Rachella666
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God help me, I'm trapped now, 11 months & my life is ruined
Harm Reduction ⫸Should I Try HEROIN?⫷
- Thread starter Mr.Scagnattie
- Start date
Rachella666
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- Mar 1, 2013
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If you try this shit you are a fucking eejit, full stop.To look at me you wouldn;t have a clue that I use, but it's got me trapped, every fucking day, every few hours, dreading running out, man, I swear, I fucking HATE myself for ever picking up the tooter & running those few lines.
The self loathing that comes with it is unreal, I wish I was dead. A few years ago, I used to say to my companions...'fucking junkies are the scum of the earth, the lowest of the low'......now oh how it has changed. Please guys, DON;T FUCKING DO IT. I HATE myself & I want to DIE now.
The self loathing that comes with it is unreal, I wish I was dead. A few years ago, I used to say to my companions...'fucking junkies are the scum of the earth, the lowest of the low'......now oh how it has changed. Please guys, DON;T FUCKING DO IT. I HATE myself & I want to DIE now.
Rachella666
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Erikmen, it's on my mind ALL the time, I have NO money, I've lost weight, I'm sickened and disgusted at what I have become, it's a fucking horrible disease like plague that has infected my mind and at the moment I feel it's terminal, if I don't stop I'm going to end up in the river dead with the self loathing. I'm the scum of the earth even though I haven't succumbed to crime yet, I am TERRIFIED of withdrawal, the weeks of anguish, torment and hell like suffering which I've read on so many different forums. I am petridied, there, I finally said it. 
Rachella666
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I hope to fuck that all those people who are considering using are reading rthis and seeing what ye will become if ye only try it once!!! That's all it takes people!!!!!! STAY-A-FUCKING AWAY!!!!!
Erikmen
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Erikmen, it's on my mind ALL the time, I have NO money, I've lost weight, I'm sickened and disgusted at what I have become, it's a fucking horrible disease like plague that has infected my mind and at the moment I feel it's terminal, if I don't stop I'm going to end up in the river dead with the self loathing. I'm the scum of the earth even though I haven't succumbed to crime yet, I am TERRIFIED of withdrawal, the weeks of anguish, torment and hell like suffering which I've read on so many different forums. I am petridied, there, I finally said it.
Putting it all out makes it real and that's probably when or only when we can start to consider thinking about the idea of quitting. It's terrible indeed, it's sad and difficult, but when you start focusing on the bright side of changing your life everything can change. It's takes time until we get it right but it's possible- some or most of us have been there at some point. Give it a thought, keep posting. This can be done, probably not now but definitely doable. The fear of quitting is what stops us from even thinking about it.
I wish the best of luck to you and hope to see you trying some day, we'll be here for you!
Take care,
Erik
ShroomySatori
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There has never been a better time with the myriad of active synthetic opioid cuts to quit heroin, not try it.
I have been clean of the filth for weeks now. I'll NEVER use it again EVER. It was probably the biggest mistake of my life so far. I can't see myself even being attracted to such filth, especially after taking ten hits of al-lad the other day.
It's a disgusting, dirty drug and I am disgusted with myself that I even used it let alone got hooked for most of my 20's. I'm so upset with myself. Why the fuck would you try something that is designed to exploit people who are suffering for money, and imprison them in so many ways. It's a bullshit, garbage drug... the worst one I've ever used.
Quitting has been hell beyond hell, it was so bad that I will NEVER do anything like that to myself again so long as I live. It was horrible. A grown man in his prime with less energy than most 80 year olds. I couldn't do a damn thing for several weeks. I'm good now though... I'm doing a lot of things to help reboot my endorphins. I'm still taking a few percocets for the pain but that is night and day compared to this disgusting filth. If you use this drug, I'm beginning to realize that you are in fact an inherently dirty person. That shit gets shoved up peoples asses and stuff, what is so glamorous about that. Track marks are disgusting, I wouldn't date a girl with them. Fuck everything about this drug and if you are thinking of trying it, that means you probably have problems you need to face. Not to sound like a hypocrite but at least I quit and you know when you quit. It's over. It's SO over times a million. This drug completely fucked me and it can kill someone else. NOT ME
I have been clean of the filth for weeks now. I'll NEVER use it again EVER. It was probably the biggest mistake of my life so far. I can't see myself even being attracted to such filth, especially after taking ten hits of al-lad the other day.
