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EADD Introductions

knock

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 30, 2009
Messages
15,462
I posted a very brief summary of my life on the staff forums, because there's a thread for that. But the staff are not the be-all and end-all. In my view, I am here for the the members - old members, current members, members in waiting. Not BL as some grand institution. I'm here because we are a community who can support each other. BL is a very useful, albeit flawed, institution. But it's nothing without the people that post here, and most of all I do give a toss about you, the members. Especially EADD, because amongst you are some of the most compassionate and intelligent people I get to share ideas with. This is not about national boundaries. It's just about the sort of people who gravitate to EADD. I love these people. <3 I don't actually care where you're from. I would never turn away someone from EADD because they don't live in the right part of the world. All I care about is building a community of people who care about each other. And I honestly think EADD is the jewel in the BL crown. Not because of me, or the other mods, great as we are ;) but because of you, the members.

So. Here is that post. Perhaps others would like to give their own introductions here too.



I was born in 1973 when my mum and dad were 41. My dad was a teacher then Headmaster of the high school I went to. I had two older brothers and a sister. Eldest brother = 15 years older than me - died of cancer in 2008. My other brother - 12 years older - worked as a psych nurse in the NHS for 20 years until diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. He has to use wheelchair / scooter to get about and he gets tired easily. My dead brother leaves a 25 year old girl who has a lot of problems in life. My other brother has a couple of fairly well-adjusted kids. His wife is an angel and looks after him and her elderly, decrepit parents.

My parents are in their 80s and need an increasing amount of my time to look after them. I help my immobile brother whenever I can. My relationship with my dead brother's daughter is on and off; she has had a difficult upbringing and a bitter, difficult mother. So I help her where I can.

My sister was a heroin addict for a while before giving it up and sticking to weed. She has travelled a bit - through the UK, Greece for a bit, and settled in the States 20 years ago. She was a lesbian for many years. She had a mixed-race kid who is a wonderful young man. She then found the love of her love, an American artist, they got married and settled in northern Catalonia. After her son reached high school age he wanted to go back to the States as racism is a problem where they were living in Catalonia. So they moved to Portland, Oregan where she has connections. Her husband died of an overdose five years ago, he suffered from depression. I don't think he was a BLer. She works as a journalist now and has won various prizes.

I worked in IT from age 19 to 37. I worked in Edinburgh, London, Peterburgh, Lancashire (lived in a motorhome for 11 months, winter got to me so I quit), Dusseldorf, and Livingston (shithole in Scotland). Mostly financial instiutions but also Sky the TV company in Livingston.

In 2002 my best buddie died. This sent me on a downward spiral for the next few years. I moved to London and made good friends and had a lot of fun and worked hard, played hard. My brother died in that time. But that came to an end and I returned home to Scotland. Shortly after arriving my favourite Aunt died. My long term relationship (with a lass I still love dearly) fell apart; she also suffers from depression and is difficult to get along with but we're still friends. I also suffered complete disillusion with my work. I had a nervous breakdown last years as a cumulate result of these deaths, losses and frustrations over the years and nearly killed myself early 2012 jumping out a window on a cocktail of drugs. I'd been planning the suicide jump for some time, drugs just enabled it. In the end I just broke my foot.

I've spent the last couple of years trying, slowly, to rebuild my life. I saved up some money from working in the city and, oddly enough, the Co-Op in Lancashire. I've been living off that money. It's dwindling. I use drugs to make things bearable and frankly, they work, when used wisely, but it takes experience to find that sweet spot. Think I'm there now. I'm now getting involved in local activism against poverty, the bedroom tax, homelessness and empowering workers to take control of their lives. I do my best to help people here on BL because a) our members are by and large wonderful people and they deserve it and b) they help me back.

I took up climbing recently too. I live on my own in a cold flat in a town I'd rather not be. I plan to move to Edinburgh where I have some roots and interesting things sometimes happen.

