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TDS Introduce Yourself! Version: Hello! Hola! Bonjour! 你好!

Hey guys.
Im Zakk, a 19 year old male from the US. This is actually my first time in TDS, though I have been a member of bluelight since 2009 or so. I was the kind of kid who wanted to learn as much information about as many substances as possible. Since before I started using I had a fascination with mind altering substances.
I am at a total loss right now so I thought It couldn't hurt to just speak my thoughts and maybe get some feed back. I'm not even sure if this is what I'm supposed to do here but I'll go ahead.
A little history. When I was 13 I started smoking marijuana, within 6 months I had discovered prescription opiates. By 14 I was using opiates regularly and at 15 I began injecting them. I was expelled from 10th grade for having syringes at school and was court ordered to my first rehab. I was there for 4 months and soon relapse after I left. I IV'D a few times but violated my probation. Was sent to drug court and started very heavily smoking spice. I violated drug court and was sent to a 6 month program. I got out in July of last year. I was clean for about a month then began using again. Very quickly I picked up the needle and it was worse than ever before. This is when I was introduced to hydromorphone. I went to treatment again in September of last year. I got out and was on suboxone but I was then introduced to IVing crystal methamphetamine. So I began selling the suboxone to support a very rapidly progressing meth habit. I spun out of control by December. I sold everything I owed including my truck for a mere $600. I began stealing guns from my grandfather. In December I went to another treatment center, getting released in January. I soon started doing heroin and was back in treatment by march. I got out in April and the first night I was home I started using meth. I did this for about a month and a half when I decided I needed to stop. So I started drinking heavily. In August I was back in treatment for alcohol. I was so convinced I had it this time, I thought I could make it. I was just released in September. Well I have been smoking marijuana for quite awhile now. I did get the first job I've had in a year. But in last 2 weeks or so I have started injecting meth and dilaudid again. And I just don't know what to do. I know that sooner then later I will be back in a hole, living just to get high and doing whatever I have to do to make it happen. I don't know if I can go back to treatment and disappoint everyone. I feel like I'm at the end here. I've tried 12 step programs, treatments and therapy. I am diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder.
I just don't know how and why I react this way to drugs. How I am this susceptible to addiction? Why does it drag me down so quickly when there are others that have been using since before I was born and they aren't anywhere near where I am. I just feel like the scum of the earth. The biggest regret of my life is ever picking up a needle. I'm really sorry about writing all of this, and I'm sorry if this shouldn't be here. I just had to get this out there.
 
Elisheba Ruth - Addict, Prostitute, Transsexual Lesbian, Scientist, Christian

I am a recently recovered spice addict. I just got out of rehab a few weeks ago and am sharing my story to get some more information out there about the dangers of this drug. Hopefully some people will read it and make better choices than I have. I don't think I'm violating any rules by including a link to my blog here. It seems more efficient than copying ALL the text from my blog and I'm not trying to sell anything! If my story is simply a repeat of what you've read dozens of times before you have my apology; I didn't realize there were that many Christian, transsexual lesbian, scientist, engineers who had become addicted to spice and fallen into prostitution. I know! I know! We all want to think we're special don't we! ;)

Peace,

Elisheba Ruth
[email protected]


"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
 
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Hi Percozak and Elisheba welcome to BL thank you for sharing a bit of info about yourselves and I hope that you find some interesting stories of recoveries and contribute help as well to other members in need. Hope to see more of your posts you two ;)
 
Hi Ubi :) cool name, welcome to the forum! We're all lost in some way or another, at least we have each other <3. I hope you can find some support here in TDS <3.
 
Elisheba Ruth and percozakk, you've each found a great place to unload.

Welcome, and remember that here, you're never struggling alone. We won't leave ya treading water like that!
 
Hi all. My name is Bumr50. I've done many recreational drugs, many times, on many occasions, but I am an alcoholic. I'm 38 years old and just came off yet another one of my "controlled drinking" experiments with the end result being a temporary separation from my wife, loss of my job (again), loss of trust from my family (again), a crap load of unpaid bills(again), and a search for a doctor/therapy/something(again).

I've tried this so many times I can't count. I started drinking after work with some buddies about a year ago, couple of beers after work sort of thing, and I can control it but only for so long.

I've done every other recreational drug under the sun, but it's always the alcohol that gets me. In my twenties I was an unbridled, almost daily heavy drinker (10-12 years), and I think have finally admitted to myself that I've done something to my brain chemistry that NO MATTER WHAT I CANNOT drink. I managed to drink "socially" for about six months, but reached a few months back where "a few drinks" actually CAUSED anxiety to the point where I needed more.

