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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards | negrogesic

BDD Social and Info BoothVs30-I used to have a drug problem, now I make enough money

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Picked up some new IV supplies yesterday, including finally having access to some sterile saline solution which is pretty nice. My mom has a permanent IV in because she's on IV antibiotics/is completely and totally addicted to painmeds and completely and totally in denial to the point that she'll injure herself and pay a huge copay for a script of hydrocodone...but that is besides the point. It has given me access to some free hospital grade IV supplies, unfortunately no needles. I haven't decided if I should go back to the same walmart I purchased at before, whether it would make them more or less likely to sell to me again. I really need some new rigs but am hoping to stay off dope for the rest of the month once I finish up my stash (by tomorrow night, I'm sure). Ideally I need a good (discreet) online source so I can go ahead and buy some micron filters and shit.

I kind of like the way saline tastes when it's IVd, is that weird? I guess it just reminds me of being in the hospital getting a shot of hydromorphone and then flushed out with saline. I don't know, I'm weird.

In other news, I am in ridiculous pain from my back. I went on a small vacation which involved 500miles sitting in a car, three nights in a strange bed, and two days of being constantly on my feet and my back is finally voicing it's displeasure. I really need to go see my doctor and try to find the root cause of this, it doesn't seem normal for a 22yo female to have such bad back aches. I go an xray done years ago that showed my verterbrae were not fully fused around my spinal chord but I never followed up, perhaps that is the answer.

Anyways I hope you're all doing well :)
 
Well. I was given another 20mg Adderall XR by my mother. Procrastinated taking it, and didn't dose any of it until 12 AM lol. So now I'm going to be up the entire night most likely. I only took 10mgs initially, but took the rest like an hour and a half later.

Out of Klonopin :( No benzos for the comedown. Well, I actually busted out my 2g bag of phenazepam, the one I believe is highly cut to shit, and took 10mg of it. I know I'll probably need like 20mg more though with how cut it is and based on trying to get a buzz from it multiple times with no success. I'm pretty positive there's SOME benzo in the bag. It's not water soluble, and I don't think the cut is either.

I tried contacting the vendor who gave it to me but he's long gone. Closed shop a while ago and I guess he doesn't use his email anymore. Sucks. He was a cool dude and would have told me the truth if it was cut. Never emailed back though.

So I need some opinions. My Klonopin is out, so I want to get a refill. However, the doctor said when he wrote me my script that we will try this as a 30 day script, based on how often I told him I take it. I said not everyday, sometimes days in a row, but I try not to take it everyday. And that's for the most part true. Problem is, when I take stimulants and start to feel the comedown, I take upwards of 2-3mg to get rid of my anxiety and help me sleep. I still could have really used more each time, but I limited myself so when I need it for it's prescribed purpose I'm not out.

It doesn't seem that great as an anxiolytic drug compared to my previous xanax script. I prefer the longer half life and muscle relaxing properties, but it's not cutting it for anxiety. It almost doesn't really do anything. I'm almost always going over my prescribed dosage for the day (one 0.5mg tablet everyday as needed) when taking it for my regular anxiety when going to class and if I'm just feeling anxious. 0.5mg doesn't do much and 1mg is ok. I'd prefer 1.5 for when I'm going to class to get rid of my anxiety or even when at home during the day.

I disagree with it's supposed equivalency to Xanax. I feel it's more like 0.5mg of Xanax = 1mg of Klonopin. So half the strength of Xanax, in terms of anxiolytic properties.

So my first problem is... My Klonopin prescription was filled on the 28th of February, the last of the month. It's now the 15th, being Friday, so I've only had it for 15 days total. It's supposed to be a months supply, or 30 days total. I'm out after only half that time lol. I never abuse it to get high, only use it for stim comedowns and for its prescribed purpose. The doctor said it should last me a month, but to call and tell him if I have any problems with it or run out early and he will get me a refill or possibly switch to something else. I'm not so sure if he would after only 15 days though. That would equate to 2mg each day, if it was taken those 15 days consecutively. It wasn't though. There were periods of 3 days or so in between sometimes. I really tried to limit my intake when using it for comedowns, but without at least 2mg+, it doesn't put me to sleep. Even on days where it was taken for normal anxiety problems, I would take 1-2mgs over the course of the day. So you can see why I ran out so early... as I only had 30mg total. Not a whole lot.

