Bluelight

Thread: How do I deal with my heroin addicted brother?

Results 1 to 12 of 12
  1. Collapse Details
    How do I deal with my heroin addicted brother? 
    #1
    I'm not a drug user. I'm 23 and I have only taken a handful of hits of weed with friends in high school. I do have an addictive personality though as it runs in my family. I am probably addicted to video games. My uncle and aunt were both heroin addicts. My mom is an alcoholic. This past year my brother became a heroin addict. He is 18. Throughout the year he sold almost my entire video game collection as well as consoles to support his opiate addiction. I didn't know why he was stealing and selling my belongings at the time, he said it was just for weed and cigarettes which was a lie. I thought he stopped stealing for a while, but it only seemed like it because he was taking my moms debit card and taking out 100s of dollars a week. When she found out she cancelled the card. I work at night so I sleep until 2 pm. A few months ago he began taking my car and my wallet and withdrew 800 dollars from my account over the course of 2 weeks. He knew my PIN number because I let him take my card once when I trusted him before he used drugs. So basically he was stealing constantly, and it finally came out that he uses heroin because his codependent boyfriend overdosed on Xanax and heroin. Since then my brother has been going to intensive out patient and narcotics anonymous. He totaled his car going to a drug deal so my parents take him to all the meetings.

    He works at dunkin donuts and is on suboxone. He still uses heroin, I think some kid drops it off for him at our house. My brother is still stealing things, he recently stole the Xbox and traded it in. I bought a small safe for my belongings. My parents have to hide every car key and wallet or my brother will steal it. It's so easy for him to be an addict with a roof over his head and my mom cooking him dinner every night. I have anger issues myself and I have had a huge amount of anger and rage towards my brother for doing this to our family. He is completely submissive to his codependent boyfriend. His priorities in life are #1: heroin and his heroin addict boyfriend. He doesn't care about anything else. I can't trust one word that comes out of him. I have lost my temper and punched him in the face on two occasions. I want my brother to get better but his idea of me supporting him is enabling him and trusting him completely. He thinks its "ridiculous" that I don't forgive him for stealing hundreds of dollars of video games and hundreds of dollars of money I worked hard for. I will forgive him when he stops using drugs. He has made no effort to pay me back while he uses his paychecks on more heroin.

    I was so angry I was about to call the credit card company and report him for identity theft. I am still tempted to do that because my parents enable him and he has faced zero consequences. But the American criminal justice system is terrible and I don't want to make him unable to get a job because of him stealing from me. I want to support him but my anger at his constant lying makes me lose my temper and I will verbally abuse him and call him a "faggot pathetic drug addict piece of shit".

    I don't feel good about myself for being an asshole and I know it won't help him. But I'm not perfect. I have anger problems. It's not fair that he gets to do this to me and my family. He doesn't have remorse and heroin is his number one. My parents take him to meetings with his codependent boyfriend and they are BOTH still using. As far as I know my brother does not shoot up he just sniffs the heroin out of an empty ballpoint pen. My brother is on his first attempt of recovering and I'm trying to support him. I miss the person he used to be. He had a great sense of humor and we would hang out and laugh all the time. But since last year when he decided he cared about nothing but heroin the brother I knew has transformed into a gaunt and emaciated liar and thief.

    I believe a small part of him wants to stop using but he doesn't really want to stop because he is comfortable and supported and not at rock bottom. I want my parents to kick him out. When I said he's stolen too much from me and I can't trust him or forgive him he says "they're just material things! Who cares!" He basically refuses to admit he did anything wrong and acts like he is a victim. Last night he was on the phone with his boyfriend outside and my mom looked outside and then my brother came in screaming that my mom was "spying on him" and invading his privacy. I said he has no right to feel entitled to act like he owns the house. It pisses me off so much that he continues to walk all over my parents and keep using drugs while half assedly going to meetings and using suboxone. I fucking hate the drug addict he has turned into. Sorry for the long post. Does anyone have any words of advice? What are some steps I should take with myself and my family to help my brother? Should we give him an ultimatum of going to a 100 day program or being kicked out of the house?

