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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

MDPV Megathread 10: Stuffandnonsensemonger

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it all was going so good, now it all maybe is going to fall apart for me. Oh we going to find out ;)
 
Took a solid week off. First break in almost two years :D screwed up by collecting all the resin from used straws yesterday. Got a good few good rips off that and then found a decent pile of PV I spilled awhile ago up on a high shelf in the closet. My "recovery" is now on hold. Sober today because I vaped everything yesterday quicker than most people can flick a lighter but oh well... I had fun.

MDPV really is the devil in powderized form. What can I say other than I'm hooked?

Got some apvp on the way so unfortunately I will be back in the hell storm that is daily using (apvp or mdpv doesn't matter much. I prefer mdpv but the end result is the same. I find mdpv more functional than apvp but beggers can't be choosers).

Also started on an ssri. Its been something I've been avoiding for like 10 years despite it being highly recommended by close loved ones as well as by psychiatrist. Figured it was just another chemical prison and would not benefit me anyway anyhow....

Boy was I wrong. Been on lexapro now for two weeks and my life has changed dramatically. For the first time in a decade I am actually feeling like a human. Laughing and playing with my children is really a blessing. I can't believe THIS is what I've been missing out on all these years. THIS being life. Enjoying the little things that everyone else around does. I used to feel so alienated from everyone because I couldn't relate. I hated life. There was no enjoyment in anything and any show of happiness from me was fake or forced. Not anymore. To think how much of my life I have missed out on all these years due to chemical imbalances in my brain. All those years of self medicating with drugs.... Sheesh.
 
One week is nothing to sneeze at. Really do try after the PV runs out to get another week in there, it gets so much better without.

Mdpv gets very tough on the mind and body.
 
Great stuff, PsychoPeev =D

The week off and the SSRI-based improvements, that is. Personally, I'd say SSRIs were the demoniacal drugs from the deepest, darkest, foulest pits of Hell but if it's working for ya then good for you :)

I can actually kinda see how they might cos one sure-fire way to lift the mental (and even physical) fug that chronic peeving brings on is a boost in serotonin levels. I've mostly used MDMA for that purpose before (and occasionally other serty stuffs) and it's a borderline miracle cure. I don't mean a full-blown recreational dose of MDMA at all - just a teensy bit does it for me. I found chasing a few crumbs o' crystal worked best for me. At times when I was so zombified I genuinely could not form sentences, could barely move at all, and almost literally could not rouse a single thought in my broken brain, a few lil emdee puffs snapped me straight out of it and I felt pretty much completely "normal" again... but could only ever be a very temporary measure cos didn't last that long. Can quite imagine that having your serotonin levels raised on a more steady and stable ongoing basis could make a helluva difference. Just be warned that SSRI withdrawals are beyond hellish :!

But under the circumstances... take all the help you can get. And massive congrats on the week off cos given your usage pattern that is frikkin HUGE 8o

Nicklazz said:
it all was going so good, now it all maybe is going to fall apart for me. Oh we going to find out ;)
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This does not sound so good, Nick :(

Hope you haven't succumbed to temptation... But whatever has happened you will get through it and we're always here if you need to talk about anything :)<3
 
Yes I've been wondering what you're up to there Nicklazz, doesn't sound like you are alluding to something good there despite the winky face emoticon.

Regarding the e-cig vaping, I've been in no rush to dig around and find that link because I don't want to help you hurt yourself, someone with far more self control than you and I said it's too convenient so I closed the door on that idea because I just can't entertain thoughts like that anymore, you shouldn't either my friend. I worry about us, you feel me?

At any rate, I don't think they went into exact details. You need something high quality that you can control the voltage with, then I guess you can vape the apvp in a solution. But really, isn't mdpv and apvp destructive enough without absolute convenience of doing whenever and whereever? I just don't see the merit in that idea and hope you think better of it too.
 
My life I have "created" so to say, Is very confusing and very hard to live, its like im livin a double life in some way. Im tempted to go down the road one single last time.

