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any doctors who specialize in MDMA around the world?

Sounds like your gearing up to spend a LOT of money finding a doctor who may or may not be able to do ANYTHING for you....... perhaps, and this is a very wild suggestion thrown out by a clearly intoxicated Folley, you spent all that money going to Disney World instead??


Honestly sounds like it has a better chance of making you feel good, even for a little while, than a "specialist" who at best will write you some useful prescriptions and at worst will spend 10,000 running tests and have nothing to show for it...
 
what have you been doing to recover?

Not as much as I should be doing. But trying to keep busy at home. Hanging with my family. I see friends every now and then. I have a lot of good friends. Just Dont have much of a desire to go out
 
I know there are dissenting opinions re booze but I found social booze to be one of the best medicines out there. Going out with my friends really took the edge off and allowed me to escape from the overall shittiness of my life for a while.
 
Ya know what. Id love to drink. But as mentally checked out as I feel. I don't want to add anything into me.
 
Finished - I am not saying it was just in my head. I definitely believe that the substance I took created a intermediate term chemical imbalance that sorted itself out after many months of healthy living. I still do not believe I suffered any measurable physical damage to my brain from the drugs.

What I am saying is that you can get in your own head and make that chemical imbalance much much worse by over thinking things. Again, I had no anxiety issues before taking a drug that effects neurochemicals that have a direct role in mood and anxiety. My body had a strange reaction and I was left with anxiety issues for a long time. I am not a doctor, I don't know the exact mechanism of what triggered the imbalance.

Did my serotonin receptors fry and then take months to rebuild? I have no idea, neither did my doctors. What I do know is that living healthy, staying busy and keeping as positive of an outlook as possible - really made me feel better until I recovered.

O yea i totally agree with you , wasn't referring to you. And over thinking things definitely makes it 10 fold worse. I was also a daily user of cannabis in that time so that must of caused more anxiety in me but the MDMA is what brought it out.
 
F1n1shed, always enjoy your posts. They're straightforward and unequivocal and are a breath of fresh air to read when everyone else tiptoes around mdma like its some sacrosanct subject.

Shambles, of course everybody is ultimately responsible for what they put in their body. I don't think that's really the issue. And accepting responsibility ain't gonna change the effects pmz is suffering from. He's trying to get some help better to focus on that.

Pmz if it makes you feel any better I'm going through a horrible time as well. Definitely have noticed cognitive decline, especially in the past few months after the more acute symptoms of anxiety and severe depression lifted. The symptoms and their severity seem to be pretty idiosyncratic. So you gotta kindof figure out what's the biggest problem for you and notice how that changes.

That said F1n1ished I wanted to ask you if you suffered any emotional blunting after your use. How about any tiredness/general feeling of shittyness? My biggest issue right now is I don't really feel much of anything emotionally. Just don't get excited/happy or enjoy things like I used to. I saw you mention having that somewhere else pmz so I feel your pain. This shit sucks.

Emotional blunting was a big issue early in recovery and in between usage. And it stayed around for a while, to this day i still feel like i am emotionally blunted from my past usage. (haven't used MDxx in over a year and half) But who knows i've done some other drugs in that time which are probably the reason.
 
A bad, long-lasting negative reaction to MDMA? If that's really the case I'm gonna have to wonder if maybe it's more of an issue with you rather than the substance then? And in no way mean anything bad by that

We here this MANTRA week in and week out. Such an easy thing to say if you have never suffered one of these things yourself.

Couldnt possibley be MDMA could it? A neurotoxic drug that has been shown to emit all the symptoms that the OP is suffering from. Why hasnt the drug caused the symptoms I ask you?

What are you trying to achieve by suggesting this to the OP? Sorry mate but its not the drug to blame its you. Oh yeah and I didnt mean anything bad by it..

If you had no problems before this last MDMA use, and have had no problems since, then you have no problems. If you had no problems beforehand, and do have since with no real change inbetweentimes, then the problem is with you. Neither of these possibilities includes MDMA being a problem though so am confused

Your logic here is almost child like. Whats your point MDMA is not neurotoxic unless you get instant problems from it? Safe for all and if you get problems its not the drug its you? Unreal - I really cant see where your going with this in regards to Harm Reduction Advice.