Just wanted to say hi. I've lurked here a lot before, and finally got an account.
 
Hey Bumr, welcome :)

You are certainly in the right place for support. Also, you may be interested in checking out Sober Living? It's a great forum :)

If you have any questions about the site or anything in general, feel free to shoot me a PM.


<3
 
hey everyone, i'm snowxwhite. 22-queer womyn in Chicago whoot! I came to BL in 2010(?) at the height of my IV-heroin addiction.
Came back about two weeks ago for support getting off of Suboxone (worked wonderfully thank you to the bupe thread). I have struggled with many things; anorexia, self-harm, depression, and addiction.

Right now I can use support coping with things I did not cope with initially. I have a regular therapist whom I see regularly but every session we just scrape the surface and 2 weeks pass and it's the same.

x
 
star.fox said:
Hey guys,

I've been a lurker on this forum for a while... finally decided to make an account.

It helps me a lot to hear about other people getting through tough times (makes me feel less alone...), not to mention hearing the advice and compassion a lot of the regulars here are quick to dispense.

You guys probably help more people than you realize. <3
Click to expand...

Nice to see you star.fox, and thanks for stepping out of the shadows ;)

Elisheba Ruth said:
I am a recently recovered spice addict. I just got out of rehab a few weeks ago and am sharing my story to get some more information out there about the dangers of this drug. Hopefully some people will read it and make better choices than I have. I don't think I'm violating any rules by including a link to my blog here. It seems more efficient than copying ALL the text from my blog and I'm not trying to sell anything! If my story is simply a repeat of what you've read dozens of times before you have my apology; I didn't realize there were that many Christian, transsexual lesbian, scientist, engineers who had become addicted to spice and fallen into prostitution. I know! I know! We all want to think we're special don't we! ;)

Peace,

Elisheba Ruth
[email protected]


"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe
Click to expand...

Spice addiction? I don't know much about it, but would love to learn. All I know is spice is some kind of herb (not THAT herb) laced with a bunch of random chemicals. I'd love to learn more though!!

snowxwhite said:
hey everyone, i'm snowxwhite. 22-queer womyn in Chicago whoot! I came to BL in 2010(?) at the height of my IV-heroin addiction.
Came back about two weeks ago for support getting off of Suboxone (worked wonderfully thank you to the bupe thread). I have struggled with many things; anorexia, self-harm, depression, and addiction.

Right now I can use support coping with things I did not cope with initially. I have a regular therapist whom I see regularly but every session we just scrape the surface and 2 weeks pass and it's the same.

x
Click to expand...

I've never been on suboxone; however, I am on Day 11 of quitting opiates... oxy, roxi, tabs, percs, etc... (no H or IV stuff). Please don't think I"m judging that you IV'd, I was always too big a pussy to try haha. I'd love to support in any way I can. Please lean on me and everyone else that listens. Feel free to PM me. I'm still going through acute w/d of opiates 11 days later so I can relate to a degree I think.

With much love and support,

TTGB
 
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Hi, Im new and trying to be free of my addiction. I dont wanna break any rules so I'll keep it short, but I look forward to reading and posting.
 
blueaddict43 said:
Hi, Im new and trying to be free of my addiction. I dont wanna break any rules so I'll keep it short, but I look forward to reading and posting.
Click to expand...

Hey there, welcome! I'm happy to hear you're trying to free yourself of addiction; once you're free from it you'll feel amazing. You have the ability to do it.

Feel free to contact me if you have any questions about the site/board :) Also, forum guidelines are found at the top of the page as a link, and you can access the bluelight user agreement just by clicking on the link in my signature!

Hope you enjoy the site.
 
I'm not new, but I'm back again.

Hi, my name is Owain. I like kickboxing, MMA, mountain bikes and I hate being a useless drug addict.
 
Hi! I've been posting around a little bit, and I haven't been giving out very much support (any support at all, actually), and for that I genuinely apologize to everyone here. I really would like to help all of you but I'm rather young and I am afraid I am simply not qualified to give advice to anyone in any capacity whatsoever. Though I'll still try, it's likely to be worthless and for that I apologize in advance. So, having said that, it's nice to meet all of you! I'm Utopiate.
 
^ Hi Utopiate, and welcome! You don't have to give advice at all. Sometimes just empathy and listening are the best form of support, anyway. <3
 
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