Trauma and depression from bad trip?

[Kvasablanca]

Hello, sorry if this is in the wrong section (I looked through the forums and this seemed to be the most suitable place.)
About 5 months ago I bought a gram of 2cb, me and two others decided we would try it out so we went to a friends house where there were two sober people to sit us and each weighed some up. I had taken 2cb, 2ce, and lsd numerous times in large doses, the largest dose of 2cb being 60mg. Never had any problems apart from one minor bad trip as a result of a LOT of acid and an encounter with the police whilst in possession of a bottle.

I weighed myself 48mg, can't quite remember what the others had but it was between 30 and 40. After about 30 minutes I was already coming up which was strange as normally it would take me about an hour. I didn't really think about it and just waited until I came up, but it didn't stop. I kept coming up, but didn't want to say anything to the others as for one of them it was their first time taking 2cb and didn't want to give off any negative feelings or create a panic. I kept coming up and up to the point where I couldn't actually believe my eyes, I was tripping 50x harder (absolutely no exaggeration) than I ever had before, I had to say something. I turned to my friends and said "I'm tripping fucking balls!" and the expression on their faces instantly told me that they were tripping as hard as me. We then started discussing it and were suggesting that maybe the scales were broke and we did a lot more than we thought we did. After this I can't quite remember much other than vivid dream like memories of my trip involving being bit by dogs, chased by dozens of police cars. I have been told I was attempting to throw myself in front of cars, one of my sober friends was trying to take 2 of us back to my house and had to call the police and it apparently took 8 of them to restrain the two of us. I was handcuffed and almost taken to the station until my friend finally managed to help them understand the situation, at which point I was taken to hospital in a police van. I woke up in the morning with horrible deep cuts in my wrists where I had been trying to escape from the cuffs! I would go into more detail about the trip but right now I'm really not enjoying reliving it in the dark in my room. Maybe another time.

Basically I woke up in hospital the next morning (I have a few really fucked up memories of tripping in the hospital bed and being spoken to by doctors) having to piece together what had happened, what I did last night and why I was in hospital. I was told by a nurse that my friend was in intensive care in a medically induced coma. To this day I still don't know what I took, maybe a derivative of 2cb, was thinking maybe along the lines of bromo-dragonfly. But since it happened I have never been the same.

Almost every night since it happened I have laid in my bed at night for hours playing it through in my head over and over again which causes me to panic and the horrible feeling I felt in my chest that night comes back. The other two that were involved have said they suffered from similar disturbances but don't seem to be suffering any where near as bad as me. Before it happened I was the happiest person I knew, so content with life and happy with who I was, and could never understand people that let themselves get miserable, but now everyday I get negative thoughts and am sometimes even bought to tears and I have no idea why, I don't feel happy with where I am in my life, I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, whenever I am reminded of times that happened before the trip I get really upset and wish I was back there. Any song that I used to listen to then now makes me feel sad, the slightest thing almost brings me to tears. I don't know who to talk to I don't feel like a doctor will help, I need a psychiatrist but one who has been through the same experience as me, it helps to talk to the others who were involved but I always feel like they don't even understand.

Can any one relate to any of this or does anyone have any advice?

 

[hypnagogic]

I had long lasting effects after one particularly bad trip. I couldn't take the severe depression and anxiety it left me with. I barely slept at night because I would often experience panic attacks on the verge of sleep. I felt drained constantly and lost motivation to do anything.

I saw a cognitive therapist who happened to have experience in dealing with psychedelics and people who have used them for a variety of reasons. I was also put on Xanax for short term use by my doctor to sleep at night calmly. The combination of these two things really helped me get back to where I needed to be and I became positive an motivated again. I still get anxiety attacks from time to time but they're becoming much less frequent.

After several months off I was able to use psychedelics, dissociatives and MDMA again. I found the MDMA experience particularly beneficial in helping me let go of the traumas associated with the trip that caused issues for me.

It takes time and effort, but if you want to get better you will.

