• TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

Creating Positive Change vs. If Nothing Changes Then Nothing Changes..

-Stay Sober.
-Stop sitting around inside like a cave dweller.
-Drink WATER. (just got a 750ml camel back bottle with straw/mouthpiece to have with me always)
-Eat properly and regularly.
-Find housing I can move to in Santa cruz to start school and be closer to my Girlfriend.
-Find a Job in Santa Cruz after moving.
-EXCELL in school in order to be able to transfer into University of California Santa Cruz.

fixed that for ya;)
 
Well shit NSA thanks! haha, gotta keep my priorities strait. :)

Just two days after buying a water bottle to carry around with me, and I feel easily TEN times better physically. Amazing how once you get used to being dehydrated, you forget how much better you'll feel if weren't.
 
Well shit NSA thanks! haha, gotta keep my priorities strait. :)

Just two days after buying a water bottle to carry around with me, and I feel easily TEN times better physically. Amazing how once you get used to being dehydrated, you forget how much better you'll feel if weren't.
same part of the brain that causes hunger (crave and drive for food) thirst (drive and crave for water) also is the location for addiction (drive to use).. not adequately taking care of our needs can cause a jump in addictive drive as strong as using another substance other than the doc.. HALT hungry angry lonely tired.. thirsty, horny, etc etc etc.. tired yes, hungry yes, horny no, thirsty not any more.. its all the same system and if we cover our needs we feel allot better;).. just like surfing or skating.. have to keep the balance or we eat reeeef or cement.
 
shit I totally just remembered something... I owe wells fargo 2+ grand and counting, and I owe the city of san francisco thousands for unpaid tickets, possible bench warrants. This is something I have been pushing out of my mind that I need to take care of... Fuck. :(
 
<3 one thing at a time Casey, don't overwhelm yourself with things you can't change today. Do it, but don't worry if you can't do everything this exact moment <3.
 
and you can split things into pieces.. why do you owe the bank so much money and why is it still going credit card? Also a good way to start on the tickets is contact them and find out the total.. then just start knocking off portions little by little pretty soon you will be done.. gotta get outa the house though mr case..
 
^^ I know I do, I just don't have many people to hang out with right now. Dropped all my friends to get sober and I'm having trouble making new ones. I'll meet people at AA meetings, but haven't really met anyone besides my girl that I really relate to or can hang out with and actually have conversations. It's been really hard lately, especially since my girl is at college a couple hours away for now.

And yeah, it was a student credit card that I maxed out at 700 while I was using. Luckily that was the limit, and it doesn't have typical interest, it charges 25/month that it's over limit. Been almost a year since I looked at it though. no idea what it's up to or if they're starting to charge more than that. I'm too terrified to look.

And I'm scared to check out what I owe the city for tickets, because if any of them were tickets that turned into bench warrants I don't want them to find out where I am Until I can pay it. SF courts work pretty well with people though, I may be able to get a break on some of them if I say I was addicted to drugs and practically homeless when I got them, and prove that I have since completed rehab and gotten sober. I know people who have gotten their tickets erased without paying by getting letters of completion from their rehabs to give the court so I should probably look into this. I'm just afraid of dealing with this stuff. Classic alcoholic fear driven behavior. :\
 
-Sell my late father's truck and trailer (20 months later)
-Liquidate my garage full of storage (18 months later)
-Move to India to be with my husband

My hope is to heal this little family of ours into one again as soon as possible.

One week later and progress has been made. I found the titles to the truck and trailer, secured my garage for rental/storage while I am abroad, and making progress on eliminating the items!
 
Nice work C=D

alright the water thing is going well and so is the chocolate..

I took care of a few things that werent on the list like sticking up for myself and sticking it tcut off a few other things o my scumabg ex boss in the most proper and heartfelt way.. made a decent amount of cash of that as well so that will kill a few aother things as well.. knocked off about forty percent of the paper work thing.. killed a record 37 pages on the book in one week.. kileed two other monkeys on my back which pretty much killed the five year monkrey.. thank the lord that shit was rough.. alright back onto whats till roling

skies
more paper chasing
end relationship
point canon
enjoy an evening with some special things for me
unthaw spaghetti sauce
work on book with son
catch up on a bill
 
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-Stay Sober. *staying active in AA*
-Stop sitting around inside like a cave dweller. *half/check* (making progress, slightly)
-Drink WATER. (just got a 750ml camel back bottle with straw/mouthpiece to have with me always) *check*
-Eat properly and regularly. *half/check* (making progress, not perfect)
-Find housing I can move to in Santa cruz to start school and be closer to my Girlfriend.
-Find a Job in Santa Cruz after moving.

