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How to handle relapses?

R

Rogg If

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 13, 2013
Messages
66
Hello there everyone,

I recently got clean off buprenorphine and benzodiazepines and did really well for about 3 weeks. I used nothing else but weed when I really couldn't sleep (a lot of times at the beginning). It felt great to have my feelings back and feeling like everyone else again, I was really proud of myself (I hadn't been clean more than a couple of days for like two years) and being healthy as hell, doing exercise, pulling loads of chicks, going out, playing music and enjoying life.
Last week I did a bit of brown at a party with some mates, I don't know why, I've used heroin quite a lot before but it was never the main problem, never had a proper habit as I was into pharmaceuticals. I guess just for fun, I chipped in a fiver just to have a little smoke, it really didn't seem like it would do any harm. Next day, I had some more but nothing really worth mentioning A week went by and I was thinking a lot about buying some. Me and another guy went to a mate's who'd relapsed lately and back on buprenorphine programme - like it was fate. Short story, this week I went through £120 worth of excellent skag in three days, chased it, although I'd been clean for a month. I literally lashed out, cos my other friend bought coke, started washing up, then decided to buy more rocks (he lashed out too and emptied his bank account, I mean seriously!). I was feeling fine just smoking rocks & talking shite, I didn't even feel like taking bupe or any opiate. But we had to call back the guy and he offered some brown, and I just went for it. I barely slept for 3 days and kept hitting the pipe but mostly did brown all the time. It felt fucking wicked, I got sooo fucking high, I was in a frenzy, my mates did some too and nodded out but I couldn't help putting more on the foil, the taste, the high, things I liked before but which seemed even better this time.

And so three days went by, we stayed at that guy's house, getting bare high like in the old days, it felt like life was interesting again, I had lots of ideas and plans for my future. Then I went home (yesterday morning at 7am), had about £10 worth left and did it, felt even better. Slept a few hours, went about my day, to my band rehearsal, felt fine, went to sleep no problem. I woke up for work this morning and felt I couldn't get up. I was feeling fucking rough. Went to work but shit I was feeling horrible, had diarrhea and was badly craving some brown, planning how to get money for it. Work was awful. Ran back home then I realized I was thinking crap. I was still feeling bad, so I took 1mg of bupe and promised myself that it would be the only dose, and that I wouldn't do any more skag. I think I should be alright when it wears off.

So what I don't understand is, how come did it only take three days for me to get some sort of WDs when I've never been physically addicted to heroin before?

Also, how would you handle this kind of relapse - on a different drug to the one you were using but similar, and for a short period of time?

I personally really don't want to go back to the programme and on the buprenorphine cos I don't think it's necessary. I just took that bit today and that's it. I don't actually feel like doing stuff, I like being clean, but I just don't want to feel so bad like I did today cos then I'd just go out and get more stuff, or keep taking bupe when I shouldn't. And I'd like to know how to prevent that kind of thing from happening (tips, etc).

Thank you!
 
Addiction is a cycle man...

You will relapse multiple times till you are really ready to quit...
 
^
Or dead

as for the op start by not seeing those mates/erase your numbers , helps .. a little
 
Hi Bingeboy, I know, but I've actually already done that during the past few months and got myself new & healthy friends - or so they seemed at first. I swear that I chose to hang round the least fucked up people I could find and got rid of all the friends I had that were using whatever - almost all of them. It just seems that I can never find people that use nothing at all. I'm quite young and live in London, dunno if its cos of that.
Any advice though? Always good to know
 
Also I lost my phone recently and lost all my numbers and it still happened...
 
The cycle of shit. I am still in it. Everytime I try to go pull my brother out of the shit I end up picking up an opana. I feel like crap for a week and come back only to do it again. Really trying to stop myself. Sounds like you need to steer clear of your mates that use imo
 
Just be as safe as possible when you relapse. As long as your alive you can still get clean.
 
The important thing to remember when you relapse is that unfortunately, it is part of addiction and the process of getting clean.... I don't know a single addict who just decided to get sober and did it on the first shot without ever slipping up.. Hah. It just doesn't work that way, especially if you have a long using history.