It sounds more to me that it is something in your life that lacks. Set/setting and all that. If one or t'other ain't right then neither is right and nor will you be until you fix that. Drugs are never the problem unless they are the problem. In your case it definitely ain't a drug problem though.

Wow you really are laying the boot in here. Are you getting some kind of kick from this type of abuse in a support thread? I would say looking at all the persicution you are blurting out there is DEFINITELY something lacking in your life.

The guy had a perfectly functional life, went out took some drugs and is now in a very bad state. What part of that do you not understand?

It is not - and can never be - a drug's fault. A drug is a chemical. It did not put itself in your body.

Just because the drug did not put itself in his body it does not mean it was not to blame for the problems described. Your pattern of logic and compassion for someone suffering really defies beleif.

You should really ask yourself the question what am I actually achieving here by having a go at someone who is suffering in this way? From where im looking relatively little.

Why dont you head to the lounge and launch an attack on someone there who can actually defend themself or why not go to pill reports and tell everyone how you were rollin balz over the weekend cause nothing you have said here is of any help or any joy to anyone.

Is there a doctor who I could possibly try to contact who had a specialty in MDMA? Or any specialist in general?

A lot of what is being suggested here (abuse and nastyness aside) is along the lines of its all in your head you will get over it. Quite honestly I dont think it is as simple as that. I do beleive MDMA or similiar Serotonin Releasers and Enzyme Inhibitors can reak havoc on the brain and cause very high levels of intoxication. Particularly when you mix coctails of MDMA+other drug or take high doses of MDMA.

From the reading I conduct it would appear that a lot of the stress experienced post MDMA use is caused by damage to the serotonin Axons. The good news about this is much of what I read also confirms that this damage can be repaired by Neuronal Regeneration where by the Axons resprout and reform. During this reform process unfortunately the user has to go through a lot of pain and suffering before the serotonin transmission returns and you feel normal again.

Tackling the anxiety is a good thing because it causes you to relax more and whilst you are more relaxed better repair work can be achieved. By reducing anxiety it will also help you sleep better once again promoting more repair. Exercise is good where by it promotes good blood circulation and a healthy amount of oxygen into the body. Diet is also key in conjunction with a good suppliment regime.

Having an understanding of your problems is good but over analysing is not good. Over analysing puts you into a state of stress whilst you are stressed your body will not heal.

Facing up to anxiety is also good. Fighting the desire to not leave the house by actually leaving the house is good because it retrains the mind to realise there are no dangers. Ignoring the DP/DR is also good because it trains the mind to actually forget the DP/DR even exists.

With an MDMA recovery it seems to be a combined effort of things to do that step by step lead to your recovery. Unfortunately there is no equipment in the world that will figure out the exact details of which axons or cells you have damaged or which area of the brain is lacking in serotonin. Or a pill that once you are diagnosed will fix all these intricate problems. Because neither test nor cure actually exists then the role of a doctor in diagnostic and execution of these problems is kind of surplus to requirements.

There really is nothing more a doctor can do for you despite the pain you are feeling.

I highly advise you sit down and read some books about overcoming anxiety they will all say the same thing about learning to accept and move forward.

I also advise you try a little harder to do more exercise and fitness. I know its hard trust me I know its almost impossible but just try the best you possibley can. Do you really want to feel like this for years to come? Clearly not each time you exercise see it as one step to the recovery you so badly desire.

Look at the message that comes from those who have been through it and recovered they all say the same thing. My recovery was greatly sped up by the fact I ignored my anxiety and problems and just moved forward with my life despite how I felt. My DP/DR faded more quickly as I started to ignore it.

I truly know how you feel PMZ, its a bitch but learning to accept and moving forward is key.
 
im trying to accept everything, but all I wanna do is just have some fun with friends. This whole emotional blunting/numb feeling/cant enjoy anything is really taking a toll on me. I went out to a club last night to try to have fun, and I was forcing my self to try to enjoy music I know I would normally like. This is the scariest part. How does one not feel?
 