My dad was remote when I was young, he threw himself into his work. He was mildly abusive - dragged me round the living room with a walkingstick round my neck; threatened to cut off my cock. My mum was loving but overprotective. I rebelled from the age of 12 and got into drugs ASAP. I had no trouble with drugs until my recent breakdown. I'm getting on top of that now.

I applied to train to be a nurse last year but due to police involvement I wasn't accepted, I'm going to seek advice and see if I can apply again.

My plans for the future outside 9-5 are to work with other people to make our lives better collectively. I am still a computer geek and get fun out of that.

I love techno and house, and I dance like a motherfucker on acid and MDMA. I usually use milder functional drugs at home but sometimes I have a blow out. most of the time that works out fine.

I love BL but most of all EADD. It's a place where people come who need help, and I think our relationships with each other should be based on mutual support through bad times, not just having fun, although fun is a big part too. I try to treat people like adults and I recognise that fundamentally there are limitations to what we can achieve with people who have far more serious issues to deal with than I have. So I just do my best and I don't try to fob people off with easy answers and platitudes.

That's me!
knock


PS stims help when typing this stuff out :D
 
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N Thats why we all luv u <3

dunno about experience n sweet spots though :?
 
i mean trial and error to find what drugs at what doses and dosing patterns work for me.

tell us all about you, brimz!
 
kin ell i have posted most of my life on here at some point but i'm not ready to put it alll down like that
 
well when you've got the right stims then I'll give you a nudge <3
 
I was pretty fuked last night i just woke up on the sofa with the puter on my lap , last thing i remember was this really good Cocaine . I just had a look n i still got plenty of drugs left even a wee bit of Heroin, Just had a Curry that i made last night n didn't eat 4 breakfast !
 
Lovely idea knock <3 Will write something up a bit later when my eyes feel less like I fell asleep face first in a desert. Very much agree with your sentiments about EADD, forum has done a lot for me over the ten years I've been here, I love it to bits.
 
had a brief skim of your post knock, i will read more throroughly and may do my own synopsis. I was right about you being loaded then. My savings werent in the same league as yours, i had about a 5th of what you had. So im sure you can understand why scrooge like living is being forced on me much sooner than id like. Id been 1n work 2o years before i quit in Feb, its amazing how quickly your savings shrink once the money stops rolling in. I also love the community thing about this place, even OTW seems to be making efforts to be more conciliatory.
 
let's not give him a gold star quite yet. my stash is now less than exciting btw.
 
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let's not give him a gold star quite yet. my stash is now less than exciting btw.

Fuck ! Im sorry to say that you've ploughed through your nest egg even quicker than i got through mine.

Do you want a job ? Is it that you are very choosy about the job you want, and who you want to work for, or just finding it hard in general. I mean my last job was IT 2nd level support that pays around 20-25k. These jobs can be a cushy number, and pay "living wage". At times they can be stressfull when you have a boss that you are in a loose loose situation with. If i wasnt on the verge of cracking up, id have let HR try and sort out the issues between me and my boss in my last job. Most of the time the job was tolerable, occasionally it was actually enjoyable, (the banter with colleagues more than the job itself really) occasionally it was sheer hell.

To be fair they did try to help, but id just had enough, what eith my habits spiralling totally out of control, i was staying up all night binging most work nights, and then going to work barely having slept. I wouldnt go to bed thinking it would be easier to get up if i just stayed at my pc desk all night. There was actually some truth in that, as mad as it may sound. But i just couldnt do the level of detailed quality work required quickly enough through lack of sleep and too much benzoss etc...I could have stayed and ploghed on through, but i think for the sake of my mental health it was better that i quit. I was getting close to a nervous breakdown. No job is worth that.