I wouldn't mind refilling the script as Klonopin, I mean it's still a benzo and does work for my anxiety, just not that well.

So my second problem ties in to the first..... Do you guys think my doctor would be that worried if I contacted him tomorrow or in a few days about A) refilling early (obviously I will explain to him the problems I'm having with the medication), or B) changing to a different benzo (Valium!). And if I do refill it, I think I want the dosage upped. If he wants it to last 30 days, 30mg isn't going to work. I don't think it's a tolerance problem. I could be wrong... I've just read that klonopin doesn't really do it for a lot of people as far as anxiety goes.

I'm not asking for what to say to my doctor !! I'm just asking which of the two options would be wiser and if my legitimate reasons for running out early will actually work. Both are new scripts in the end, as I want to either up dosage or switch to Valium. I don't want him to think I'm addicted, because I'm not. Or think I'm abusing it and taking it every day.... I for a fact I'm not addicted and DON'T take it everyday. I went days without any benzos and was perfectly fine.

He has me on Trazodone for occasional insomnia and I think we could potentially ditch the Trazodone and ONLY have valium as my medication for both anxiety and occasional insomnia since it's a much better hypnotic than Xanax or Klonopin, and also has really good anxiolytic effects.

Wow. That was long. My bad guys :p Stimulant post right here. But real questions so I'd appreciate some reads !
 
Just got a party pack for free from one of my good friends! Over a quarter of three medical-grade strains of which I'm so stoned, I've already forgotten the names. What I packed up last was quite a heavy smoke, which I prefer. Fortunately/unfortunately, I've had the "luxury" of speedballing all day/night... Nice to end it with some natural herbal treatment.
 
This is officially the first time I had a dream about acquiring and/or doing drugs in a circumstance where I actually have drugs to wake up to.
 
hatrix said:
I never abuse it to get high, only use it for stim comedowns and for its prescribed purpose.
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Yes you do. You abuse it to get high (in the sense that you do take well above your ordinated dosage) on comedowns so you can sleep/relax or whatever. No excuses!

Seriously I can see a bad pattern forming here, you seem to take alot of stimulants (though I could be wrong) and using high doses of benzos to cope with the comedown effects will make the stimulants that much more appealing since there will be very little downside at first. It will eventually lead to a physical addiction of benzos which sucks. It will lead to you having to up the dosage to get the actual effect you need for your anxiety and from there on it can spiral out of control easily.

1mg of klonopin does indeed seem like 0.5 xanax but that's mostly because it's onset is so slow, have you tried being patient for some time before redosing the klonopin? It can take like 3+ hours to reach full effect for me on a bad day. Alprazolam also feels more intoxicating at first because of it's faster onset which can attribute to making it feel stronger. Alprazolam is great against panic attacks, klonopin is better for your usual every day anxiety, at least in my oppinion.

I'm sorry I can not help you with the doctors prescribtions and what to say etc. I almost never abused my meds and when I had been doing it I really saw no other solution than to just man up and take withdrawals as they come untill I could get my next refill.
 
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Feeling lazy as all hell today...

Did my morning shot, felt great, but now just have no energy to do shitee.

What up all? LaC, Tent?
 
Trying to bide my time with some clonazepam while I wait for my synthetic cannabinoids to arrive next week (yea unless customs grabs it ofc like last shipment). Gave up on smoking weed, might aswell light my money on fire with this tolerance. I need something stronger. (chain smoked like 7 spliffs yesterday which was like 4g weed and barely even got high)
 
Man i just had my morning shot just super early and after a few days break from the valium im full sedated haha. Im just watching trashy tv and smoking a bit of weed at 3 in the morning.

Think ill put another of my rentals on jn a moment...perhaps even eating a little more diazepam because i kinda feel like and want to spend the morning in and out of noddingham palace!

What are your plans today, Scagnetti? Any bodies.to dispose of, eh?
 
Toz said:
Yes you do. You abuse it to get high (in the sense that you do take well above your ordinated dosage) on comedowns so you can sleep/relax or whatever. No excuses!
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But that's not it's purpose. And generally the "high" isn't really there. Yea I feel heavys sometimes when I up the dosage, but that's about it. What I'm chasing is anxiolytic effects, which just don't seem to work with Klonopin for me.

