I can't deal with the physical and emotional pain anymore

[tomatalli]

Everyday it's constant, my back/shoulders/neck kill me have scapular winging, khyposis, and lateral pelvic tilt, my ankle/heal I broke it when I was younger and it didn't heal right so it causes extremely bad pain to the point where I can't even lay my foot onto my bed, my knees the lateral pelvic tilt made one knee take onto too much pressure and the other not able to get strong enough. Anyway i have been going to physical therapy for my back/shoulders/neck for over a year now, and I have gone to PT for my ankle in the past.

As for the emotional pain, it stems back to when I was about 9-10 years old , my mom started staying out all night doing drugs and I wouldn't see her for weeks at a time, eventually she stopped bills and lost her fancy car and nice house. My sister and I were forced to move in at my dads which is miserable but I won't get into that as much. To make matters worse I started getting in to fitness but eventually started binge eating after I started to eat "too" healthy, and that got me really sad added with the pain I was feeling from my mom creating major depression and extreme anxiety and social anxiety. I then started constantly smoking weed and then got addicted to heroin and benzos which lead to 2 overdoses.

I'm 18 years old and I graduated high school recently and have 2 jobs, I do daily stretching, foam rolling, and exercises to try and help my alignments and I'm still in pain and can't do any intense exercise or sports like I enjoy very much.. Everyday I get up and try my hardest to deal with this pain I have and everyday I can feel myself breaking more. I don't want to keep living with all of this pain. I have 2 friends, and have a hard time talking to anyone else.

I can't keep living a life like this. But honestly, I have have really optimistic about everything overall I try and endure the pain at work, I got my diploma, and have been improving on communication and controlling my anxiety but its because of the massive amount if pot I vaporize.

Lately I've been thinking about using dope and fantasize about it, I hope I don't break and go to the hood to try and cop, I even saw my old dealer when I was driving past his house to a job interview, how ironic.

 

[Nozphexezora]

I can't help much with the physical pain; all I can do is suggest that you see a doctor for that. It sounds like a pretty bad situation you're in - sorry to hear that.

 

[Anthrogirl]

Im so sorry that you're feeling this way. You need to see a doctor about your chronic pain hon. I'm a chronic pain patient and chronic pain can wear you down emotionally and physically. Not to mention, it's very bad for you physically.
About your emotional issues, have you tried seeing a therapist or psychiatrist? A psychiatrist will really only prescribe you medication but a therapist (or psychologist) can help you get to the root of your problems. Therapy and medication combined work better than either treatment by itself. You may not need medication though. Or maybe you feel like you don't need formal therapy. Do you just feel like you need someone to talk to about all of these things right now?
About the thinking about copping dope thing, usually urges like that are very short lived. If you can distract yourself during that time or tell yourself you won't use dope for a set amount of time (make it like 5 minutes or so, after the 5 minutes have passed you can extend it if you still feel the urge). Even though these urges are very strong at the time they happen they usually go away quickly. If you find you are having a lot of difficulty with cravings and urges then you might want to try some outside help. Perhaps NA, AA, counseling, etc. I hope this post made sense. Im really sleepy right now and I dont think Im being as articulate as I could be. Good luck sweetie. Please get some help with your pain.

 

[Morphling]

Oi lad, you really shouldn't have to go to PT for a year or more, that is ridiculous. My doc pulled the same shit on me when I was very young, and it didn't help much(aside from kyphosis of my neck, which I also had).

You really need to see a pain specialist, as Anthrogirl has suggested. If your injuries are documented, they will treat you. A lot of doctors really aren't up to speed on treating pain, and what you are doing is very clearly not helping you!

Physical and emotional pain are mediated in the same exact parts of the brain. Once you start to get a handle on your emotional or physical pain, it's like to decrease the symptoms of one or the other, lowering the total experience of your pain. It can be really hard to go to a psychiatrist or psychologist, but have you considered that sort of treatment for your physical pain.

Heroin is very clearly not the answer. That will bring a hell upon you that you can't imagine until you're in the midst of it. Speaking as someone who's been addicted to heroin, but no longer uses.

Instead of self-medicating, please see a physician competent to treat what ails you, that is highly trained to treat pain and physical debility, rather than self-medicating with dodgy street drugs!

It made me sad to read this, but there are other options than what you are currently doing(and suffering from).

 

[jsbach7]

I can't speak about the physical pain, other than that it would probably be beneficial to do some research on famous people who have gone through extraordinary pain and achieved great things. This is a good website for stories like that http://www.badassoftheweek.com/ The writer is funny too.

As for your mental state, the main thing you should do is just tell yourself, "Giving up is weak, no matter how hard it gets, I'm going to deal with it, because I can't accept defeat." Life is about struggle, you have to fight for what you want, which in this case is peace of mind. This is something I always thought about when I had drug induced paranoia, which I thought would never end. I couldn't leave my house, talk to friends, go to the store, get my haircut. Waking up everyday was a god damn struggle and I had to do it alone. But now I can do those things again. I still get terrified sometimes, but I'm happy that I dealt with it. I think back on all those times I wanted to slam drugs or off myself and I'm satisfied that I didn't give in, regardless of how many times I wanted to. It took years, but you're young, one day you'll be feel the same way and you'll think back on these days as a test that you passed, something a lot of other people can't do or haven't experienced.

Find a way to channel your rage and pain, whether it's music, writing, art or science. Use it to fuel your success, it's a great motivator, believe me. For me it was music, which was ridiculously hard considering how fried my brain was. I had to write every note down just to be able to play a song through.

Even reading helps a lot, find some good books to read, they helped me a lot as well. Some authors write their characters so well that you see your own struggles inside of them and they make you want to be strong. The main character of Wheel of Time, Rand Al'thor was someone that I related to. I can recommend some good fantasy books, but if you don't like fantasy you'll have to find your own.


Sorry for the long winded answer man, but just don't give in!
Stay strong,
JS