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The News Thread v. Your Penises Are Too Large And It's All Our Fault

Saw this on the Lazer Leng Youtube Leng news, no need to say he pulled a lazer on these pagons.

Chinese zoo tries passing off dog as an 'African lion'
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/-chinese-zoo-tries-passing-dog-off-as-lion--180952559.html

I remember reading a few weeks ago of Ceres hate of birds making noise, he had some plan to take some .22 & go push their birdie wig piece back, bah only a .22, check this!!!!

Drone strikes ordered on geese - Ottawa, the capital of Canada, has ordered drone strikes to rid a popular beach of geese.
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/wor.../10259011/Drone-strikes-ordered-on-geese.html
 
^they should whip out this bad boy, would sort em out good n proper :D

Not sure if you'd read, but ceres came on a few days ago saying he got a contract and is off to sunnier shores for a few months so won't be posting here for a while.
 
Marmalade said:
The September issue of Forbes magazine has an article interviewing the main guy behind that website of the well travelled road ...

Can't see how we're not allowed to link to this really, it's a mainstream publication doing a legit article:

Meet The Dread Pirate Roberts, The Man Behind Booming Black Market Drug Website Silk Road

An Atlantis employee calls himself Heisenberg? LAME.
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Why doesn't he just operate from somewhere that doesn't extradite to the US? I mean, he probably does already. But he should just sit there sticking 2 fingers up at them. I really admire the way he has the skills, and he has just taken action toward something he believes in. Drugs may as well be legal at this point.
 
transvestite performer done for claiming incapacity benefit. bless they said that they did stuff on stage that most people couldn't do. news is humiliation of those they wish to humiliate.
 
RC Enthusiast said:
Why doesn't he just operate from somewhere that doesn't extradite to the US? I mean, he probably does already. But he should just sit there sticking 2 fingers up at them. I really admire the way he has the skills, and he has just taken action toward something he believes in. Drugs may as well be legal at this point.
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Because his website allows drugs to be shipped anywhere in the world, so even if he went somewhere where they didnt extradite to the US, if people are buying/selling drugs in that particular country they are going to want him caught.


German authorities are investigating how a man was able to spend four hours partying alone in his underpants on a military jet used by Angela Merkel.

The 24-year-old entered the cockpit, pushed buttons randomly, deployed an emergency slide, and sprayed a fire extinguisher over the plush interior.

Police tried and failed to persuade the man to leave with a megaphone.

They found a bag with his identity documents and, allegedly, ecstasy and marijuana near the aircraft.
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http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-23784416
 
That German is too much for me to take. It's been a while since I laughed like that. that's the kinda thing I'd get
up to given the chance.
I've got an image of him & the famous Techno Viking getting a little rave going off on a private jet :)
 
This should be in the comedy thread but that's for videos so it's going in here ... was just going to take a bath and relax and enjoy a glass of vino .. but saw this and it made me spit and waste valuable alcohols while guffawing ...



Leading conservative's comments aimed at activists protesting against Islamic kingdom's male-only driving rules​

One of Saudi Arabia's leading conservative clerics has said women who drive risk damaging their ovaries and bearing children with clinical problems, countering activists who are trying to end the Islamic kingdom's male-only driving rules.

A campaign calling for women to defy the ban in a protest drive on 26 October has spread rapidly online over the past week and gained support from prominent women activists. On Sunday, the campaign's website was blocked inside the kingdom.

As one of the 21 members of the senior council of scholars, Sheikh Saleh al-Lohaidan can write fatwas, or religious edicts, advise the government and has a large following among other influential conservatives.

His comments have in the past played into debates in Saudi society and he has been a vocal opponent of tentative reforms to increase freedoms for women by King Abdullah, who sacked him as head of a top judiciary council in 2009.

In an interview published on Friday on the website sabq.org, he said women aiming to overturn the ban on driving should put "reason ahead of their hearts, emotions and passions".

Although the council does not set Saudi policy, which is ultimately decided by King Abdullah, it can slow government action in a country where the ruling al-Saud family derives much of its legitimacy from the clerical elite.

It is unclear whether Lohaidan's strong endorsement of the ban is shared by other members of the council, but his comments demonstrate how entrenched the opposition is to women driving among some conservative Saudis.

"If a woman drives a car, not out of pure necessity, that could have negative physiological impacts as functional and physiological medical studies show that it automatically affects the ovaries and pushes the pelvis upwards," he told Sabq. "That is why we find those who regularly drive have children with clinical problems of varying degrees."