 

[stillmind]

I would second the motion for CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). A lot of what you describe sounds almost like PTSD, in this case the stimuli appear to be certain thoughts, memories, emotions, and somatic sensations associated with the trip that trigger panic and sadness. CBT can be remarkably effective in completely eliminating these sort of panic reactions. I don't think a therapist who has specific experience with psychedelic users is necessary; I think anyone with experience treating PTSD and panic attacks could apply the same basic desensitization techniques to your case.

To be clear, I'm not saying that this is all that's going on with you, but panic can be so debilitating that once you get that under control everything else will be much more manageable, and the good news is that that part can be treated effectively and you can see results quite quickly.

 

[psood0nym]

I agree that what you describe sounds like PTSD, and I think that's likely. It's unlikely your symptoms owe to any significant organic damage, so physiologically you're most likely just fine. I wouldn't worry too much about that if you have been. It may help you to research PTSD and check out online forums devoted to its discussion, as knowing how others have recovered might help you do the same. MDMA has been used successfully in treating PTSD in clinical settings if you ultimately decide something more drastic than traditional therapies might be needed to help you. If you can't obtain MDMA there are other "MDMA-alikes" that may substitute as well. In any case you should read up on how the MDMA therapy sessions were conducted to see if they're something you have the means to approximate.

Do you have any of what you took left? It may help you to recover if you understand as much as possible about what led to the experience, since if you know how to avoid it in the future such knowledge can be reassuring (even in the case that you never plan to take any recreational drugs again). Reagent tests you can purchase online for fairly cheap could very well ID the substance. If you or your friends don't have any of it anymore, I'll just say that I don't think it was bromo-dragonfly since overdose cases of that drug reportedly cause severe vasoconstrictive symptoms that can last weeks. From your description of the (presumably oral) dose and onset time I'd guess a DOx -- in case you know if the vendor/dealer also carried those and it helps you understand more about what could've happened.

 

[Reverend Random]

Very sound advice by all of the above. I had wanted to respond to this earlier but forgot to do so. At any rate, the posters above all made the point I wanted to make as well. Sounds like you might suffer from post-traumatic stress indeed, and talking to a therapist is always a good idea. I would suggest you be completely open about what caused your anxiety and nightmares, because the relationship with your therapist is one of the most important determinants in how effective therapy is.

All the best, man. Sounds like you must have had a very frightening experience, that can only have been exacerbated by the whole episode with the police, the hospital, your parents and what not.

 

[pmoseman]

One pill makes you smaller...

Hello, sorry if this is in the wrong section (I looked through the forums and this seemed to be the most suitable place.)
About 5 months ago I bought a gram of 2cb, me and two others decided we would try it out so we went to a friends house where there were two sober people to sit us and each weighed some up. I had taken 2cb, 2ce, and lsd numerous times in large doses, the largest dose of 2cb being 60mg. Never had any problems apart from one minor bad trip as a result of a LOT of acid and an encounter with the police whilst in possession of a bottle.

I weighed myself 48mg, can't quite remember what the others had but it was between 30 and 40. After about 30 minutes I was already coming up which was strange as normally it would take me about an hour. I didn't really think about it and just waited until I came up, but it didn't stop. I kept coming up, but didn't want to say anything to the others as for one of them it was their first time taking 2cb and didn't want to give off any negative feelings or create a panic. I kept coming up and up to the point where I couldn't actually believe my eyes, I was tripping 50x harder (absolutely no exaggeration) than I ever had before, I had to say something. I turned to my friends and said "I'm tripping fucking balls!" and the expression on their faces instantly told me that they were tripping as hard as me. We then started discussing it and were suggesting that maybe the scales were broke and we did a lot more than we thought we did. After this I can't quite remember much other than vivid dream like memories of my trip involving being bit by dogs, chased by dozens of police cars. I have been told I was attempting to throw myself in front of cars, one of my sober friends was trying to take 2 of us back to my house and had to call the police and it apparently took 8 of them to restrain the two of us. I was handcuffed and almost taken to the station until my friend finally managed to help them understand the situation, at which point I was taken to hospital in a police van. I woke up in the morning with horrible deep cuts in my wrists where I had been trying to escape from the cuffs! I would go into more detail about the trip but right now I'm really not enjoying reliving it in the dark in my room. Maybe another time.