For the first period of my unemployment i was jsut firing off shitty cvs for jobs i didnt want. Now im actually starting to want/need a job i fear i may allready have fucked all these agencies off by sending them shit cvs, and not returning their calls (this was before i was signing on;))

Now im even going for first line jobs at 12-16k. I wouldnt be able to stick first line for long, if i got one of those jobs. The constant phone calls are fuckin hard to take, especially when most of them are just sheer human error/dumb mistakes. My isnt my computrer working ? "Is it plugged in?" "Of course its plugged in" they snap. seconds later; click. Phone goies dead.

Tbh my worst nightmare would be providing 1st line support for BL users, can you imagine it ffs, "ive just had 160mg of mxe and the screen looks wonky". Actually on 2nd thoughts it might be a brilliantly fun job. Where do i apply ? :D My skills and experience make me an ideal candidate for the role. :sus:

If i can get another 2nd line job I'll do it for a few years to replensish my finances. Ideally i want to become a counsellor or a drugs worker. Drugs workers are currently incedibly poorly paid' 12,000 i believe :! This is fuckin deplorable, they do a very important job. Id still do it even for such shit money. My heart would be more into those kind of jobs than with IT jobs.
 
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tax man took a whack.


I am considering reapplying for nursimg training again, goint to speak to CAB about my rights as it's not really on that I can't train just because I was charged, I mean the charges were dropped; if it had gone to court and I'd been found not guilty then it wouldn't be an issue!
 
2 security guards i know of got sacked for stealing a large amount of money from their work places. I haveno idea what charges were bought against them, but one of them went on to become a fully trained up nurse. Maybe things have become stricter since then, especially as your charges were dropped thats ridiculously harsh and unfair. Its easy to say its their loss, it is, but it is also yours too.:|
 
I'm just going to keep refreshing the page until I see RLPs write up.


I would do mine, but it would be more psychologically focused and therefore pretty boring, and there'd be a coupla secrets I wouldnt be comfortable telling so there'd be no point really.
 
No, no-one's story is boring. Please tell us, and feel free to change any details for anonymity :)
 
I was born in 1986 in St Mary's Hospital in Paddington. My mum had not long finished her PhD, my dad was working as an investment banker. I was unplanned and remain an only child.

My mum wanted to go to work and did so, my dad's decent salary paying for a nanny. My mum would eventually go on to become dean of medicine at a top UK university (don't want to say which one to retain some sort of anonymity) and my dad became created a financial business (again, won't say which one).

I grew up in Beaconsfield in Bucks, decent childhood, had most things I wanted. Went to a good school, got a 3.9GPA from Berkeley in the US after deciding to study abroad. Roughly translates to first/2:1 borderline.

Moved back to the UK to work in my dads company. My dad bought me a little three bed house in Reading but I've since moved to a big flat in Shoreditch to be in the thick of things in London. I still have the Reading house and alongside a couple of others I've bought in the five years since working here on BTL.

As most of you know my girlfriend left me earlier in the year, which was a bit of a shock to the system. We had been together since not longer after I returned from Berkeley.

My plans for the immediate future are to continuing having sex with the dom and build my property portfolio. I imagine my dad will retire soon enough which means I'll take over the running of the company.

One day, probably a bit further in the future, I would like to travel round South America. I don't feel I've travelled enough.

Like Knock I love BL but most of all EADD. It's refreshing after a hard day at work to come on here and liaise with people more unfortunate than myself. It reminds me never to rest on my laurels and live life to the full. Thank you EADD. Xx
 
"It's refreshing after a hard day at work to come on here and liaise with people more unfortunate than myself."

I'm sorry, but as SLF would say, "that's looking at it upside down." I probably only feel that way cos i am less fortunate than yourself, infact youve had a blessed life, and most people here are less fortunate than you. Still I have some strengths and positive qualities, to go allongside my weaknesses, i feel sure I'll eventually be rebuilding my life. Feels like a long way to travel atm though.

One of the guys on my counselling course is an Oxford graduate. Hes one of the few such people i have met in my life, as such people generally move in circles very far removed from the ones Im in. He is so lucky to be blessed with so much intelligence, he really could do anything he wanted to, currently he just spends his time plotting the course of stocks and shares and makes a lot of money without even having to leave his living room.
 