Relapses happen to the best of us, man. It's how you respond to them that dictates how they affect you. You can't look at them as failing and having to start all over. Don't beat yourself up. You just need to get back up and keep going.

Like Crimson said, as long as you're still breathing.. it's never over.
 
I agree with what crimsonjunk and Scagnatti wrote. OP think of a relapse or fuck up as a learning experience. I'm not suggesting that you go out and use again, make up for lost time, or pick up right where you left off since that's how people die since they have no tolerance at all. OP do you have sober friends or family who you can talk to? That helps a lot. Or check into a detox place so you can get sober and clean and have people who are professionals monitor you in case anything goes wrong.
 
>snip<
Good luck in sorting yourself out, you'll get there. Keep posting
All the best,
Evey :)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
This is great place to explress opinions on what is clean and sober What do you consider to be, 'clean and sober'? and it would be great to keep those opinions to that thread. Starting this never ending debate in a thread will distract from the tread and never creates anything positive.


We all already get judged enough as it is. ;)
 
Always remember a physical relapse begins long after the mental relapse. The key is to learn to identify the mental relapse & take sufficient steps to address it before the physical relapse begins.

A week went by and I was thinking a lot about buying some. Me and another guy went to a mate's who'd relapsed lately and back on buprenorphine programme - like it was fate.
Click to expand...

I know you used prior to this event but see how the obsession returned & you gave it the legs it needed to get the hooks back in by the weekend? It is perfectly normal to think a great deal/obsess over getting high when in recovery.
 
For me, taking proactive steps immediately after any relapse was key to preventing that relapse from snowballing.

I've had the same situation occur any number of times in my life, wherein I relapse on drug B during a period of abstinence from drug A. It can be really frustrating, and often leaves me feeling helpless. Someone mentioned the 'cycle' that is addiction and relapse and nothing could be more true - especially when you've found that you've literally traded one addiction for another.

There are many roads leading back to a sane and sober place, fortunately. One of my keystone methods is staying in touch with those around me, regardless of whether they themselves know what it's like to be an addict. Staying away from people who are actively using, though, is always the exception.

Stick around, and continue being honest - with us, with yourself, and with those close to you in your life.
 
The Cycle of Addiction Is Characterized By:
Recovery Connections characteristics of the addiction cycle


  • Frustration and internal pain that leads to anxiety and a demand for relief of these symptoms
  • Fantasizing about using alcohol and drugs or behaviors to relieve the uncomfortable symptoms
  • Obsessing about using drugs and alcohol and how his or her life will be after the use of substances
  • Engaging in the addictive activity, such as using substances to gain relief (acting out)
  • Losing control over the behavior
  • Developing feelings of remorse, guilt and shame, which lead to feelings of dissatisfaction
  • Making a promise or resolve to oneself to stop the behavior or substance use
  • After a period of time, the pain returns, and the addict begins to experience the fantasies of using substances again.
This cycle can rotate on a variable basis. For example, binge users rotate through this cycle more slowly. Daily users may rotate through the cycle of addiction daily or several times throughout the day. This cycle can be arrested at any point after the addict or alcoholic makes a decision or is forced to get help. Sometimes, the consequences that arise (legal, financial, medical or social) force the addict or alcoholic to stop using. However, in the absence of outside help, such as alcohol or drug detox followed by addiction treatment help, the substance abuse or addictive behavior is likely to return.



cycle-of-addiction.jpg



It pays to identify frequently where we are in the cycle of addiction so we can determine what we need to do to exit out of our current place in the cycle. Like for instance if we find are triggered by an emotion. It helps to identify the emotion. Identify what caused that emotion. Determine how accurate appropriate our emotional response is (as addicts our emotional response is way to strong most of the time), put in the time to think through and address the situation that caused the emotion. Implement the solution. Identify techniques to limit or avoid this situation and ways we can change our thinking to limit or avoid this emotional response in the future. Begin to change the way we think and make any possible changes in our lives to create a more peaceful recovery. I think one of the best ways to do is this by writing the whole thing out in a journal, BL Post, or some such way. As we work our way through more and more of these our lives will become more and more peaceful and our recovery more and more enjoyable and strong. Call it coping skills or Junkie/Lush enlightenment.. its one of the things we need to do if we want to find peace and success in recovery. Also it is important to remember that positive emotions can be a strong trigger for allot of people.