Its ok Quasi mate, I feel you, you only doing a good thing not helping me out with the e-cig thing <3
 
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Nicklazz said:
Ooh im the mood these days for sum Pv maniac fun 8(
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Not me bro. I don't think about it at all anymore, I've pretty much sworn off synthetic chems.

I've actually started to rebuild my social life again and it's so much better this way. I could order some apvp but I know what would happen, I'd avoid everyone like the plague, fuck up my family life. And then when I run out spend a week or so deep in a hole of depression and recovery.

Nope, no more. I quite like the stability of life without supercrack head shit involved. In fact, I've cut out all synthetics.a. Nothing but good ole' weed and booze these days. I feel Much better.
 
Oh and also, my life is extremely confusing and hard to live too man! But pv chems make it nearly unbearable at times. Try to hang in there man, you can get through it without pv.

I mean come on, I'm a 25 year old virgin who hasn't dated in 7 years with an alcoholic dad, angry mom, totally dysfunctional family and a dead end job to boot. If I can push forward without PV I'm sure you can too.
 
I read all these tales of MDPV depravity, and all it does it make me want some NOW!! Does that make me weird? I'm no stranger to amphetamine psychosis, in fact, that's the time when I really start enjoying it... I spent two years as a crack addict, which was frankly fuckin shite! But I do like me stims, (just got waylaid by heroin for the last 15 years) and the PV sounds right up my street, but knowing what my addictive tendencies are I think it would best be avoided. But christ, it sounds gooood!
 
Saw ya popping in, Quasi - just to let you know I just opened your PM this minute and will get back to you properly. Am a lil discombobulated due to some of that swirlsome therapy at the moment ;)

But have not forgotten - am just horrible at timely PM responses at the best of times :!

Is great to hear you're doing so well at the moment though - you do sound very positive of late. Is good to see :)

Your turn next for some of that feeling good positive stuff then, Nick <3
 
QuasiStoned said:
Not me bro. I don't think about it at all anymore, I've pretty much sworn off synthetic chems.

I've actually started to rebuild my social life again and it's so much better this way. I could order some apvp but I know what would happen, I'd avoid everyone like the plague, fuck up my family life. And then when I run out spend a week or so deep in a hole of depression and recovery.

Nope, no more. I quite like the stability of life without supercrack head shit involved. In fact, I've cut out all synthetics.a. Nothing but good ole' weed and booze these days. I feel Much better.
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Great to hear Quasi, keep it that way, seems to help you a lot, very happy news to hear mate!



QuasiStoned said:
Oh and also, my life is extremely confusing and hard to live too man! But pv chems make it nearly unbearable at times. Try to hang in there man, you can get through it without pv.

I mean come on, I'm a 25 year old virgin who hasn't dated in 7 years with an alcoholic dad, angry mom, totally dysfunctional family and a dead end job to boot. If I can push forward without PV I'm sure you can too.
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Sounds hard dude, my dad an alcoholic too, myself also is when I don't have drugs, or will not call me an alcoholic but you know what I mean.

But got mine own problems dude, my ocd + borderline disorder doing it very hard for me to live a normal life + got a lot of other things im battlin with.. But yea I can push forward without pv, I am sure of.. Some day.

Shambles said:
Your turn next for some of that feeling good positive stuff then, Nick <3
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Maybe not next but it will sometime friend, that's for sure, I can just feel I have to dive down in the PV one more time, thinkin sum mxe+mdpv combo lines?! Keepin away from vaping :)
 
Shambles said:
Saw ya popping in, Quasi - just to let you know I just opened your PM this minute and will get back to you properly. Am a lil discombobulated due to some of that swirlsome therapy at the moment ;)

But have not forgotten - am just horrible at timely PM responses at the best of times :!

Is great to hear you're doing so well at the moment though - you do sound very positive of late. Is good to see :)

Your turn next for some of that feeling good positive stuff then, Nick <3
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It's all good man! Get back to me when you have the time, no rush.
 