Also, my stimulant usage isn't that often really. I took adderall twice this week because my mother got 5 and gave 2 to me. Weeks before that I hadn't really had anything. I think I did 4-FA once... The last time before the break was 60mg of Adderall, which caused me a lot of heart palpitations and I decided to stay away for a week or two.

So I dunno. I still want to talk with my doctor. The reassurance that I have part of a benzo script left is anxiety relief in itself.
 
God I'd love to IV an opioid or IM a dissociative right now, but atleast I have some hash coming this way this afternoon. I'm starting to feel a bit better from my WD, but a bit of weed wont hurt. Pump that by the next work week, I'll be at day 14 of no opioids. Fucking epic after a 14 months of methadone (suboxone, oxymorphone, kratom, tramadol, and oxycodone before that), and 7 months of heroin. I feel like a boss for being able to get through it, especially while working 40 hours a week. i'm glad I was super conscientiousness about my benzo habit (being on them for 16 months at 2mg of either kpins or xanax - only using for two weeks then taking a two week break)
 
Toz said:
Trying to bide my time with some clonazepam while I wait for my synthetic cannabinoids to arrive next week (yea unless customs grabs it ofc like last shipment). Gave up on smoking weed, might aswell light my money on fire with this tolerance. I need something stronger. (chain smoked like 7 spliffs yesterday which was like 4g weed and barely even got high)
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Haha I used to feel like this! I used to smoke my head off every evening as soon as I got home from work. Would smoke 3 x 1 1/2 king size skin joints to myself each with 1gram in believing that I wasn't getting stoned. I was messing myself up without even realising it. I really wish I had called time on my Weed smoking career a lot sooner.

Cloudy said:
God I'd love to IV an opioid or IM a dissociative right now, but atleast I have some hash coming this way this afternoon. I'm starting to feel a bit better from my WD, but a bit of weed wont hurt. Pump that by the next work week, I'll be at day 14 of no opioids. Fucking epic after a 14 months of methadone (suboxone, oxymorphone, kratom, tramadol, and oxycodone before that), and 7 months of heroin. I feel like a boss for being able to get through it, especially while working 40 hours a week.
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You are a boss for that accomplishment ;)

I know what it's like to rattle whilst having to attend a full time job, it's not easy that's for sure. I spent the majority of the last 3 years clinging onto my job whilst being in a state of constant semi - withdrawal from Benzos & Opiates.
 
Chromophobia said:
You need to take it easy. If you're going to pick a fight with every single individual that makes such a comment, then a suggest you free your life of any other obligations.

What happens to him is not your concern, if you feel offended, there's an easy procedure to report posts.

Thanks.
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Pick a fight????LOL...You would know if that's what I was doing...Thank you for the warning to members.
 
Fuck yah getting 6 blues ,and I'm going to add in some kratom. Didn't.take.bupre today so I'm ready to get highs!

I've been smoking soo much weed and I'm so high waiting for my dude with the roxies to be good. Just gotta wait another hour or so. I'm not in withdrawal yet from the bupre though, I took my last bupre dose (1mg) at 5 pm yesterday so I am will still be held over until the oxycodone arrives


Soo excited! I got valium, kratom, roxicodone (30mg IR) and a quarter of some purple weeds, and another quarter of some light green kush

Fuck yah. Amiltryptamine is alright, I'd prefer hydroxyzine over amiltriptyamine though . Good to have some Elavil in my drug kit for sleep and potentiator

How you are mmy bdd friends?
 
Sup LaCster! I'm jealous, I'd love to get faded today. Oh well, I'll be smoking some hash real soon. My roommate has a friend who he introduced me to, and damn hes a cool cat. Anyway, hes coming over with a bit of hash that hes had sitting around that hes going to front me till I get my paycheck (already worked the 72 hours for the first paycheck, just gotta wait till the 29th before I get it - can't wait till I get 80 hour paychecks on the reg). Hope its some solid bubble hash.
 
Nice lslaccy, sounds like you got shit organised proper like! Nice indeed.

Ive been on a 3 day run now and am functionally sound despite the lack of proper sleep. Lets say ive adapted to using BL on my phone now. its so much easier laying aboutvwith a phone than mini laptop.

I have taken 50mg diaz now and being a lovely dark and overcast day i very may get sleep! aaaarrrrgghhhhhb! wstch out!
 
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