A biography on his website does not list any background in medicine and he did not cite any studies to back up his claims.

US diplomats in a 2009 Riyadh embassy cable released by WikiLeaks, described Lohaidan as "broadly viewed as an obstacle to reform" and said his "ill-considered remarks embarrassed the kingdom on more than one occasion".

The ban on women driving is not backed by a specific law, but only men are granted driving licences. Women can be fined for driving without a licence but have also been detained and put on trial in the past on charges of political protest.

Sheikh Abdulatif Al al-Sheikh, the head of the morality police, told Reuters last week that there was no text in the documents making up sharia law that bars women from driving
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[edit]
Presumably then it has the same effect on women who are passengers too?
 
I always like to be reminded of my oversize penis, thank you.

Marmalade said:
This should be in the comedy thread but that's for videos so it's going in here ... was just going to take a bath and relax and enjoy a glass of vino .. but saw this and it made me spit and waste valuable alcohols while
guffawing ...
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yes guffaws here too!

Presumably then it has the same effect on women who are passengers too?
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No, women are quite short so when driving they have to peer over the steering wheel, buckling their delicate frame... they're fine sitting in the passenger's (preferably back) seat.
 
awwwwww, knockers, i believe i still owe you the book to borra?

Mark 'Chopper' Read dies of cancer

I had a bit of a thing for Eric Bana in the movie version - watch it if you havent already, it's ace.

Bad boys eh, who'd ave 'em? Answer: I would ;p

Mark “Chopper” Read, one of Australia’s most notorious criminals and a bestselling author, has died aged 58 following a battle with liver cancer, according to his manager.

Read died on Wednesday afternoon at the Royal Melbourne hospital, Andrew Parisi said in a statement.

The Parisi statement described Read’s “courageous battle with liver cancer”.

It said: “A fortnight ago, Mark made his last public appearance in front of a sold-out audience at Melbourne's Athenaeum Theatre. Despite his failing health, he delighted the audience with his skills as a raconteur and storyteller. This is how he would wish to be remembered, as someone who spun a great yarn and made many people laugh.

“At the time of his death, we ask that people reflect on how Mark was able to overcome his past and, after more than 23 years in prison, find a way to re-enter normal society. It is as a husband, father and friend that Mark will be missed most deeply.

“In their time of grief, out of respect for Mark's two young sons in particular, the family requests utmost privacy."

Read, who spent nearly 23 years in prison, was diagnosed with liver cancer last April.

The former criminal, who was last released from prison in 1998, gained global notoriety after an acclaimed film on his life was released in 2000. “Chopper” starred Eric Bana whom Read had personally suggested to play him. Following the film’s success Read took up regular columns in British lads’ magazines Nuts and FHM.

But well before the film’s release Read had begun a career as a writer from inside prison. In 1990 he began writing to Age crime correspondent John Silvester who edited the letters and published Chopper, From the Inside: The Confessions of Mark Brandon Read in 1991. Read capitalised on the success of the book, which became a bestseller, and began writing more autobiographical tales under the “Chopper” series.

Read had a reputation as one of Australia’s most dangerous and violent criminals, known for his torture methods involving blowtorches and bolt cutters.

Read married his first wife, Mary-Ann Hodge, in 1995 while still inside. On his release they moved to Tasmania and had a son, Charlie, something Read said changed his life. “I became a human being at 45, when I saw my first boy born,” he said.

The marriage was over in 2001 and in 2003 he married longtime friend Margaret Casser and another son, Roy, was born the following year.

In an interview with the New York Times in April this year, Read protested that number of people he had killed had been wildly exaggerated. “Look, honestly, I haven’t killed that many people,” he said before concluding that the number was “probably about four or seven, depending on how you look at it.”
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^ That last quote is a topper.

611242-13951e1a-2ca4-11e3-8568-6d90cd61124d.jpg


"Never let the truth get in the way of a good yarn"
 
shameless attempt to bring Shambles out of hiding ....

Shaun Ryder on UFOs: 'It's not that I want to believe – it's impossible not to'

As singer with the Happy Mondays Shaun Ryder used to do a lot of drugs. But that doesn't explain the encounters with aliens he has turned into a new TV show, he insists
​
Shaun Ryder was 15 when he first saw one. He'd just started as a messenger boy at the post office, and was walking to the bus stop on Hilton Lane, Little Hulton. It was 6.45am, pitch black when he looked up into the sky. "At first it was still, and then it went, 'Voooooooom!' And then again: 'Voooooooom!' Classic zig-zag, hovered, then went off at 10,000 miles an hour. Like Star Trek. Boom. Gone. Yeah!"