It's a disgusting, dirty drug and I am disgusted with myself that I even used it let alone got hooked for most of my 20's. I'm so upset with myself. Why the fuck would you try something that is designed to exploit people who are suffering for money, and imprison them in so many ways. It's a bullshit, garbage drug... the worst one I've ever used.
Quitting has been hell beyond hell, it was so bad that I will NEVER do anything like that to myself again so long as I live. It was horrible. A grown man in his prime with less energy than most 80 year olds. I couldn't do a damn thing for several weeks. I'm good now though... I'm doing a lot of things to help reboot my endorphins. I'm still taking a few percocets for the pain but that is night and day compared to this disgusting filth. If you use this drug, I'm beginning to realize that you are in fact an inherently dirty person. That shit gets shoved up peoples asses and stuff, what is so glamorous about that. Track marks are disgusting, I wouldn't date a girl with them. Fuck everything about this drug and if you are thinking of trying it, that means you probably have problems you need to face. Not to sound like a hypocrite but at least I quit and you know when you quit. It's over. It's SO over times a million. This drug completely fucked me and it can kill someone else. NOT ME
Erikmen
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I have once read a beautiful poetry post in here and this person really reached me.
I hope it suits you because it's bottom line of all of this.
"I destroy homes, tear families apart - take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold - the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
And if you need me, remember I'm easily found.
I live all around you, in schools and in town.
I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door.
My power is awesome - try me you'll see.
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I'll own your soul.
When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie.
You'll do what you have to just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit, for my narcotic charms, will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.
You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad.
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised.
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, and separate from friends.
I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I'll be with you always, right by your side.
You'll give up everything - your family, your home, your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.
I'll take and I'll take, till you have nothing more to give.
When I'm finished with you you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned this is no game.
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind.
I'll own you completely; your soul will be mine.
The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed.
The voices you'll hear from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see.
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall not part.
You'll regret that you tried me, they always do.
But you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen.
Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away.
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?
I'll be your master; you will be my slave.
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not?
Its all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell.
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell."
I hope it suits you because it's bottom line of all of this.
"I destroy homes, tear families apart - take your children, and that's just the start.
I'm more costly than diamonds, more costly than gold - the sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
And if you need me, remember I'm easily found.
I live all around you, in schools and in town.
I live with the rich, I live with the poor, I live down the street, and maybe next door.
My power is awesome - try me you'll see.
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let you go, but try me twice, and I'll own your soul.
When I possess you, you'll steal and you'll lie.
You'll do what you have to just to get high.
The crimes you'll commit, for my narcotic charms, will be worth the pleasure you'll feel in your arms.
You'll lie to your mother; you'll steal from your dad.
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you'll forget your morals and how you were raised.
I'll be your conscience, I'll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids, I turn people from God, and separate from friends.
I'll take everything from you, your looks and your pride, I'll be with you always, right by your side.
You'll give up everything - your family, your home, your friends, your money, then you'll be alone.
I'll take and I'll take, till you have nothing more to give.
When I'm finished with you you'll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned this is no game.
If given the chance, I'll drive you insane.
I'll ravish your body, I'll control your mind.
I'll own you completely; your soul will be mine.
The nightmares I'll give you while lying in bed.
The voices you'll hear from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, the visions you'll see.
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.
But then it's too late, and you'll know in your heart, that you are mine, and we shall not part.
You'll regret that you tried me, they always do.
But you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen.
Many times you were told, but you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away.
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?
I'll be your master; you will be my slave.
I'll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not?
Its all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell.
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell."
readytoroam
Bluelighter
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- Jul 17, 2017
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- 20
I can answer this but it is a long, complex and convoluted explanation which will take time to process and truly comprehend ...
... here goes ....
... No ....
In all seriousness; from one who first tried at 17, first had a habit by 19, first got truly clean at 23 only to hurt my back 10 years later and after trying everything else under the sun sourced some morphine and within six months lost job girlfriend financial security and anything else positive one cares to mention whilst en route to becoming dependent once again ...
... I would once again reiterate IMO, no - please don't do it.
