well, lets say she's using 26 years; I think of myself as "using" close to 12 years. I don't count the smoking weed, drinking and maybe taking an ecstasy in high school as using. once 18 came the Oxy's were introduced they took over my life quick; I was SELLING more than using but due to the money being made I started partying in EVERY category aside from opiates. E, K, G, Crystal, Coke, whatever... I was doing it 4x's a week minimum. I was also moving thousands of 80's at the time. eventually the 80's caught on as well around 20/21 and I started banging those w/ my other drugs. then I eventually was picked up and sent away to what we call PRISON! oh what fun. ended up in a in-house rehab for 6 month post release and then sober house for another 6 months. went about 5 years or so clean total. then one day in 07 I came across a buddy I met in prison/rehab and he was moving 80's again. and then BOOM, I decided I pick up an 80. luckily, I could split that 80 into 6-8 pieces and still feel "high" or "jammed". before you know it I was downing 80's and then they left and 30's hit the scene. 30's were cheap at the time so I could bang down alot. from 30's the dope came around and I could bang down that as well. it just went downhill from there on out; as time went by the dope eventually TOOK OVER MY LIFE. it was MY BOSS. it called ALL THE SHOTS/MOVES I MADE. every decision I made was based around dope. every dollar I made was spent on DOPE or how to get to the place to get the DOPE! bills STOPPED being paid; my rent money I'd pay my GF (at the time) in advance because I didnt trust myself to keep on hand. I didnt have a car at the time due to a DUI so no bill there either. I was just paying RENT and sometimes GAS for other cars I'd use to pick up. It got fucking whacky man. I'd walk in to a Dunkin Donuts, Burger King, McDonalds, etc, and the people behind the counter just knew my face and would say "hey, whats up... using the bathroom again?". just knowing/or pretending to know that I was going in there to take a "shit". meanwhile I am blasting away in these bathrooms and feel so at home as if it's normal to be doing such a thing. I'd walk out and sometimes there would be a line and I'd just have a big smile on my face after the BLAST I had in there. I'd leave the needle wrapper on top the trash as if I didnt care. the bags and whatnot would get flushed and pin would get wrapped up and tucked away in the barrel as well. was just SICK fucking times, man. blows my mind I did what I did. ONCE in a while I'd try to buy ONE THING from the DOLLAR MENU to look like a REAL customer.
so yea, I am 31 years old now and have only been sober roughly 5 months. I was 30 when I quit/OD'd last. so from here on out I an TRYING to stay away from opiates; bupe has helped me tremendously thus far but I honestly have no urge, no thoughts, no NOTHING when it comes to dope, so I am even confidence as I lower my bupe dosage that I WILL BE FINE! I started at 24MG and still scripted 16MG but dropped myself to 8MG over the last month or so. people MAY SAY you only need such a small dosage but I dont always buy into that. there are days where ill go back to 12 or 16MG depending on how I feel and that day I feel "extra" good considering the dosage has doubled. ha.
either way, I just hope all you junkies out there right now realize that you MAY be ruining your life. take a look around. realize what others have in life and what you dont. I am NOT SAYING you have to life the NORM, because that is something I surly DO NOT believe in (I want no marriage, no kids, no ownership of housing, etc). I just want to have cash, a steady job (always have but dope started to put that at risk) and my health (which was been tarnished but getting back to where it once was). I look at life day by day, as they do say in your NA/AA meetings. I dont plan too far ahead but I am damn happy w/ my day by day plan/events.
God bless you all who are still struggling. If I could do it, then you surly could do it. I was a JUNKED OUT WHACK JOB! i still am a WHACK JOB but people just know me for that and know I am a funny/whacky guy. No longer a junkie/whacky guy. ha. make sense to anyone?