Basically I woke up in hospital the next morning (I have a few really fucked up memories of tripping in the hospital bed and being spoken to by doctors) having to piece together what had happened, what I did last night and why I was in hospital. I was told by a nurse that my friend was in intensive care in a medically induced coma. To this day I still don't know what I took, it was definitely a derivative of 2cb, was thinking maybe along the lines of bromo-dragonfly. But since it happened I have never been the same.

Almost every night since it happened I have laid in my bed at night for hours playing it through in my head over and over again which causes me to panic and the horrible feeling I felt in my chest that night comes back. The other two that were involved have said they suffered from similar disturbances but don't seem to be suffering any where near as bad as me. Before it happened I was the happiest person I knew, so content with life and happy with who I was, and could never understand people that let themselves get miserable, but now everyday I get negative thoughts and am sometimes even bought to tears and I have no idea why, I don't feel happy with where I am in my life, I have no idea what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, whenever I am reminded of times that happened before the trip I get really upset and wish I was back there. Any song that I used to listen to then now makes me feel sad, the slightest thing almost brings me to tears. I don't know who to talk to I don't feel like a doctor will help, I need a psychiatrist but one who has been through the same experience as me, it helps to talk to the others who were involved but I always feel like they don't even understand.

Can any one relate to any of this or does anyone have any advice?

There are trials being done, and it looks like MDMA helps treat PTSD, which you likely have.
However, if you look at one study, of merely 20 people, you see that 25% of the patients (2 of 8) for which no other treatment had worked for the last 19 years had overcome PTSD symptoms by taking a placebo.
That's right, without any candy to help the duck find a cure. Now a doctor, one would hope, is going to take a lot of steps in diagnosing you before prescribing progressively advanced treatments.
If 25% of patients in a single difficult trial can overcome PTSD without drugs, then at least third of patients treated for PTSD never actually have to take any kind of drug to finish treatment.
Although I do not know if that statement is necessarily true or not, I think it is important not to look at this as a reason to abuse another drug. That may only lead to further complications.
After your last experience I would go to the drug store, buy some tic-tacs, and hang out with a couple friendly dogs in a safe environment. See how that goes.

 

[Aporia]

I also agree with the above posters. When I was younger I had a somewhat similar experience, in that I ended up taking a dose higher than I thought i was taking of a certain substance and ended up waking up in a hospital setting. To be honest, it really sucks that your trip sitters weren't experienced enough to NOT GET THE COPS INVOLVED! that's what trip sitters are for! Anyways, I suffered from PTSD symptoms for many years not understanding what had really happened. It wasn't until I fully accepted and then let go of the experience (after many many years of research into academic studies of psychedelics, pyschology and philosophy in an academic setting) that I was able to heal and let go. The best advice I have is mindful meditation and radical acceptance of what happened. Therapy would only be good if you're able to open up and fully trust your therapist, otherwise it's gonna be a waste of money. You're not alone and you will heal. Spend time focusing on you, your body, your mind and a healthy life

 

[Kvasablanca]

Thank you everyone for all your helpful replies, for some reason I gave up and thought no one would reply but it was a pleasant surprise to see some really nice and reassuring replies. I think therapy seems like it could be a good idea but I did think about it before and wouldn't know where to go as I would only be comfortable opening up to someone who has also had psychedelic experiences. Opening up to the other two people involved and my very close friends/family who experienced psychedelics actually makes me feel a lot better, although the other two involved say they don't like to talk about it. Some really kind and helpful words here, thanks

 

[kittyinthedark]

I will reiterate what the others have said - very good advice all around. If you do choose to get therapy, shop around for a clinic/therapist that seems agreeable to you (I know that's somewhat vague, but it's important that you like them and they seem helpful). I've struggled with mental illness my whole life, and a good therapist makes all the difference in the world. Some of them are very closed-minded (like the one that thought weekly marijuana use in college made me a drug addict...8) ) or just plain not helpful, but if you encounter anyone like that, or even anyone that just plain makes you feel uncomfortable, start looking right away for someone new. You'll find a good fit.