From my fairly extensive exposure to most other drugs available globally, H is the one I would never offer to someone who did not already have a habit; would never source for someone else or recommend its use for anything ranging from recreation to medication.
It is too pleasant, once you taste it you can no longer comprehend that there could possibly be anything bad about it and you will remain thus until the day you awake in withdrawals unable to sit still for even one moment with nothing to look forward to aside from an elevation of symptoms and suffering.
I believe Trainspotting to offer a pretty credible depiction of "Clucking" but I also watched 'Candy' after seeing it referenced in another thread on here this week and that entire film is, again purely in my opinion, a brutally accurate account of both the heavenly, and horrific side to dancing with this particular devil.
Unless you are dying then the likelihood is that 'trying' will lead to dependence (even if it takes a couple of years), and dependence will lead to misery.
I hope this helps and apologies for the sarcastic start, but if that serves to grab one persons attention and prevents pursuit of said substance then it is a victory.
... here goes ....
... No ....
In all seriousness; from one who first tried at 17, first had a habit by 19, first got truly clean at 23 only to hurt my back 10 years later and after trying everything else under the sun sourced some morphine and within six months lost job girlfriend financial security and anything else positive one cares to mention whilst en route to becoming dependent once again ...
... I would once again reiterate IMO, no - please don't do it.
From my fairly extensive exposure to most other drugs available globally, H is the one I would never offer to someone who did not already have a habit; would never source for someone else or recommend its use for anything ranging from recreation to medication.
It is too pleasant, once you taste it you can no longer comprehend that there could possibly be anything bad about it and you will remain thus until the day you awake in withdrawals unable to sit still for even one moment with nothing to look forward to aside from an elevation of symptoms and suffering.
I believe Trainspotting to offer a pretty credible depiction of "Clucking" but I also watched 'Candy' after seeing it referenced in another thread on here this week and that entire film is, again purely in my opinion, a brutally accurate account of both the heavenly, and horrific side to dancing with this particular devil.
Unless you are dying then the likelihood is that 'trying' will lead to dependence (even if it takes a couple of years), and dependence will lead to misery.
I hope this helps and apologies for the sarcastic start, but if that serves to grab one persons attention and prevents pursuit of said substance then it is a victory.
Erikmen
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I feel that sometimes it's difficult to say to someone not to try it and later say it's too pleasant or when you taste it you can no longer comprehend that could possibly be anything bad about it. That will actually trigger our wishes not and make people forget whatever you have said before in my honest opinion!
It just makes want people try it even more. If I had never tried it and if I had read the first part of your post, I could probably think about it. About not trying it at all - maybe, however, when you mention words like pleasant, or heavenly than you it's a bit spoiled, don't you think?
People can relate to tragedies but once you talk about the sweetness of heaven the entire idea of tragedy looses its meaning somehow.
What I can say is that there is nothing sweet about heroin, there's no heaven and hell, there is only hell. Because at the end of the rope, you can only suffer, loose everything you have ever fought hard to have. Friends, family, loneliness, lack of money or job. Physically harmful, visibly sad. That's the only things I see. No sweet endings or beginnings. Heroin does not deserve to be magical because it is not.
It just makes want people try it even more. If I had never tried it and if I had read the first part of your post, I could probably think about it. About not trying it at all - maybe, however, when you mention words like pleasant, or heavenly than you it's a bit spoiled, don't you think?
People can relate to tragedies but once you talk about the sweetness of heaven the entire idea of tragedy looses its meaning somehow.
What I can say is that there is nothing sweet about heroin, there's no heaven and hell, there is only hell. Because at the end of the rope, you can only suffer, loose everything you have ever fought hard to have. Friends, family, loneliness, lack of money or job. Physically harmful, visibly sad. That's the only things I see. No sweet endings or beginnings. Heroin does not deserve to be magical because it is not.
keeping
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ha yeah, the only way i can describe it to people who ask is that its so good it'll totally ruin your life (ツ
zack taylor
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I'm diff thinkin
g about it due to cost of vics ( I am up to 18/Day) the deaths scare me though
g about it due to cost of vics ( I am up to 18/Day) the deaths scare me though
darkcloud13
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- Nov 17, 2013
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This is very informative as well.
