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Don't know how to kiss properly

M

marco13

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[please move this to SLR]

I'm in my mid 20s and I still don't know how to kiss properly. I've only have make-out sessions during sex, which was twice so I haven't had any consistent practice: once when I was 17, and when I was 20. The first time I guess I used too much tongue, the girl screamed "ewww" then turned her face away from mine. We still finished having sex, but this was pretty scarring for me I think.

The second time, there wasn't any real obvious objection to my kissing, but I could tell it was awkward. It seemed like we were 'out-of-synch' and were going for different mouth/tongue movements and not coordinated or something like that. Well, since then, I've lost several potential partners because of being too afraid to go for a kiss (the girl gets impatient and finds another guy), I really need to solve this problem.

I watched this video on youtube, but still am apprehensive about it (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ko4UfYNU8Vc). I understand that making out is just alternating between closing 2 lips over 1 of the partner's, and touching/rubbing tongues together, but still need some fine points clarified. I tend to analyze all the little details so be patient with me...

1. How do you when to close lips, and when to touch tongues? What if one person is going for tongue, but the other is going for lips? You'd end up with one person licking the lips of the partner (would this be a mistake?). Or is their a set pattern like close over lips once, then touch tongue once, lips, tongue, etc.

2. How do you know when to close over the top lip of partner vs. the bottom lip of partner (do you alternate, or can you stay on one of them for several lip-closures).

3. When touching tongues, how long and how many times should they touch before you go back to lip-closing?

Please be very specific, I really need to tackle this problem. Don't have any female friends that could help me practice, and even if, it's way too embarrassing being this old and still not knowing proper technique.
 
Ok first off disregard everything you read about it. You just have to feel it out, experiment, don't get upset if the other person says eww cause honestly who cares your still new at this. Maybe just hook up with a girl just for the sake of practicing cause we all need it, lol. It's all based on instinct and feel and yea it might start out akward but trust me once you know someone enough you'll be able to kiss just fine.
 
I've met many men who still don't know how to kiss - in their 20's and beyond. I've had to take the time to show a couple of my boyfriends how to kiss ME the right way. A lot of it is personal preference, but pretty much the standard (at least, not embarrassing) way to go is:

1.) With confidence. You simply HAVE to get to the point where you are not scared going in for the kiss, no matter what it takes to do get to this point. It's worth whatever investment you must make if this issue is bothering you so much.
2.) Hygeine counts! Be fresh! Nobody wants to kiss yuck-mouth. Obviously you can't always be freshly flossed and brushed later into things, but you're not there yet, so keep it tight at ALL times. If you haven't had your teeth cleaned lately, I can't emphasize enough how important is regular dental hygiene. Plaque and tartar build-up, over time, leaves residue on the teeth, and that residue smells exactly like shit. Get a good dentist and have them scrape that nasty stuff off every 6 months, at least every year. Flossing will help to maintain a fresh mouth the rest of the year. The pieces of food caught between teeth sit there and ferment and rot, and they can stay stuck even between between brushings, just smelling up your whole mouth. Also, be sure to brush your tongue as well as your teeth every time, as a lot of bad breath particles like to camp out on the tongue, too.
3.) Lips - soft, but firm- that's the name of the game. Got it? Good.
4.) Extra wetness/drool is disgusting. Period. At least try to swallow before you lean in there to get rid of excess moisture.
5.) The tongue. You don't go right in with your tongue; you start softly, slowly, with your lips, then, if the cues are there and the kiss is going to linger, you might introduce your tongue (politely) to the party. Think of this action as a question (but don't be a pussy about it, remember - confidence!), and you'll know you're answered in the affirmative when your tongue meets with the other - if not, retreat for a moment, keeping lips together, and try again when you feel things might be heating up a bit. The movement is soft, gently searching. There is nothing worse than pointy, darty tongue!! Guaranteed you will be shut down with that method. The tongue is not an aggressor, it is an explorer. Sooo many men have gone down in flames fucking up this step.

Ok, that just about covers the basics. The rest you can only really learn from your kissing partner. Find one, the sooner the better! Have fun with this, that's the most important part!
 
My first girlfriend taught me to kiss. I was quite firm and tensed my lips too much. She told me to loosen up/soften up, and wow. It just became a much more sensual experience.

It's about yielding. Not so much about puckering and giving someone kisses and more about feeling the other person's mouth. You don't have to DO anything, just let the soft sensations guide you and you and your partner will be happy.

EDIT: I'm pretty good now, if anyone wants practice
 
The first girl you were with was immature. I know it was scarring but I'm just trying to put it into perspective for you. Whoever doesn't like something in bed and their way of dealing with it is just saying "Ew" needs to grow up. It's not like you invited her to partake in your scat fetish or something.

With each partner you will develop a different style. Making out during sex is not the same as making out before sex, or just making out for the sake of making out. It's the culmination of each different style from all your experiences with partners that will govern your end technique.