    I will greatly appreciate any response. Thanks.
    Last edited by neversickanymore; 07-12-2013 at 20:34. Reason: split text wall up
    Reply With Quote
     

  2. Collapse Details
     
    #2
    Moderator
    Healthy Living
    The Dark Side
    Maya's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    6,413
    Yes at this point you're gonna have to give him an ultimatum. You have done what you can including your parents so enough is enough. Ut also seems like he doesn't care about you being his brother and he keeps stealing from you and your parents. If you continue to let him have access to your place he will keep stealing so the best way Imo is to cut the ties. Sometimes some people need to learn the hard way.
    Reply With Quote
     

  3. Collapse Details
     
    #3
    Does his boyfriend have a house? He certainly shouldn't be living with you if he robs you constantly.
    Reply With Quote
     

  4. Collapse Details
     
    #4
    Bluelighter shady4091's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Alberta, Canada
    Posts
    750
    Hey man, first of all I'd like to say I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I know it must be hard, especially not really understanding the shit he's going through. Not to undermine the shit he's done to you and your family though, it really is inexcusable but opiates are like that. You literally don't give a shit about ANYTHING but keeping yourself from the sickness. Stories like yours are the norm for heroin abusers who have a family enabling their habit.

    Unfortunately there's no easy solution here. The obvious choice is the ultimatum, quit RIGHT NOW (no last hit BS), or kick him out. I'd like to say include some random drug tests but I think suboxone might fuck with that a bit. The problem with this is it will almost certainly just piss him off and he'll leave on his own, resent you all and then be exposed to all the shit on the street that will probably kill him faster than the heroin. I know this is probably exactly what has kept your parents from doing that already, I can't imagine how hard it would be to basically send your son out into the elements with nothing BUT it's like MAYA said, it's reached a point where there's little else you can do.

    I would have recommended a rehab or inpatient facility first but it seems like that has only given him fuel to use against you. I know it's hard man, but you should try talking to him without the fist-fighting lol. Show some pity, regardless of how mad you are (completely understandably) because underneath the shroud of heroin I guarantee he feels terrible for the shit he's done. It's a dark spiral; steal money for heroin, feel terrible about it, use heroin and feel better, tell yourself it's not a big deal and you'll quit soon, rinse and repeat. Good luck man, just ask if you have any more questions.
    Reply With Quote
     

  5. Collapse Details
     
    #5
    Bluelighter deroxor's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Kanada EHHH???
    Posts
    1,938
    Man, I really Feel for you bro, Soooo freaking much.

    But before i drop my knowledge and advice your way i want to let you know that I know what your brother is going through. Because ive been that piece of shit, ungrateful, hoplessly addicted Junkie son/brother/friend and a pathetic Human Being, in that part of my life.

    First thing is first, You can never trust a Junkie, Especially one in the state that your brother is in. Assuming he isnt using needles and shooting up is probably your attempt to give him the benefit of a doubt. but if he is already stealing from you this much and this deep into addiction, my feeling is that he is ALL the way into it. nobody wants to tell their relatives their using needles, yuck!

    You seem like a Good brother, and you and your family are only trying to do whats best for the help of your brother..... but the fact is, he is way to far deep in for that.

    Addiction runs in my family too... and i fell into the vicious cycle that ended my own mothers life. I was a shell of my former self, As soon as i woke up in the morning/afternoon, my first thought was, How am i going to score some dope today??? Various attempts to quit cold turkey where damn near impossible in my mind.

    I could make it 2 days without any dope andf then i would concoct some sort of scheme, hustle, scam to get money from my friends or family.

    it got soo bad, i was burning everyone... and eventually i got the ultimatum from my best friend, who has always been there for me. Quit or he isnt going to watch me slowly kill myself anymore.

    ofcourse being a helpless junkie with the mind-frame telling me I cant live without heroin, I exploded and pretty much spat in his face because it infuriated me that he diddnt know what i was going through..... But i completely neglected what i was putting him through.

    The one person who diddnt give up on me was my grama (or who i like to call my mum) sure i drained her bank accounts pretty dry and she couldnt help me keep paying for my habbit, but i always had a welcome bed with her.

    It wasn't untill i made it out on-to the streets, and started living that crazy lifestyle, that i finally started to appreciate what i used to have before becoming an addict..... it made me realize what i taken for-granted all that time.

    and thats what gave me the drive, to want to quit.......

    I feel stupid now, that it even took me that long to learn that! but you know what??? people have to learn for themselves, and grow off their own experiences.

