Yeah, who cares that he cheated on my mom and didn't even have the decency to ends thing with her before proposing to another woman. I'll def give him a high five.
Thanks for your advice Lola. I agree that making my boundaries clear with her is important-- I don't think she meant anything bad asking me to be a bridesmaid, I think she really just wants me to like her. And to her credit, I don't feel like she's just totally using my dad--- she isn't going around spending all his money and she is taking good care of him, it just creeps me out that we're the same age, and look exactly alike, and I hold her partly responsible-- she knew my dad was married when they were seeing each other, and she knew he was still married when he proposed to her. He lied to me about the timing surrounding that-- she slipped up and was going on about how sweet it was that he proposed to her while they were in Italy and I figured it out. I would never be with a married man and I just can't understand a woman that would, but whatever, it's not like I'm perfect, I've made some bad choices when it comes to men as well!
She could be a lot worse. Like I said, my biggest worry is just that she's going to take control of him and cut him off from me-- my friends dad married a woman around her age and that's what she did. I can deal with her, but I don't want to lose my dad. I really just want him to be happy, and even though I don't approve of the way they got together, I feel like I'm not a kid anymore, it's not about making me happy, it's about him being happy. I can deal with this woman, and overtime I might even be able to become friends with her, but it's really going to creep me out if she decides we're going to be stepmommy/stepdaughter.
My mom is doing better the last couple days. We had a long conversation in which I told her that if dad can marry a 23 year old, she can at least date one, and that seemed to enlighten her. I've gotten her to go out to lunch and dinner with some of her friends, and she's been hit on a few times (my mom is a hottie) so she's riding that high right now.
And to whoever said their marriage might have been terrible, it definitely wasn't good, and I know that, I'm not angry at him for divorcing my mother, I think that's the best thing that could have happened. There just would have been a better way to do it.