• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

The Suicide Support Thread

Status
Not open for further replies.
Hello i'm not suicidal, because i got people around me that love me and i know that now.

but i'm at points sometimes where i lose hope in life, like is this what i have to go through for the next roughly 50 years. But then sometimes i get hope because i can learn to leave my past behind and try to recover my original self, like deep down there's that main person that's never changed. Enjoys doing things like watch movies all night instead of fiending out and wishing he'd die.

It's truly a great thing when you can rediscover what you enjoyed before the depression, and before the addiction. Myself i am not completely sober. but im not into what i was before and i am happy. Also this is me on a good day today.
 
I'm so tired of people judging me I just wan a crawl up in a ball and smoke ** all day in a closet. Fuck people. I'm so miserably lonely
 
^ There are always those who are going to judge you and you can't control that; what you can control is how much you yourself believe their judgments. That's the only thing you can work on. When you don't agree with them inside it is so much easier to just ignore them and go about your life.

There are a lot of people on here that know you and respect you and love you.<3
 
severely etarded said:
I'm so tired of people judging me I just wan a crawl up in a ball and smoke ** all day in a closet. Fuck people. I'm so miserably lonely
Click to expand...

Yeah I am by myself for a while too man. But let this time build you closer towards others. Even brief conversations with others have been really fulfilling in my life.

I am sure you're like "sure" but yesterday just having a 1 to 2 minute chat with someone who recognized me was really fulfilling. It's the last human contact I'll have had for a while due to extraneous circumstances aside from "through technology".

It really made my day though and I really understand now why we go through so much - just a few minutes of amazing experiences here and there can make a huge difference.

When I say this I refer to social interaction including but not limited to sex. And other feel goods like food, exercise/physical sports, and things that we know to be good for us. Music arts also. I could go on, but psychologically challenging and stimulating things ; and so on.

I have recently done some studying and I have a better understanding of depression and the brain. I can make a separate thread in "mental health" if anyone is interested. Post here (my inbox is full)
 
I've been having random fleeting thoughts lately, relatively often, like "killing yourself would be easier/ fuck it, kill myself/etc" - Just one sentence and then I let it go and forget about it right away, no serious thinking about it or planning it or feeling like I want to do it, just simple thoughts that randomly pop into my head and then disappear as quickly as they showed up. I'm not consciously thinking about it, it's totally random and unprovoked thoughts. Started a couple weeks ago, and at first i didn't think much of it and just laughed it off but it's starting to happen more often, like multiple times a day. I don't want to kill myself nor have I ever planned to or wanted to before and I don't know where this is coming from...

I've used drugs "suicidally" in the past with an "i don't care what happens" attitude while shooting up, but thats different then suicidal ideation. I'm sort of confused as to where these recent thoughts are coming from. It's literally at least a couple times a day now, and I don't want it to get worse. I don't want it to progress from random fleeting thoughts into actual consideration. And now I'm thinking about things like "well the thoughts have to be coming from somewhere it can't be totally random, does that mean part of me wants to do it?" but I don't even want to think about shit like that either. I'm sort of caught off guard by this, never had these thoughts before. I've always had a huge aversion to suicide because someone close to me/my family killed themselves when I was in 7th grade.
 
Last edited:
Case, it may very well be simply stress. Suicidal ideation is like a release valve and it also serves the purpose of making you feel some sense of control when things feel overwhelmingly beyond your control. I would imagine that between the move, staying on your program, new modding commitments here, school etc that you have quite a lot on your plate. That thought might just be a resting place for your mind as weird as that sounds. Probably the best thing that you can do is to try not to let it scare you. Is there a school counselor you could talk to?
 
Being alive sucks sometimes but in my experience I feel like I should be dead about 17 times over (yeah, I've od'ed that many times) but, I'm here and I'm pretty sure I have a purpose a I'm not going anywhere until I fulfil it. Nothing in this world is worth dying over. NOTHING! If you don't like what you're doing, fix it. Become a better you. There's more to you than bullshit. Promise!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
herbavore said:
Case, it may very well be simply stress. Suicidal ideation is like a release valve and it also serves the purpose of making you feel some sense of control when things feel overwhelmingly beyond your control. I would imagine that between the move, staying on your program, new modding commitments here, school etc that you have quite a lot on your plate. That thought might just be a resting place for your mind as weird as that sounds. Probably the best thing that you can do is to try not to let it scare you. Is there a school counselor you could talk to?
Click to expand...

I think you're right, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and simply dismiss the thoughts as soon as they arise. Thanks.
 
^ I also like to think about the positive sides of living that I enjoy so I realize I have something to look forward to.

Today, it was reading and walking.
 
Move to Suicide Support please.

An overdose of anything. I want it to happen on it's own accord, as an accident, finally putting an end to my misery. But it's not going to happen because unfortunately I am clever enough to know what I am doing. It feels like I've been waiting for this for 10 years now.
 
life is what you make it u don't have to be suicidal you can make your life better
 
I'm breaking, self harmed but it didn't give me enough release, I'm starting to make plans. Tried calling the crisis team but no answer. I don't want to live anymore my ex is trying to take my son off me. I've had enough of waking up every day I just can't do it any more
 
I've been really depressed lately since I'm detoxing and having some really bad seperation anxiety. Suicide is always in the back of my mind. It would be very easy to do, not mentally but I have pistols, Rilfes, and shotguns all over my house. My suicidal thoughts aren't aggressive right now but I fear it will get worse especially tomorrow if my fiancé says she's not coming home for what's gonna seem like a really long time(for those that don't know, she's at a rehab). Some of my depression is due to w/ds but most of its because I'm not with her so hopefully when I visit her tomorrow she'll say she's coming home soon and I'll feel better, if that's not the case than idk what I'm gonna do:/

Captain.Heroin said:
I can't stop crying
Click to expand...

I know how you feel. I've cried every day and night for the past 5 days. I wish it would stop:(
 
Hang in there D2P <3

I can't be fucked getting up for work tomorrow.
I'm spent. I don't have it in me to live.
I just want to do nothing and become nothing.
Why is it so wrong to annihilate myself?

My existence has no solid value. Sure, it could have value to me in future but right now it is worthless and the future depends on the present and nothing is getting better and I am fucked/ruined/broken and I just don't have it in me.
I'm apathetic enough to kill myself right now, but logically I know I should try to hold off..
I'm just so fucking done. I don't have the ability. I can't keep this up.

I need to put myself down. I'm sick of grovelling.
 
Well, she's not coming home for another 3+ weeks probably. Idk what I'm gonna do now. Suicudal thoughts are slightly stronger. My situation and her not coming home for a while may not seem like a big deal for some of you but for me it's a huge deal. I don't know what I'm gonna do...
 
sorry i dont post as much as i should. i do lurk and read up sometimes but it takes a lot to post for me even. i really think i have some underlying mental issue or something. no matter whats going on in my life, good, bad, great, terrible i always have the thoughts of suicide. i really dont see a future with myself in it and its kinda hard to admit it but its something thats been going on as long as i can remember. love you all and hang in there.
 
to everyone who may be going through a hard time: you all are valuable, more than you know, even when you don't think it or realize it.

it does get better. i promise it does.

<3<3<3
 
I love being alive!!!! I have bad days where I feel like it'd be easier if I wasn't here but day by day life is not so bad and there's so much to live for. Just think about it :) hope you're doing well still!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top