The other thing is, don't assume what right and wrong is? Lots of people love tongue, I do. Others probably don't. One of the most sensual and considerate things you can do is ask your partner how they like to be kissed. Get them to demonstrate on you.

If it's a first kiss... well... those can be hit or miss. If you're worried about it that much, then best bet is to play it conservative... less tongue, contain drool, contain desire to body grind. You can try all that stuff as you two become more familiar.

To conclude... kissing a combo of skill, chemistry, and the preferences of you and your partner. Some people just aren't good at it no matter what, while others try and fail because of compatibility issues.
 
someone going eww is childish and unhelpful. no adult would ever do that8)

clean mouth, not too much wetness. sloppy kissing and bad breath are the two exact things i have had recent bones to pick with the dude i was seeing. put me right off. when i wake up in the morning i know i taste like shit so dont try wet kissing me at this time.

anyway, clean teeth (avoid sugar cos it goes manky) and avoid wet kissing. dont think too much about it. just enjoy pressing your lips together and go with the flow.
 
First girl sounds like a bitch

I remember being as anxious about it as you but then I finally had my first kiss and I didn't even realize it. It was hours after when I realized that I finally lost my "kissless virgin" title. You know what? I didn't seem to have any trouble

It's supposed to come naturally man but I'll answer your questions

This is almost like I'm reading a post made by a younger version of myself lol. I too over analyze things and asked myself these EXACT same questions. Then when it finally came to kissing, I forgot everything I learned and seemed to do a pretty good job.

"1. How do you when to close lips, and when to touch tongues? What if one person is going for tongue, but the other is going for lips? You'd end up with one person licking the lips of the partner (would this be a mistake?). Or is their a set pattern like close over lips once, then touch tongue once, lips, tongue, etc."

You start off with closed kisses, usually only a couple. Either you or the girl will slowly open her mouth inbetween the kisses hinting you that she wants to start using the tounge.. You give her one more closed kiss and then open your mouth, insert your tounge and yeah. Give her some closed kisses inbetween, just be gentle.

You'll know when she wants to use her tounge if she opens her mouth. You'll get the hint trust me. She won't stick her tounge out until you've opened your mouth.

"2. How do you know when to close over the top lip of partner vs. the bottom lip of partner (do you alternate, or can you stay on one of them for several lip-closures)."

Good question lol. You can alternate when things get wild. I'd just stick to same position unless you both are really excited.

"3. When touching tongues, how long and how many times should they touch before you go back to lip-closing?"

Until I start feeling sick.. lol I don't know man. There's no etiquette on this, just do what you think feels right. It's usually just 3-7 seconds for me

--

This thread made me feel somewhat miserable for being single at the moment as I had to visualize myself kissing with the girl I'm in love with currently. Good luck OP
 
i always take my tongue and lightly moisten my lips if they are dry. i dont like dry lips bad breath too much teeth or tongue...but who does. im a duder btw and ive met plenty a chick who kisses weird. you know its the right chick when you lock lips and it just fits.
 
Should come natural with practice. Maybe you need to relax and just go for it. Don't be tense or overzealous. It came really natural to me.

Sorry but I think you are stressing the issue to much. You can really mind fuck yourself if you focus on one thing to much.

I did have one gf who was a horrible kisser and she seemed tense. I remember her sticking her tongue in my mouth really hard and just leaving it there. I told her to relax and she got a bit better.

It should be kind of a fluid thing in terms of motion and you should read your partners responses. Kissing is supposed to be enjoyable and affectionate.
 
You will figure it out. My first make-out was tongue the whole time (was 15 so it was normal back then to just swap spit the whole time) and we basically hit a rhythm right away and it worked out fine. I was nervous to start it, but I was put on the spot as it was me and a friend and 2 girls on the ferris wheel at six flags, and he started making out with one of the girls and had said something like 'I don't care what you guys are doing, but I'm going to kiss X' and after a few seconds of that she turned to me and shrugged her shoulders as to say 'whatever, why not?' and went straight in with it. I was pretty shocked when we hit that rhythm right away because I had been scared that it would be revealed that I had never made out with a girl before, but it all went well.

What I did with her wouldn't fly with a girl I would be making it with now, but you figure things out as you go along. All it really takes is one good make-out sess with a girl to learn the ropes, and if it's with a girl that you are going to be dating then you two will establish your own style. When you are in the heat of the moment you just pick up on each others signals, and it all just comes naturally. If there are any issues then either of you will bring them up and make the proper adjustments to correct them as to get acclimated to one anothers styles. I only had one make-out where we were both out of synch and were just moving eachothers tongues around in each others mouths without ever striking a rhythm, but that was on the fly and a one time deal as a 'this is the last day of school and I'm never going to see you again, and since we've been crushing in each other for a few years now lets just do it' (she actually said that first half of the sentence to me before we went at it, although we both had bf's/gf's at the time) so I was never concerned about it.