-EXCELL in school in order to be able to transfer into University of California Santa Cruz. *registered for assessment*

Underlined goals have been postponed till the summer at best, possibly never. Depends.

In light of recent event's, I have decided I am going to start school here in Berkeley, and possibly transfer to community college in Santa Cruz depending on some things. Regardless of what happens with my girlfriend, I have decided I don't want to risk not being able to start school in the spring because I'm busing moving to a different city. So there's too bonus's to this: I can't start school right away in the spring, instead of waiting till NEXT fall, and I can see where things are at with my girlfriend at that point. For all I know she won't be my girlfriend anymore within the next couple days, so I want to give it time before letting her contribute to my life decisions.

Making progress! :)

Not only am I registered for the class level assessment, I have started studying math on khanacademy.org in order to test into college level math rather than taking hella classes I won't get credit for. I just spent 2 hours studying, I plan on spending at MINIMUM studying 2hrs/day until my assessment on november 6th. Probably more than 2 hours a day. I wan't to test into the highest level math possible, since I'll most likely be going for some sort of science. Been out of school for 4 years, haven't taken math in 5 years. And this website is literally teaching me math faster than I EVER learned in school it's insane! it makes it so easy. Practice problems, and simple explanation videos if you haven't learned it yet. I don't mean to throw in such a strong plug, but i would highly recommend khanacademy to anyone trying to learn or relearn math.
 
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^ look into guest program entrance or something like that. It is when they allow you to attend a few classes with out having to go through the whole application process.. if you complete enough credits to a high enough degree you are accepted.. kinda of a nice way to slide into a nice school you may not have that good of chance of getting accepted to so I can open up all of seemingly closed doors. Also It works out really nice for people returning to school, especially those of us that have cooked the grey matter a bit.. because you are only allowed to take a few credits per semester which is a really good way to get your brain back in shape and get your study skills honed.


for me I finally killed that big project I have been working on since fkn july... It was fun but i'm glad to be done.. other than that my list is the same as of now.

skies
more paper chasing
end relationship
point canon
enjoy an evening with some special things for me
unthaw spaghetti sauce
work on book with son
catch up on a bill
 
I'm going to continue reducing my Suboxone dose until I'm clean completely. It's been over a year since I started, and I've not slipped up once. 28mg to begin with, now on 10mg. I'm making progress, and I'm not going to let personal issues ruin my progress.
 
tomorrow:

finish more paperwork
workout
call the dentist
call the student loan services to finalize my payment
 
tomorrow:

Stay Sober
keep studying my ass off for placement exam.
eat at least 3 meals.
work out.
 
Lose weight,
Plan to once more be size eight
Learn to lose the hate
Learn to be patient n wait

Continue with my exercise
Do it hard n wait for what lies.
Get rid of the armour n my disguise
Learn to be me, to love me, you'll know it when looking into my eyes

Go about making a friend,
Or two... Or three... And of old ai know I can no longer mend,
Because the road is grey now , there are ditches, so many ditches, and this is the end,
But to another: my heart, my soul, my hand - these things I can lend.
To anyone needing help these gifts I am happy to send

As the demon was at its height
And i lowered deeper n deeper down, I saw no light,
As I tried again n again to free myself oh tall one would bite
But I am I give my pledge to change through supportive, friendships n compassion thay I found here on thus sight.
Tomorrow I will travel further towards my goals - Thank you, Bluelight.

25/10/2013
 
I actually applied for some jobs today. I mean, I'm not sick yet, so it isn't like I'm dogging it out. But still, this is more than I've done in weeks.

I had to skip my workout w/ my friends this morning as my blood sugar was all over the place. I'm hoping it is just the withdrawals I've been continually throwing myself into throughout the last few weeks (my blood sugar always goes high while in w/d and I usually overcompensate w/ my insulin correction - nonsense diabetes talk). All will be well if when I get home from the library, in the evening, I get myself to run up this hill by my house. I really need to stick to the exercise I've planned more than anything else, cos I don't have much else planned to help me through my w/d's.
 
I actually applied for some jobs today. I mean, I'm not sick yet, so it isn't like I'm dogging it out. But still, this is more than I've done in weeks.

I had to skip my workout w/ my friends this morning as my blood sugar was all over the place. I'm hoping it is just the withdrawals I've been continually throwing myself into throughout the last few weeks (my blood sugar always goes high while in w/d and I usually overcompensate w/ my insulin correction - nonsense diabetes talk). All will be well if when I get home from the library, in the evening, I get myself to run up this hill by my house. I really need to stick to the exercise I've planned more than anything else, cos I don't have much else planned to help me through my w/d's.
You're a step ahead of me and I'm not even facing withdrawals man, keep up the good work and you'll pull through
 
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