As always, I also recommend eating healthy and getting plenty of exercise. It's the best way around to keep your health in order. Good luck, and feel better soon!

 

[SnackAttack]

You will be fine, the more your work out and talk about these experiences openly the easier things will become. You do not need MDMA to treat this... you do not need anything but yourself to treat this. I have experienced similar trauma based trips that have lasted months.... They will subside if you find and use proper coping methods that work for you. You need to stay strong in your true will to get better and keep that strong head of yours on your shoulders. Preying helps, laughing helps, making light out of the sadness helps. Next time you are lying in bed afraid find a way to laugh about how absurd your experience was (I know how real it feels, but it's not reality.... just some small node of your life experience) with that being said don't let that small node take you over. There are so many ways to divert your attention nowadays so don't get caught up in the ickly thumply world of good trips gone bad. Don't bask in your negative past, find solace in the fact that your still alive and laugh at what you fear the most... turns pretty funny in the end however the more you fixate on the ideology that this is permanent or cannot be fixed by western medicine the farther you will fall into the abyss of sadness and misconstrued truth. Find your own truth and look forward with your head to the sky. Much love and best wishes to you. You will survive.

 

[ComfortablyNumb95]

I wonder what did the op expect taking 48 mgs of 2cb. That is a more than huge dosage iirc.

 

[Kvasablanca]

I wonder what did the op expect taking 48 mgs of 2cb. That is a more than huge dosage iirc.

You're right, it is a big dosage but as I said in the original post I have taken bigger doses of 2cb, besides whatever I took wasn't 2cb.

Thanks everyone for your advice, I never managed to find a therapist. In the end I decided to try and get through it myself, I think about it a lot less now and only ever seem to get scared if I smoke weed which I have now stopped doing as a result of this. I do still feel depressed though, I'm starting to think maybe the depression is unrelated

 

[mrkelswan]

Just wanted to say I had almost the exact same situation happen to me but with a slightly different scenario, took 4 strong tabs of acid and came up ridiculously hard. Then woke up in hospital with the same dream like memories, i was later told I was attacking my own sister and anyone who came near me, running around like a lunatic scream in pure terror. Police were also called in my situation and it took 6 or so police officers to restrain me (I also woke with severe cuts on my wrist which I still have scars from now, I was also heavily bruised from head to toe) I suffered with the same trauma afterwards, unable to sleep because of the memories and flashbacks I was reliving, now 10 months down the line I am coping much easier. Although I've just had a deep conversation about what happened to me which has lead me to this thread, i am generally shocked at how similar our experiences where, i know exactly what your going through. Just wanted to say that @psood0nym made a comment about the substance being DOx, well the substance I took was DOI so that makes alot of sense, just thought that might help you a bit! Sorry I haven't got anything else to say about healing methods, as I haven't had any help myself I've just had to ride these past few months out, I'm still not the same person mentally but I am in a much better place than I was, so just soldier on and eventually the old you will return! Good luck Bro x

 

[mrkelswan]

From your description of the (presumably oral) dose and onset time I'd guess a DOx -- in case you know if the vendor/dealer also carried those and it helps you understand more about what could've happened.

I was sold DOI as acid at a party and took 4 tabs resulting in a situation almost identical to this, So good call on the DOx that is most likely the case!

