or just risk ruining your life, be my guest. I can get dope whenever I want but I have no desire to do it because of how negatively it affected my life and everyone who cared about me.
 
ShroomySatori said:
That week of hell really should not be underestimated. It can turn into an absolute nightmare with a long term habit.
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Even after only using it for a couple of months, and I mean less than 3-4 months (and not everyday til the end) I went through hell and it was a nightmare and I turned into a piece of shit that stole money from family members and stole other things from friends. It's horrible, and Suboxone and methadone are even worse.
 
5Borothoro said:
But a part of me is still hoping Im within time to save myself from this and moving to dope will only make things worse.
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If you go down that road it's very likely you will get people involved in your life that will make it worse, and you will lose people who care/cared about you at the same time.
 
embryo923 said:
Even after only using it for a couple of months, and I mean less than 3-4 months (and not everyday til the end) I went through hell and it was a nightmare and I turned into a piece of shit that stole money from family members and stole other things from friends. It's horrible, and Suboxone and methadone are even worse.
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It's crazy how addictive it is. I become a complete piece of shit for the sole purpose of avoiding withdrawals. I am fine with having chronic thoracic pain in my spine when I'm clean, even though it decimated me those years ago when it happened and a lot of the time left me bedridden. H made everything so much worse, it tortured me so thoroughly that I don't really care anymore. I'm happy to wake up not sick. I feel like I have a heightened pain tolerance from this. The absolute worst is relapse especially when you're still recovering since when it happened to me I was skinny as hell just being able to eat and move around and stuff again. I had two relapses in December so I have been withdrawing since last autumn and still have 3 weeks. It really starts to wear the body out after a while and I find consecutive detoxes worse and worse.

It definitely feels great at first but eventually it is completely unsustainable. I will get one high now and after a day already be starting to withdraw. And not knowing my tolerance makes it ridiculously dangerous ever to use. Last time I was found barely responsive slouched over for 8 hours and I remember hardly anything at all, from some oxy's. I was such a piece of shit at the height of my habit, then ever since detoxing I want to make up for it but feeling normal again takes time if possible. Pretty sure I've been scarred pretty deep at this point.

Feeling great though now! Got a new haircut to celebrate, just not feeling sick anymore. It feels like 5 years passed by in the blink of an eye and most everything about me was on hold. Then I started being unable to take care of myself last year as my use had become unsustainable, and my health really suffered from neglect and stress during withdrawal, and from chronic relapsing. I remember some pages back I had a few more weeks of clean time than this and I was my normal cheerful self. I was then the opposite of that for a while and 3 weeks later (after wasting a couple weeks high) I am finally beginning to feel like myself a bit.

At this point it doesn't really matter if it's a few percocets or a line. This family of drugs seems to completely ruin me and very fast too. It wasn't like that at first, I had absolutely no idea what I was in for or I would have stuck with the chronic back pain (which is fucking hell too, but nothing compared to this shit)
 
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Physical withdrawal from hydrocodone or oxy or dilaudid is really nasty stuff, but the mental aspect of it isnt nearly as bad as heroin. Last time I detoxed off of IV heroin I had to stay in a mental health hospital for a week that fealt like and eternity, and this was at 2 weeks clean, after sitting in a free detox center that basically cold turkey detoxes you and feeda you really well, they might give you loperamide pills (basically anti diareah) which help immensely with physical detox symptoms but other than that you sweat it out here. In the mental health hospital, I literally fealt like I had died and gone to hell, until they put me on some meds that knocked me out. When you detox off heroin you often wont sleep for a week or more and you begin to hallucinate very scary things. Ive strung together half a year and then relapsed, went back to using pills and IV heroin for 2 weeks and then had this psyche ward experience I mentioned. Thats how fast your tolerance can come back. Then I put together 4 months without using but something didnt feel right. I fealt like nothing. A loser, no purpose, no girl, I fealt empty. Living at my dads going nowhere fast, bottom line, something was missing. And until I put that heroin back in my veins thats how it was. But everything magically became amazing again when I started using. I love heroin. Its deadly as shit, dangerous, expensive, it takes all of your money, unless you do very very well, and it kills your libido. I dont think ive had a hard on in over a month and a half. I couldnt be bothered to masturbate or chase girls, even though im lonely and want a girlfriend. The heroin takes everything. I lost my fiance because I got sucked into it. Lost great jobs, tools and valuable possessions, you name it. I know what ive got to do, rehab. But im terrified due to my last experience of hell like agony, in my mind. My addiction centers in my mind, and its what happens when you take the dope away from me that makes me an addict. Heroin is my solution. My thinking is the problem.
 
In hindsight, I was essentially feeling possessed and a highly manipulative self destructive vampire. Withdrawal was a fuckin exorcism.

Shit leaves scars. Defs never be the same again. Why risk trying it, you'll probably like it the stuff is very surprising well to me at least, how high you can be and remain functional with nobody noticing. The first couple years were great but then you get a great big welcome to hell.
 