I don't see what dishing out all that money on seeing a specialist would do for you, except give you piece of mind you wasted so much money...
 
Hey PMZ,

I am 2 years and 7 months into recovery.
No matter what anybody else says, you know the cause of the problem was the drug and the dosage that you chose.

The first few months of my recovery were, without a doubt, the most difficult and traumatic period of my entire life.
There will never be a suffering that can equal this experience.

I was certainly an OCD personality type prior to my drug use.
Always have been...

But after my MDMA-induced neurotoxic brain damage, my OCD nature seemed to take over.
I researched to the point of exhaustion.
My mind, while suffering, seemed fueled beyond reason.
I literally read THOUSANDS of research articles, including a large number of meta analyses, which are research papers written by a qualified research scientist that have spent a LONG time reviewing the literature on MDMA toxicity.

I felt as if I was capable of learning as much as a seasoned doctor, in a period of months.
On the internet...

Was I right?
Maybe...
Was I crazy?
Absolutely.

I was a very bright young man and an excellent student.
I pushed myself to the limit mentally, trying to understand the neurological and chemical basis of what had happened to me.
I telescoped my efforts solely on the function of serotonin as a neurotransmitter and the known toxic effects of MDMA.
I prayed that somehow, in my brilliance and desperation, that I could discover the treatment or medication that could STOP what was happening to me.

I was wrong.

Read through some of my old posts, and you will understand the lengths that I went to.
If I never located the 'cure' to MDMA brain-damage, then perhaps you can accept this process as inevitable.

Yet I recall a rather insightful revelation from long ago, something I would have said in the initial research phase...

There is no way to stop the racing mind.
At least not completely.

There is a trend among the 'victims' of MDMA to research, to read, to write, to ramble....some endlessly.
The energy that fuels the suffering mind is almost without limitation.
Those who do not experience this type of 'brain damage' simply cannot understand the nature of it.

Therefore, advising those early in the recovery process to simply 'let go' or 'calm down' is foolish.
Its a joke.
Cue laughter!

It is not POSSIBLE to stop thinking about the dysfunction of emotion that you find yourself in.
The brain is FORCING the victim to worry, to wonder, to suffer.
And those who look back at their own recovery and proclaim that acceptance is the key - they forget (necessarily so) that it was the process of suffering that ALLOWED them to accept their fate.

You will not be able to understand this until later.
You will not be able to think and learn enough to alter the course of your suffering in a substantial way.
The thing that allows the suffering to improve is the suffering itself.

Are you familiar with the relationship between serotonin and cortisol?
It is a critical relationship, if you are to understand what is happening to you...

The more serotonin transmission that occurs, the greater the release of this stress hormone.
With MDMA use, cortisol can skyrocket to 800% of normal levels in some people.
But all users experience a spike in cortisol of some kind.
After the peak, cortisol tapers off and both prolactin and dopamine flood the brain.

Cortisol is a defense mechanism against serotonin.
It increases the metabolism of serotonin, thereby reducing it.
The brain fights back when serotonin levels rise.

Why is this?

Serotonin is a modulator, a control mechanism with widespread effects upon other neurotransmitters and capillary beds in the brain.
It also has a profound impact upon the hypothalamus-pituitary-adrenal axis.
This is a structure you should also become familiar with.

When damage to the serotonin nerves occurs, serotonin levels don't simply drop.
Yes, MDMA depletes serotonin stores and inhibits the enzyme that produces more...
But when the actual nerve structure that branches from the brain stem through the hypothalamus and into the frontal lobes experiences a neurotoxic event - the re-growth of new serotonin axons is NOT associated with positive emotional or cognitive experiences.

Serotonin INHIBITS brain cell function.

As the tree of nerves starts pulsating with serotonin, your highest brain structures are literally being dimmed or shut off.
The suffering that you feel is a result of this process.