 

[Kvasablanca]

It would make sense if it was DOI as the bag had "I" written on it, looking back on it now I was stupid to take such a high dose at first without first making sure it was infact 2CB. When I saw the "I" written on it I remember thinking maybe I was accidently given 2CI, but completely forgot about it when we took it later that night. Safe to say I learnt my lesson

Just wanted to say I had almost the exact same situation happen to me but with a slightly different scenario, took 4 strong tabs of acid and came up ridiculously hard. Then woke up in hospital with the same dream like memories, i was later told I was attacking my own sister and anyone who came near me, running around like a lunatic scream in pure terror. Police were also called in my situation and it took 6 or so police officers to restrain me (I also woke with severe cuts on my wrist which I still have scars from now, I was also heavily bruised from head to toe) I suffered with the same trauma afterwards, unable to sleep because of the memories and flashbacks I was reliving, now 10 months down the line I am coping much easier. Although I've just had a deep conversation about what happened to me which has lead me to this thread, i am generally shocked at how similar our experiences where, i know exactly what your going through. Just wanted to say that @psood0nym made a comment about the substance being DOx, well the substance I took was DOI so that makes alot of sense, just thought that might help you a bit! Sorry I haven't got anything else to say about healing methods, as I haven't had any help myself I've just had to ride these past few months out, I'm still not the same person mentally but I am in a much better place than I was, so just soldier on and eventually the old you will return! Good luck Bro x

Wow, crazy how similiar our experiences seem. I am definitely in a better place now than I was when I made this thread, but still not the same person mentally as you said.
Nice to know I'm not alone as I feel the other two involved weren't as affected by it as I have been.

I'm thinking of writing the whole experience down in as much detail as i can remember it, I talk to people about it on rare occasions but I feel like I need to get it all off my chest. If I do I will make a trip report and share it here, might be interesting for you to read as you experienced something very similiar. Theres a trip report on erowid from someone who also experienced a very similiar situation as me but a smaller dose and I found it interesting.

 

[mrkelswan]

Yeah I'm also relieved its not just me who's been through this horror! The worst of it is my sister found it almost more of a traumatic experience than me in some senses, as she put up with me for hours in this possesed state, trying to restrain me and calm me down (restraining someone who's tripping balls is by far the worst way of doing that, but she doesn't quite understand what acid is like at high doses, also I was trashing her flat so i can see why she done it) where as me I can only remember a few nightmare like memories and mindstates that simply don't make sense to me anymore, all I remember is dying, literally feeling the life exit my body while everyone crowded around me crying and weeping at my death. Then some other memories that are completely different bad trips that all happend in the same night, if I was you I'd go ahead and make that trip report while you've still got a fairly fresh memory of it! Because it fades with time. Also please link me it if you do as id love to read it!

 

[mrkelswan]

Just realised this post is from 2013 so scrap the fresh memories part lol. My experience was on Christmas 2013 so could have quite possibly been the same batch!

 

[just say know]

just asking how've you been since then? i'm new to the forum but read most of this; here's something to help you chill out when you need it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqWofBdhT2k

 

[yyxxyy]

If you are still on the forum, please reply, I would appreciate any help:

Several months ago I had a bad trip on 25i-NBOMe series. And when I say BAD, I mean it. It would have been just a standard nightmare-like experience on psychodelics, getting stuck in the loop and stuff, you probably know what I am talking, but the next day I woke up in a hospital. Later on I have been told by a "friend", how I was dead(literally) for a few minutes, went into coma and how he saved me by restricting my movement(which you should never do). Anyways, I lost my memory (for a few weeks I was getting lost on the way to my own apartment), had flashbacks, severe anxiety and paranoia. All this happened 6 months ago and I am still recovering. I already tried a lot of things: prescription drugs, nootropics, sport, being outside a lot, keeping myself busy, but that feeling is still there and I am still scared to be alone. When I go to bed I am scared to close my eyes, sometimes I feel like I have multiple-personality disorder, which I dont, but it is still frightening, have tiny flashbacks, etc. There is now way I could discribe to you what happened to me that night, it's just pointless, but I hope you can understand.

 

[dopamimetic]

How are you doing today?

These RC hallucinogens can be really dangerous.. please explain what prescription drugs & nootropics you've tried, and your reactions to them. Maybe I can try to help you.