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Damn, youre all loaded%) (relatively). I'm one pay cheque from the streets.

Would quite like to spill too but am just too recognisable etc and circumstances dictate otherwise unfortunately.

@Knock - keep trying for the nursing man. You come over as genuinely caring and that's sadly lacking in healthcare thesedays. I work in a 'sensitive' job and have a class a conviction - it can be done. The NHS however are a different beast, backwards really.
 
Realised I don't have a huge amount to say really, feels like my life is just beginning in some ways, so a brief history.

I was born in York in 1987. My Mum was 24 at the time and my dad was 28 or 29, I think. She was a nursery nurse and continued in that line of work until she retired at the age of 40, and my Dad is Something To Do With Trains. He's held various positions, moved from Sheffield to study Engineering at college and currently does god knows what. His work takes him to some fairly interesting places, once sending him off to Mexico for a few months, and aside from trains he is also a big computer geek, loves reading, and speaks a few other languages. We have a very similar sense of humour and way of speaking, despite not spending much time together.

So yeah we moved to the town my parents currently reside in when I was 2 or 3, had a sister when I was 4. She's 22 now, and is a very horsey person. We're very different people and don't always get along, but again we make each other laugh when we are speaking to each other and I'm really proud of her if I'm honest. She's studying to be a veterinary nurse.

Not a lot I can say about school. I went to a Catholic primary school which messed me up in many ways but, shockingly, not religiously. I did very well in English and was average or shit at most other subjects, a thread which continued throughout my secondary schooling. I did pretty well at secondary school, but my GCSE results in particular were marred by hideous anxiety and depression, and an unwillingness or lack of ability to help on the school's part; a kind of 'suck it up and get on with it' attitude. Went to sixth form but got kicked out due to falling behind on my work. Tried A Levels again. Dropped out to drink and do drugs with my girlfriend instead. Told my parents I was gay somewhere during that period and wished I'd done it sooner after my Dad walked in and asked what was wrong, my Mum said 'Oh, snolly is gay now' and my Dad said 'Oh ok!' and wandered off. Much agony before that point.

Took one more go at college at the age of 19 and made it through. Dossed about after that and went through various jobs; did some factory work, supermarkets, and finally ended up in a library, which inspired me to go off to uni so I could make it my career, after failing an application for a permanent position because someone with a (completely unrelated degree, go figure) applied alongside me.

So here I am, 26 and in my second year of an English degree. I'm enjoying it and am looking to get into teaching English as a second language next year. I just bought a two bed house in my university city which is awesome, though having a few legal issues with access so currently living with my parents. Technically it could still go tits up but we're hoping it'll be sorted by the end of this week. I've kicked my drinking problem on the head, having spent pretty much all my teens absolutely off my face and being barely able to remember anything or anyone other than my girlfriend at the time and the people that I still keep in touch with now. Drugs were never really a problem, and I think I have more interest in them now than I did when I was growing up, although I did a shitload more then than I do now.

I'd love to travel, but I'm kinda scared. I don't want to regret not doing it though, so that's on the cards after uni.

I wish I could say more, but that's honestly it. The details are mostly biographical, as I can't remember the interesting ones. That's kind of a blessing and a curse. I guess. You see pretty much all of my personality here, and you EADD old timers have seen me grow up, which, as I've mentioned before, I find creepy but awesome. I enjoy doing pretty much anything, my hobbies and interests change frequently, can't ever really concentrate on one thing, and I get very enthusiastic about the things I love. Things I currently love include: Ambient music, videogames mostly dating from the late 80s to early 00s, brutalist architecture, hip hop, my rabbit, learning javascript, modernist fiction, drugs. Tomorrow that list might be different. Maybe I'll post again in another ten years and see if there's something more interesting to add.
 
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