Nicklazz said:
Great to hear Quasi, keep it that way, seems to help you a lot, very happy news to hear mate!





Sounds hard dude, my dad an alcoholic too, myself also is when I don't have drugs, or will not call me an alcoholic but you know what I mean.

But got mine own problems dude, my ocd + borderline disorder doing it very hard for me to live a normal life + got a lot of other things im battlin with.. But yea I can push forward without pv, I am sure of.. Some day.



Maybe not next but it will sometime friend, that's for sure, I can just feel I have to dive down in the PV one more time, thinkin sum mxe+mdpv combo lines?! Keepin away from vaping :)
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If you don't mind, would you care to go into detail about the nature of your OCD and borderline personality disorder? I'm somewhat familiar with OCD, I know what it is but I know there are a lot of variations and different severitys.

Oddly enough, Mdpv gave me definite OCD symptoms. I can remember watching a lot of porn on PV, but I'm pretty sure that deep in some of those binges I would get real weird and start moving my monitor a few inches this way, angling a few degrees that way, turning the brightness up and contrast down, etc. Etc. I'd spend more time trying to get the picture "just right" than I would watching the porn I loved so much on PV.

So if you really do have ocd, I'm quite certain you don't want to fuck with stims at all, much less mdpv. Makes it worse doesn't it?

As far as borderline personality disorder, I don't know nothing about that. But feel free to enlighten me ;)

I can relate to the idea of wanting to do pv just one more time, but there is no such thing man. You do it one more time and it overrides everything and then you gotta do it ANOTHER time. Mdpv is addictive on a deep level like nothing else, once you've gone a little too deep with it it's all or nothing, It sucks, but I don't think there's any in between or middle ground with it :(
 
I really have OCD, got the diagnose, + let me give you sum examples: Can take me up to 10+ minutes coming out of my bathroom, because have to do rituals, my foot should just a special place on the floor 3 times, and if I miss I have to do all over till its perfect. Also got my gf to say stuff for me 3x3 times, sum words. There is the thing with my door, oh boy do I have to touch it like 100 times while I say "Bon" and turn head watchin in the bathroom and saying "closed" to the tap. If I see sum nasty or hear about nasty stuff I have to think sum special things in my head. And I could go on, the handwash thing there too etc. Og boy there is a lot more, and if I don't do it my mind going crazy and getting a bad feeling in my body.

Don't have time writing about borderline right now so wiki is your friend: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

While I am on pv sum ocd things gets worse sum gets better, it depends, but all in all yea stims make it worse, but always being a stim-head, its hard to let go you know mate.
 
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It's official, Nick is going back to the pv land.

Just ordered 1g of a-pvp, will order sum mdpv + mxe when my other vendor opens again from being on holidays.
 
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Nicklazz said:
It's official, Nick is going back to the pv land.

Just ordered 1g of a-pvp, will order sum mdpv + mxe when my other vendor opens again from being on holidays.
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Master of your own destruction, and an idiot to boot, as you know exactly whats going to happen. Come on man :(
 
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adam west said:
bet its partly enjoyable though
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Of course it will be - first few days will be brilliant =D

Does tend to go downhill rapidly after that, mind :|

Is a bit late now, Nick, but maybe try to think in terms of buying smaller amounts when you do decide to indulge. Is what I do on the few occasions I allow myself to indulge these days. Instead of buying a gramme of a-PVP and (presumably) another gramme of MDPV, why not either stick with one or t'other or buy smaller quantities of each? If you can limit a run to an absolute maximum of a gramme in total there is mucho damage limitation and disaster avoidance. And if you can limit it to 500mg in total you are more or less sure to only get those first few days of saturation-levels of piperidine-based godliness with none of the otherwise inevitable longterm saturation-levels of piperidine-based hellishness.

But whatever you do, make sure you come back to us in one piece and - most importantly - have fun =D<3=D

(actually, most importantly please be as careful as you can possibly be and if/when it gets too much please consider flushing if needs be. take care, nick <3)
 
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