Another bus stop a few months later in 1978. This time he's at Irlams o' Th' Height in Salford, it's around 5pm. "Hundreds of lights going across the sky really slow, and I'm thinking, 'God, are we being invaded?' The next day in the papers it said: 'Mysterious lights in the sky – lights at Salford rugby ground have gone mad.' And that was bullshit because when the lights at rugby grounds start moving around, it's nothing like these."

Ever since, Ryder has been obsessed with Ufology and extraterrestrial forms of life. The former Happy Mondays and Black Grape frontman gets narked with people who assume he was off his head when he saw his UFOs. Fair enough, he has spent much of his life off his head, but he insists that any time he's seen anything otherworldly he's been clean and sober.

Ryder, 50, defined the Madchester era of ecstacy-inspired dance music in the 1980s. He ranted his brilliant nonsense lyrics ("You're twistin' my melon man/ You know you talk so hip man/ You're twistin' my melon man") to an inspired, jingly-jangly rock-funk-northern-soul-house-hiphop backdrop, and somehow managed to combine pop stardom with crack-dealing and drug-fuelled psychosis. Then, in 2010, he found populist redemption in the Australian jungle with Ant and Dec and became an unlikely national treasure. Before that, television producers were terrified of what he might come out with before the watershed. He was regarded as a liability. After I'm a Celebrity, they couldn't get enough of the newly cuddly Ryder. With all the drugs he'd ingested, he should have been dead; but here he was back with spanking new teeth, a family-friendly smile, and great patter. He was invited to go on numerous reality shows, but turned them down. So telly people asked what they could do to get him back on air. UFOs, he said. And aliens.

Two years after he started investigating UFOs, Ryder is back as an author and documentary film-maker, having travelled the world looking for spooky sightings. His conclusion? He's more convinced than ever that we are not alone.

Ryder makes a convincing presenter – warm, engaging, a bit bonkers, spooked, occasionally sceptical, never cynical. He has travelled to Chile, where more UFOs have been spotted than anywhere else in the world, hooked up with legendary abductee Travis Walton, and met a perfectly normal Yorkshire family who tell him about the dazzling UFO that almost blinded them on the way back from a meal out at The Little Chef.

I ask Ryder if he went out there determined to prove that his childhood experiences were real. He looks at me with stary eyes. "It's not that I want to believe, it's just impossible not to." His voice is getting louder. "We're not the only life in the universe. We're just not. It's ridiculously impossible. If you look at the way kids are being taught now … when I was a kid at school, you was taught there was no life out there – that was it. But now kids are being taught there's water, so where there's water there will be life forms or whatever. So it's not that I want to believe, that's how it is."

He puffs hard on his electronic cigarette. No drugs these days for Ryder. He knows he can't cope with them. Funny thing is, he says, his dad can sit at home spliffing the day away, but not him. Just electronic fags, and the occasional real one. "I've gone from smoking 25 a day to about five 'cos of these. It wasn't really that I wanted to give up smoking, it's just that you can't smoke anywhere these days. The first one I got, you didn't really get the hard hit at the back, so I got these ultra ones. And these are just the best."

He inhales joyously, and talks about the road trip he went on with Travis Walton. In 1975 Walton was a logger when he and his crew came across a luminous flying saucer in a remote part of Arizona. The terrified crew raced to their wagon and got the hell out. When they realised they had left Walton behind, they went back to look for him. There was no sign of him. They went into town and reported the incident to the deputy sherriff. For days the whole town searched. Nothing. Five days later he reappeared and said he had been abducted by aliens. Over the years he and the crew have passed numerous polygraph tests. Walton, a man with heavy, bloodshot eyes and a lugubrious moustache, is still haunted by his expereince. "He looked like he's got post-traumatic stress disorder, like he'd walked into Vietnam, and spent two years there and come out," Ryder says. "Just imagine, even if one appeared in front of you, it would traumatise you properly. You'd go grey. Your whole world would change. Everything. It's just day one again. So you're going to look traumatised. And you spend some time with him and you just know."

Ryder and Walton make for an unlikely team, but they strike up a melancholy rapport. As a 29-year-old, Ryder says, Walton believed he'd been kidnapped and experimented on by a malign force. But now, like so many people who have come into contact with extraterrestrials, he believes they were kind; that they probably saved his life. "Now he reckons he was hit by some sort of forcefield that probably stopped his heart. These guys then took him inside and give him some medical treatmentand then let him go. That's how he looks at it now. As he's got older, he's changed how he feels about it." That's the thing, Ryder, says – for decades, everybody assumed extraterrestrials are the enemy, but it's obvious that they're not. "These guys have got technology that's millions of years in advance of us, and if you think about it, they could have took us out just like that, and they haven't. They're certainly not hostile. We wouldn't be here if they were."

Ryder is far from convinced by everybody he met. Some Ufologists are just chancers out there for the fantasy ride. He knows they've not seen the real thing because they are too glib about it. "They say: 'Yes, I've been abducted, wahey! Wahoo! Some of the people I've met are mad as a box of frogs."

When he was young, did his interest in UFOs make him want to experience more out-of-body experiences through drugs? He answers in a typical round-the-houses Ryder way. "Well, see, here's the weird thing. From being a little kid, I've always been interested in space. Star Trek and Close Encounters – not Star Wars." He spits out "Star Wars" with contempt. "Skies, stars, the moon landing – even as a six-year-old I was glued to that. So I've always been interested in that. And then when I had my first acid trip, did it open my brain even further? Of course it did." Did his fascination with space make him interested in science at school? He laughs. "No, I was a thick kid, I didn't even learn me alphabet til I was 20-odd, I was too busy doing something else. I had a platinum fucking disc before I learned me alphabet. I grew up in the 60s and 70s, where it was still acceptable to say, 'Well, you're not academic, so that's fine, you'll do it some other way.' Nowadays it's like everybody's got to be academic. My kids are – they can spell, they can punctuate. My 11-year-old can spell anything. My lad Oliver is 19 and he's going to do music law."

It's amazing that he was illiterate and is now an author. Ah, Ryder says, well, if he's being strictly honest, the writing's not really down to him, that's his ghostwriter, the journalist Luke Bainbridge. In fact, Ryder says, the first time he looked at the proofs of What Planet Am I On?, the book accompanying the series, he got a bit of a shock, because Bainbridge had captured his voice too accurately. "Here's the thing," he says. "We're doing a book, and the TV show is PG – it can be shown in the day to kids on the History channel. So you want a book to accompany the TV series. So I get a draft of the book and it's, 'fucking this, fucking that, fucking dick, fuckin twat,' and I'm like, 'Luke! You can't!' I'm not very proud of me grammar, of me fucking vocabulary, but with a book here to accompany the TV series, don't be 'Fuck that fuckin' fuckin' fuckin' alien, this fuckin' here, that cunt there'. You know what I mean?" So you had to de-fuck it? He grins. "Aye, I had to de-fuck it."

Do his family and friends share his passion for UFOs? "No, not really." His manager, Warren, is sitting in the room with us. He went on the trip to Chile with Ryder. Is he a believer? "No, he's not."

In Chile his team photographed something flitting across the sky that Ryder thought was a UFO at the time, but now he's not so sure. Does that mean he hasn't seen any since his teens? He doesn't answer. He looks at Warren for advice, suddenly coy. "I'm gonna say yeah … even though that's not strictly true."

What d'you mean, I say. You can't lie to me.

"Nonononono." He looks at Warren, unnerved. "Should I tell him because this is just going to look like bullshit?"

We're here for the truth, I say.

His sentences become disjointed. "Well, all I'll tell yous, right, is that I've seen one, really close up, about 50 foot above, and it looks like a cartoon. It doesn't look real. It looks like it's made out of Airfix kit. They look like toys. When you've seen something as close as I've seen – and bullshit drink, drugs, bollox, none of it, absolutely normal and straight – and you see it and you know they're here … "

Tell me more, I say. "I can't go into any more detail, apart from that it was literally 50 foot above me." Did he have any contact with it? "No, no, but the thing is I wasn't frightened one bit. I was very peaceful and placid when I was looking at the thing." He says it happened after he finished making the documentary series.

Are you not telling me the full version because you're saving it for a new show?

"No, I'm not telling you because if I start coming out with that story now, it will be, 'Oh I hear you've got a show now and you're just promoting it …'" He comes to a stop. "I thought someone was playing a fucking joke. I thought someone had made something out of a gigantic 40-foot Airfix kit."