Your mind is fighting back.
Cortisol is released in an ongoing relentless pursuit of homeostasis.
One that is never achieved.

No matter the amount of cortisol released, your nerves are damaged.
You can put a leash on the process, but you cannot stop it.
Every day you awaken to a new reality, one in which your stress levels simply do NOT relent.
It is unreal and unimaginable.

Welcome to the world of mental illness.
Yes, this is what major depression or psychosis feels like for some people.
Understanding and accepting this came easily to me, and intellectually it helped.

The good news is that plenty of research on MDMA has been done that shows depression and anxiety do eventually resolve.
But it takes a year or two.
Two months is only the beginning.

But it is the hardest part indeed.
The first four months were absolute hell for me.
Words cannot express...

One day your cortisol levels will drop, perhaps due to exhaustion.
This is known as chronic fatigue and it is a serious metabolic and cognitive event.
It took six months to hit me.

When it finally did, two things happened.
First, the cognitive changes started setting in.
Second, I got VERY tired in the middle of the day - especially after eating.

I decided that when cortisol levels are finally exhausted, after months of suffering, the brain's serotonin network is finally able to sprout new axons in the cortex.
This means life-long alterations in structure.
And long-term changes in personality and cognitive abilities.

But until your cortisol levels finally drop, this is not possible.
You are currently fighting an inevitable process.
Right?

Well there is one other approach, other than waiting for exhaustion and cognitive decline to set in...
It involves going the other direction.

What happens if cortisol were significantly increased?
Beyond what your mind is capable of doing on its own?

No, I'm NOT talking about taking another dose of neurotoxic MDMA!

I'm talking about Electro-Convulsive Therapy.
ECT.

Yes, it is still in use.
And some psychiatrists swear by it, while others demonize it.
But it seems to be the ONE treatment with the potential to resprout a significant amount of your cortical serotonin nerves and restore your mind to working order.

ECT releases powerful waves of BDNF, or brain derived neutrophic factor, a protein that literally grows serotonin nerves.
It is also released by physical exercise, but in much smaller amounts.
Nothing comes close to the BDNF release of ECT.

It also releases cortisol.
In fact, the level of cortisol release is associated with recovery.
The patients with higher cortisol response to ECT are the ones with the most reliable and successful recoveries.
Those with lower cortisol levels during ECT are predictive of poorer long-term prognosis and the need for re-treatment in the future.

A massive wave of cortisol and BDNF at the same time might be the one thing that can 'cure' the re-wiring process that you are experiencing right now.
And it is my humble opinion that this treatment is most effective EARLY ON.
The same is true in other mental illnesses - with severe depression the sooner treatment of any kind (including ECT) is performed the more likely recovery is going to happen.
With schizophrenia, evidence exists that if ECT is performed within the first year their is an 80% chance of life-long remission.

For me, I felt like the first six months were the opportunity I missed.
Beyond this time, I felt like long-term changes in brain structure had already occurred that rendered ECT treatment less effective or even damaging.
But if I could return to the initial first months of this process, if I had a time-machine to travel back to that era of unimaginable suffering, I wouldn't hesitate to seek out this treatment.
I would search until I found a doctor to administer it, no matter the risks.
Memory loss? Big deal, worse things can happen than forgetting names, faces, and how to read quickly.
All that happened to me anyways.

ECT may be the magic bullet.
It may not be.
As with many areas of brain research, it is too complicated to fully understand.
What we do know is that ECT causes remarkable recovery among a percentage of severely mentally ill people.
And significant short-term memory loss in about a third of them.

There are miracle stories.
And I would BET that MDMA victims, those that report major anxiety along with elevated prolactin and cortisol plasma levels, would benefit very clearly from this treatment.
We should be testing this treatment out on primates to prove it.
Or disprove...

Through all of my research, no doctor that studied MDMA offered treatment opinions other than the lack of effectiveness of SSRIs.
But I did find a case study of severe depression in an MDMA user that was cured with ECT and showed no return of symptoms within the one year follow-up.
And many psychiatrists offer support for this treatment - pointing to the robust growth of serotonin in the hippocampus as evidence.
This may also explain memory loss in some patients - remember that serotonin inhibits neuronal firing.