I think we shouldn't just blame the drug itself.
I think we shouldn't just blame the drug itself.
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Well IMO the short answer is the most obvious thing that people should generally know and that is NO, do not "try" Heroin, but I'm only a 23 year old male addict who has been through addictions to pretty much all drugs from the age of 13 and yeah I tried heroin when I was 18 just to tick it off the list, I had already been taking codeine, tramadol and DHCs since I was 15 and I had taken morphine plenty of times when I was 17 and I had smoked opium a few times before trying heroin so when I did i had to take quite a bit more than most people and didn't get any negative effects due to tolerance but I didn't really see anything in it until the third time I had it and properly "nodded off" at a mates for an hour or 2 after been awake most the the night smoking it, and then I got up the next day for college got a protein milkshake on the way and had really good day at college and didn't take heroin again, until 1.5 years later. Now when I started taking it again 1.5 years later I no longer was in college and well didn't do anything in life had broken up with my GF at the time and didn't really care what happen as I was quite depressed (nothing compared to now but things just got worse as they do with addictions and depression and the cycles you experience with such lifestyle). Now I regret taking it so much but a lot of things have happened since, mostly because I got back with that GF (on and off for quite a while) and if it wasn't for me she would prob have not gotten addicted to it but I was already in it's grasp and wasn't aware of how badly influencing I was to the people I care about because I needed to get my next score, but now it sounds so stupid needing to get my next "fix" because I have now experienced addiction to Gabaergics (Benzos (high doses from loraze, alprazo, diaze, nitraze, temaze, clonaze, to RC ones like Flubromazepam (best for taper), Clonazolam (best benzo IMO) Diclaze,, Flubromazolam and prob so many more that I can't remember atm as well that's what benzos do), Gabapentoids (Gabapentin, Pregabalin, Phenibut ( Pregablin 50mg-300mg with 750mg-2.5g phenibut and 2-3 units of alcohol is one of my favorite drug combos still to this day (which will make a lot of sense if you read the whole of this comment) I never got addicted to the Gabapentoids as my GF was prescribed Pregabalin for GAD at the age of 18 so I know how addictive it is and if you don't know about it then I will tell you now, IMO it is one of the most addictive substances I know) and then GBL is the other Gabaergic chem I have experience with and I am addict to atm) now If you have gone though addiction to Gabaergics and managed to get off them and have good self control then I think that you can actually just try heroin if you want because after going through benzo and GBL withdrawals myself I no longer care in the slightest about opiate W/Ds as they are like walk in the park compared and I'm sure people who have been through both with tell you the same. Now I found that same GF dead just over 5 weeks ago and even though she didn't overdose I am now under investigation for possession of class As and intent to supply and it's hard to explain that 100 tabs of lsd is personal (for me anyways) there was every kinda drug in the flat as you'd expect from someone who has severe addictions to everything and has been self-medicating for depression (and many other mental problems from the age of 13). But yeah my addictions to physically addictive drugs was due to depression, insomnia and boredom. If anyone wants to talk to me about any of the topics I have mentioned then PM me as I don't want people to go through all the things I have and although I'm a mentally unstable addict I am not stupid and I know enough about addictions and drugs to help most people and even if people just need someone to talk to about such things I have mentioned. I will say though, I have a very addictive personality.... but yeah feel free to PM me on here or on Wickr username is same as on here. And remember, if you're gonna take drugs make sure you don't let them take you as I'm sure you will have heard that before, now I'm gonna watch some shit and KO myself for a few hours, take care and I hope people take there time to read this and if I can do anything to help anyone going to hard times then I will do my best as there is too much bad shit in the world and we need to take away the stigma the minority of addicts and all the people who know nothing about addiction and mental illness have given to all addicts which disgusts me.
DoctorMolecule
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^ sorry about your GF dude... that really sucks.
Erikmen
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Addiction makes everything confusing, especially when you start so early. I have also started pretty early in life but after some time I managed to control myself. Still I was totally messed up. But somehow I worked, had my friends, and felt like I was never going to be anything else unless I was using. Things change, you loose people. Family get involved. Drugs really suck when you've done so much in your early years. Maybe I wanted to have a normal life when I was young. But now I just need to move on. That's the only thing I can do.