    As much as you love your brother, you and your family aren't doing him a favor by enabling him to keep being an addict. which is understandable, hes family and i get that. But you need to give him that ultimatum, and yes its going to get uglier after that, But untill he gets to see where that life is going to take him, hes going to keep attached to that "free" life of his, unknowing that hes actually a dope slave.

    There are other options than Suboxone. Personally im on Methadone, and it has literally saved my life. Unless you've got to experience the beautiful high that is heroin, then you will never know why junkies like us, would chose a lifetime supply of heroin over a beautifull mansion in the suburbs.... but the beauty of Methadone is that it prevents me from getting high.

    As much as i would love to experience a half hour of pain free, euphoric overload, methadone has made my tollerance insanely big so it is almost impossible to get high, and essentially making heroin pointless to consume and when you cut off the head of the dragon, the body tends to die

    Also, from my sober experiences of helping other friends and addicts through their struggles, i am able to understand your feelings towards your brother. it sucks when you have to watch someone you care about soo much, degrading themselves and destroying their health in some sort of self destructive cycle. But like i said, unfortunately, people have to learn for themselfs, from the consequences of their mistakes.

    And im pretty sure you think your brother has been living consequence free for long enough.

    Good luck, i hope this all turns out well for you
    Reply With Quote
     

  6. Collapse Details
     
    #6
    Bluelighter RVAbrowntownRVA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Richmond Va.
    Posts
    64
    He needs inpatient help man long term.
    Reply With Quote
     

  7. Collapse Details
     
    #7
    Ex-Bluelighter
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    santa rosa, CA
    Posts
    3,732
    i never would give up on someone i love if they wanna be a junkie then i'm gonna support them anyway cause thats how they've treated me
    Reply With Quote
     

  8. Collapse Details
     
    #8
    I'm sorry the post is tldr for me atm, but two things here.

    1. I would have knocked my brother silly if he had even considered stealing from me. I know that's not the sort of thing that people are generally ok with saying on this forum but it's the truth, he would never fucking consider doing it again if I caught him stealing my stuff for drugs (and I'm a drug addict). I know that he is doing it because of his addiction, but you have to put personal boundaries in place.

    2. There is not a lot you can do. You just have to let him know you are there for him when he wants to get well.

    I don't believe in tough love. I'm not saying that's an absolute, just my opinion.
    Reply With Quote
     

  9. Collapse Details
     
    #9
    Moderator
    The Dark Side
    Basic Drug Discussion
    T. Calderone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    3,939
    I think the best thing for your brother would be rehab. You and your parents shouldn't have to guard your wallets and keys. Since the kid knows there are no consequences for his stealing, he's not motivated to get his act together. I'm not advocating violence but tend to agree with Omen I just don't see it getting any better unless a major change happens.
    Reply With Quote
     

  10. Collapse Details
     
    #10
    I would knock him silly for stealing from his own family, not because he was doing it for drugs.

    He needs pro help whether it be 12 steps or some other way.
    Reply With Quote
     

  11. Collapse Details
     
    #11
    Temporary Ban
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    can I have one reply pls?
    Posts
    2,345
    u are not bad,aggresion is natural behaviour to protect yourself and your property. another thing is dont be nice to someone just becose he is your family.


    tell your brother to return all the money he stole from u and your mom in next paycheck or u report him for identity theft.


    have no mercy,i have cocaine addict uncle that steals money for over decade,he is horrible,beat his mother and father,his father dont do anything and his mother blindly loves him,even buy him house,food,ciggarets and cocaine... my uncle never quits as long as his supportive mother lives.

    tell your mother to kick him out of home,he can return when he quits heroin
    Reply With Quote
     

  12. Collapse Details
     
    #12
    Quote Originally Posted by DOB View Post
    u are not bad,aggresion is natural behaviour to protect yourself and your property. another thing is dont be nice to someone just becose he is your family.


    tell your brother to return all the money he stole from u and your mom in next paycheck or u report him for identity theft.


    have no mercy,i have cocaine addict uncle that steals money for over decade,he is horrible,beat his mother and father,his father dont do anything and his mother blindly loves him,even buy him house,food,ciggarets and cocaine... my uncle never quits as long as his supportive mother lives.

    tell your mother to kick him out of home,he can return when he quits heroin
    I disagree, support in every way, but that thieving can't be let slide. I wouldn't let a dude on the street do it to me so why my brother?

    Same as if I ever stole from my father, I would expect a kicking for doing it.
    Reply With Quote
     

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •