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Angry Anger Management Thread

Vaya

Vaya

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Aug 5, 2003
Messages
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Managing Emotions:

Anger


What Is Anger?​

Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.
Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems.
But excessive anger can cause problems. Increased blood pressure and other physical changes associated with anger make it difficult to think straight and harm your physical and mental health.

Important Reminder - Anger Can Be Healthy!
Anger is a healthy, normal emotion when you know how to express it appropriately. Anger management is about learning how to do this.


Accepting Anger​

Anger is one of the many profound effects life has on us. It's one of our emotions. And we're going to feel it when it comes our way - or else repress it.

"Anger is part of life. We need not dwell in it or seek it out, but we can't afford to ignore it.
We can shamelessly feel all our feelings, including anger, and still take responsibility for what we do when we feel angry. We don't have to let anger control us, but it surely will if we prevent ourselves from feeling it."
~ Melody Beattie

Anger is a powerful and sometimes frightening emotion. It's also a benfiicial one if it's not allowed to harden into resentment or used as a battering ram to punish or abuse people.


Anger Is a Warning Signal!​

It points to problems.
Sometimes, it signals problems we need to solve. Soemtimes, it points to boundaries we need to set. Sometimes, it's the final burst of energy before letting go, or acceptance, settles in.
And, sometimes, anger just is. It doesnt have to be justified. It usually can't be cinfied to a tidy package. And it need not cause us to stifle ourselves or our energy.

We don't have to feel guilty whenever we experience anger.
We don't have to feel guilty.
Breathe deeply. We can shamelessly feel all our feelings including anger, and still take responsibility fo our behaviors.


Taking Responsibility​

Oftentimes, the actions we take when in a state of anger are reactionary. In the moment, with adrenaline pumping, our judgment may become clouded. Our awareness of the consequences of our actions is often obscured by the intense emotions we are feeling and releasing.

“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."
~Laurence J. Peter

  • Repressing anger solidifies the otherwise natural emotion into resentment.
  • Resentment creates the sensation within us that whatever, or whomever, we are angry at ought to be aware of our natural mind state. We begin to fester in the emotion, and the resentment continues to grow. Oftentimes, if we are resentful towards a person but have said nothing, that person remains entirely unaware that we are upset and continues to do that which provokes us.
  • We cannot afford to expect others to be mind-readers. Healthy outlets for anger include open communication and facilitating an environment of trust. One who has experienced such a dynamic knows all too well that the absence of anger in the environment is profound.


Helpful External Resources​

 
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Squidoo.com's "Controlling Anger: Tips, Techniques and Resources" page has a fantastic and fascinating array of information to explore:

Six Anger Management Tips
These seven effective anger management tips will help you keep your anger under control.

Like Aristotle said, it's about being angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way. Below you'll find seven tips to help you take the edge off when you get angry, so that you can deal with your anger appropriately and respond to the situation effectively.

Take a time out.
If you can, remove yourself from the situation that is making you angry until you can calm down. This can mean going for a walk, taking a bathroom break, or stepping into the next room for a couple of minutes. Removing yourself from a stressful situation can give you time to restore some perspective. If you can't leave, try to count up to ten before you respond.

Get physical.
Physical activity is a great way to release the excess energy generated by anger. Participate in your favorite sport, whether it's tennis, jogging, swimming, going for a bike ride, or taking a Tae Bo class.

Talk to someone about the situation.
Psychologist Rich Walker of Winston-Salem State University explains that talking to others about a situation which has angered you reduces the emotional intensity of the memory. Walker says that storytelling works best when there is a lot of audience diversity; that is, it helps to tell the story many times to a variety of people.

Make sure you're assessing the situation accurately.
Sometimes we get angry because we've misinterpreted a situation or someone else's actions. The next time you get angry ask yourself the following questions about your interpretation of the situation:
  • What evidence am I relying on?
  • What assumptions am I making?
  • Is there another equally believable interpretation of what is going on here?
  • What is the best action I can take given this situation?
  • If my best friend were in this situation, what advice would I give them?
Take up meditation.
The ability to enter levels of deep relaxation is critical to the reduction of the potentially damaging physical tension and psychological stress caused by anger. Meditation is one of the best ways to induce deep relaxation quickly and effectively.

Separate the people from the problem.
Instead of telling your spouse "You never take out the trash, you just don't care about our home", you can tell them the following: "When you forget to take out the trash it upsets me because I feel like you're not listening to me".

This way you're communicating to the other person that you're upset with something they did, not with who they are. Once you separate the person from the problem you can both team up and attack the problem together, instead of attacking each other.

______________________________________________________________________


Excessive Anger
Anger management techniques will help you change the way in which you express your anger.

Anger produces a physiological response in the body:
  • Your heart rate increases.
  • Blood rushes to your limbs.
  • A rush of hormones such as adrenaline increases the energy necessary for action.

    This physiological response creates tension, and letting anger out as aggression can momentarily provide some release from said tension. However, an aggressive response rarely solves the underlying problem; instead, it will likely escalate the situation and lead to even more anger, tension, and aggression.

    There are many methods you can use to help you diffuse the anger caused by any given situation in which you feel that you've been wronged, taken advantage of, or otherwise treated unfairly in some way. You'll find several recommendations throughout this lens.