Even if you chose to avoid this treatment, which is a very big decision...
You can be comforted by the knowledge that significant amounts of MDMA research have shown that severe depression among its users does eventually resolve - with abstinence from drug use.
Alcohol is to be avoided or used with reason - it kills nerve growth factors in the brain.
Moderation...

But 12 months is the typical recovery period for anxiety - many papers bear this out.
The first four months are always the worst.

You may still get lucky and see resolution in the next few weeks.
But if you make it past month four with continued struggles, then count on twelve months.
Mark the weeks off the calendar.

And start working out.
Every single day.

Exercise is the ONLY coping mechanism that really works.
It will increase BDNF more with each consecutive day of effort.
This restores some serotonin axons, thereby reducing overall serotonin transmission and cortisol levels.
At least for a while.

Constant exercise will help your brain rewire itself.
Believe me.

No excuses, get out there and run.
I did many pushups with tears streaming down my face - wondering when the suffering will end.
It took a VERY VERY long time, but here I am 2.5 years later telling you it gets better,.
Start sweating and wait for month 6 - you will feel alive again.
By month 12 you will believe that you will be ok and you can accept whatever fate has in store.
By month 24 you will really understand what 're-wire' means.
And every month beyond that you will understand that you have the rest of your life to work on 're-wiring' who you are.

Life is still ahead of you, in the distance.
Stay strong.

FBC
 
Hi PMZ. might I suggest you seek professional help about it.. try going to a doctor for recommendation what to do next. Whats a couple of dollars compared to your happiness and health?
 
Hi PMZ. might I suggest you seek professional help about it.. try going to a doctor for recommendation what to do next. Whats a couple of dollars compared to your happiness and health?

Sounds like you missed something. The entire topic of this thread is about the OP wanting to visit a specialist doctor.

Could you elaborate on what you think a consultation with professional help may achieve?

Money is not what is at question here but more if or if not seeing a specialist doctor is worth it.

Even if you chose to avoid this treatment, which is a very big decision...

Interesting post FBC.

I have mixed views on ECT. I saw them using it when I was in mental hospital looked pretty barbaric in many ways.

I guess its something PMZ could consider but I would personally say sweat it out for a bit longer yet as from what I understand that stuff can really mess with your memory. In terms of its actual action there seems to be a lot about it they dont really understand.

It is certainly a consideration however.

One of our other members started taking SSRIs recently and seems to be getting positive effects. In the case of PMZ however im not sure about meds his condition seems close to mine and meds have done nothing for me at all.

I think when the damage from MDMA is relatively light meds can have some benefits but the more severe cases they just seem to make things worse.
 
Well since there is no depression issue here. Why not try a Neurologist to check if there is any damage you are worrying about.

But a specialist for MDMA cases that I don't know.

Sorry
 
FBC, I was wondering if you saw catinthehat's post from yesterday. I know you recommend against taking SSRIs and related ADs but I'm curious about how potential side effects might be mitigated by the addition of lithium.
Would this prevent a lot of the negative side effects associated with AD use?
 
Sort of as much as I need. Yet being home sucks

Try exercising. And finding things to occupy your time that aren't mind-numbing. Also make sure your sleep is good.

What was your MDMA usage pattern? Generally speaking, I would expect any issues from a single dosage to mostly recover within a month. It's the heavier users that I'd expect long term problems.

Just so you know, heavy job stress is *also* a big factor in major depressive episodes. For instance, it can *double* the risk in middle age workers according to one study. So having a high stress job is not as much of a nothing as you would think.

The problem with the current medical industry is that it is fairly poor at treating all cases of anxiety and depression. A doc will probably push you an SSRI (which while that treats some forms of major depression just fine, is poor at many other forms) or a benzo (the good news is benzos work real well for anxiety, the bad news is that they are addictive and easy to develop tolerance too).
 
naw ive had a history of mdma use for the past year. Its was just my last use that kinda sent me over
 
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