So don't worry about it, and just get out there and hook up with a girl, maybe picking one that you might not be looking to date as to just get more practice. If you do want to date her then you will figure it out as you go, and it shouldn't be that big of a deal if the first time isn't that good. If anything just tell her that your last girlfriend kissed very different than her, so it threw you off guard, but I'm telling you it's built into our DNA [how else would I have just magically known what to do the first time (and actually get a compliment for my kissing) aside from the girl kinda taking charge] so your primal instincts should steer you in the right direction.

Tristurbed said:
"1. How do you when to close lips, and when to touch tongues? What if one person is going for tongue, but the other is going for lips? You'd end up with one person licking the lips of the partner (would this be a mistake?). Or is their a set pattern like close over lips once, then touch tongue once, lips, tongue, etc."

You start off with closed kisses, usually only a couple. Either you or the girl will slowly open her mouth inbetween the kisses hinting you that she wants to start using the tounge.. You give her one more closed kiss and then open your mouth, insert your tounge and yeah. Give her some closed kisses inbetween, just be gentle.

You'll know when she wants to use her tounge if she opens her mouth. You'll get the hint trust me. She won't stick her tounge out until you've opened your mouth.

"2. How do you know when to close over the top lip of partner vs. the bottom lip of partner (do you alternate, or can you stay on one of them for several lip-closures)."

Good question lol. You can alternate when things get wild. I'd just stick to same position unless you both are really excited.

"3. When touching tongues, how long and how many times should they touch before you go back to lip-closing?"

Until I start feeling sick.. lol I don't know man. There's no etiquette on this, just do what you think feels right. It's usually just 3-7 seconds for me

--

This thread made me feel somewhat miserable for being single at the moment as I had to visualize myself kissing with the girl I'm in love with currently. Good luck OP
Click to expand...

1. Good answer, that pretty much sums up my response to that part of the question.

2. I've always mostly kissed the girls bottom lip, and that's been with all of my partners. Sure I go for the top lip about 15% of the time to switch things up, but I mostly stick to kissing the bottom. I wonder if that's the general unspoken way, for the guys to kiss the girls bottom lip, meaning she is kissing your top lip. Hmmm. Actually I do recall asking one of my ex's about that, and she just said that she never really noticed, and that the way we kissed was just how she always did it, with me kissing the bottom lip and her kissing the top. I prefer kissing the girls bottom lip since it's 'meatier' and softer, and from my past experience they mostly stick to my top lip, although I look at it more as me kissing their bottom lip as opposed to them kissing my top lip, but I guess that both are happening simultaneously.

Anybody else want to weigh in on this top lip vs bottom lip discussion?

3. I probably only go like 3 seconds with tongue now before closing my lips, but it was closer to 7 when I was a bit younger. When I was around 18 and was with an older girl (21) she told me to use less tongue, although I had been using the same amount I had when I was with a fellow 18yr old at the time, so that goes in line with my 'the older you are the less tongue you use' experience. It's always going to depend on the person still though, and their style, their previous partner(s) style, so on and so forth. Just be aware of that age thing, and anticipate less tongue with the older women compared to the younger ones. When you are younger sometimes you are just making out for the sake of making out, which is probably why more tongue is used. When you get a bit older though you become less, um, 'sloppy' (in the heat of the moment though you may use more tongue than usual during sex since it may be a little harder to concentrate on kissing while also concentrating on sex) but let's just take one step at a time here.
 
I read your post and smiled because I remember being there. I was once a bad kisser as well. I went to magazines and youtube tutorials for guidance but trust me when I say it will do you no good whatsoever because everyone kisses differently and the more you focus on trying to kiss a certain way the worse you will be. There is no "form" to kissing. What makes someone a good kisser is their natural ability to portray how they feel about someone or how they are feeling during the kiss. That's why when two people are in love their kisses are so passionate, because they mutually feel the same way about eachother and their kisses are in sync. DO NOT try to force "premeditated kissing instructions" onto your partner because it will feel awkward and un-natural. Kissing is natural. There are some "hot tricks" you can learn but that comes along the way. Like for example, if you try biting someones lip without having the proper emotion behind it, it will feel awkward and un-natural because you don't know what it is to really feeeel the lip bite, lol. It has to be something you want to do naturally. For me personally I always end up lightly biting near the climax of the kiss or right before sex when things are getting really hot and heavy. My best advice to give to you (which I wish someone told me starting out) would be this. Do nothing. Kiss someone you really care about and try not to reciprocate with all you've got. Let THEM kiss you. I'm not saying you can't initiate the kiss, but after you do refrain from taking over and just let them kiss you and follow whatever they do. You will naturally get aroused and the natural movements will come to you without you even noticing. So, clear your mind, forget about everything you've read or heard and just focus on following along with your partner. It'll be amazing. Promise ;)
 
The post is from 3 years ago. ^ I hope the OP is a better kisser now but I don't think your post will help him at all, tbh.
 
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