An example of this would be if an alcoholic is in recovery and finds themselves in some bad traffic.. another driver cuts them off and they almost get into an accident. This alcoholic has always had road rage and this cases them to fly off the handle.. those emotions that are so strong and uncomfortable come blasting out.. The alcoholic is overcome buy the emotions and begins to crave hard, and quickly cycles through the other phases and stops their car at the bar and relapses.

So that alcoholic gets up the next day all hung over and feeling shame and guilt at their actions. But then they decide to throw the guilt and shame out the window, as it has never done any addict any lasting or substantial good ever and it just drives use. Then they sit down and writes the situation out. In writing it out they realize that the problem with their thinking, that fuels the road rage and the relapse, is that they are choosing to let something that they have no control over affect them so profoundly. They realize that do not have and will never have any control over the way other people drive or the level of traffic at times. They realize that choosing to get upset over something that is not in their control is useless. They decides to begin to change their thinking about the way other people drive and will begin to practice just being calm. They will attempt to do this by realizing that becoming angry or upset when traffic is hampering their plans will not make it hamper their plans any less. They decide to begin to practice just accepting traffic as a fact of life, no longer judging it as bad, and no longer making aggressive stressful maneuvers in their vehicle during these times as they never make a shit of difference to avoid or solve or limit the problem and create anxiety and anger.

They also identify things they can do to limit the problem. The person realizes that on the day the traffic is the worst they schedule a tennis match at a court near work and get some exercise while everyone else is stuck in traffic. after the match they can work their way through much more enjoyable traffic and get home at almost the same time. The decide to temporarily tape note to their dash board that will remind them that getting angry about things that are out of our control is miserable and serves no purpose except to make us miserable. Invests in a nice car stereo and some audio books to create a more enjoyable commute.

Changing ones thinking and the resultant emotional response usually takes a little time as changing core thinking is a process.. but the persons commute is allot better even the next day.. as situations come up and old behaviors and responses result the person Identifies them and works to implement their new thinking.. a couple months down the line the person finds their self in god awful traffic and glances over to the car next to them.. the person in that car is literally purple with rage and beating their forearms on the steering wheal with road rage. Our alcoholic in recovery is relaxed and listening to their favorite station on their new stereo and thinking to their self, man I can believe I used to choose to make myself that miserable and I'm so so so glad I took a little time and fixed that insane nonsense.=D


Addiction can be compared to a giant maze.. we just keep going in the right direction and when we come to a dead end we identify what we can do differently to avoid the same results. If we hit a dead end then we just need to dust ourselves off, throw out all guilt and shame, and work through the causes of the relapse and make the changes in thinking and life to avoid the same dead end. If we keep doing this then our recovery will get more and more enjoyable and we could find ourselves having developed the necessary coping skills and made the life changes needed to find permanent success and peace.

Addiction Guide

NSFW:
Recovery-Cycle.png
 
Hey guys thanks a lot for your advice, keep posting, it really is helpful. I took another 2mg buprenorphine yesterday but I'm not sure I really needed it. I'm feeling alright now, keeping off the vallies. But I really crave some booze. I gotta be careful. So many temptations. It usually happens in the evening and I feel really powerless.
 
^^

Stay busy. That's the key. Alone time and boredom are your worst enemies right now.
 
I know, keeping yourself busy's the best thing to do. But when you're skint in London, there's not much you can do except staying in restless & getting obsessed with shit...
 
Rogg If said:
So what I don't understand is, how come did it only take three days for me to get some sort of WDs when I've never been physically addicted to heroin before?
Click to expand...

Weren't you dependent on the bupe before? Your body doesn't really tell the difference between all the opiates/opioids when it comes to having withdrawal (except for the duration and intensity from the withdrawals). If you had been on heroin for 3 years and then quit for a few weeks and then took oxy, or morphine, or bupe (although sometimes you can avoid withdrawals if you take the bupe for only a few days) for a few days in a row after that, you would get withdrawals again. Just think of it as opiate/opioid withdrawal instead of bupe withdrawal, or heroin withdrawal.
 
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