A
AnonymousJ
Guest
In the past year and a half, I've had a couple of opportunity's to become romantically involved with another being.
I have a problem however and it is rather embarrassing for me. It's perhaps the most embarrassing thing about myself that I can admit, it's that one thing that is always on my mind and frankly has been ruining my mental capacity of happiness for a few years now. That problem is, I'm scared to become close to another human being, both physically and emotionally. To be completely honest, and this is something I haven't even admitted to my oldest friend, I haven't had sex in going on seven years. It's a fact that often bugs me beyond belief and leads me to doubting myself, my actions, and often self destructing positive things in my life due to something I've come to believe is a mechanism I've developed subconsciously in order to harm myself due to not feeling good enough.
Let's start with the elephant in the room, why haven't I had sex in seven years? Frankly, I'm scared. I'm extremely self conscious. My one and only sexual relationship was when I was 15, at the time it was very enjoyable, I don't remember anything holding me back. Then we broke up and she left me for a much older, much more physically endowed guy who pleased her a lot better than I ever did. She rubbed this in my face, and frankly it scarred me mentally. Every relationship after that became one that ended due to me not committing to sex. I'd simply avoid the topic, when the time arose I'd make up some excuse. This has been going on for several years now.
My desire is there. I'm not a virgin, I've experienced it before and know it's something I want in my life, however I just can't bring myself to do it. A few times I'll be with someone and they'll start to hook up with me, making moves and grinding against me, trying to take my clothes off. In all honestly, I just continue to make out with them but I stop them from touching me or getting any of my clothes off. I'm worried of things such as how I appear naked, am I big enough? What if I come before I even get the condom on? What if this happens, what if that happens. It's a whole ordeal I apparently would much rather avoid. But I'm done with this bullshit. I want to be intimate with someone again, I want to have a relationship.
As I've gotten older and left my teenage years behind, I've come to learn that a relationship simply can not exist before sex is involved. At least, this is the culture I live in, one where sex is expected and commonplace. If it does not exist between two people, a relationship will simply not come to be. I've become emotionally close with a small handful of females in the past year and a half. We always become close friends, we get along perfectly. The desire and spark is there, it's not just a friendship thing at first. However I always stop it from getting any further. I sincerely don't know what to do with myself though. I'm stuck in the worst mind loop of all.
I'm really not sure why this fear is so immensely overwhelming. At this point in time, I have the opportunity to possibly have a relationship with this amazing girl I met through a friend of mine. She's still young, soon to turn 18. Extremely sweet, beautiful, makes me smile more genuinely than I have in the longest time. We connect so well. I'm scared I'm gonna lose her to someone who has more time on their hands, who has no worry bout having sex. I work so much, I barely get time off. All I want to do is have time to see her and enjoy my time with her.
I'm not sure what to do. The answers to my questions have always been so clear and obvious to me, sometimes I don't even know why I bother asking. The obvious answer here is, stop being a pussy and just fuck her. Why does everything feel so damn difficult though? I'm scared of not getting it up, coming too soon, being a let down, what do I do afterwards? It's been so long I feel like I've forgotten everything. It's not rocket science, it's just the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Help! Advice. She's young, she's sweet, forgiving. She genuinely cares about me, it shouldn't be an issue with her, it's just with me. How do I get past this nonsense.
I have a problem however and it is rather embarrassing for me. It's perhaps the most embarrassing thing about myself that I can admit, it's that one thing that is always on my mind and frankly has been ruining my mental capacity of happiness for a few years now. That problem is, I'm scared to become close to another human being, both physically and emotionally. To be completely honest, and this is something I haven't even admitted to my oldest friend, I haven't had sex in going on seven years. It's a fact that often bugs me beyond belief and leads me to doubting myself, my actions, and often self destructing positive things in my life due to something I've come to believe is a mechanism I've developed subconsciously in order to harm myself due to not feeling good enough.
Let's start with the elephant in the room, why haven't I had sex in seven years? Frankly, I'm scared. I'm extremely self conscious. My one and only sexual relationship was when I was 15, at the time it was very enjoyable, I don't remember anything holding me back. Then we broke up and she left me for a much older, much more physically endowed guy who pleased her a lot better than I ever did. She rubbed this in my face, and frankly it scarred me mentally. Every relationship after that became one that ended due to me not committing to sex. I'd simply avoid the topic, when the time arose I'd make up some excuse. This has been going on for several years now.
My desire is there. I'm not a virgin, I've experienced it before and know it's something I want in my life, however I just can't bring myself to do it. A few times I'll be with someone and they'll start to hook up with me, making moves and grinding against me, trying to take my clothes off. In all honestly, I just continue to make out with them but I stop them from touching me or getting any of my clothes off. I'm worried of things such as how I appear naked, am I big enough? What if I come before I even get the condom on? What if this happens, what if that happens. It's a whole ordeal I apparently would much rather avoid. But I'm done with this bullshit. I want to be intimate with someone again, I want to have a relationship.
As I've gotten older and left my teenage years behind, I've come to learn that a relationship simply can not exist before sex is involved. At least, this is the culture I live in, one where sex is expected and commonplace. If it does not exist between two people, a relationship will simply not come to be. I've become emotionally close with a small handful of females in the past year and a half. We always become close friends, we get along perfectly. The desire and spark is there, it's not just a friendship thing at first. However I always stop it from getting any further. I sincerely don't know what to do with myself though. I'm stuck in the worst mind loop of all.
I'm really not sure why this fear is so immensely overwhelming. At this point in time, I have the opportunity to possibly have a relationship with this amazing girl I met through a friend of mine. She's still young, soon to turn 18. Extremely sweet, beautiful, makes me smile more genuinely than I have in the longest time. We connect so well. I'm scared I'm gonna lose her to someone who has more time on their hands, who has no worry bout having sex. I work so much, I barely get time off. All I want to do is have time to see her and enjoy my time with her.
I'm not sure what to do. The answers to my questions have always been so clear and obvious to me, sometimes I don't even know why I bother asking. The obvious answer here is, stop being a pussy and just fuck her. Why does everything feel so damn difficult though? I'm scared of not getting it up, coming too soon, being a let down, what do I do afterwards? It's been so long I feel like I've forgotten everything. It's not rocket science, it's just the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Help! Advice. She's young, she's sweet, forgiving. She genuinely cares about me, it shouldn't be an issue with her, it's just with me. How do I get past this nonsense.