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Why am i bothering

Eveleivibe

Ex-Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 28, 2013
Messages
14,780
Why am i bothering, eh? I've tried being nice, helpful, supportive, caring but obviously no one cares or wants to reply as other people warning you all without at least TRYING to know me for me. Only stardust hero has attempted to do that n even a friend i had for a year has turned on me, feel as im not wanted.
 
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Hey Eveleivibe. sorry you are upset. I think for you to find peace you will have to tackle your drinking problem. I hope you are able to do this and find the peace that will follow. <3<3<3
 
You're bothering because you need support and you're trying to find it. Don't run from your fears, be yourself, be happy, and embrace friendships as they come. <3.
 
I dont have a drinking problem. My addiction is codeine n I'm on suboxone for that. Thanks for support
 
Don't feel that way..has anyone been unfriendly to you here? I have seen you speak wtih people in many threads here and I know I have spoken to you a few times (as much as I do with anybody). Please don't give up on all here..it is a wonderful community and I hate it that you are feeling left out..
 
You seem to have these thoughts a lot... Try not to base your self worth so much on others. Just because you don't get a reply in a thread or something doesn't mean that people are ignoring you or being mean.
 
So how is the Sub working out for you? I believe that if you give it some time (the subs) at first all your feelings will come rushing at you all at once like:

-Why you were self medicating
-All the thoughts that you were blocking come full force
-Depression

Sobriety can be tough, because a lot of what we where trying to escape just crashes down on us when we try getting clean, so give it some time and those thoughts will pass.
Sometimes we feel like getting high is our best option, because we can make "the pain" just go away with a few pills. I know girl I've been there I am there. So you ever need someone to talk to hit me up.
 
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exactly. we all feel alone sometimes, but never truly are.

This... I absolutely convince myself that I am, factually, an island. The truth is that in many ways I am not, and my depression is stemming from a false perception.

I'm not sure what happened here on Bluelight, but you ought to know that you can always reach out to any one with problems. This is why I have the 'Contact Me!' link in my signature. Feel free to use it, please!

Much love <3

~ Vaya
 
Hi sorry with the things that is going on with you. Though I feel the same thing, but what I do is that I just forget about them. You cared, but they don't want it and so be it. guess that's the best thing to do there.
 
Thank you. You're all so incredibly supportive. It realy does mean a lot to me.
 
I dont have a drinking problem. My addiction is codeine n I'm on suboxone for that. Thanks for support

You really need to work on why you are abusing substances otherwise it's going to continue. I know you are saying that you don't have a drinking problem but the evidence contradicts this claim. The following quote is from another thread you started, and it points to a drinking problem.
Sub never made me high it made me feel flat, normal n I could not deal with it. I started drinking heavily in the evening to deal with the emptiness. I cannot explain the feeling I felt flat n now I do ANYTHING TO FILL THAT EMPTY HOLE IN ME. Drink in the evenings, spend, eat - I can't stand it. My emotions were always too intense for me to deal with n there was the emptiness that has ALWAYS been there.

If you still think that you don't have a drinking problem then there is an easy way to find out. Don't drink! If you don't have a problem then you should have no problem not drinking for a month, heck, just try to stop for 2 weeks.

The reason why I'm bringing up the drinking is because I just saw that you plan on tapering off of the suboxone in December, and if you haven't started some sort of therapy for your substance abuse problems then it is highly probable that you will pick up the codeine again, or even worse, a more potent opiate like heroin.

Basically you abuse drugs to numb yourself, and when you started on the suboxone and leveled out on it unable to abuse other opioids due to its blocking effects, you turned to alcohol to fill the void. This means that you are still in active addiction, and if this doesn't change any time soon then you will go back to your DOC sooner than later.

So please seek treatment (such as outpatient group therapy sessions and/or NA) before tapering off of the suboxone. I would hate to see you go back to abusing opiates because you didn't make any changes in terms of your addiction other than switching to suboxone.
 
Yes I abuse stuff to numb myself. I hate me n have to live with ME. I crave company then I feel lonely but no one understands. They judge me n reject me. That's confirmation that I am the worst person ever. People use me to laugh at me as a joke then reject me like I'm nothing. Codeine was my true escape. I only drink alcohol in the evening but I keep buying it, I keep spending it. I am weak. Can't cut ties with people who abuse me. Couldn't cut ties with my ex, couldn't give up codeine, keep eating crap gaining weight n spending. Its never going to end ever:(

PS: please don't worry I won't get heroin etc - I'm partially sighted so drug dealers won't bother as I can't keep eye contact lol
 
Hey E.. our worth comes from who we are and not what others think of us.. learn to love yourself and the people who love you will be able to see you to find you.
 
I have never loved myself. When i was 7 I remember a boy coming to me n say "you cross eyed bitch" n wondering what he meant n why these people hated me so much. I quickly learnt that I was a bad person, ulgy n cock-eyed. Then some boys made me go behind the garages to show my private parts or they'd hit me so I did it but ppl kept calling me names to do with my names n I learnt fast that it was Me Vs everyone else n that I'm ugly n it will never change.
Now people turn against me n confirm that I'm a waste a space.
 
You have to find away to forgive the animals.. its for you not them.. then you need to figure out how to let you love you<3

Little people need to put others down to feel big..
 
I wish you wouldn't talk about yourself like that Evey. It sucks that people treated you badly since you were a child. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy, people tell you that you're no good and it happens enough, you believe it. Shame on them. You're not a waste of space and you're not much different than me and lots of people I know.

I let folks knock me down emotionally and tried so hard to get over it and feel better about myself. Then I finally start to feel halfway normal and get more of the same crap. Only this time I refuse to buy into it! Call me a loser all you want, I am not a bad person and neither are you. I have to ask myself what is this person lacking that they feel a need to put me down? After all, it is just words designed to make you feel bad. The difference is, now we are grown ups and capable of fighting back and standing up for ourselves. Remember nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission! <3
 
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