Has the latest sighting changed him? "Yeah, it's made me think all sorts of shit. If you've seen something 50 foot away, right, and it's as clear as daylight, it really does make you think. It was early morning. It was ironic that I go out doing this show, looking in certain hotspots, and then boom! You see it here! How no one in the Swinton Worsley bit of Salford can not have seen that craft, only me, is beyond belief."

At one point, in the TV series, he says he thinks he quite fancies being abducted. I ask him whether, if aliens had come out of this ship and taken him off, he would really have been so blasé? I notice beads of sweat on his forehead. The sweat quickly spreads down his neck. He looks genuinely terrified. "Phrrrrrrr," he says, grabbing his upper arms. "I mean, I really wouldn't like to be taken from anywhere without giving permission. I wouldn't like to be just fuckin' zapped up and took off, and think 'This is great.' I would absolutely freak."

Shaun Ryder on UFOs starts on History on Sunday 10 November, 8pm.
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Marmalade said:
shameless attempt to bring Shambles out of hiding ....
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i suspect he's busy packing his belongings and sticking a pin into a map decidng where to go. Come to Manchester Shambles !! The Manchester EADD meet up might actually happen then. Bristol isnt a bad bet either though.

He might already have moved, i guess getting your broadband sorted out is quite low on the list of priorities if that is the case. Hope you're doing OK wherever you are Mr. S.
 
I try to reign in getting too sentimental about animals. I'm a veggie, but not a sensitive one. Humans first always, I get it. But seeing this just really fucking rattled me. I think it was because I'd seen this pic the day previously and thought it was fucking beautiful. (the guy looks like you Bodda, weirdly)
NSFW:
article-2487102-192EC62700000578-649_634x764.jpg

I dunno. Big game hunters suck. Why not try and get yer thrills from base jumping from a fucking mountain top and breaking your skull and do the world a fucking favour. Such a beautiful creature. What fucking ego/status needs must one possess to need to pursue getting their kicks out of doing it? So fucking tragic.


US TV presenter Melissa Bachman blasted over smiling photo with lion she 'stalked and killed'
Ms Bachman said she killed the lion on a hunt in South Africa, where a petition has now been started to have her barred from the country​

v3-Melissa+Bachman+dead+lion.jpg

An American TV presenter is facing an outraged public backlash after she posted a picture of herself posing next to a dead lion she had apparently shot and killed.

Melissa Bachman tweeted the picture of her smiling alongside the animal with the message: “An incredible day hunting in South Africa! Stalked inside 60 yards on this beautiful male lion … what a hunt!”

The picture was also added to Facebook as part of an album called “Africa 2013”, which included images of her next to a dead zebra and a variety of shot antelope, as well as the lion, following a trip to the Maroi Conservancy hunting park.

Now South Africans have started a petition to have Ms Bachman banned from the country, which presently has over 12,000 signatures.

The petition asks supporters to sign a letter directed at the South African government that reads: “She is an absolute contradiction to the culture of conservation, this country prides itself on. Her latest Facebook post features her with a lion she has just executed and murdered in our country.

“As tax payers we demand she no longer be granted access to this country and its natural resources.”

The presenter's Twitter account has since been taken down and the contact form on her website disabled. Her Facecbook page however remains public. The images have been shared hundreds of times on the social network, largely with negative comments attached.

Posing next to dead animals is nothing new for Ms Bachmann, who says she has been hunting since she was a child. Her Facebook page and personal website’s “trophy room” features many such images, including a number with stags, alligators and bears.

Ms Bachman stars in a TV series called Winchester Deadly Passion which documents her hunting exploits using rifles or bow and arrows.

A self professed “hardcore hunter”, her bio reads: “I have the best job in the world, great friends & family, and I'm usually pretty lucky. What more could a girl ask for??”

Last year Ms Bachman was removed as a contestant on the National Geographic show Ultimate Survival Alaska when over 13,000 people signed a petition criticising her inclusion.

Lourens Mostert, game farm manager at the Maroi Conservancy, has defended hunting, asserting that killing a lion is legal in South Africa. “If it isn't right to hunt these lions, why does our government legally give us permission?” he told The Times newspaper. “This is not the only lion that has been hunted in South Africa this year.”

Lions killed in South Africa can be sent to anywhere in Europe or America. In the five years to 2011, 4,062 carcases were exported from the country, the majority of which were lions specifically bred to be killed.
Melissa+Bachman+zebra.jpg
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