    By lessening the intensity of your anger you will put yourself in a position from which you can act in a constructive and assertive manner, and communicate your feelings and needs effectively, instead of lashing out at others and acting in a way that does not serve you well.

    ______________________________________________________________________

    Suppressed Anger
    Internalizing anger can lead to depression and a host of other problems.

    At the other extreme, some people cope with anger by suppressing it. They simply try to focus on something else and hope that by not thinking about it, the anger will go away. However, anger that is not allowed outward expression turns inward.

    This response to anger can cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or even severe depression. In addition, many people who suppress their anger tend to have addictive behaviors, such as overeating, gambling, drinking, and so on. They also tend to be moody and have a low tolerance for even minor irritations.

    If you have a tendency to suppress anger, you need to find ways to release the anger instead of burying it. Pretending that the anger is not there is a form of resistance toward the anger.

    Hale Dwoskin, one of the founders of The Sedona Method--a method which consists of a series of questions you ask yourself that lead your awareness to focus on what you're feeling in the moment and gently guide you toward letting it go--, has the following to say about releasing negative emotions:

    "The instant you stop resisting any negative emotion... is the instant it gives up its hold over you. So, welcome the feeling and then let it go. This frees up space for you to begin feeling good - feeling the peace that you truly are."

    ______________________________________________________________________
 
Anger Quotes!

Anger Quotes - Keep These in Mind When You Get Angry​

  • "For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." -- Gautama Buddha
  • "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. " -- Malachy McCourt
  • "At the core of all anger is a need that is not being fulfilled." ~Marshall B. Rosenberg
  • "Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy." -- Aristotle
  • "Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." -- Mark Twain
  • "If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size?" -- Sydney J. Harris
  • "When anger rises, think of the consequences." -- Confucius
  • "Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. In the examination of a great and important question, every one should be serene, slow-pulsed, and calm." -- Charles J. Ingersoll
 
Hey TDS!

This thread is for all of you!
Feel free to post ANYTHING relevant from contributions to the above to general discussion.

Let's make this one of the best resources for Anger-related issues we may encounter and struggle with, either chronically or transiently, in our lives. For me, the very act of compiling the above has already been of great help to me.

I hope it is for you, too!

*Remember we are a supportive community.

I hope every one feels comfortable opening up, because we leave judgment at the door here :)

Much <3

~ Vaya
 
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The only thing I wanted to add: please don 't get violent guys. Hurting one another or ourselves is never the answer. It just complicates things further.

Every time I had physically hurt someone I love, I feel awful and always regret it afterwards.

I learned that I was psychologically incapable of coping with the hell I had found myself in, and I just had to escape it, for the good of me and everyone else around me.
 
Wow how the hell did I miss this sticky?

Ah well anyways great post I believe my S/O can learn from some of this and get tips.
 
Damn I had a slightly trying today. No major hurdles. Just small ones.

WTF why is it so hot outside today? :|
 
Anger Management Issues anyone?

Let's be honest here; no better place to keep it real from the privacy of one's own home.

Who has anger management issues and if so, how bad does it get and what do you do about it?....
 
gr33n3y3z said:
Wow how the hell did I miss this sticky?

Ah well anyways great post I believe my S/O can learn from some of this and get tips.
Click to expand...

Has he agreed to look at it? Hopefully something resonates it if he really needs it...
 
i've found myself in an awkward position last night my dad is hurting real bad and he woke me up to shoot him with oxy and i flipped out and almost decked him i don't want to hurt my dad but i can't deal with this... shit it's hard loving people
 
mrflowers00 said:
i've found myself in an awkward position last night my dad is hurting real bad and he woke me up to shoot him with oxy and i flipped out and almost decked him i don't want to hurt my dad but i can't deal with this... shit it's hard loving people
Click to expand...

It certainly can be, mrflowers (nice to see you back, BTW). You're right about that. What underlies the anger you felt towards your father when he asked you to help him?

You say you "flipped out" - What do you mean?

Hope to hear from you,

~ Vaya
 
well i hadn't slept in like 5 days from amps and it was my first night sleeping again so probably i just needed more sleep can't be sure that's it though
 
mrflowers00 said:
well i hadn't slept in like 5 days from amps and it was my first night sleeping again so probably i just needed more sleep can't be sure that's it though
Click to expand...

That sounds reasonable enough to me - You may want to reconsider the amphetamine binges, though. IME, they just exacerbate to all hell what may be going on with my psychiatrically at the moment. And they can definitely lead to anger - to be specific, not the healthy and productive kind. I scare myself (and others) when I'm not taking care of myself.

So, mrflowers, take care of yourself, man! You're worth doing so every bit as much as am I!
 
thanks vaya you're always so nice in a bad mood it almost sickens me but when i come around every now and then it's nice to have such kind advice
 
Let me share something with you: I'm glad you keep coming back.

Take care,
~ Vaya
 
i wanna kill the dr and nurses "taking care of" my dad it's bullshit how they wont help him with his pain
 
^^^ I miss you, cant wait to have you back on BL! Your dad is a strong man he will overcome his pain if it's the meds they won't give him that really sucks, I understand that you cannot stand to watch you father in pain. But all you can do is be there for him, Take care.And tell your pops I said hey!!!
 
my back is disintegrating and i'm in pain like i've never known and i'm growing inpatient and have been lashing out at my son and father my son isn't taking it well i see how he said he was becoming inpatient with me and feel like i should try to stay calm
 
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