Uhm Just saying... you don't have to be your own mom or dad, I mean as romanticized as that may seem, if you WANT a better family you can reach out for help and you will be placed with a more supportive family. You are 13 and don't need to be dealing with that shit. .
Words to live by, My father was a womanizing, cheat. He drove my mom away and into deep depression of feeling worthless. She ended up using Heroin to not feel pain, and she ended up hooking to support her own habbits. By the time i was 13, my mom had died from an overdose, and for years i diddnt have any awnsers untill one day when i was 16 me and one of my aunts had a big talk, and i got to learn how fucked up my life really was.
I was angry, i abused extacy, alcohol, cocain, and psychedelics till i was about 21 and met mother Opiate. Ive cheated on every single girlfriend in my life, i feel worthless, My drug of choice is heroin and aside from taking my own mother from me, that drug has taken all of my money, numerous jobs, my friends and family, and recently.... my first and only vehicle (lightly crashed it while driving a friend to the hospital after he litereally stopped breathing and turned blue after mainlining some new dope in town)
I used to be set in a narrow way of thinking, that just because my mom died of an overdose, thats how i wanted to die also..... i was more curious than anything, as to why my mother chose drugs over her children..... and Stupidly i fell head first into the same trap as her, and when i thought i couldnt keep up with my emotions and my own failures... yeah, i tried to take my own life.
Luckily i reached out to somebody before i decided to hang myself, and the authorities got there just in time to cut me down from the ceiling. But fuck me, after going through all this bullshit, that i diddnt even need to go through, but thinking I did, because my parents set the stage for me, makes me actually ashamed of how stupid and sheep-like i really could of been (because i consider myself to be a very open-minded person) to think i had to follow in the footsteps of my creators.
and Hunny your not even at the worst of it yet, trust me.... this was a 11 year period of my life starting when i was about your age now.
I ended up fucking up my own life even more because of my stupid, narrow way of thinking..... but you know what??? It could of been alot worse.....
and thats all you gotta realise, is that nomatter how bad it gets, no matter how much damage you think youve done, no matter how much pain or frustration, or sadness, or hate you are feeling......... atleast you wernt born(ASSUMING) in a war torn country, with aids because both your parents carry it, homeless, cuz both parents where killed thanks to a mortar landing in your front yard, and your only family is a bunch of kidnapped children, most of which boys, and your teenage warlord millitant sargents , who are getting you high on cocain and sending you into a hostile town soo you can murder and rape innocent and military civillians, all for a lost cause...... dont believe me??? Look up Sierra Leon, or ugandan child soldiers..... even somalian pirates have it worse.....
Yet we are all programmed with the same survival instinct. dont forget that.
Be thankfull that it isnt as bad as it could be, and give yourself some credit for actually being intelligent enough to reach out for help. Even if its on the internet, the People in this community have enough shared experiences to comfortably give you proper anwsers, that a university graduated drug Councillor with no prior history of addiction or physical/mental abuse could ever fathom.
the more you endure in life, the stronger you become, not the opposite.
Resilience is a great life skill to master
im still alive to this day, and No i am not cured, I will always be battling with addiction
because when i started using and abusing substances, i diddnt fully realise why i wanted to get high or fucked up all the time.
I diddnt realise i was Running from my emotions, and i ended up shaping my brain into the adult brain of a drug addict, With no knowledge or tools for coping with anxiety, depression, or stress, other than getting high/using substances.
Your brain and body are still developing, and unlike me, its not too late for you to help yourself and finding legitimate and healthy ways of gratitude, and proper ways to cope with stress and depression.
its kind of hard to even really understand, because i do remember what it was like to be 13 and not being able to understand something untill i went through the motions for it myself.
I couldnt just comprehend a story of what it was like to go to a huge house wrecking rager until i experienced it for myself, and thats is OK.
people have to make their own mistakes, so they can hopefully learn the lessons that come from it.
Just make sure your mistakes aren't permanent, or lifelong regrets
You can always PM me Im online often and I love to help others. Youve been dealt a shittier hand than many people and this sucks. But I must strongly, strongly caution you against using any more drugs. See if you cant start cutting that stuff down please. Your movement to serious drugs like LSD and MDMA at such a young age is troubling. If/when you progress into more serious drugs as they present themselves, it could be disastrous. Ive seen a 15 year old heroin junkie who is either dead or in juvenile detention again, this kinda stuff can happen to you easily man. Youre playing with fire and at this rate youre only gonna burn yourself man. 