Hi I'm new to this and don't even know how up to date this is but if anybody is reading this and contemplating taking gear(H) for the first time then really you need to take a step back and ask yourself why you want to because its is premier league dodgy when your messing with street quality and the pharma quality stuff will allmist guarantee an overdose . this stuff is sneaky sneaky stuff I didn't try it till I was 30 years old I was sleeping in a hostel and an alcoholic and the ease that I started smoking it just on occasions within a year I was banging it into my groin and begging on the street if you try it you will Like it FACT that is what its for stick to benzos if u can ive been on subutex for 18 months now and use sporadically but once its in ur life you are in for a lifetime of temptation and its is hard
 
if you do heroin here is what will likely happen to you...... you'll enjoy it at first and see it as cool.... this will last a while until things start getting more expensive....... money will start to get lower.......... you won't enjoy anything in life / be able to do anything unless you're high on heroin............ shit like overdoses and going to the hood everyday will become just part of the routine for you............... eventually something bad will happen (for me it was i caught a felony), you'll have to go to rehab detox blah blah....... now you're back to sober and you will have to deal with wanting heroin for the rest of your life and having to work mentally at it to not go back to it............. BTW this is best case scenario.........

Most people that end up on dope for an extensive period of time end up dead or in jail............. Realistically it just doesn't pan out............ nobody starts doing heroin and then there life goes perfect... it's all just an illusion.
 
DETROIT*edm*JUNKIE said:
if you do heroin here is what will likely happen to you...... you'll enjoy it at first and see it as cool.... this will last a while until things start getting more expensive....... money will start to get lower.......... you won't enjoy anything in life / be able to do anything unless you're high on heroin............ shit like overdoses and going to the hood everyday will become just part of the routine for you............... eventually something bad will happen (for me it was i caught a felony), you'll have to go to rehab detox blah blah....... now you're back to sober and you will have to deal with wanting heroin for the rest of your life and having to work mentally at it to not go back to it............. BTW this is best case scenario.........

Most people that end up on dope for an extensive period of time end up dead or in jail............. Realistically it just doesn't pan out............ nobody starts doing heroin and then there life goes perfect... it's all just an illusion.
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That's what usually happens if you get on it anywhere, unfortunately. I'm still out there myself, so I don't have much room to talk, but the amount of dumb stuff I hear is insane (this isn't about your post, btw). So many people I've met can "just tell" if there is or isn't fentanyl in it, or magically determine quality by smell, or my favorite: This is some "insert Middle Eastern country name here" brown, or white, blah blah. Just admit that beyond the person or persons that handed it to you, you're clueless as to where it originated, especially when operating on a third grade reading level.... Had a guy see a novel in the floorboard of my car, an extremely famous one at that. He asked if I'd read it, and I said honestly dude I haven't read it, but found it for nearly free and would like to read it one day. He looked at me as if I was insane, began laughing as if I was making a deadpan joke and said "Boy, you got one wild imagination!!".
 
I decided to quit last spring. I haven't done H since July, but chronic hardcore-abusive oxycodone relapsing and close calls with overdoses on a monthly basis since then.

I'm at day 47 from opiates today, about the longest I have ever made it. I'm still nowhere near feeling nowhere, so burnt out. When I tried this shit I was overwhelmed by daily severe panic attacks and 2 years of untreated, debilitating chronic back pain from a sports injury. It was heroin or killmyself.

There is no hope here. Either you are as fucked up as I am and won't know any better until it's too late, or you will likely get caught up in it as it is very addictive and sneaky for anyone. If you have pre-existing issues you are simply fucked.
 
I was the catalyst for this thread. Many years ago I asked this very question and the Mod that started this told me, in colourful ways that opiates were not a good idea. I wish I had listed to him. I never did heroin, but I did do oxys and its been a rough ride. Dont do it, its not worth it. I wish I could go back in time, and not do the opiates that I was not prescribed.
 
I read through the thread before I tried it and didn't listen as I had already made up my mind. I tried it, felt anxious and sick, tried it again at the right dose and it was a couple years before I even noticed much (it's H right, you think you'd be able to back off when withdrawals start knowing better, but it's already too late to get away with it at that point).

I am more open regarding advice from other people in general now, as I tend to make stupid decisions.
 
one and done, still had cravings from that one time for months afterward (did a heroic amount that day), never again
 
DayDreamBeliever said:
This isn?t something you just want to try.
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Exactly. Trying will get your min stuck with thoughts that you can do it again and that nothing will happen. For some people it takes more time, for others not that much. It was this certainty that got me in a bad place for decades. Do something else, you'll be safer this way. Once you get this feeling registered in your mind, it's tough not to think about it. So my suggestion to you is that stop
while you can.

Take care!
 
I had a thought that has been stuck in my head. "Should I Try Heroin?" is a question with a very obvious answer that everyone more or less knows, but regardless, they ask it, not because they don't know if they should, but they want to validate their decision to try it. Basically, asking so they can say, "just once. Addict? not me, never. I'll be fine. I'm an exception. I'm smart and strong"

The story's almost always end the same way

Also, I remember back when I first started taking a single 10mg vicodin on a random day when a friend got them from his mom, as soon as I felt it wearing off I'd get sad and angry it was going and I fukken wanted more immediately. If I had more, I never stopped being high before they were gone.
 
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